Queer Conceptions: January 2013 - Page 5

[fillefantome]

Lizbian, no paid leave here! (The U.S. requires 12 weeks unpaid leave only and only for companies with more than 50 employees; there are only a couple of states that require anything more.) Theoretically, companies can choose to provide paid leave, but I've never worked anywhere that offered anything more than "feel free to cobble together your sick leave, vacation time and short term disability and try to make ends meet for a few weeks." Going back to work at 6 weeks (or earlier) is very standard in the U.S., because there's just financially no way to swing it otherwise.

[lizbian]

fille that sucks doesn't it it makes everything so much harder.

[Friederike]

All of you US people, that really sucks. I am sorry, you don't get more time off. I believe I once read that the states are the only western nation that has such horrible conditions for working parents and their small children. But Lizbians UK 15£ doesn't sound great either. It would be pretty easy to use some taxmoney to give a longer leave. That isn't gonna kill the budget and seems like a good investment in the future of a nation. Oh well. I worked as a live-in nanny (au pair) in the US once, so perhaps that is an option for some of you to consider? It's not that expensive, if you can stand having a young foreign national in your home. For me it was one of the best times of my life.

Lizbian - yes we're with Cryos. They are super nice. Last cycle when we were 1 week late returning the tank they didn't ask for the extra fee, although they could have. This time we first had a failed credit card when we ordered, so I had to pay by bank transfer, they were very helpful figuring that out too and today DP was very upset when she called them and they were very nice, calmed her down and offered to store the vials fro free until the next try. They even speak German. I am very satisfied. Which donor are you using? We had 4070 last try and use 6816 this round.

[granite]

Thanks, everyone, for all your support! And especially to CascadiaMama... Wow! Your kid is gorgeous and I am so buoyed by your success story!

Today's OPK was negative, so still just tracking all the signs. This was my first time using a digital, and I found it really stressful! Silly, I know, but the price ($49 for 7) and the waiting... I've been spoiled by my cheapo strips.

I'm sorry about your missed chance this cycle, Friederike. That totally sucks.

2justicemamas, I've read of lots of folks who found that they O'ed several days after the positive on the OPK... I think seraf over at QP&P is someone who has mentioned her own experience with that. So frustrating!

So glad it's Friday. Le sigh.

[esenbee2]

Here to report another symptom??? This one I know for sure isn't imagined. I have a vapor-y, menthol-like sensation in my mouth. I looked it up in relation to being a pregnancy symptom, but only found 1 instance where it might have been. There wasn't any follow up. The general consensus is that it is acid reflux. I have never had anything like that before and I don't have any weird feeling in my throat, just on my tongue and roof of my mouth and into my nose when I deeply inhale. So I don't think it's acid reflux or heartburn. The one and only night I have ever had heartburn was when I was about 20 weeks pg. So is it an early pregnancy symptom? No idea...

[granite]

Ha! That's an awesome symptom, esenbee! I've never heard of it before either, but whatever... I'm so full of hope for you!

[LindseyW]

esenbee -- changes in taste/smell are certainly an early pregnancy symptom. I don't know if they usually get very specific but I know I had that. I was still drinking decaf when I got pregnant and it suddenly tasted awful. It had a really metalic taste but I've heard other people have different changes.

sotohana - Great to hear you had good timing.   We've always done our insems at home and I really believe it is as safe as a clinic insem with all the added privacy and intimacy (also the option to insem at any time day/night/weekend/holiday -- DS was conceived with an insem we did at 2am on Memorial Day). It is frustrating to me that doctors seem to always want so much control of the situation. 

granite - Good luck with everything. I don't have any thoughts on ovulation or not. I know it can be so frustrating when your body doesn't do what you want it to or act in a predictable way! Sounds like you're working really hard to do whatever is in your power to make your cycles more regular. 

Friederike - Frustrating about the UPS thing -- it think for us shipping or bank issues feel like an extension of the frustration of needing a donor in the first place. There are so many other people who have to participate in this process. It just isn't like when a hetero couple decides and then can (typically) do everything on their own. (Although, I don't envy their constant fear of accidental pregnancies coming at an inconvenient time so I guess it is all just a tradeoff.)

