Taking The Scenic Route to a BFP - Winter/Spring 2013 Edition - Page 34

[indie1976]

well, forget it. apparently this crappy old browser will not allow formatting... must get this fixed

[toothfairy2be]

I'm going to sound redundant in my complaining here but I just can't help it. My boss just hung up from my coworkers husband (hes a cop so got him out of a ticket, called to thank him) and he said yup I'll take care of her, congratulations, yup congratulations. So, whattaya think, pregnant? This is the one whose been TTC for a year (and convenitntly hasn't spoken to me since last Tuesday. She texted me Wednesday about the miscarriage & has avoided me like the plague at work. F*ck my life. Can you say f*ck on here?

Edited since the answer to my last question was 'no, you may not say f*ck on here'.
Edited by toothfairy2be - 3/5/13 at 2:19pm

[indie1976]

oh good grief! you do NOT need this right now! i'm so sorry, tf! and yes no, you can can't say f*ck on here. this is so unfair. they need an emoticon of a a giant middle finger to the universe...

(sorry, pokey)

Edited by indie1976 - 3/6/13 at 4:44am

[MindlessChrissy]

..l.. there's your middle finger. ;-)

[chuord]

Jpack - great to have you back!
Sila - fx for today and the iui
SKJ - I hope you get a nice boring case so you get heaps of rest! My mum got a sawn off shotgun murder and it scared the @&"$ out of her.
Gtree, bebe, msD, shell - hello 😃
Chrissy - how are you going?
Indie - I want to say sorry AF found you, but this timing seems to work so well for you - I'm glad. Here's hoping no bcps and that everything works as you would wish
Daurelia - I'm hoping your journey is over soon too!

[chuord]

Ok I did my post before changing pages so i wouldn't miss anyone (on my phone as normal)
TF - that does suck!! Feel free to complain away, I think the worst bit is that she has avoided you - WTF!!!! You're not contagious!!! People are soo dumb and offensive!!! Since she's already pissed you off I'd be tempted to ask her why she's avoiding you - embarrass the crapp out of her while she stumbles for an answer! I know that's mean, but dumb prejudiced insensitive morons bring out my protective angry side... We learnt the sign language for 'f you, f the lot of you' from a comedian (Adam hills-Australian) instead of sticking your middle finger up in the air you extend it and your arm straight out in front of you, then for the 'lot of you' part you do the same with both hands and swing each out to the sides - just in case you need another way to express yourself... Huge hugs sorry bout the rant, fx its like indie says and you are pulling pg energy to you for the future xxx

[SilaMarila]

Complain away! Not a complaint, but something that totally weirded me out today. I was at the RE getting my IUI and there was another couple there for an IUI (I was behind her when paying and overheard the amount they owed which I know is the amount for an IUI and paid the same and I saw them go in for a quick u/s then into the other room for an IUI). Anyways, they had a baby with them. Wtf? It had to be their baby. I know it was. It was still in an infant car seat. Maybe 6 months old max. Maybe they think they are really running out of time. Who knows. But way to make me feel good about the age gap our kids will have. Coulda got a babysitter guys....

Indie - My bladder was fairly full just for you! I made it about half an hr after the procedure until had to go! I have a massive headache so I'll have to read all you posted later...I get the bcps for the hystroscopy thing now. I was on them before mine (though I had mine during AF???).

AFM - 20.5 million motile sperm swimmin up there. It was confirmed I have not yet ovulated. Probably tonight. I had a tiny but of pink when I wiped that first time peeing after. Guess my cervix got scratched or something. IUI #2 in the morning! I'm dying guys, I feel so so so gross. I need a nap. My head is pounding. I was laying there with the 10min timer after the IUI sneezing and coughing and worrying that I was sneezing all of them away from my tubes...

