Taking The Scenic Route to a BFP - Winter/Spring 2013 Edition - Page 13

[SilaMarila]

MsDolphin - I'm so sorry. Your disappointment is understandable. Hugs.

I'm scared for our injectables cycle.

[SKJ2011]

Seriously WTH!! How can we have so much disappointment going on???

MsD - I'm so sorry AF showed. I really, really wished this was different. I know how scary it is to keep throwing money at something that might not work. I hope you and DH can find a solution. I wish I had words to take the pain away.

Jpack - Ugh. I wish your beta was more reassuring. My last two losses were the exact same. My beta kept rising, but not by enough. It's the absolute worst. As for the progesterone, it's in the normal range. I know for a medicated cycle, they want your 7 DPO progesterone to be above 15, but I'm not sure if that is true for early pregnancy. With my second loss, my progesterone was 8.5 or something. I was on crinone twice a day and my progesterone stayed low and my beta just tapered off and then dropped. With my third loss, my progesterone was 14 something. I was also on twice a day crinone and the same thing happened - my beta just tapered and dropped. So, I'm always worried that extra progesterone will just make me hold onto the embryo longer than my body otherwise would have. But, it sounds like something different happened for you. It's such a tough call. I guess the worst case scenario if you take the progesterone is that you would end up with a later loss. Sorry, I feel like I just rambled and made things worse. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

TF - Thinking of you.

[chuord]

I'm sorry msD! That is really hard, I hope you have a good doc that can help tweak things maybe for another iui cycle? Big hugs
SKJ - I agree with you, wth happened! A week ago everything was looking so positive on soo many fronts...
Afm - all quiet on the ttc front, managed a temp this morning lol will need a few more to get an idea...
Edited by chuord - 1/16/13 at 8:36pm

[bebelove]

Oh wow, I'm so behind you guys. I've had the flu, which has me completely freaked out.

TF, I am thinking of you so much. Please don't lose hope yet . . . keep the faith and just focus on sending good energy to your embaby. I'm sorry this is so stressful and emotionally hard!

SKJ, I'm so glad you are feeling good about your next cycle and how great that you have such a wonderful RE!! That's like gold!

Chrissy, I'm just so sorry you're going through all of this . . . it really isn't fair at all.

Indie, if it were me, I'd do the IUI. I tend to go "all in" with these things. Remember how unlikely a circumstance it was when I got pregnant. You just never know and you don't want to regret not giving it your all. But I know how hard these decisions can be!!

jpack, I would take the progesterone!!!

[gtree]

I'm here reading everything hoping and praying for all of you.  I just don't know what to say with the turn of bad news.  I'm so sorry!

[TenzinsMama]

Following along closely, and sending lots of peacful thoughts and positive energy to each of you on here.

Chrissy, jpack, TF-- I don't know much about the numbers for betas and progesterone, so I don't even know what to say... Thinking of each of you ((HUGS))

MsDolphin, I always hate the first day of AF, especially. So disappointing. I find that as it gets to the end, I start anticipating ovulation and then I'm hopeful for the tww. Oh, that cycle of hope and despair is brutal!

Sila, when are you hoping do do an injectible cycle?

Indie, I would do the IUI...

Hi to everyone else!

A quick AFM... Had my visit with the RE today. My test results are all looking good. I was surprised, however, about how fast my antral follicle dropped from a couple of years ago. It was 6 for one ovary and the other was 8.  Two years ago, it was double that for each one. Yet, the RE said 6 and 8 are really good for my age. I was kind of shocked actually, but maybe I've been deluding myself about the effects of aging.  She again recommended I try Clomid/IUI, but then I told her that I had unused Gonal F from the IVF cycle that we didn't end up needing-- so she said, "Well, in that case, why not use it".  So now it would be injectibles with an IUI, which our clinic calls 'superovulation' (I don't really see many on the threads referring it to that, maybe that's a Canadian thing?).   We talked about egg quality, which is the issue I'm facing. Apparently, it would be so common for me to be getting pregnant early on but then losing it by the time my period rolls around (even if it's on schedule), and I wouldn't even know it. She gave me a % of that happening, but they don't know for sure because how would you measure that-- they only go by what they see in society in terms of women getting pregnant and having babies at the end, at certain ages. But then, those are statistics, and you can't put everything into that. I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not on here, but my good friend's mother was 45 when she had her, and that was 43 years ago. And there are a number of ladies on the 'ttc over 40' thread I've been on, who have had babies. *sigh* I don't know what to think about it all.

