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Taking The Scenic Route to a BFP - Winter/Spring 2013 Edition - Page 28

post #541 of 1519
Hi all, ok, still on my phone so I'll keep it short. I am in a good mood usually. Except for the last1.5-3 cycle days. Like today. Bleh! Anyway, so yeah the therapist- she's great, especially since she knows a lot about infertility. Indie, good question about her experience- I dunno! She has a lot to offer and luckily she asks lots of good questions. She's a little bit "business"-y for my taste --kinda distanced, but I get how you have to kinda protect youself in that line of work. For example, sessions are only 45 mins (kinda short for my taste). But on the other hand, the difference is probably made up by her knowledge of infertility, so I don't have to explain anything. My favorite parts so far have been: 1) uncovering my hardship letting things go (like my "friend" see later) translating it into perseverance and concluding that I really need to find an RE I feel like is a good match and not feel guilty moving. 2) doing or not doing the clomid based on my gut, and taking to heart that twins are so standard these days, I just have to assess that as a side effect and how I feel about increasing my odds, not about what the RE wants me to do or what I fear. It probably sounds a little crazy (and I'm not doing a great job explaining the conversation), but I found it all very empowering. Short, but positive.

So all in all, gonna stick to the plan this next cycle so far. But I'm gonna need tips about IUI since this is the first one (if I do it... Since I don't think it's our issue -who knows).

So the "friend" story I'm gonna hammer out on the computer later- I'm just not quick enough on the phone... smile.gif
post #542 of 1519

Alright I'm going to attempt an actual update now!


chourd- Glad you are both feeling better. I have faith too that everyone here will graduate! So they didn't have an u/s scheduled because this was my first visit. I was released from my specialist last week so I had to find an OB. 


Sila- It is nice that your doctor takes your case seriously and has a plan for you. They never gave me enough info about my lining to know how things looked each step of the way but as long as it is still going down you should be fine. Did you do OK with the first shot? Glad that hubby forgave you for the car incident!


indie- Yes! Same cousin! I do love her dearly and hope for the best... I'm glad your doctor called. It must be hard for her as an actual good doctor to work with a bunch of asshats. I hope you get more info and a plan that you feel comfortable with. Work and infertility... just not compatible. Need to have the money from working, need to have the time from not working... Boo. 


SKJ- So strange. You are so luck to have a kind and caring doctor (like genuinely kind and caring). Hope they have good news Friday and that egg keeps growing. I wonder if because it was so short last month it is just taking a while to mature now. I don't think theres anything wrong with late ovulation. Lucky egg!


Chrissy- Thanks wink1.gif


jpack- The same belly rubbing smug friend?? I'm so glad things are going well with the therapist. It is fantastic to have someone to really talk to that understands. Can't wait to hear more about it.


AFM- Not much more from me for today. I'm bummed about how things went today. I thought I'd at least get a try at the doppler or have some sort of actual exam... meet a doctor or a midwife. To only see a nurse and go over paperwork was a huge let down. I have to wonder if that is how all offices are in this area or what... Hopeful for answers next week. My acupuncturist said it seems to her like everything is going fine. 

post #543 of 1519
Thread Starter 

TF - I'm tending to look at your situation in the light of they treated you today like a normal low risk pregnant woman. Which, at this point, as far as we know, you are! Are you going with a CNM group at a hospital? Or free standing birth center? 


I've come to realize that maybe I'm the only here that is not for early (or any at all) ultrasounds...so I kind of stay quiet on the topic...


Re my first shot: as a self titled "tough girl", I was surprised it took me a good 5 minutes just sitting there holding the pen before I actually injected myself! Then I didn't feel a thing and I wondered what I had been waiting for lol! I think it's kind of cool actually...


