or Connect
Mothering › Groups › November 2011 Due Date Club › Discussions › January 2013 Chit Chat

January 2013 Chit Chat - Page 15

post #281 of 524

Lots of our kids must be sleeping poorly lately.

 

Sora has been sick, teething, AND now I think going through a growth spurt at the same time. She has been crying this horribly sad intense painful cry even while I rock her. Poor girl. I started thinking growth spurt because she suddenly looks way taller and filled out to me. I can't stop commenting on it. She looks nothing like a baby anymore. When I pick her up, I'm lugging around a big kid with long dangly legs! Makes me a tad sad.

post #282 of 524
Thread Starter 

I haven't slept well for several days in a row for the past 6.5 years.  I am a totally different person than I was before I had kids.  I know that much of that has to do with becoming a parent, but a good chunk of it has to do with getting zero restorative sleep for years.  YEARS.  They say being a parent shortens your life expectancy.  I believe it.  It's not just stress or worry about your kids.  It's total lack of sleep while the kids are little.  I've been sick about 8 times a year since having Avalon.  I get depressed during the winter b/c I know that I will be dealing with illness every 2 weeks from October until March.  Throw in some teeth and some milestones like walking and that's a recipe for waking up every hour for weeks and weeks.  My in-laws wonder why I flat out refuse to travel home in the winter.  It's b/c I know I will literally go insane.   Dh wonders why I'm so grumpy, why I have no interest in DTD, and why I go to bed as soon as Avery falls asleep.  All I can do is look at him through glazed, sleep deprived eyes.  Seriously?  I just tell myself that I've got about another year to go and things are bound to improve for good.  One more horrid winter to get through... 

 

Long post short: I can commiserate.  Not sleeping sucks.

post #283 of 524

Hahaha Katie, nope, I cried EVERY night I got up with Eli in that stretch where he slept like crap :)  I was just so exhausted... 

 

I could use a nap right about now sleepytime.gif  but Eli is bouncing up and down with energy and my hubby is due home soon (dh has been up since 5am) so I am sure he could use a nap.  The odds of all of us napping at the same time? ZERO.  Eli has a 'daddy sensor'  if I put him down before DH comes home, he will wake up the second he walks through the door, no matter how quiet DH is when he gets home.  It is cute really.  That and the dancing Eli has been doing ... he holds onto the coffee table and tries to dance lol ... quite something to see, I should film it sometime soon!  He also blows kisses and gives hugs :):)  I was baking cranberry/orange muffins and Eli was in the highchair, when I looked over at him he was blowing me kisses :) melts my heart every.single.time!

 

Eli is definitely talking more, or trying anyways.  My favourite is when he eats and is done he says: "Guu(d) Yah" and he nods his head enthusiastically and then says "Do(ne)".  He also understands a lot more which is great.  I can ask him to bring me his cup/toothbrush etc and he will run off, find it and bring it.  

post #284 of 524
Lol, Sonja, fetch is awesome. Shay tried to get in the shower with me this morning and I said, we are going for a walk when I get out, go get your shoes. He brought mine, too! And I got to shower in peace.

Jaimee, that sounds rough, Hun. Can your husband take all wake ups between certain hours so you can get a chunk?
post #285 of 524
Katie, is there anyway to create a safe enough space where she can crawl around and play while you doze? I know it's not the same as a deep sleep. Our bedroom is very safe, so we can let Jasper play in there while we sleep with one eye open in the morning. Can your dh give you some time to nap during the day? I hope you are napping whenever KJ does. Everything else can wait!
post #286 of 524

I'm sorry, Jaimee, that is so difficult. greensad.gif I always wanted a big family but I am concerned that my health won't be able to take all of the hits that I know it will with several young children to care for... It's hard for me to imagine that I may not have all of the children I dreamed of having. Even one more child terrifies me after the way Sora's infancy was for me. Toddlerhood sure has brought with it a whole new world of challenges. I'm thinking that the only way I could have more children is if I spaced them out a minimum of 3 years, but then I can't even fathom caring for an infant while taking care of the rest of my existing family too. And then do I want to be in the endless phase of taking care of a young child if I space them out that much? I do.not.function.at.all.on.little.sleep. Period. When DH was in Vegas last week, I was creeping into a major depressive episode within mere days and panicking at night. Coupled with seasonal affective disorder, life has had a lot of downs lately and will continue to for the next few months at least. Wisconsin weather sucks (did I mention we're in the negatives right now? cold.gif). *sigh*

post #287 of 524

Chiming in-poor sleep here too. I hope it gets better for all of us!  It's been a really rough weekend (I fell and sprained my wrist while holding J-he wasn't hurt thank goodness and I had a death in the family).

