Winter IVF Thread - Page 19

[toothfairy2be]

Laggie- I think you're it right now, that means you get us cheering your on all to yourself. How are you doing with the shots?  

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts (and cursing on my behalf). It just sucks on every level. I wasn't terribly surprised as I stopped having symptoms about 4-5 days prior to finding out about the miscarriage. I would guess the progesterone had something to do with why my body held onto it. I had a d & c on Friday and am in the healing process from that and hoping AF will come quickly so we can get on with our FET. I am having some anxiety about the future, only having 2 embryos frozen, success, another miscarriage... it is strange to me because I have been a rock through all of my infertility struggles, even with meds I haven't had anxiety or depression. I wouldn't say I'm depressed but I am thinking of talking to a therapist because I don't want the anxiety of what has happened to affect our changes of success with our snow babies. 

[guppyluv]

Laggie! Good luck. Grow follies grow!

[guppyluv]

TF -- will they do testing on the material after the d&c to determine the m/c cause? I found some comfort knowing it was tri16 in my case-since that is so common. It didn't make the loss easier but it helped me restart again. I hope you have a nice bottle of wine or scotch for Friday night or a cup of coffee and pancakes Saturday morning...

[Laggie]

So far so good. I'm a bit headachey but I've had a cold and my sinuses are still stuffy, so I don't know if the headache is from the meds or not. This morning I had a blood test, and they said to continue on at the same dosage.

Toothfairy, I think that some counselling would be a good idea. It can't hurt, anyway, and I always feel like I get a better perspective. Mind you, it's only been a few days, I wouldn't expect you to feel like your normal self quite yet. I don't think your grieving process will affect your chances in the future. It's okay to be sad right now.

[Xerxella]

tf - I think every loss hits differently. If you think you want to talk to someone, it's never a bad idea.

laggie - I'm not far behind you. I go in for my teaching class and practice ET tomorrow and Sunday is my last BCP. So, I guess I'm about 2 weeks behind you? But, I'll be doing a freeze all cycle. I like how the success rates for FETs are higher than fresh transfers. Plus it gives us time to possibly do a second cycle if needed. We'd really like 2 more children and it makes sense that, because of my age, if there's any good ones left in there, we should grab them now.

[lilacvioletiris]

toothfairy I hope you are able to find someone to talk to so your snow babies have the best mama available.

AFM, I spent 15 minutes on the phone with Freedom Pharmacy to get my lupron trigger shot and 20 minutes on the phone with the Express Scripts specialty pharmacy. I have my meds scheduled for delivery  this weekand then the lupron trigger shot is coming in a couple weeks.

[rcr]

Laggie - I am here. We are doing a FET with donor embryos. I stalk more than I post, because I don't feel like talking about it as much as I used to. Plus an FET is so easy compared to IVF - just a few pills of enstrogen, some progesterone, and a transfer basically - it does not feel real.

TF - I have been really strong through 5 years of IF and treatments, even while taking care of my mom with late-stage alzheimer's and her eventually dieing. But it was my m/c that made me fall apart. Sometimes things hit you differently. Do whatever feel right. I laid in bed crying for months (literally). If it feels like talking to somebody would help, do it.

[toothfairy2be]

lilac- medication arrival is an exciting day. What month does your cycle start?

xerxella- I know there is so much research that shows better FET success rates but my clinic shows 45% for fresh and 25% for frozen... whats with that. Anything I can do to make it work better?? I'm glad you are getting as many eggs as possible. Are you doing PGD at all to check for genetic concerns?

guppy- Because of my age and it being my first m/c it was going to be $1,800 to do chromosomal testing so we opt-ed out. The cost combined with having 2 frozen embryos that we plan on using regardless (they cant be checked at this point) it just seemed to be useless to proceed with it,

laggie- Is there anything they are doing differently this time from last time? I think you said no BCP or no Lupron, right? I'm sorry your m/c was like mine was. It sucks bad. It is hard for me to believe so many women here have gone through this and come out the other side. I feel like I will be sad and anxious forever... I hope this is it for you.

Sourire- How are you doing on your Lupron? You finish soon right? 

AFM- Going to see my RE tomorrow morning. They called me today to confirm I had a pregnancy loss because if I was still pregnant I should be addressing my concerns with me OB Gyn and not coming to see them. Really, do you think I would willingly return to the RE if I still had a baby... ugh. Also I have to go to the appt alone and I don't look forward to the sad we are so sorry this happened that I'm sure I'll get when I arrive. I just want to know how soon we can get back at this... 