Questions: Any info anybody can pass along about antral follicle counts-- what does it mean to have 6 or 8, just in terms of the numbers themselves?  And... Has anybody had bad side effects from Clomid, but not so much on Gonal F (or similar)?  I felt like I went mental on Clomid, seriously... crazy.

[SKJ2011]

tenzin - your AFC looks excellent to me. FWIW, mine is only 10 total, and has been as low as 7 TOTAL. And, i'm nearly 10 years younger than you. So, I think you are fine. Me on the other hand, not so fine.

[TenzinsMama]

SKJ, thanks for the reassurance. Can you help me understand how stimming works in relation to follicle growth?  Let's say I had a AFC baseline for an upcoming cycle, then took the stim med-- would it be those same follicles seen at the baseline that would grow and only those ones, or, does the stim med encourage others (ones that cannot be seen during that baseline) to start growing, too? So essentially by the time you are ready to trigger, you would have lots more than at baseline?  I haven't gone back and read all the posts on the thread-- have you done these IUIs or are you looking at IVF to maximize your chances, or are you just going to continue to try on your own? (I have read how you have been working with the docs, and getting evaluated.)  I know others have always said, "It only takes one...". That gives me encouragement, and I hope you as well.

[SilaMarila]

Tenzins - I'll be ordering my meds whenever I ovulate next and starting next cycle. I really really hope it works.

[indie1976]

toothfairy, jpack, chrissy, ms d... i am feeling so much heartache for each of you. i am so hoping that there will be some good news coming out all of this. last night i woke up at 2am and couldn't go back to sleep until 5. i cried, i prayed, and when i finally got back to sleep i literally had a dream about the end of the world. crazy apocalyptic dream that i willed myself awake from just before me and dh died. WTF. there just has to be relief for all of us sometime soon. 

jpack, i think i would take the progesterone until i had another beta that showed that it was a confirmed loss. i think. thanks for sharing your follicle info with me. i'm amazed at how strong and almost upbeat you sound! i want to bottle that fortitude of yours!

sila - miss you.

bebe - i hope you are feeling better. i've been wondering about you!

afm - i left a message for the nurse about my concerns about this cycle and can you believe the doctor called me back herself? i know i couldn't believe it. she assured me that everything was fine, that i would actually be triggering tonight instead of last night (as the ultrasound tech had originally indicated) which puts my ovulation/IUI on cd11. when i did low dose clomid over the summer i had two lead follicles (possibly even three based on my E2 results) on cd11 and had the iui on cd13. it's too bad that it screwed with my lining because i sure wish i could do something that would give me more follicles than just one. i know it only takes one but this is me we're talking about here. i don't have high hopes for this cycle but i do feel way more comfortable with this doctor. oh, and she will be the one doing IUIs on saturday so I get to see her again then. also, i got to ask her about my scans and if they indicated a return of endo and she said no, she did not see any evidence of fluid on my most recent scan. so that puts my mind at ease at least. one other thing, this one follicle was on my right ovary (the one that had and AFC of only 3) verses the left (with AFC of 5). last monitored cycle i ovulated the three from my left side. not sure if there is any significance but there you have it. if this cycle doesn't work, i think i may do one more IUI and then do IVF when i get back from hong kong. i just don't know if i can take the stress of and IVF cycle while getting ready for the work that we have to do on that trip...