 

We just got back from the pediatrician where we learned that J has yet another ear infection and has conjunctivitis as well. She prescribed another round of antibiotics plus some eye drops and started talking about some procedure where they drain the fluid off or ear tubes. That really scared me. I fee just awful, this is his 4th round of antibiotics/3rd ear infection. So time to make some drastic changes.

First to go should be dairy, right? I wish I would have done this sooner.

 

Any suggestions would be welcomed.

post #288 of 524
We tried everything for ODD- preventative garlic/mullein drops, ear plugs in the bath, no dairy...we failed. She got ear tubes in the end. It was the best decision we ever made, she found new happiness after the tubes.

So, I have no advice...just wanted to say, sometimes when nothing else works, the scary thing ends up not being that scary.
post #289 of 524

Re: sleeping. I seriously don't know what to do anymore. Anytime I lay down at night, something keeps me up. I've given up time with hubby so I can TRY to sleep. I get an hour at night and 2-3 hours in the early early evening. I now have anxiety about SLEEPING. *sigh*

post #290 of 524

Hugs to everyone on the sleep! Seriously!! I had to sit dh down multiple times and dramatically explain why I couldn't function without sleep. Like, "If I don't get some sleep, I am going to have a nervous breakdown and end up in the hospital and you will have to take care of all of the kids alone." And I wasn't kidding. Lucky for me (but it shouldn't be lucky- it should be freaking standard issue!!) he started helping. He puts J to sleep every night. If I need extra sleep, he gets up with J on the weekends and lets me sleep. Same for if I need an occasional afternoon nap. (I'm up several times a night still, and nursing all night). And, if things are really bad, he'll get up and walk J around the bedroom in the middle of the night. I don't take advantage- I take the sleep I need. And, if I'm feeling rested, I return the favor. 

 

Buuuut... I think this correlated with my going back to work. I feel the standard dh party line is that if you are just SAHMing, your sleep isn't as important. And that sucks. Big time. I am willing to beat up any partners who need to be providing nap times to tired moms. 

 

jhsmama, sorry about the ears! I hope he heels soon. Excellent advice from Ash.

 

 

Speaking of ear infections, Jasper still isn't better. I took him in Friday morning, he got abx for the ear infections, seemed better Saturday, but then sick again Sunday. He's been off and on since then, and then seemed worse than ever tonight. What is going on?! I'm thinking maybe he does have a bit of flu on top of the ear thing? I'm not used to the getting better then worse thing. I'm wondering if I need to take him back to the doctor... 

post #291 of 524
Ear tubes, I know they change lives for some people. I don't know about dietary stuff with that. Sorry.

Becky, I'm sure I sound like your mother, but make sure you talk about your lack of sleep with your doctor. It may be that you need to create good sleep habits but it could also be mania breaking through your meds.

Joanie, lol, I think 2 kids are easier than one in a lot of respects. My kids entertain each other a lot. They are still a lot of work but its different.

I know I have been pretty vocal about some of our difficulties with the two babies so now I want to gush a minute. They play together. Shay gives Soren toys. There are tiny hugs and helping hands offered. They look for each other when they wake from naps. It's so freaking sweet. We still have issues where Soren grabs Shay by the hair or one unlatches just to steal his brother's boob but its amazing watching their relationships with each other and the other kids develop.
post #292 of 524
Cross post with Amanda, the while idea that SAHP don't deserve a break annoys me. Tho I occasionally get the impression that its just moms in general.
post #293 of 524
I don't know how I'd get by if dh didn't pick up the slack like he does. He takes care of KJ at 5 or 6 am if I need it, even if he's gotten home from work at 2am. Any time I ask. And I have been napping with her too. I think this whole situation has been exacerbated by the fact that I have cut WAY back on my caffeine consumption (most days now I have none) b/c my insomnia and anxiety got so bad. So my body is also adjusting and it's rough. Then on days after a particularly bad night I say EFF IT and have some tea or coffee and then I'm up all night... Anyway I should give my husband major, major credit. He never ever takes what I do for granted.