[rcr]

TF- we cross posted I think. Sorry you have to go in there tomorrow and face it all. Un-telling people that I was pregnant was the worst, and seeing their expression when they knew how horrible it was but had no words. Sorry. Stay strong, you will get through it.
 

[toothfairy2be]

Rcr- it really is the worst feeling. It confirmed my choice to not officially announce anything. I think a lot of my family knew through people but that means they unheard through them too which took it off me. It is just so cruel after 3 years of no pregnancies for our first IVF to work & then to lose it. So hard to wrap my head around. It really is a whole different kind of stress, pain and heartbreak. Infertility is mourning what could be. Having it and losing it just hurts down through my bones. It penetrates everything I am and all I thought I
Knew. I'm hopeful for your FET & hope when we get to that point I'm relaxed too...

[lilacvioletiris]

rcr, I am excited to see you moving forward with your FET and donor embryos!

toothfairy, my cycle month is March - I start next week as long as my period shows up when it is expected. I have my nurse friend lined up to do my injections and I am trying to stay calm and relaxed about this process. It almost seems surreal that IVF is finally going to happen.

AFM, I got a job offer yesterday. Now onto talking with HR about salary and benefits and weighing the pros and cons of driving one hour each way for a position that I really think I will enjoy.  Lots of decisions in a short period of time.

[Xerxella]

TF- At 13 weeks with the twins I had told everyone, showed pictures, the whole shebang because you're safe st 13 weeks, right? I found the idea of having to tell people unbearable. I sent out a mass email that said I don't want talk about it. It worked. I got the space I needed to grieve without dealing with everyone else. Maybe you could send an email to the docs office today or speak to the head nurse first and have he put out the word. (((Hugs))).

As far as the FET, does your clinic use traditional freezing or vitrification? That could explain the difference. We're doing the PGD to check for all chromosome issues. Basically they just check to make sure there are the right numbers of all the chromosomes.

[Xerxella]

Rcr- good luck on the FET. When exactly is it?

Lilac- We're are cycling close to each other. I should get my period next week when I stop the pill this weekend. Are you going straight into stims? Good luck.

[tracyamber]

hey guys..i just wanted to say hi and good luck with everything coming up fo you. i have been lurking but just trying to keep my energy up for my transfer in april.....this infertility thing can be so taxing at times . stay positive!

[rcr]

xerxella - my FET may be next Thursday. I have to see how my lining is on Friday, but if it is ok it will be on the 14th.
 

[Sourire]

Hey all, I've been mostly lurking too while waiting for my next cycle. I want to apologize for being a horrible threadkeeper, I haven't updated the first post in ages but I'll try to catch up on that this weekend.

Laggie - are you taking something else instead of Lupron or are you doing a short protocol this time?

toothfairy - I hope you can find yourself a really great therapist. I couldn't live without mine! I really hope you get pregnant right away with your frozen embryos and that your m/c turns out to be random bad luck as opposed to some issue. Have you done any reading about miscarriages and endometriosis? Apparently 1/3 of endo victims also have immune issues that increase the chance of miscarriages. They recommend getting tested for antiphospholipid antibodies and natural killer cells to try and find out if you are one of those people. I asked my doctor for those tests but unfortunately they don't do them at my clinic so I'm hoping to be in the 2/3 who don't have those issues.

Xerxella - pretty exciting that things are about to start happening for you. It's interesting that you're doing a freeze all cycle by choice. That's what I did when I had my IVF cycle but it wasn't supposed to be freeze all in the beginning. I found great comfort reading articles about how babies from FET cycles are healthier than babies from fresh cycles. However I'm very surprised to hear that your clinic has higher success rates for FETs than for fresh cycles. My clinic has a 40% success rate for fresh and a 20% success rate for frozen and they are using vitrification.

lilac - wow you're finally starting! You've been waiting so long for this, you must be crazy excited! Congrats on the job offer, and good luck with your decision!

rcr - I agree with you about FETs being easy. During my last FET I felt like my life was totally normal! It felt even easier than an IUI cycle. Good luck with your lining check on Friday, I'm wishing you a wonderful thick lining.

tracyamber - glad to hear from you! It sounds like we will be cycle buddies again, my next transfer should be around April 14. I hope we both have better results this time.

