January 2013 Chit Chat - Page 6 « Back to Group Discussions

[seraf]

They are hand me downs with the tag removed. It looks like mother ease has 4 different fabrics and they all have a polyester base. These are super old and worn, so he could be exposed to the poly. We usually put a flat inside and use them as bootleg fitted, so most of the moisture is up front and the eczema is all around. His eczema got better when I went off wheat and now come back a little when he wears these diapers. The same laundry soap doesn't bother him on our flats or prefolds.

[Jaimee]

Flats and prefolds don't get build up like synthetics do, so I would try stripping them just to see if that helps, especially since you say he doesn't rash from just prefolds or flats, which quick even less. 

[seraf]

Right, I don't think it's from wetness. He is rarely wet. How do I strip?

[Mal85]

When I did cloth I always stripped on the stovetop. Boiling water with a dash of original Dawn. Let them simmer for 20 minutes or so, then do a rinse cycle in the washing machine.

[Jaimee]

To strip your diapers you can do any or all of the following until they smell clean and rinse clear:
 

• Turn up your hot water heater and rinse, rinse, rinse until all the suds are gone (run hot washes without detergent)- you may need to do this many more times than you expect. I had one customer that needed 9 wash cycles to get all her suds out.
• Wash in Dawn dish soap (about 2 tsp) and rinse, rinse, rinse until you no longer see suds in the agitation cycle
• Wash with an oxygen bleach (like BioKleen) and rinse, rinse, rinse
• If you are not able to get all the suds out, put your clean diapers in the top rack of your dishwasher (cover the jet dry with saran wrap) and run the cycle. Open to check for suds.
• If you've already used questionable cream products (especially if you're experiencing diaper rash and/or leaking), scrub your diapers with Dawn and a grout brush then rinse, rinse, rinse

[seraf]

So collect them up, put some dawn in the machine and wash on hot til the suds go away? Is that going to work with a front loader?

[birdhappy85]

Originally Posted by seraf 

So collect them up, put some dawn in the machine and wash on hot til the suds go away? Is that going to work with a front loader?

It worked for me when I did it with my HE front loader!

[Jaimee]

It is more challenging with a front loader, but it can be done.  If you have an extra water button, definitely push that.  Another way to trick it into using more water would be to add a soaking wet towel to the load.

[birdhappy85]

I need help with determining if Sora's behavior is just normal 13-month-old or if she's really misbehaving. I am beyond stressed out right now. DH is in Las Vegas this week for CES and I'm alone with Sora. She is acting up so badly, I don't know if it's because she misses him or if she just seriously hates me! Okay okay, I know she doesn't hate me, but my god........ I am about to scream. Oh wait, I already did. Several times. I have actually yelled at her several times too, and I very rarely get to that point with her. She used to listen to me and take direction... and suddenly she won't listen at all. I'm saying "NO!" all the time and without any results. She is so rough with me too, she gave me a partial black eye when I tried grabbing my cell phone out of her hand and she hit me with the corner of it hard. She headbutts me, bites me, throws tantrums non-freakin-stop. She won't play with any single toy for more than a minute or two and then has to move onto something else. That means she gets bored and refuses to play with any of the zillion toys she has, and she whines at me endlessly from then on. Won't entertain herself. I am letting her make a mess with kleenex right now because I just can't keep her occupied anymore. She threw over the whole dish of cat water earlier and then threw a tantrum when I quarantined her in the living room while I mopped it up. I just can't win with her right now! What is going on?! Is it just this age?! I cannot handle the constant screaming and whining and tantrums. She was such a sweet angel just two weeks ago. Now she is acting like a hellion, and on top of it won't eat what I try to feed her. All she wants is carbs now. Cereals, graham snacks, bread, pasta, and rice. Oh, and then avocado and string cheese. She used to be a total meat eater and I prided myself on how many fruits and veggies she would eat. Now I feel like giving up trying to feed her healthily because all the trouble I go to is for nothing. She refuses to eat healthy anymore. Her daycare provider claims she has no trouble getting Sora to eat. Well then what the heck, why won't she eat for me?!

I feel like the worst mom in the world this week. Without DH here to diffuse things and give me a break, I'm having a short fuse and really treating my daughter the complete opposite of how I want to be. I want to crawl into a hole. I am too depressed lately to handle this bad behavior from her. 

[seraf]

Hugs Joanie.

Toddlers have a short fuse. They respond to our emotions, too. Mine get worse when I'm cranky. It's a hard cycle to break. If Shay's throwing things, I remove them. If he spills something, I say, "Uh oh, let's sweep/mop it up!"

More later.

[LunaLady]

Can you try cutting out grains completely for a week or two? I think we both know how cranky they can make US feel. She WILL eat when she gets hungry.

More later, too

[birdhappy85]

Originally Posted by LunaLady 

Can you try cutting out grains completely for a week or two? I think we both know how cranky they can make US feel. She WILL eat when she gets hungry.