 

Edited by SilaMarila - 3/5/13 at 6:59pm

[chuord]

Sila - I know I've said it before but remember to orgasm yourself, the muscle contractions shoot the sperm to where they are needed - why not add the extra help to combat the sneezing lol

[pokeyAC]

Hello Everyone, sorry to interrupt.  I just wanted to remind you that profanity is actually not allowed by the User Agreement.  I certainly understand the passion behind your words, and I know you are not trying to be offensive, but if you could edit and/or use some symbols in place of letters or use abbreviations, it would be much appreciated. 

Thank you,

Your friendly MDC Moderator

[toothfairy2be]

chourd- I wish that were an option but there are only 12 of us in the office and we've worked together 5 years so I'd rather not make waves. I don't think it is that she thinks miscarriage is catching, more that she doesn't want to make me 'uncomfortable' but I feel more uncomfortable that everyone is hiding something from me and pitying me.

pokey- Sorry!  All fixed! (It did deserve a big f*ck though didn't it).

Sila- I don't think you can cough or sneeze it out, those swimmers are well past your cervix, no way out! I'm glad you were able to keep your bladder full and got through the whole thing okay. Good luck again tomorrow! Go swimmers go. Those #'s are really good from where you were at a year or 2 ago, right? As far as the couple with the infant... fertile infertile people problems. 

indie- that does make sense about the BCPs to keep the lining down. I need to remember to ask about that tomorrow. I found another website that talked about dosing. http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/immunologysupport/message/46958    I think I'm going to do 2 pills in the AM and 2 PM to start, I'm not a very big person and it seems like a lot when I'm taking a pycnogenol blend that contains a few of the same things. Also. even though the study was recurrent miscarriage I have to think that my inflammatory issues did not help my baby to thrive, even if there was something else going on. It is worth a try anyway. I'll try anything not to go through this ever again. 

AFM- The emotions are getting better, I haven't cried in 2 days. I've had a dull headache since yesterday that I assume is the hormones too (since I haven't had a headache since lupron). My RE office called today & left a message for me to call back and let them know if I was coming in because I had a pregnancy loss (guess my OB hasn't gotten around to telling them). That if I was still pregnant I should be addressing concerns with my OB and not coming in there. Duh, why would I make an appt if I was still pregnant. I hope they don't give me a hard time tomorrow. I just want to know what is next and how soon. I miss my baby terribly.

[indie1976]

sila - coming from a family where all of us siblings were spaced far apart... just remember, you will get to experience something that you wouldn't get a chance to experience if your kids were close in age... you will get to watch your ds get all excited about your pregnancy and be fully aware of the baby growing inside of you and he will get to experience the anticipation as the birth nears... and you will get to watch him be a true big brother when baby arrives. it's hard to be reminded that you didn't get what you wanted but i think you will be pleased with the alternative :) yay for full bladder and lots of swimmers!! 

toothfairy - ugh... that was a terribly insensitive voicemail from you REs office. shouldn't they know better? when i had my miscarriage (was i ever pregnant? i'm beginning to doubt it. so long ago) my OB office continued to pass my information on to the hospital and put me on the list for a hospital tour. several months after my miscarriage i got a phone call from the hospital congratulating me and wanting to set up my tour. painful. i'm going to look into this enzyme stuff. i am with you. anything to get to a better outcome. i'm sorry you miss your baby. that made me tear up.

chuord - how are you feeling today? shall we symptom spot? :-)

afm - i'm still a little shocked by how this AF thing worked out. according to lh surge/ovulation pains... i should have only been 9dpo yesterday. and add the progesterone to that... i totally didn't expect AF for another week. but since she decided to show up (in full force) everything worked out for me to have a pre-op appt this friday and my hysteroscopy on monday morning. if i were to bore you with my insane schedule beginning tuesday afternoon and lasting through mid april... you would see that this is a frickin' miracle. also, holy red raspberry leaf, batman. AF is definitely different. reminds me of when i was a teenager. 

[daurelia]

Indie, I'm glad that your AF worked out timing-wise, even if it was a surprise. I find one of the hardest things about dealing with IF is planning around my fertility. I wish we could be like "normal" fertile people who don't have to live like this for years...

