We had our gender scan scheduled for today and the kids have been really excited to go and find out what we're having. But I've been cramping alot and spotting again all this last week and then night before last and into the morning I had some red, scarier spotting so I wanted to get checked out yesterday before potentially traumatizing my kids at today's u/s.
I went to my midwife's and was not surprised when she couldn't find a heartbeat. So we went for a u/s where we found out that our baby stopped growing about 2 weeks ago. I've heard this story lots of times and although I strongly suspected my baby was gone I was totally unprepared for how completely miserably awful it is to see your baby on that screen still. I've seen lots of babies on ultrasound and they're never still. They move and kick and flip and squirm and breathe with their little hearts beating away. My baby was still. Chest, heart, arms, legs. Nothing. It broke my heart.
I am still waiting to "deliver" my babe and am hoping that happens soon before we have to intervene. I'm hurting so I hope it ends soon.
I have not been super involved here but I have really enjoyed reading your posts and getting to know you ladies. I hope you all have perfect pregnancies and beautiful babies. I have four beautiful children I'm so very grateful for. I've been very blessed so far and I don't feel that this is at all unjust or unfair. It's my turn and that's okay.
sending you strength and peace. I lost my firstborn and it was (and is) so hard. Thinking of you.
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