AFM, I'm 5 DPO, my chart looks really good (except for those weird low temps while traveling).  Here's my chart in case anyone is interested -- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/lmh222/ .  I've been able to remain pretty calm and relaxed for the first 4.5 days but I can feel the anxiety creeping in... I keep doing the math in my head and thinking about when I should test first and analyzing every twinge. Have you guys heard that song by Mumford & Sons called I Will Wait ? I keep listening to that and thinking about TTC. Isn't it funny how you sort of hear/see everything through a different lens while TTC?

[Sphinxy]

lizbian - Sorry you have to go through that with your mom. I hope you get a great report from your siblings this weekend!

chortles - I totally get the anger about the process. I've had my share of crying fits about the inequality. And I can't imagine what I might have said in an online review after my first choice frozen donor suddenly sold out the day after the sperm bank told me there were plenty of vials available. In hindsight, I got a better donor the second time around. So, I think TTC can bring out the angst in anyone, and online reviews are sometimes more venting than objectivity. I'm sure there's no perfect sperm bank, but I'd also take those complaints with a grain of salt. 

esenbee - Ooh, that sounds promising, assuming you didn't suddenly switch up your diet in some crazy way!

Lindsey - Yes, the any time of day inseminations at home really are a game changer. When we were considering doing our second insem at our midwife's office, I remember I called the receptionist when I got my positive OPK and she said "well, it might snow tomorrow - could you do it the next day instead?" My jaw dropped. That was the moment I told DW to get ready to DIY! I'm awful with song titles but I love Mumford & Sons, so I'll be sure to check out that song.

Afm, it's DW's birthday tomorrow. We'll be celebrating with her parents by going to a show in the city, so today is just for us. Some shopping this afternoon, and then I'm planning her favorite meal for dinner tonight with a rich dark chocolate bread pudding for dessert. 

[Twomommyfamily]

Lizbian: any response from your family on that announcement? Are the happy? Shocked? Excited?

Esenbee: I've heard that any taste change is usually a first sign so that sounds promising!! How many DPO are you now?

Lindsey: I will wait I will wait to test! So appropriate! I hope the next couple days fly by!

Afm, working with the RE has been quite an informative process so far. I learned yesterday at my follow up appt that my AMH level is low, indicating possible diminished ovarian reserve. However, my FSH is low (which is good), estradiol was high but still in the normal range, and my antral follicle count was high which is also good (11 on one side and 7 on the other). So yesterday I retested the AMH because the RE thinks there was something wrong with the test. I also got my TSH level checked which is also low but not quite in the realm of hyperthyroid. If the second AMH test is low, she wants to do a clomid+menapur injectable cycle, if the AMH level is fine then we could do clomid only or even a natural cycle with a trigger and progesterone (my progesterone is definitely low). Anyways it can take up to two weeks for results on AMH to come back which will most likely put our first try in February also I'm freaked out over the risk of multiples from injectables. She said its around 30%. While I would love to have a healthy set of twins and be done with ttc forever, I see many more unhealthy sets of twins in my line of work.
I guess we will wait and see!

[Friederike]

Twomommy- wow those are a lot of tests. But better to know what is happening and treat it early, right? I am sorry that it takes so long for the results to come back that you have to wait until february. And I totally understand being freaked out by multiples. Me too, I don't think I could even handle twins. But there are several people here at the Q&P thread who have multiples and who're doing great, so I guess we would grow into the challenge somehow if it were to happen, the same way if a singleton would have health issues. Is it possible to monitor the number of follies with the injectables to better calculate the risks? Anyway, good luck for positive results on the test!

[chortles]

I'm intrigued by multiples - someone in my extended family has twins and they are great kids. Partially because of my age I wouldn't be averse to having them and not trying to TTC again, but they're unlikely to naturally occur and we clearly don't want to intervene just to have them. I also haven't researched odds of health-challenged multiples with advanced age, but I guess we'll assess that if/when we get to an Rx stage.

[esenbee2]

I am 8 DPO today. Still have the coolness in my mouth. The twingy cramp late at night on 6 DPO has gone. New symptom this morning, lower back ache out of the blue, not thinking about TTC or the 2WW at all. It lasted for a bit, but went away after a hot shower. I have been wanting to stay calm throughout this 2WW, but had my first bit of giddyness that it might have been a pregnancy symptom. AF is due in 5 or 6 days, so I'm not thinking it is AF related, but might be normal for around this time in a normal, non-pregnancy cycle? I would rather just have no symptoms and not feel anything at all....