TF, I am kind of aghast about the voicemail from your RE. That's... just... so insensitive. And they should be in the business of knowing how to be sensitive. I'm glad you are doing better, even though it's only a little better.

Chuord... when do we start symptom obsessing?? ;)

Sila, hope IUI #2 went well!!

AFM. So... I'm pretty sure I"m out. I'm 12 DPO now and had a slight drop in temperature this morning and am slightly crampy. Have had not even a drop of spotting, which is unusual for me (even with my miscarriages I spotted around DPO11 or so, with the spotting stopping around DPO 14), but I think it's just the progesterone. I caved and took a test this morning and of course it was negative.

I'm trying to quell the massive wave of disappointment and fear. Fear, because I'm really scared that my problem is not fixed. It was so exciting a month ago to imagine that I am no longer a woman with fertility problems, that I've been "fixed", but what if that's not true? Yes, it's just been one cycle since they "fixed" me, but I'm really scared. Because if they didn't fix my problem, then know one knows what's wrong with me.

And disappointment, because I was starting to think about and make life-plans around a possible November baby. My contract at my job is up in October and I was thinking that was kind of perfect timing (and I would job-hunt after 4 months of "maternity leave"). I am crazy budget conscious and I want the 2013 tax deduction. There are also no birthday or holiday conflicts with a November baby, and I wouldn't have to worry about going into labor in a snowstorm.  Also, an infertility buddy of mine just got a positive. I'm SO EXCITED for her-- she's been trying for a year-- but I was hoping maybe we could go through this journey together too. So a lot of reasons I was excited about this timing.

I know it's not over until the fat lady Flo sings, but I'm just bracing myself because I am pretty sure I'm not pregnant, and I'm going to be really bummed out. Sigh... I see a whiskey-soaked sushi weekend in my future...

Thank you for listening to me whine. No one else really understands this stuff. My close group of girlfriends back home are nowhere near this stage of life and can't really understand.

[indie1976]

daurelia - i hope you are not out. don't feel too defeated just yet... even if you are "fixed", so to speak, you would still likely need a few cycles before conceiving... i know most REs have you on a certain protocol for at least three cycles before switching it up for that very reason... so if you are truly out... here's to a better chance next cycle! also, a whiskey soaked sushi weekend sounds like the perfect consolation prize. i had some coconut rum last night pretended i was on vacation. and then slept like a baby ;-) and i totally know that disappointment of making life plans around a certain-timed baby. i was really hoping for a november baby myself. i am now guaranteed to not have a 2013 baby at all. sucks. we are here for you.

[toothfairy2be]

indie- For once the universe worked in your favor. I'll update below but it looks like we will be cycle buddies for May (if AF cooperates, damn it). That is awful about the hospital calling you multiple times, I think that would give me a nervous breakdown. You were pregnant, I'm not sure if it is a blessing to feel like maybe it really never happened or curse because it has been that long without a baby to take home. No good way to look at it. When will you ask about the Lupron suppression for endo? I'm so glad that it works out for you to get your hysteroscopy done now and avoid the BCPs and everything else.

Daurelia- I'm sorry about the BFN and that you are feeling out. I remember the feelings of being fixed and then not having success anyway. It is the worst. Your benefit is that you have a doctor that cares immensely and will continue working to get things perfectly aligned so that you have success. I relate too well right now to planning life around a baby that doesn't exist... time to re-prioritize. Your baby will be a blessing whenever it arrives, even if it is on Christmas Eve or in the middle of a blizzard.  Take care of yourself and vent as needed. A whiskey soaked weekend sounds wonderful but I will still hope you won't need it.