Jaimee - I'm sorry you're feeling so desperate about sleep. That sounds awful. But I think that panicking about not sleeping probably has worse impacts on health than the not sleeping part. I had severe obstructive sleep apnea for years (waking 35+ times an HOUR) and when it was finally corrected (surgery) the dr assured me I'd make up for lost sleep over the years. I have to believe that will happen for all of us, too. And frankly my life expectancy would have been shortened had I NOT had kids cause life without them would have lost its meaning for me.
post #294 of 524
Oh and Sara - totally teething - KJ has a handful of molars coming in.

She's totally about to walk, too.
post #295 of 524
That's awesome about your dh, Katie. smile.gif How long does it typically take to adjust when coming off caffiene? Good luck with that!
post #296 of 524
Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post


Becky, I'm sure I sound like your mother, but make sure you talk about your lack of sleep with your doctor. It may be that you need to create good sleep habits but it could also be mania breaking through your meds.
 

I think you may be right. My medication hasn't been keeping me consistently stable. I have an appt coming up in February, so I'll bring it up then.

post #297 of 524
My DH is amazing he really has been so helpful with Eli from the day he was born, always making sure I am well looked. I am so thankful to have him around. He watches Eli when I really need to sleep, and just helps out in general - even when he comes home. He totally gets how hard it is sometimes to be a SAHM... Especially on days when Eli is just plain miserable.

Eli finally has 2 more teeth - molars. He is all flushed and grumpy with his fingers in his mouth all the time today so there is something happening. His gums are super bumpy and red. Poor guy...
post #298 of 524
No sleep here either. I am miserable. Insomnia plus Oren nurses all night. And often gets up for an hour or two in the middle of the night.

I've been contemplating night-weaning, but only if it would work to continue cosleeping. My roomie lets her babes cry a bit in the night (they're night weaned, and neither of them will cosleep), so it doesn't work to keep Oren in his crib in the baby room all night (he's just there until I go to bed) because he wakes up. Plus, I love cosleeping. I would miss him!

Anyone have any experience with night weaning yet having baby sleep next to the milk source? I don't plan to start until after all his molars are through (he has two, one busting through and the last is a gum-hill) and also wait until he's walking. But then maybe he won't be sleeping so poorly? I don't know.

Before this round of illness and teething he was waking to nurse twice, once when I came to bed and once at about 5am. If that's his usual, I can handle that. Now I'm happy if he's up less than 5 times.

Oh, and DH is super helpful. He gets up with O in the mornings so I can catch a few extra minutes with DD, and he'll wear O in the Ergo to sleep once I've reached the end of my rope in the middle of the night. Thank goodness for DH.
post #299 of 524

Seriously, I haven't seen this much lack of sleep in newborn AP parents! This is nuts! I actually wonder if I should night wean and maybe this will help him sleep more at night.

post #300 of 524
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by birdhappy85 View Post

I'm sorry, Jaimee, that is so difficult. greensad.gif I always wanted a big family but I am concerned that my health won't be able to take all of the hits that I know it will with several young children to care for... It's hard for me to imagine that I may not have all of the children I dreamed of having. Even one more child terrifies me after the way Sora's infancy was for me. Toddlerhood sure has brought with it a whole new world of challenges. I'm thinking that the only way I could have more children is if I spaced them out a minimum of 3 years, but then I can't even fathom caring for an infant while taking care of the rest of my existing family too. And then do I want to be in the endless phase of taking care of a young child if I space them out that much? I do.not.function.at.all.on.little.sleep. Period. When DH was in Vegas last week, I was creeping into a major depressive episode within mere days and panicking at night. Coupled with seasonal affective disorder, life has had a lot of downs lately and will continue to for the next few months at least. Wisconsin weather sucks (did I mention we're in the negatives right now? cold.gif). *sigh*

Thanks, Joanie.  It is a tough decision, but I was ready to have another when Avalon turned two.  Things really changed for us then.  And, Sara is right that having two kids is easier in some ways than only having one.  But you do have to get through that difficult infancy part first.  Avalon and Austin are 3 years apart and it would have been easier, I think, if they were 4 years.  At 3, when Austin was born, she wasn't capable of being terribly helpful and she couldn't be trusted around the baby- she would often hurt him.  She was just beginning to be more independent, though, and I know if they had been spaced a bit further many of our issues would have been alleviated.  My sister and I are 4 years apart and my parents said it was always a great spacing.  But you're right, you'd be resetting your clock to that newborn phase over and over again for a long time if you kept having kids.  I'm very much looking forward to getting out of this phase and soon.