[DarcySD]

esenbee2 - That sounds like a really good symptom! I am very excited for you!!

chortles - Welcome! This is a great place to be when you are going through this process. 

friederike - So glad you get another try at the end of the month. I had a little meltdown in the car yesterday on the way home from RE because of timing/shipping/cost etc. That's pretty cool that your cycles are short!

fmorris28 - I hope everything is going okay with your mom. 

sphinxy - Congratulations on your promotion!! I hope you have a great time celebrating with DW for her bday!

sotohana - It's so nice that you get to insem at home. In another life I would love to do it this way..

san diego - I am so sorry. I hope you are able to get some good information from your team of doctors. If you don't mind my asking, what clinic are you using? I live in San Diego and we have been going to the Kaiser clinic in Pt. Loma. I am happy with them so far but it's getting really expensive and it takes a long time to get test results back. 

2justicemamas - I was just talking to Scorpioma about this. I just started temping so I don't know if it's the same every month but I am sure it can vary. I just took a look at your chart and it looks like you ovulated the day you thought you were supposed to. That's great!! As of my last cycle, I ovulate 48 hours after my first positive opk. 

lizbian - That is really exciting but hard when you have to wait for a response. My mom is on this kick where she wont respond to my emails. She will only talk to me in person or over the phone. It's really annoying. We went back and forth trying to decide when to tell.  DW finally decided not to tell until we did get pregnant so we wouldn't get any unsolicited advice from her mom who can be a bit much..We aren't telling my parents because they do not approve and I am trying to protect my heart as much as I can during this process. 

granite- what kind of digital are you using? That sounds really expensive!!

Lindsey - DW loves that song. I was driving home from RE yesterday and a song came on that really helped calm me down. I don't know the name of it or who it's by but it was just what I needed to hear.

Twomommyfamily - Wow I didn't know we could get antral follicle count through Kaiser - How do they test for that? I am sorry to hear you have to wait this month out. Any chance you will just insem without knowing the results? I am a little impatient and that's what I would probably do. Also, what is considered low for progesterone and TSH? I really hate that it takes so long for Kaiser to get results back to us. My cousin and her DW have their ovulation monitored by labs and it seems so nice for timing purposes. When I asked RE about this she told me the results would take too long to get back to us for it to even matter. 

Good luck to everyone in the TWW! So very excited for all of you. 

AFM - Went to the RE yesterday for mid cycle ultrasound (day 10) and as I thought, my follicles were too small. 8 and 9mm. Last month I had a weird cycle where I surged 4 days earlier than I normally do so because it's $200 each time I get an ultrasound the RE only wants me to come in one more time next week to check the progress of the follicles. She said I should come in on day 16 but I am so scared that I will surge early again and miss the trigger shot window.  I panicked in the car and called back to change my appointment to day 15 and I just hope I am doing the right thing. I really want to trigger this month to pinpoint timing and take it out of my hands. I have been inseminating too early the last two months and I fear that I am my own worst enemy with timing. I just seem to jump the gun out of fear that I will insem too late. Another fear is that I wont surge until day 19 which means ovulation for me on day 21 and hoping that the swimmers are still good and frozen from being sent out Thursday since my clinic doesn't do weekend or Monday delivery. The timing is just so frustrating when I could potentially need to inseminate as early as Friday 1/11 or as late as Tuesday 1/15. Anyone btdt? 

[lizbian]

Frederike - yeah Cryos have been good every time I've had questions for them. We're going for Brik when we get to start trying soon - very excited!

Twomommys - I think you're around where I am (also a bit freaked about multiples). I have had 2 blood tests which weren't great for progesterone levels, have another one in a couple of weeks and then after I see knee surgeon in 2 weeks hoping to start trying Feb/March. Good luck for you! Better to wait an extra month & have all the info than wasting money too early for nothing I guess.

AFM it's been over 4 days now & no response from my parents. My sister(s) say she is 'processing' the idea as it goes so against their catholic beliefs she is finding it very difficult. Never mind how difficult it is for me every time this happens! If you're catholic & try IVF (before even considering the lesbian thing) it's one of the most 'evil' things you can do & there is the threat of excommunication apparently. Oh dear! She will respond but just needs to get her head around it first so will keep you posted!

Annoyingly my work changed medical insurance companies at the start of the year which means I may have to wait longer for my knee surgery which then delays TTC annoyingly but we'll see what happens.