More later, too

I have been thinking about cutting out grains again, but I would find it way too hard to control what she eats at daycare... Her snacks are usually some sort of cracker, dry cereal, or other grain-based processed snack, as bad as it sounds. Her daycare provider usually gives the kids organic foods if she can, but that's the extent of it. I know Sora would just be a hellion for her if she was given different food than the other kids. *sigh*

We weaned Sora from bottles 4 days ago. I think that is contributing to her frustration, but she was acting up before then too. I think she wants formula when she's around me and maybe that's why she doesn't eat when I try to give her solids... The second I give her some formula or milk, she is happier for a little bit. I don't want most of her nutrition to come from that, though!

I am so disappointed in myself for not being able to breastfeed her. I coped with the disappointment early on, but at times like this I wish I could take comfort in knowing she was getting my milk at least.

[Abraisme]

It also sounds like she's bored, how does she act when you go someplace new or outside? I second no grains for her. It is worth the effort to make sure your kid eats healthy. Is she getting more teeth? Coralie acts like that when she doesn't feel good (teething, cold, etc).

[TalkToMeNow]

Yeah to what Sara said. Plus more hugs from me.

IMO, toddlers can't really misbehave. They can't grasp right from wrong, can't understand consequences, etc. And they freak out easily. I know we've talked about it before, but making it a "yes" environment is the best way to go. I've cleared everything I don't want Jasper to touch well out of his reach. In the rooms he hangs out in, there are plenty of toys and safe random things in drawers, etc. For example, his books are in the tv stand. He has access to the kitchen pots and pans, and the tupperware cabinet. He can pull everything out of any drawers/ cabinets/ etc he can reach as I took out anything dangerous. I keep my phone out of his reach if I don't want him to touch it. If he gets it, I let him push the button and swipe the screen for a bit before I swap with him for something else. I almost never say no. I say, "Oopsie! That is dangerous. Here, have this instead" and so on. If he throws a fit, I comfort him and tell him I am sorry he is upset and that I know how hard it is to be a toddler. 

Also, I don't expect him to play alone unless I have played with him for a while. I try to spend a lot of time sitting on the floor with him. Even so, sometimes he still won't play alone. At those times, I put him on my back and go about my business. I try to let him examine things he shows an interest in, as long as they are safe. I try to let him make choices and include him in what I am doing. Recently, we got these awesome snack cups with lids... the ones where he can stick his hand in to grab something but can't dump it on the floor. He loves it!! I let him grab a snack out of the pantry when he wants and I put it in his cup. 

Let's see... specific issues. I put the dog and cat's water bowl on the other side of a baby gate so J can't tip it. If not, he'd tip it all the time. I totally get that... how much fun! Dump out the water and splash it all around! When it's warm, we take him outside with tons of bowls of water and let him dump them every where. Sometimes, I let him make messes. I have a large bin with 10 lbs or so of rice in it. I let him play in the rice and dump it all over the floor for a while, then I just sweep it up. Maybe Sora could get some of her mess making out with something like that?

Food, nothing you can do. Babies and kids will eat what they eat, IMO. Forcing them is a recipe for food issues (not that you are forcing her! I know!) Continue to offer her good food, then give her what she wants. Also, just give her what you make yourself... you don't need to go do extra work for her food! Save the trouble. If she eats, she eats. I'm pretty sure one of my kids lived off granola bars for a year... 

Daycare provider: kids do things for other adults that they don't do for us. Forever. My 8 yo would never tell her teacher she hates her, but she will tell me. At daycare, J will lie down quietly on a mat and take a nap. If I tried that at home, he would lose it. My niece is 4. She comes to my house, says please and thank you, eats all her veggies, helps clean up. Her mom gets there and the kid throws her shoes across the room and has a tantrum. Such is life.

So, to sum up, my philosophy is to let toddlers have as much access to the home as possible, respect and understand their strong wants, needs, and feelings, have low expectations for messes and toddler-free time, and relax as much as possible. 

[seraf]

We don't have a lot of issues with food. She might be hungry if she just came off formula and didn't replace it with anything. Carbs are quick energy.

When Shay gets punchy, I usually offer something he likes. Bath, make smoothie (boy loves the blender), walk outside, bubbles. It helps me to have a calm mind so I can reset and be kind with him.

[seraf]

I want to add, I wasn't raised like this. I did have a lot of support from like minded friends. I also have several years experience with dementia, which can come with a lot of these behaviors, sadly. Whenever there are unusual behaviors, I look for underlying cause. Major routine change, illness, pain, unsafe situation.

[LunaLady]

I agree with Amanda a lot - I think toddlers don't have a conscious right/wrong at this point. And creating a yes environment is so, so, so great. We have made our entire upstairs a yes environment with except for the office; there is a baby gate there. There's baby friendly stuff in all the baby reachable places. I don't need to redirect him nearly at all when we are at home.