 

For us, one of the biggest problems is the fact that Austin was still getting up 2+ times a night when Avery was born.  So when you combine those wake ups with a newborn's it's tough- especially when parenting solo, which I had to do on several occasions.  Austin is sleeping better now, though he does still wake up sometimes.  Dh is on Austin and Avalon duty while I'm on Avery duty at night.  Sometimes dh gets the short end of the stick if the olders are sick.  But my stick is definitely shorter the majority of the time! 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by jhsmama11 View Post

So time to make some drastic changes.

First to go should be dairy, right? I wish I would have done this sooner.

 

Any suggestions would be welcomed.

Yes, I would try an elimination diet and see if it helps.   Dairy is often the culprit when it comes to secretions/fluids.   Good luck!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsKatie View Post


Jaimee - I'm sorry you're feeling so desperate about sleep. That sounds awful. But I think that panicking about not sleeping probably has worse impacts on health than the not sleeping part.

Oh, I'm not panicking about sleep.  I just don't get any sleep.  It's the way it's been for such a long time, I don't ever expect it to be different. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayPea View Post

Anyone have any experience with night weaning yet having baby sleep next to the milk source? I don't plan to start until after all his molars are through (he has two, one busting through and the last is a gum-hill) and also wait until he's walking. But then maybe he won't be sleeping so poorly? I don't know.

 

Yes.  I nightweaned Austin and we still bedshared for many months after that.  He was incredibly easy to nightwean.  I think this was for two reasons.  One, my milk supply was diminishing quickly due to pregnancy and two, he sucked his thumb.  We had already gotten in the habit of me popping him off and him inserting his thumb instead.  So it was natural for him to use his thumb as a substitute when I stopped offering the breast.    His temperament is more easy going as well, so that aided in this transition, too, I'm sure.  We didn't have any issues in terms of wanting to nurse after night weaning while still bedsharing.  BUT....

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Becky Wheeler View Post

Seriously, I haven't seen this much lack of sleep in newborn AP parents! This is nuts! I actually wonder if I should night wean and maybe this will help him sleep more at night.

.... night weaning did NOT stop his night waking.  Not even a little.  For some kids night weaning really works or at least helps.  For others, it does nothing except take away the easiest way to get them back to sleep.  I do plan on night weaning in the not so distant future, but not until canines and molars are in and the massive developmental changes that tend to happen around 18 months have passed.  There is a general recommendation within the AP community of not trying to night wean until 18 months+ and I think these are the big reasons.  You might work really, really hard at night weaning gently only to be totally sabotaged by teeth and milestones (not to mention illness this time of year) and end up back at square one.  But then again, my two night weaning experiences might have been extremely different b/c of my kids' ages... Avalon was 18 months when I started vs. Austin at 16 months.  Maybe it's easier when they are younger?  Kind of like potty training, there's a window of time where it's more difficult, but is easier before and after?  Who knows... in the end, I think every kid and situation is different and there is no way to predict how it will go or how it will change their sleep patterns.  But one thing I do remember from my experience with Avalon was that I felt good about doing something, trying to solve the sleep problem in an active way instead of just wallowing in my crazed, sleep deprived state.  So there is that to consider, too.

 

And, when I was in Texas, where I was part of a huge and active AP community, I distinctly recall this period in our children's lives was dominated by lack of sleep.  Every playgroup, every discussion was about sleep and teeth, sleep and milestones, sleep and illness.  We were all at the ends of our ropes.  Most of us decided to night wean around the same time, too, and we all went through that together.   I think for the majority of kids that are parented this way, sleep is very challenging until the 2-3 year mark.  My dh often says, this is why most people treat sleep differently (i.e. CIO) and he just doesn't get why if this is the way kids were meant to be parented why it doesn't work better.  I just keep coming back to the reality that we don't live in villages anymore.  We all wouldn't be so crazed about lack of night time sleep if we were better supported during the day.  AP really needs a village.  I'm so thankful for the emotional support our little DDC village provides, but the IRL physical support is necessary, too, and most of us don't get it.

  Return Home
  Back to Forum: November 2011 Due Date Club
Mothering › Groups › November 2011 Due Date Club › Discussions › January 2013 Chit Chat