AFM- Ugh I just binged on vegan choc chip cookies that DS and I made. Not looking forward to how crappy I'm going to start feeling in an hour or so...

post #544 of 1519
Sila- on the topic of u/s I always wanted to be like you greensad.gif maybe next time. Now that there are concerns I can't help but want a baton permenantly in my hoohoo giving me view of baby growing. I guess the opposite is true though, nothing would change without an ultrasound. I hope in the future I can re-learn to trust my body. I love that you had a moment with your first injection! It is super scary to start but glad it went well. I hope the rest are as easy! Blame the binge cookie eating on the drugs smile.gif
post #545 of 1519
Thread Starter 

Tfairy - Your want for a constant vajayjay wand is totally understandable! No need to validate your feelings blowkiss.gif Haha I certainly "had a moment". Oh for sure, the drugs made me eat the cookies! As well as quite a few teary moments today...

post #546 of 1519

Thanks Sila flowersforyou.gif It is so hard to come to terms with everything turning out opposite of what I expected. It seems like every week is 'I'll do this or that or whatever next week when things are more stable' i.e. reasearch a doula, buy some books, tell my family/boss/friends, make DH understand the pros of homebirth (he is still pretty dead set against it and even when I tell him we aren't going to the hospital it is like he really truely thinks I am batshit crazy). This is all (from infertility to now) so different than I ever expected my TTC, pregnancy, childbirth experience to be. I long for a place that I feel back in control of my destiny... I want my birth experience to be that thing that gives me my confidence back and my meeting today gives me fear that I will never find a medical professional that actually cares about me. 

ETA- It is an OB & Midwife group, at a hospital. I figured it wouldn't matter because I don't plan on being there forever but it would be nice in case of emergency or otherwise to be with someone who I trust to deliver my baby if necessary.Our only birth center is about an hour from me (without traffic) which means much of the day it would take nearly 2 hours (we live on one side of Boston, the BC is on the opposite side of the highway). 

Edited by toothfairy2be - 2/20/13 at 6:22pm
post #547 of 1519
Originally Posted by indie1976 View Post

... i'm so paranoid that all these meds are gonna make me ovulate early.

Looking back at my calendar, I feel like that's what happened with out IUI attempt. :( Indie - I am sorry it didn't work out for you, will be sending you lots of good vibes when you do your IVF.

Originally Posted by SilaMarila View Post


Follistim, Follistim pen, trigger, sharps container, progesterone. I feel cool. It also looks like I've only had to pay $100 for all of that so far! I had them bill my insurance. Please God let it be true.


Originally Posted by SilaMarila View Post


Re my first shot: as a self titled "tough girl", I was surprised it took me a good 5 minutes just sitting there holding the pen before I actually injected myself! Then I didn't feel a thing and I wondered what I had been waiting for lol! I think it's kind of cool actually...

 $100 is awesome! My Follistim, pen, etc + doctor visits for IUI attempt totaled $2500. *sigh*


I too was pleasantly surprised how much the shots didn't hurt and the easy of administering them.


Hoping the best results for you!

post #548 of 1519

I am happy to catch up on how everyone is doing, it's been a while.


TF - you are in my thoughts, hoping all continues to go well for your and your little bean.


AFM - we met with RE to discuss IVF, for us there were so many reasons not to go through with it. The main reasons are cost was hard financially for us and our age (44) really brings our odds down (RE said less than 5%). I am in a bit of a funk, since we decided it's not a good option for us. We will try naturally for a few more months, but if we are not able to have a baby this year, we will be stop trying.

post #549 of 1519
MsD - lovely to hear you again 😃 I'm sorry about your ivf odds... I hope that it happens naturally for you, or that you are able to make peace with it... I turn 39 in June - so your info is a huge wake up call for me - hugs
post #550 of 1519
Thread Starter 

Tfairy - I pray that your birth experience truly is that thing that brings back your confidence. I would encourage you do to everything you can to create the experience you desire in order to create the best birth memory possibly. That includes laboring and birthing where you are most comfortable, with the people there that you feel will best support you in your desires. Don't settle. You will remember this forever. It's still early though, so just start small :) 


MsD - My insurance covered my meds! I was so relieved! However they don't cover much else. I have to pay out of pocket for my monitoring and IUI's. They add up fast so we'll see how much this cycle costs total...I hate that all this comes down to money. It's not fair. Not pursuing IVF is a tough decision. Big hugs. I hope you will stick around even if you aren't pursuing treatments.