And I agree with Abra that if food is important to you to make it important for Sora. Whenever we are at playdates Rhyko has to have different food. He often wants to try what everyone else is eating, but I just can't let him have stuff with grains in it. I just have to offer him whatever I've brought, or remove him from the area until the other kids are done. It's annoying, but I do what I have to do, and I think that's just how it's going to be for us with food allergies. I can't come up with any ideas right now for the food at daycare situation, but I'm sure you wouldn't be the first person to have a kiddo who needs a special diet at daycare! :)

And above all else, I think Sora likely is mirroring your upset at her being upset. She throws a tantrum, you get upset, so she throws another, you get even more upset, etc. I know that on some evenings when DH gets home I hand him the baby at the door and shut myself in the bedroom to read or knit alone for a half hour. Those days are much fewer and farther between, but I do value my alone time and need it. I feel for you (and all the other mamas in our group who do it often) being without your DH for these days!

[birdhappy85]

You ladies are so wonderful . All of your insights and experience really help (and I'm sure there are more to come!).

Amanda - We are all for a "yes" environment too. Sora was so great in our open environment up until just the past week or so. I think our environment is more open to exploration than most actually... To put it into perspective, I went to a neighbor's house the other day and she had couch cushions lined around her living room to block off her 1-yr-old's access to the Christmas tree, TV, kitchen, and other stuff. I naively didn't even realize people did that kind of thing. Our Christmas tree is in the open and Sora doesn't even care to touch it. I moved most of the ornaments up out of her reach because she had a thing for glittery ones, but she didn't seem to care after the initial intrigue. We have quite a bit of clutter within her reach around the house and she explores most of it at her will and then moves on. She has always been gentle with things and would even hand us something if we told her, "Sora, hand that to me," (in a serious tone) when she knew she wasn't supposed to have something she grabbed. We've had the cat dishes out in the open kitchen this entire time! She has crawled or walked over from time to time over the months and maybe snatched a taste of kitty food or dipped her finger in the water, but she obeyed us when we taught her not to touch it. It wasn't until yesterday that she decided to throw a tantrum and dump all the water out. It's like she's pissed at the world and doesn't want to listen anymore, wants to be naughty and do everything that she normally doesn't, etc etc. Maybe I was just too lucky to have such a gentle and obedient explorer and it was just short-lived...... I don't know! She has her drawers she can get into (safely, of course), has so much at her disposal... Yet she seems bored! Which leads me to...

Abra - I think you are right that Sora is bored. I am concerned about not providing Sora with enough stimulation or activities for her interest/intelligence level... She just seems further along than her age group and I am so new to this, I don't know what's common or advanced or how to engage toddlers in the way they need to be engaged. Everyone tells me that Sora seems further along than her age, especially in her expressions and mannerisms. Her daycare provider tells me almost every day how Sora did this, Sora did that, Sora is speaking more than the 21-month-old in daycare, etc. Her vocabulary is expanding so rapidly, she will mimic groups of words we throw at her, and not easy ones either. She won't say dog or cat yet she'll clearly say more complex words like Berkeley (our cat's name) and Grandpa. But with that said, she can't seem to tell me what she wants most of the time.... Her brain is further along than her motor skills(?). She gets frustrated SO easily when she is trying to play with a toy and can't manipulate it how she wants to. She throws the toy within mere seconds. For lack of a better analogy, it's like watching someone with a severe brain injury re-learn how to do things. The frustration is hard to watch. She flips out so quickly and whines/screams. I should go out and buy her some crayons tomorrow... Besides dancing to music, the longest lasting enjoyment I've seen her have was when I gave her colored pencils and a notebook the other day. It was dangerous, I'll admit, but she loves holding pens or pencils and drawing. She carried that notebook around and collected the pencils over and over again, bringing them to different parts of the room, even sat in the cat bed to draw. It was adorable.

Sara - You're right too, I'm sure my short fuse right now is just making Sora's attitude worse. I need to cheer the heck up. *sigh*

[KaliShanti]

Joanie: I just want to offer my *hugs*. Everyone gave great advice. All I know is that being on my third child now; every kid is different and all the stages have their unique challenges. And it's not easy at all! Give yourself lots of grace.

[CDsMom1031]

I agree with everything already said. My friend has a daughter that's three days younger than Conner. She throws tantrums, too. Like, throw herself on the ground and scream. I realized though, its because her mom doesn't tend to her like she should. She completely ignores her and expects her to be self sufficient... Then gets mad when she isn't. I feel so bad for her, I just want to snuggle her.
With that being said, I know you aren't like that. Maybe she just simply misses her daddy. Maybe her world is thrown around right now because her daddy isn't there to love her. I know on days I'm at work all day and don't see Conner... He'll wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake for hours. I feel like he does that to spend time with me because he doesn't do that when I'm home with him.
Be patient... Or try to. Try to understand her feelings. It'll pass. Many hugs to you.