[SKJ2011]

TF - Two things. 1) I read your post on the IVF thread and I"m so happy to hear that your acupuncturist thinks things are going well. 2) I googled low progesterone with IVF and your number seems pretty normal for being on crinone vs. PIO. And, I read that lots of REs don't check progesterone levels if you are on vag suppositories b/c it doesn't show up in blood work. I don't want to give you false hope, b/c I know that sucks too. I guess I'm just staying cautiously optimistic about things. You are for sure not out yet. I'm sending all my doubling or tripling beta vibes your way. Come on baby fairy!!!!

Jpack - what did you end up deciding. I like indie's thought to be on the progesterone at least until your next beta. That sounds like a really good idea.

bebe- ugh. THe flu sucks. I hope you feel better soon. Thinking of you.

gtree - hope you are doing well.

sila - I hope this cycle goes much quicker than the last one and ends with a sticky bfp so you don't even need the injectables

indie - My "bad" ovary is on the left. It is small and has way less follicles than the right one. I ovulate MUCH more frequently from the right, but of my 4 pregnancies, 3 have been from left side ovulations. So, I really don't think it is bad to ovulate from the ovary with less follicles. I also like the idea of another IUI before your trip b/c I agree that IVF would be a lot to handle around the same time as your overseas adventure. Also, didn't TF/B] say that ideal ovulation is b/t CD 11 and CD 15? Sounds like you have perfect timing.

Tenzin - I really have no idea how related the stimming is to your AFC. I know that with IVF you can't expect to get the same number of eggs as your AFC, but that you can get more than your AFC.

As for my path, I started TTC #2 in April 2011 when I got my PPAF. My cycles were a bit wonky when I was still nursing DD. I weaned her at 17 months in hopes that it would help me get pregnant. That was in October 2011. I did get pregnant in January 2012 after taking prometrium for two cycles after I O'ed. I had a missed miscarriage at my first prenatal appointment. The baby measured 6-6.5 weeks instead of 8.5 - 9 weeks. I ended up with a D and C and my cycles were wonky for a couple months. In June, I saw an RE since it had been a year without a live birth. My AMH was 0.46 and he said I needed to do IVF asap (I had been pregnant just 2 months prior). He said my chances of success were 35%. So, I promptly got a second opinion. The second RE said I would likely have success without IVF. So, we did three months of clomid + trigger + IUI. I ovulated every cycle, but my lining was terrible. Of course, he didn't think it was bad enough to stop trying it. The month after I stopped clomid, I got pregnant on my own, but my betas didnt' rise properly, and I had a miscarraige at 5.5 weeks. Before getting a period, I got pregnant again, with the same outcome. The second RE recommeneded moving on to injectables. I wanted another opinion and ended up with my third, and current RE. She thinks my losses are due to hormonal issues, which I agree with. So, her plan is to monitor me during a natural cycle to see if my hormones need tweaking. Then, the plan is to do a trigger to force ovulation at the appropriate time, but to not use any ovulation inducing drugs. Then, I'd start oral prometrium after ovulation and do a booster HCG shot mid-luteal phase, which helps keep the progesterone levels up. I also saw a recurrent pregnancy loss specialist who did a ton of testing and I have no underlying condition causing the miscarriages.

How long have you been trying for #3?

[SKJ2011]

MDC just posted my post 4 times!

[jpack]

msD I'm so sorry about AF!!

Just a quickie: indie this was my earliest o, on clomid 5-9 though, but oed late on cd 14 (triggered cd 13). I hope is works!!

Thanks everyone for the good advice about the progesterone. I have been cheating already for a while doing a small amount of prog cream. I read a couple studies and decided just to up that by a smidge, and wait for Fridays results. I had this possibly irrational fear crop up that the last miscarriage would have just been normal early one if not for the progesterone. Unlikely, I know, but still... So that was my decision. Just waiting for tomorrow...

[TenzinsMama]

Just a quick fly by...