AFM- I saw my RE today. As I expected there is nothing to do to prevent this happening again. Most likely it was caused by chromosomes but there is no way to know for sure. If it was something else we just have to pray for better luck next time. We went over all our options, fresh cycle vs frozen  (in case we wanted to keep those 2 for later use and get 'good' eggs now, as good as they could be given our situation). We decided on FET due to religious stuff we really don't want to create more embryos. So we need to decide whether to do one or 2... I'm leaning toward 2 but we still need to review all our options (me and DH, the doc left it up to us). Obviously if they thaw both and they don't both thaw then we will have only one. Then he went over doing a controlled cycle (BCPs, Lupron, Estrase, PIO) vs. natural cycle (monitoring, estrace, Crinone). I decided on natural to avoid the stress of injections and more drugs than necessary. He said that since I have a regular cycle it is probably a better option. Also, my RE addressed the message I was left yesterday. I didn't even bring it up but it was the first thing he said was he wished they hadn't called at all because that was the last thing I needed and he was sure it was a very awkward phone call. I didn't ask about the enzymes or anything... we have to meet again in a few weeks for consent signing and just PRAY that AF comes soon and that my HCG is down to Zero or I will have to wait out another cycle. 

Edited by toothfairy2be - 3/6/13 at 10:08am

[indie1976]

toothfairy - ok, i love your RE for addressing the message without you even having to bring it up. major points. and i like the idea of doing a natural cycle for your FET. i look forward to hearing how you and dh decide on transferring one or two. i learn so much from hearing how others approach/reason thru these many difficult decisions. will be hoping for a cooperative AF and a quick trip back to zero hcg. i'm so praying that we will both have a reason to celebrate mother's day this year...  i will talk with my doc about lupron on friday at my pre-op. i'm fairly certain she will advise me against it. i think what i really want to know from her is how she will assess the risk of endometriois interferring with implantation/pregnancy. will she be monitoring u/s to see if i show any fluid? will she be watching for endometriomas (i've heard of women having an endometrioma confused and counted as a follicle during IVF)? at what point would she consider treating for endo prior to transfer? btw, what is your REs take on all this endo stuff?

[SKJ2011]

Finally at the computer. Time to catch up!

Indie - I like the questions that you are planning on asking your RE. And, she's been really good at explaining her reasoning in the past, so hopefully, she'll be able to explain her thoughts to these questions too. It's so nuts that AF showed up when she did, but clearly she is looking out for you. What a relief that the timing will work out! that's just so wonderful. I hope your appointment on Monday shows no issues and you can just relax prior to IVF.

TF - Wowee! You've been through the ringer and back. I swear, if another pregnant woman graces you with her presence... And, I"m so happy your RE realized what a horrible VM that was for you to hear. At least he's got a sensitive side. I swear that the docs seem to be so much better with patients than the nurses in my experience. And, it sucks b/c you deal with the nurses so much more than the docs. I hope your HCG is down to zero soon. And, that sounds like a great idea to do a natural FET. Way less stress with fewer meds. Will it also mean a faster cycle?

Daurelia - I hope you are wrong and you just tested too early. I thought you said there was some confusion about what DPO you are. It sucks to feel like you are all "fixed" and the first cycle was a bust. But, even the most fertile people don't get pregnant every single try. And, we know the doc is so thorough that if you do have any other issues, she'll find them. I have spent SO many months planning for the future. Each miscarrige, the timing was perfect and then I'd have to adjust to the fact that my baby won't be born in October, or June, or August. It sucks really bad. I just know I'll end up with a baby born at the "worst" time, but it won't be the worst time at all b/c I'll finally have that baby I've wanted for years.

Sila - Woohoo!!! I can't wait for 2 weeks from now. This is just so freaking exciting! Sounds like everything went according to plan. Hope you took chuord's advice and gave yourself a happy ending

Jpack - can't wait to hear how your monitoring appointment went. Glad you had a great time at the conference.

AFM - So, I'm something like 10 or 11 DPO and 6 days past the booster trigger. I'm not temping, so I'm not keeping track very well. I have to call to schedule my beta for Friday. I'm totally unsure if I think this cycle is a bust or not. I usually test early when I think it's a bust. I'm too scared to test, which makes me think I have a chance. I'm sure that being on progesterone AND estrogen is just messing with my head. I don't really have any specific symptoms. Nothing that I can't explain away, anyways. So, I think I'm going to either test tomorrow morning or wait and test Friday morning before the beta. I hate medicated cycles b/c then I have to hear from someone else if this worked or not. If I just take a test and it's negative, I can cry and move on. If I have to wait for a phone call for someone else to tell me the cycle failed, I just feel so vulnerable and exposed.

