January 2013 Chit Chat - Page 9 « Back to Group Discussions

[Abraisme]

Why not do both formula and breast milk though? Why do people think its all or nothing? I'd also guess that it's an allergy issue, seeing as you said the baby has reflux too right?

[birdhappy85]

Originally Posted by Abraisme 

Why not do both formula and breast milk though? Why do people think its all or nothing? I'd also guess that it's an allergy issue, seeing as you said the baby has reflux too right?

I'm on the same page as you, Abra. Not to bash my friend's decision, but I can tell by every recent discussion we've had that she is using this unfortunate situation as a reason to cease nursing for her own benefits along with the other reasons... She has ignored me every single time I've brought up allergies over the months. I know she has been unwilling to change her diet while nursing. Now she is saying how much easier it will be to bottle-feed the baby all the time, and she also wants to go back on the hCG diet to lose a bunch of weight (which she can't do while nursing obviously). Oh well. I guess as long as the baby is gaining weight and my friend's life is easier, how they get there doesn't seem to matter to her. Okay I totally sound like I'm bashing her now, but really - I'm not! I'm just disappointed that she has 100% faith in an MD and zero trust in anyone else's feedback/knowledge.

[dashley111]

It's hard to let things like that go. We are supposed to value our friends opinions especially when they are trying to help, right? It's hard when somebody doesn't care to consider what you are saying.

But really, it sounds like she has her reasons for doing what she wants to do- and she doesn't seem heartbroken about the weaning. Sometimes breast just isn't best- and that sometimes is times like this, where this baby probably has an allergy and the mom is unwilling to change her diet. It would only hurt the baby.

[seraf]

Abra, I don't get the all or nothing stance that's so common.

Joanie, dieting at all can tank my supply. As someone who has altered my diet significantly for nursing, I can understand how that would be hard for someone who lacks total confidence or support. Food is an emotional issue for many of us.

[seraf]

Speaking of scrawny babies, Soren has moved up 2 percentage points. The doctor is happy. He is anemic and she told us to feed him iron rich foods (beans and greens) with vitamin C foods and we can give vitamin drops "if you want" and recheck his iron in a month in case he has an absorption problem.

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by dashley111 

It's hard to let things like that go. We are supposed to value our friends opinions especially when they are trying to help, right? It's hard when somebody doesn't care to consider what you are saying.

But really, it sounds like she has her reasons for doing what she wants to do- and she doesn't seem heartbroken about the weaning. Sometimes breast just isn't best- and that sometimes is times like this, where this baby probably has an allergy and the mom is unwilling to change her diet. It would only hurt the baby.

I agree, it's hard to let these things go.  I have a really hard time dealing with friends and family that choose to do things very differently than me- things that I deem not at all best.  Hopefully baby outgrows whatever allergy he is dealing with before he is introduced to solids, otherwise she'll have to deal with it then anyway.

[LunaLady]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

I agree, it's hard to let these things go.  I have a really hard time dealing with friends and family that choose to do things very differently than me- things that I deem not at all best.  Hopefully baby outgrows whatever allergy he is dealing with before he is introduced to solids, otherwise she'll have to deal with it then anyway.

I also have a really, really hard time with this Jaimee. I've been trying to practice lots of acceptance and empathy... but it's really hard! 

I pinned this on Pinterest, thought I'd share. I love it. Fitting for so many things, not just parenting.

[LunaLady]

And this. Love this. Framing it for my wall.

[seraf]

Shay picked up a chugged a pop today. I think he'll be fine. I think I make so many imperfect choices that I am ok to focus on the ones I can change, rather than the ones my friends could.

[LunaLady]

Oh, yes, I have LOTS to improve on for myself... that's for sure!! 

[Becky Wheeler]

I just try to remember how I feel when someone criticizes my parenting choices. And while the way I do things compared to others in my family may prove to have better outcomes scientifically, they don't see it that way and won't see it that way if I'm not gentle with them.

[Autumnshades]

A lot of my friends that had babies of late just gave up on breast feeding really early. Most of them did because it was 'too hard'... I offered them advice but if you have already made up your mind on something it is pretty hard to take advice. I had a lot of trouble breast feeding Eli in the first three months. Lots of tears, and nursing with a shield till he finally was able to latch by himself. It was hard work, but I am so glad I saw it through...

[seraf]

Becky, you said that better than I could have.