[scorpioma]

Lizbian, I can really relate to the catholic struggles. My Aunt and Uncle, who are very important to me, refused to come to my wedding to DP. It's such a hard process trying to figure out how to say this is MY LIFE and has nothing to do with your god- and it's so emotional! I hope they speak up soon and that it goes smoothly. I was raised in a religious home and am still healing from many of the wounds (I came out very late because of this).

And Darcy, totally understand not even telling them- it is sad we have to protect ourselves in these ways sometimes, but good that we know how. 

Friederike, UGH, so frustrating about having to wait. Coffee was the best way to go! That is always my go-to treat!

esenbee, you are really getting close! I love the symptom updates... It is so irritating that we can only know after the fact whether it was a pregnancy symptom!!

Lindsey, that's a great song. I love it! Thanks for sharing your chart. So far, all looks great! 

granite, keep us informed about your cycle! This is exciting!

Sphinxy, happy birthday to DP!! Have a fun couple of days!! When is your ETA for insem. this month?

afm: our KD is out of town until the 9th, and my fertile window occurs pretty much right after that. I am bummed because we all decided on monthly HIV/STI testing for him, which generally is fine because he isn't seeing anyone (or having sex) in Michigan. He is seeing someone in CA,however, and there is no way we can get the tests back in time. This means that if he doesn't get tested in CA, we have to wait this month out. At first we were really bummed, but I am so super grateful to have him/a KD that I decided to be positive and use the month for other preparations... I started seeing a personal trainer today and I am actively charting/collecting "Fertile Data." I just wish my cycles weren't so long. I always have a 14-15 day luteal phase, which is great, but sometimes I don't O until CD21! It makes the waiting more daunting.

I am going to the RE for the first time on the 11th just to get a bit (not a ton) of testing done, to make sure we aren't wasting time. KD is also getting his semen analysis this month. It seems like a good month to deem "preparation" month... I also can focus on school/classes a bit more now.

That puts our insem. at mid-February. Sigh.

I would like to stay in Waiting to O, though, since we are not sure of all of this just yet.

I have been really struggling with this limbo phase, and with everyone around me (straight and queer) getting pregnant. I am working on perspective and gratitude, and living just ONE day at a time. That is working for me so far.  

[lizbian]

Sphinxy thanks and happy birthday to DP!

Scorpiama yep it's tough. I was 28 when I came out. None of my family came to our ceremony although they were on the other side of the world but the hardest thing was that my sister got married a month later & my dad got up for his speech and said 'I have waited so long for one of children to get married.' referring to her. That hurt. A lot & we are still tentatively feeling things out 10 years later.

[lizbian]

Darcy it's hard when you don't have supportive parents and I'm sorry yours aren't. Mine try as hard as they can which is all I can ask for & my 5 sibs are all very supportive. DP's family are great so it makes up for it

[esenbee2]

lizbian -wow. I couldn't even imagine how I would feel if my dad had said that. My dad felt strongly about our marriage. He almost didn't go because of it. He did go, though. But refused to walk me down the beach aisle. He had straight scotch afterwards... I am not sure anything he might have said at my sister's wedding. (She decided to crash my parents' wedding anniversary trip to Hawaii and elope there, so I didn't have the chance to be there...)

[Friederike]

Esenbee - yay for all those symptoms. I am so rooting for you!

Scorpio, so you're also potentially sitting this one out. Mhm, that sucks, even if you can gather data. Lets have more coffee :-)

Lizbian - Oh God, I am speechless about what your dad did. You still have some sort of contact with him after that? If you do, you show much more christian values than he did. It is so infuriating that there is so much homophobia within families and in the overall world, especially in such a sensitive time like growing ones family or marriage.

Darcy - we nicknamed the sperm container " ticking tank of doom" last time for the same reason. Are you using nitrogen or dry ice? Nitrogen should keep for 7-14 days depending on the size, dry ice only 3-4 but that can be refilled easily. My doc says an egg grows 2mm a day so at CD 15 you should have 18/19 mm which is the minimum we use for triggering. Good luck growing those follies!

Afm - I am in bed with a heating pad watching silly youtube videos because I just got the worst ovulation pain I ever had. Usually I don't feel a thing but it seems the trigger influences things in there. Bah.

[outdoorsy]

Threadcrashing and off topic (sorry) -- but I just wanted to say to Friederike,  hi from someone who is almost 50 percent German-American. I live in an area that has very few Germ-Ams, so when I bring a German dessert to a party, no one knows what it is. This Christmas I made my first stollen and it totally sucked-- way too dry! Anyway, hi!