Hi everyone else!

post #551 of 1519

That's so hard, Ms. D, I'm so sorry that you're looking at such steep odds, but I wish you the best and hope that you get that natural babe in the next few moths!


TF, love to have you and your dh over for dinner, my dh is great at calming some fears relating to homebirth! He's very talented!


Sila I'm really looking forward to hearing all about your cycle as you work thorough it.


AFM, OK, I feel like I've really over set-up this story about the friend. I know EVERY women who struggles with infertility has "that" friend, but I still wanna share. And yeah, I have probably complained about here a gazillion times before (yup, TF, same smug friend). So here it goes. So Mid-summer 2011, the two friends I had, (really my only two good friends since moving back to MA) we started talking about #2 together. They both had 1sts both about 6 months younger than mine. One of these two lovely ladies I grew up with. The other was new to me. My old friend and I both started trying then, about the same time. New friend wanted to wait until the timing was perfect. She's a teacher, late spring was ideal, the next year. When I was ready to see a specialist and had had two miscarriages, she was the bum who said "they won't even see you til after a year... You just have to keep trying." So as I'm pretty sure I've covered, I haven't been very good at putting my foot down. I had regretted having them over a couple months ago, there was so much belly-rubbing, and perfect pregnancy timing conversation but I still couldn't "let it go." That's all the back story. Oh, and I'm still really close to the friend I grew up with. Her #2 is now like 9 months old. Sure, I cried like a baby after leaving the hospital, but she is such, such a great friend. 


Ok, so I bumped into pregnant "friend." Of course, I couldn't stop myself from inviting her over for dinner (who's mouth did that just come out of?!). I invited the old friend for moral support (really, really good plan). So then the belly rubbing began. CONSTANT rubbing. Conversation at the table: necessary baby items - their baby is due at the same time as their brother-in-law's first (oh, how fabulous!) and "friend" really wants to make sure that the in-laws are covered... slings, ergos, bottles. What did we use, what was the best? Most of this, of course, was directed at old friend - who kept trying to deflect. It was literally out of an infertility comic. That was the whole conversation.


Then later, in the family room, "friend" asks to see my Birthing from Within book. She waxes poetically for a while about it, and asks ("asks" is a generous way to put it) to borrow it. She already has a ton of my dd's stuff I lent her as dd grew out of it. (She offered to return a bunch of it, I said "no rush" out of self-deprecating humor, and she was like, "Oh, well, I can keep it" and use it for #2. Sweet).


So that's the story. Moral is, I need to get my stuff back and cut her loose! I finally feel OK doing that. Finally! I'm just so bad at letting go. I have this deep desire to keep working things til they get better. I have other good news, I got invited to speak about Indian law at a lawyers/law student retreat for public interest attorneys hosted by Yale next weekend. Yay! So that's the news with me! Thanks for listening to my crazy "friend" vent. :)

post #552 of 1519
Jpack - That "friend" sounds awful. I know the feeling of wanting to keep making it work. I was that way with my moms group. None of them was in my face about their pregnancy, but I started feeling less and less a part of the group. They didn't know how to support me, so I eventually just stop participating. On the one hand, it sucks b/c I could have used their support, but on the other hand, it was a relief in a way once I stopped beating myself up for not wanting to hang out with them. I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I hope you feel similarly free when you let this friend go. It's no good for you. I can't believe she would be so ignorant of your feelings. That's so frustrating. I hope you get your stuff back and you can really just separate yourself from her. The belly rubbing reminds me of the repeat pregnancy loss doctor. Her nurse was pregnant and spent the whole time rubbing her belly during my ultrasound to confirm I was miscarrying. It made me so annoyed.

So, what DPO are you? Any feelings about this cycle?

