Thank you Katie!! I am sure I will feel better in a few days. I let myself get so excited and filled with hope and magical thinking during each TWW. It feels so deflating each month when it doesn't happen. I was incredibly lucky (and naive and so unaware) when I got pregnant with DD, happened on the first try. I always assumed it would happen just as easily the second time around, but this has not been the case. I am so very grateful for privileges in my life and for my DD. She is amazing and incredible and such a joy. I feel consumed by guilt at the idea of her being an only, and it is not at all what I want. But 8 cycles with nada makes me think it probably is not meant to be and DH is not on board with any interventions, he's barely on board with trying at all!! I promise I'll return to my more typical, positive self very soon. I am a glass half full gal. Real life is messy and often not so pretty. This weekend I need to feel rotten and cry and then I'll bounce back. Promise.
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January 2013 TWW Thread - Page 10post #182 of 9861/5/13 at 6:13amSparkle I'm sorry you are going through this. Unless someone has been through it they truly don't understand. I think it's good you were so positive in your TWW. It's was two weeks of hope and happiness I hope you have a good weekend.
Arm still no AF but I read that clomid can make AF come late. I can't sleep so I poas from the ER at work. Bfn. At first I thought maybe there was a faint line but the control was just settling. I looked at it a few min later and it very negative. So I'm guessing AF is coming soon.post #183 of 9861/5/13 at 7:10am
Just popping back in to check on everyone from time to time, and I wanted to say to Sparkle:
I've become pregnant 5 times in my life; 1st-accident termination, 2nd-9 months ttc, 3rd- 1 month ttc m/c, 4th- 1 month ttc, 5th- 3 months ttc
Hang in there. I'm sorry it's so hard for you right now. I remember the feeling of frustration and worry. Your body knows how to make and grow a baby. Perhaps there are factors that we can't see that are waiting for things to be just right. Big hugs today.post #184 of 9861/5/13 at 7:53am
Oh Sparkle, I'm so sorry :( I wish there was more I could do to help you feel better. Let yourself grieve, cry as much as you feel like you need to, and when you're ready, keep your chin up. I know it's so hard right now, but remember we're all here for you and rooting for you!!
Good luck all the testers out there today!
AFM- I've had a cruddy start to the day.. I think I must still be out of sorts from the early loss, because I'm snappy with my husband who really didn't do anything wrong.. We have a family belated Christmas celebration today, which is starting off with 2 baby showers :( I feel horrible and selfish for not being happy for them. My husband doesn't seem to be getting why I don't want to go to the family thing at all, so he's mad at me for being antisocial. The last thing I want to do right now is go to a baby shower. Hopefully I can make it without having to hide in the bathroompost #185 of 9861/5/13 at 8:02amJust popping in to say hi 😊
So sorry sparkle! I really had a great feeling about this cycle for you 😔 take your time grieving. Just know you will get your baby!
Hi Dahlia! 😃 I miss you lady. So sorry for your yucky start of the day. You'll get through it cause you're awesome!
Good luck and baby dust to everyone else!!post #186 of 9861/5/13 at 10:49am
Sparkle - big big hugs sweetie. I so had a good feeling for you this cycle as well. I am so sorry that AF has been such a downer. It's hard to stay so upbeat and positive each cycle, AF can be such a let down. I try to tell myself when AF arrives that it is a good sign, it means that my body is functioning properly (some women don't have normal cycles at all, etc.) and AF is part of our womanhood, etc... But, I know when it first hits after you've been so hopeful it is just a big old bummer. Take your time to get through the misery of AFs arrival, be kind to yourself, pamper yourself as much as you can and take it easy. I know you will get back to that hopeful half full gal that you truly are!
Dahlia - hope that you're able to get through the party without having to hide... will be thinking of you.
Becky - don't give up until AF arrives, try to keep the faith! Still keeping for you!!
Waiting to hear from you ladies who tested this morning!!!
AFM - trying to stay strong and wait until Monday to test (unless AF shows up first of course). I was really moody and kind of snappy yesterday (which I usually get right before her arrival) so I'm worried that we didn't catch that egg after all, but trying to remain as positive as I can and am still really really really tired, ugh!post #187 of 9861/5/13 at 11:00am
Sparkle, my first was a first try baby and my second took 7 months of TTC so I totally understand where you are coming from. Every month I couldn't figure out what was wrong with my body. But after a couple of days, it does get easier and you gear up for the next cycle. I forget, are you charting or anything? Perhaps there would be some info there that would be helpful?
Dahlia, ugh. So many hugs! I hope you get through the day. I'm sorry DH can't see why this is hard for you. Can you have a glass of wine at the party at least? When I was trying cycle after cycle for DD every time I would get AF I would get sushi, wine and make a goat cheese appetizer! Take that! LOL. It's the little things, right?