AFM - I'm in my 2nd month of Lupron, still dealing with insane hot flashes. In 2 weeks from today I get an endometrial biopsy, and 3 weeks from today my FET cycle starts! It seems like it's going so fast.

[Laggie]

Sourire - the Lupron was the worst for me, when I started taking it I had no idea that it mimics menopause. My doctor likes to say things like "most women don't notice any side effects" ha! 

rcr - I'm so excited for you! I hope you have the world's greatest uterine lining at your next scan. 

tracyamber - thanks and Hi! 

Xerxella - my miscarriage was at about 12 weeks. I had seen the heartbeat at around 7 weeks IIRC so I thought I was in the clear, too. If I get pregnant again I will be so anxious until I get well into the second trimester, and I don't think I'll tell anyone until 14 weeks. 

Lilac - a new job is exciting! But an hour commute is not so fun. I keep putting off looking for a different job, because I hope to be on maternity leave (it's a year in Canada) but I really should get on that.

toothfairy - It is a difficult kind of grief. It's something people don't want to talk about, but if you do you'll find so many women have been through it. I had a little ceremony for the baby I lost, and I just kept thinking how all my relations (ancestors, mother, sister, etc) had this same loss to grieve. 1 in every 4 women, but I know my mom had at least 2, and my sister had one within weeks of mine. 

Good luck at the RE tomorrow. I hope they are not too sympathetic, but also not too unsympathetic.

AFM - I am on the short protocol this time, so I still took BCP, but no Lupron or other meds until I started stims. They doubled my dose of Menopur this time so I'm on 150 units, plus 300 of Gonal-F

This morning I had the first monitoring ultrasound, and my right ovary decided to be lazy and do NOTHING . My left ovary has just 4 follicles. I cried when the doctor left the room, I was hoping for more like 10 to 12 eggs this time. I'm really worried now, because last time I had 8 follicles and we only ended up with two blasts. It was especially disappointing because the nurse had told me my estrogen level looked really good.

I just got the call and my estrogen was at 2195 this morning. So, I'll start the cetrotide tonight. I don't understand why the E2 is so high with no follicles, but such is life I guess.

[Xerxella]

Sourire: Now I had to go check. The rates at my clinic are 33.7% resulting in live birth with FET and 25.9% resulting in live birth for fresh transfer. They're not as good as your clinics. Maybe that's because of my age or maybe they're just not as good of a clinic! I do know my doc tends to take more RPL cases. So they are more likely to do PGD, so maybe that's what gets the higher success rate in FET? Anyways, the studies back up a higher overall rate for FETs. This study out of Europe is really nice: http://www.eshre.eu/ESHRE/English/Press-Room/Press-Releases/Press-releases-2012/ESHRE-2012/Frozen-vs-fresh-embryos/page.aspx/1620 Hopefully, we'll be on the good side of that statistic. Good luck with the upcoming FET. For me it seems like time is traveling too slowly...

rcr - Wow. That's coming up. I think there's a certain safety zone of not becoming too invested in the process. Hugs. What will be, will be.

Hi tracy - I like your new avatar.

ETA - Laggie - I hope they just missed your right ovary! LOL That would explain the high E2, right?

to EOE
Edited by Xerxella - 3/6/13 at 11:35am

[tracyamber]

tf

i commend you on your courage at this difficult time. it is amazing the strength we find in ourselves on a difficult journey.

when i was pregnant with my son...i actually was pregnant with twins....two boys. at 20 weeks they informed me that one of my baby's had a heart defect and to make things worse i had to watch him on the ultrasound for 4 weeks as his heart got slower and slower*cry* and his gestational sac and body took several more weeks to disintegrate .....it was the hardest journey to go though and to have my living son inside me to...to keep my spirits up so that i did not transfer any negative emotion onto my other baby...the hardest thing. i know i have a son now and i feel very very lucky everyday and hope it can happen just one more time as i do not have another 4 years.

i am positive you will get want you want.. a baby. the universe makes it so hard sometimes and it seems unfair. therapy sounds like a good idea. i did that just to give me a little order to my thoughts and to change my attitude.....to relax. i hear you.

the women on this board are so encouraging...keep writing and keeping us informed so that we can all support you!!!!!!!!

[lilacvioletiris]

Xerella, day one for me should be next Wednesday, March 13 adn I will start the follistim and menopur on CD3. My office didn't do the BCPs since my cycles have been regular and the timing for my spring break worked out pretty perfect for retrieval and rest afterward.