Something amazing happened last night. I was laying in bed late at night, thinking about God, although I'm not a religious person in the slightest. I was thinking about my wounds, a really bad childhood, and how much I feel cursed with this damage. It's not my fault, but I continue to carry the emotional fallout. I continue to lose relationships because I'm not emotionally mature and stable. It weighs me down, I feel damaged all the time.
So I don't know if you could call it prayer, but I was thinking about God, and I suddenly had a new thought or vision. It was me, whole, as if I was never damaged. I pictured kind of a dotted outline, a template of myself how I was supposed to be. But also my bones and flesh and heart as if I had grown up unscathed. My thoughts had never before led me in this direction. I wanted to cling to this picture, this is who I'm supposed to be. My own role model. Worthy of being a role model. It felt tangible and close.