Sonja, my first time nursing was so easy that it was simple to feel like it was attainable for anyone. Each baby came with new challenges and maturity on my part so I feel like I have a better understanding of why other people would make different choices.

[Becky Wheeler]

Originally Posted by seraf 

Becky, you said that better than I could have.

Sonja, my first time nursing was so easy that it was simple to feel like it was attainable for anyone. Each baby came with new challenges and maturity on my part so I feel like I have a better understanding of why other people would make different choices.

It's hard to remember/take into consideration that it's hard for others to attain and when they see a way "out", they might jump on it because they're so RELIEVED that that nightmare is over now! For Joanie's friend, it seems that she might have had a heavy burden. A 4 month old, failing to thrive from breastmilk, with food allergies? What a relief it must have been when she didn't have to worry about her baby not being healthy because her body could not provide the nutrients! That's how I see it, for at least part of it, ya know?

[Autumnshades]

Yeah, consideration is a big thing, that is why I offer advice and i do let my friends make their own choices. And I didn't make them feel bad for it... To each their own. I KNOW how hard it is to nurse when you have so many obstacles.

[dashley111]

Originally Posted by Becky Wheeler 

It's hard to remember/take into consideration that it's hard for others to attain and when they see a way "out", they might jump on it because they're so RELIEVED that that nightmare is over now! For Joanie's friend, it seems that she might have had a heavy burden. A 4 month old, failing to thrive from breastmilk, with food allergies? What a relief it must have been when she didn't have to worry about her baby not being healthy because her body could not provide the nutrients! That's how I see it, for at least part of it, ya know?

I won't lie, I get it. I sometimes feel like it would be SO much easier if I had a breast feeding "out". I have fleeting thoughts about reasons it would be reasonable for me to give up. Because I *really* just want a fracking Reese's peanut butter cup and to put almond milk in my coffee...but, I have done that before. And I regretted it.

[KayPea]

Just curious - is Oren the last DDC baby to walk? He's taken 3 steps so far, but he's really unsteady still and not at all ready to walk far.

I'm not concerned about him or anything, just curious. He's been working on his language and animal sounds instead. But I do think having a walker in this weather might be a little easier.

[Becky Wheeler]

When eating is put a little more into perspective than seen as an easy function that's just involuntary, it helps. So along with our discussion, I saw this post by my local LLL leader and I found it informative and it put more stock into knowing that breastfeeding or... eating in general isn't so simple. There's alot that goes into it. Hope you guys find this post as interesting as I did. :)

http://www.alignedandwell.com/katysays/apple-boobs/

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by seraf 

... my first time nursing was so easy that it was simple to feel like it was attainable for anyone. Each baby came with new challenges and maturity on my part so I feel like I have a better understanding of why other people would make different choices.

So, on one hand, I totally feel this way, too.  6 years and 3 kids later, I do feel like I can understand different kids and different choices with those different kids better.  I hope that I've become more understanding and more accepting.  I feel like I have.   

Originally Posted by Becky Wheeler 

It's hard to remember/take into consideration that it's hard for others to attain and when they see a way "out", they might jump on it because they're so RELIEVED that that nightmare is over now!

And I do know how this feels because I've had several hardships with my pregnancies, with breastfeeding, and with my kids. So I get that things can get hard.  I get that desire to just give up.  But, through it all I always strove to find the natural and gentle solution to the issue at hand.  I've worked really, really hard to stick to my convictions and to see things through that I believe in, sacrificing my comfort and sometimes my health to do so.  This is what I believe is best for my kids.  So it remains difficult for me to watch people I care about make the choice to give up on something I hold so dear and have worked so hard to maintain for my own kids.  I know their life is not mine.  I know that I may have more resources at my disposal than others.  And I know their kids are not my kids.  But my emotions for those I care about get mixed up in my emotions about my own choices.   So it goes. 

For the record, I know I need to work harder at separating my emotions from these situations, but I always feel like if I try a little harder, be more supportive, I can help them get through the tough spots.  And for some of my friends I think I have been able to be that support and I continue to feel it is important to offer advice and alternative ways of doing things so that others can see that it is possible.  Others have done that for me and I am grateful to them. 

[seraf]

Jaimee, so it goes. I figure if everyone made choices based on what's healthiest, there would be no McDonalds. It is hard to see people reject the values we hold dear.