In more positive news, my ACL is not torn! I just damaged the cartilage behind my kneecap. I'll need weekly physical therapy and can't do any cardio except swimming and biking. The 10 inches of snow outside makes biking hard. I don't belong to a gym, so I'm not sure about the swimming. I've been just eating and not exercising. Not a good situation. I need to exercise or I just turn into an unhappy ball of jello. So, trying to figure out how to solve this little problem.

[SilaMarila]

I read through all of the posts, but I'm short on time. Just wanted to swing by with a little update!

Daurelia - I'm so sorry about the bfn. That's so hard. I've planned around so many babies that never came...

AFM - U/s this morning confirmed that I ovulated 3 of my follicles. There was still 1 hanging out in there that should ovulated by tonight. So it looks like great timing all around! IUI #2, another good sample. 19.5 million after wash motile swimmers. I was surprised that it was only 1mil less than yesterday. Between ovulating all these follicles and the IUI's I'm just all around crampy. Starting progesterone tonight for the first time ever! I'm really hoping that finally adding progesterone plus all these eggs is we need! I've got a lot planned to keep me busy the next 2 weeks. Let the wait begin...

[chuord]

Sila - yay that sounds soo promising! Fx!
Indie, TF - I'm sorry both of you had such crappy calls from the people that were meant to be 'looking after' you... TF I'm glad your re apologized, very classy! Dh old dental practice the p manager would read the obituaries every day and remove patients appropriately to save the pain to people - I always thought that a kind thing.
TF - I am willing AF on for you, I know the road is been awful but you are being so brave
Indie - I still can't believe AF is cooperating lol - that never happens! Fx everything goes well Monday, and that any discomfort is gone quickly so you are good to travel!
Daurelia - I'm the eternal optimist - hang in there, like the others said its only the first cycle, they may tweak quantities or your body need time to adjust. Hugs on the disappointment
SKJ - woohoo on the acl!!!!! I'm so happy for you on that, re swimming - aren't there separate public swimming pools? They are normally not as expensive... Mama's got to have a stress outlet after all 😃 especially while ttc! Fx for the testing... I'm still hopeful for you this cycle!
Chrissy, shell, Gtree, bebe - hi there

Afm - ok no symptoms that I can see... My therapist (natural) says my bloating is diet etc not pregnancy, would you believe my body told her I eat too much!!! How very rude lol and some of the wrong stuff... I'm not getting much nausea, am getting sinusy, my tummy feels tender if I lie on it (but could be its too fat lol) oh this morning my protein shake (that I have every day and love) tastes like watered down milk with grit in it - hopeful? Today we have to drive 50 mins to collect dh parents, drive back so they can drop off their passport apps in person, go to lunch, then drive them home and us home - 200mins of driving! Eeww... It's dh bday too so I was hoping for some random BDing (trying to break the suspicious fertile week) but likely I'll be too tired - oh and the restaurant is a top Japanese one, but no sushi for me while waiting... Ok whinge over - me and dh parents have taken years to rebuild a relationship but I still feel wary... (Let me know when you're bored for that story) so since I'm new to charting can you guys tell if this is looking good or bad?? Oh just has some cramping... No it's digestion making me cramp lol - any good? Hehehe I'll distract and keep you all entertained for the next week - the paranoia is on the house 😝😜

[chuord]

Oh serious question - dies the temp stop going up and plateau at any stage? I'll turn into an inferno if this keeps up!

[SilaMarila]

Chuord - Hey it's my birthday today too! No birthday sex for me though...just the sperm lol. My RE's office kept saying how maybe this cycle will be lucky for us since we did our last IUI on my birthday. If your temps keep going up it could be triphasic which is a pregnancy sign. It may even out too. You just don't want it going down and staying down!