MsD - I'm so sorry about the news from your RE. That is really hard to hear. But, it really just takes one egg, so I hope you are able to catch it. You beat the "odds" before, and I"ll be sending good vibes that you'll do it again.

TF - I so badly wanted an unmedicated water birth with DD. I had a doula and midwives and got one of the few hospital rooms with a tub. Everything seemed to be lining up, but then DD's hearbeat would drop after every contraction and they weren't able to get a good read on the monitor. So, I was unable to use the tub and ended up with an epidural. I was able to feel myself pushing her out and it was a pretty good experience in the end, but definitley not what I wanted. I felt guilty and disappointed about the epidural, but then I was reminded that I was puking throughout my labor and my contractions started 2mins apart. So, it wasn't what I expected. In the end, I was so happy to have DD, though the idiot post-partum nurse felt compelled to "save" her from me by taking her to the NICU since I refused to supplement her with formula and she was considered small for gestational age. Despite all of that, I would do the same thing all over again b/c DD was healthy and my recovery was easy. I was actually born at home and I saw my brother being born when I was 4.5. I had wanted to do a home birth, but I've also had several close friends with major complications who would have lost the baby if there wasn't immediate medical care, so I can see benefits and drawbacks to both sides. I don't know if I really have a point here. smile.gif I hope you are able to get the birth you want and that you can get DH on board with a home birth. You have plenty of time to figure it out. I can't wait for your next u/s!!

Sila - Yay for starting meds. When is your first monitoring appointment?

Chuord - :Hola Hope things are good in your neck of the woods. What cycle day are you?

Indie - Can't wait to hear how your appointment went!!!

AFM - Had another monitoring appointment today. My follicle is now a 20. Glad it grew. I'm getting some good EWCM, but my OPK is still negative. I will hear back on my blood work this afternoon. Can't believe I'm CD 20 and haven't even gotten a +OPK. Such a crazy cycle.
post #553 of 1519
Thread Starter 

First monitoring appt was this morning! I had 2 measurable follicles on the right - one around 12mm and one around 14mm. Tons of little guys. My lining is 6-7mm so it's on track now. They drew my blood too & my RE will call this afternoon to tell me if he wants me to adjust my dose. I'm excited I have 2 growing already, but obviously we don't want to over stimulate. He's being very careful with me. I haven't thought too much about how I would feel if we had to cancel this cycle and I don't want to. I swear I can already feel my follicles growning. Probably just because mine are so slow on their own that I don't really feel much...

post #554 of 1519
Sial - Yay!! That sounds great! If those two stick together, good things will happen, I can feel it. Come on two (or maybe 1 more?, but not more than that) Follies!
post #555 of 1519
Thread Starter 

SKJ - Yes! 3 would be perfect!


I'll be back later for personals! Have a lovely day!

post #556 of 1519

Sila- Woohoo for 2 good follicles already!!! Awesome!! 


SKJ- Yay for 20mm, keep on growing little egg!


jpack- I would love to take you up on your offer & I promise you won't regret it, no belly rubbing here unless it is indigestion! I can't believe that same 'friend' is still such a crappy person. It seems lke some people just don't have any perspective on how other people feel. I understand infertility is so hard to relate to but you would think that the little things would just be common sense. ie. include you in coversation, don't rub your belly constantly, don't rub it in that you can keep their stuff for a while. 


MsD- Sorry your doctor was so hard on you. I hope you find success soon!

post #557 of 1519
I just heard back from the nurse and I get to trigger tonight! Hooray! I'm so excited to be getting a move on with this cycle. I start the lovenox, progesterone and estrogen patch on Monday.
post #558 of 1519

Yay SKJ!

post #559 of 1519
Thread Starter 

Yay SKJ! Maybe it's just me, but so exciting to start new meds!

AFM - I heard back as well. Looks like I'm doing great on 75 units so I'll continue until my next appt on Sunday!

post #560 of 1519
Thanks ladies!

And, totally sila. Something about doing something new helps with the hope smile.gif
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