SKJ,  

I'm now halfway through my 3rd cycle.  My first PPAF came when DD was 5 months. So I haven't been trying that long... I just don't feel like we can afford to wait. Actually, it's so nice to have this online community-- I don't tell my friends or family that we're ttc'ing, because I know that they will tell me to 'just enjoy the kids that I have''. They mean well, and for my parents, I just think they are so worried about me (I had a difficult time during late pregnancy and post partum with DD, because of placenta previa and depression/anxiety because of how medicalized things went).   Anyway,I am all better and ready to get going with things, and I'm so grateful that I'm already cycling again, so that I can have as many chances of trying as possible. DD has just begun to STTN this past week, so no more night nursings which I am really thankful for.  We were co-sleeping until a couple of weeks ago-- but with having the two little ones and being back in school (I've had to go back to my masters program after having had 2 years of parental LOA-- thank goodness I negotiated with them to do only 1 course per semester), I was starting to go a little mental with it (she was starting to turn into an all-night nurser, which is what DS became... and I didn't feel like I could go down that road again). 

That must have been so hard to make sense of the opinions that you received from the REs... One says you need IVF stat, another says you don't... Then that one says you should continue with the Clomid/IUI despite your lining being affected adversely. I think it's good that the third RE is investigating things as she is-- you can get a through examination of things from the hormonal aspect, and then go on from there. The pregnancy loss specialist, what kind of hormonal checks did he/she do? Similar as to what this RE is planning on doing?

[TenzinsMama]

Sila, hopefully you can get going on things soon... even better would be a bfp so you wouldn't have to. What part of the process causes you to feel scared? If I have to go that route, I'm scared of all the stress of hoping/waiting to see if it worked... ugh

[SilaMarila]

Sorry, I hate to come on just to talk about myself (even though I've been reading along, just not replying). DH is just so convinced that this is going to happen naturally. Yeah? When? Our history isn't great. Oh the eternal optimist. Plus I though we agreed that we are really just ready to be done and do what we need to do to move on. It's really frustrating me because he isn't taking our plans for next cycle seriously. We had to have the talk again today about how I need to order my meds for next cycle this cycle. It's not that I'm not hopeful, because I am, but I'm not. Understand?

Here's the thing, I feel like my on my own my hormones and reproductive system are just so messed up. Which is frustrating because in all other aspects I'm pretty much the healthiest person I know (excuse my ego) and I take it very seriously. I'm completely confused right now. I'm having signs of impending ovulation but am confused with my temps because they seem so high. Most likely since I've been temping almost a whole hr later than I have the last few cycles. It's freaking me out because temping is pretty much the only way I can tell if I've ovulated at all and I really want to know this time so I can plan ahead for next cycle. The last 2 days there has been the tiniest bit of red blood mixed with my cm (not spotting or anything, just when I wipe). To me it's just another sign of how messed up my hormones must be.

Right now I just want to do the injectables and end up pregnant. If it doesn't work I'm done. I'm not putting my body through any more and I'm not throwing our money at something that might not work. I'll continue acupuncture and we'll save up for adoption. 

Rant over. 

Sorry to dump on you guys. That's just where I'm at. I guess it's why I haven't been posting. I'll try to do better because when it's me I know I sure appreciated other's input ;)

Tenzins - The stress of all the monitoring appts, the financial stress, the stress of waiting to see if it worked, mostly the stress of knowing this is it for us if it doesn't work (even though I'm completely confident in that decision).

[chuord]

Sila - huge hugs!!! As much as we love them men really just don't get that sometimes we want/need a definite path, or the emotional trauma female hormones can wreak through early losses and emotional upheaval.
Sending you sympathy and fx that it works out as you would wish it!
I know I'm new here - but isn't part of the purpose of this site to share the emotional roller coaster? Remember you are amongst friends who will understand... Don't suffer in silence - that is soo polite!

[Shell77]

I'm reading along and sending huge hugs and Love .... I am so upset about all the bad news ... staying very optimistic for you all.

[MindlessChrissy]

Ms D - I am so sorry. Hugs to you.

Bebe - Hope you're feeling better

Sila - Dump/rant away. It's what we're here for. The good, bad, and ugly.

Gtree - When do we get to see those boys? I can't remember but do you have names?

Indie - You're awesome

Everyone else - Hugs and love to you!!!!

[SKJ2011]

Jpack and TF - good luck today! thinking of you both.