Becky, so sorry about the BFN. The worst. When you are pretty darn sure you're out but that little bit of you still has hope. At least AF is final and you can move on. I hope you just have a shy bean in there but many hugs.post #188 of 9861/5/13 at 11:09amSparkleMaman: Whatever you're feeling, yeah, you just ride it out and eventually you come back to your center .
dahlia: I'm sorry you're having such a rough day. If I wasn't going to hide out, which I probably would here and there if I thought I could sneak away a few times, I'd be all with the "Yes, I'll take that glass of wine now please!"
Suzie: I've always gotten that feeling like AF is still coming when I've actually been pg. The day she's supposed to blow into town and I haven't seen her yet but it keeps feeling like she just started is so . for you!
for those of you with AF showing up or getting ready to for success next cycle; TTC is definitely a whirlwind of emotions. Good luck to everyone getting ready to test!
Me, testing is soooo far away so, going to continue to hang out in the crazy-making . I'm actually feeling pretty chilled out which is surprising. It's probably b/c I'm still knee-deep in the TWW. The closer I get to the end of this cycle we'll see how mellow I still am .post #189 of 9861/5/13 at 12:12pmpost #190 of 9861/5/13 at 12:47pmpost #191 of 9861/5/13 at 1:03pm
Dahlia Lots and lots of hugs You are an amazing, strong woman. I'm not sure I would have been able to go at all!! Hope you got to enjoy some wine, sushi, soft cheese, etc, whatever your heart desired. And hopefully the dreaded party is done and you're back home to relax and pamper yourself. I am planning to consume a few glasses of wine tonight with my Linguine Peperonata, helps ease those AF cramps that have begun in earnest today. Perhaps some goat cheese or brie too. Thanks for idea Katie!!post #192 of 9861/5/13 at 2:00pmThanks for all the support ladies. I have really enjoyed hearing from everyone in this thread. I know I really belong in the infertility thread but it makes me so happy to see all the bfp here. It's hard not getting pregnant and even harder that I have never been pregnant. I look at everyone and just think "man! I wish I just one". Knowing how bad I want one I can imagine how frustrating it is to have one and have a hard time having another.
Suziesmiles you are 100% right with women and irregular cycles. Unless I take birth control I don't get AF. Peeing on opk does nothing for me since I may not have an LH surge. I never thought I would wish for a period and to be "normal".
I'm gonna get my baby and I won't stop believing or trying until I do!!post #193 of 9861/5/13 at 2:12pmpost #194 of 9861/5/13 at 2:14pmQuote:
Thanks for the support mamacatsbaby! I am totally going nuts and wish someone would post about their BFP today!! I need to live vicariously through someone testing today, ahhhhhh!!! I think I might break down and test tomorrow morning, I just can't take it anymore, it's all I'm able to think about right now!!!!
Welcome Heidi! You don't know how happy I am to see someone here over 40!! Good luck this cycle!!!
Becky - big hugs, you will get your baby when the time is right. I know how you feel about "wanting just one", me too! I am keeping the faith and believe in you:)post #195 of 9861/5/13 at 3:11pmpost #196 of 9861/5/13 at 3:33pmSparkle,dahlia, and Becky- I just wanted
to let you all know that I am thinking about you!
I hope everyone else is doing well and welcome to all the newbies! Fingers crossed for lots of BFPs
AF is supposed to show up in 4 days and even though I got my BFP I am still just nervous and it is feeling surreal. I don't work tomorrow morning so I am planning on testing tomorrow AM. my urine is always sooo dilute during the day so even though I have been testing nothing is showing which is worrying me... I'm so sleepy and nauseous in the AM too... Bah!post #197 of 9861/5/13 at 5:32pmBecky: Just reading the conviction in your words is beautiful. I know you'll get your baby .
Suzie: I knoooooow! I wants to see some 's so I can continue my vicarious living as well . I've been counting down the days 'til you test . I don't think I'm going to sleep well tonight waiting to see whether or not you tested in the morning lol. And I'm trying not to symptom spot but I have indeed been a bit more groggy/tired the last couple of days. That means nothing to me though as my children are up before the birds each and everyday so I may just be regular exhausted but with a twist haha. And isn't it too early for that for me anyway? Trying not to analyze whatever the hell is going on below the waist as that could be anything too . Damn these ambiguous twitches and whatnot!
zonapellucida/Heidi: I swear we've been in one or two DDC's together. But I may just be making that up lol. Good luck!
auntikerry: Congratulations! I'll bet that line darkens right up .
jjh: The anxiety never ends does it!
So I keep thinking I can pour myself a Guiness or a B&T now that the children are in bed then I remember .post #198 of 9861/6/13 at 6:59amI just took a dollar tree hpt and there was nothing there with FMU... I'm really discouraged and sad because frer showed a line days ago but I only have two left and don't want to use the expensive ones... Has anyone else ever had this happen? I'm still 3 days away from AF so I know there is still time but ughhhh!post #199 of 9861/6/13 at 7:13ampost #200 of 9861/6/13 at 7:31amI had gotten positives ONLY on FRERs so I googled (because obviously google knows all! Lol) and apparently this is very common. I think I am going to call on Monday and make an appt for a blood test because I need to anyway. I even got one positive on an frer without it being FMU so we shall see! Thanks for the advice Katie
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