Taking The Scenic Route to a BFP - Winter/Spring 2013 Edition - Page 45

[chuord]

Ok - just woke up lol and posted at the end of the last page... Derr! So now have read this page...
SKJ - those numbers are brilliant almost 4000hcg, have you had numbers that high before?
Sila - lol yes it was very dark... I'm still going with 4... Hoping you get what you want though

[thecoffeebean]

I hope you do, Sila! :-)

[bebelove]

SKJ, yay! What a beautiful site! HI BABY! Thanks for your comments regarding my boss -- yes, she is definitely clinically insane, and yes, I also think she is very jealous of me. She is just a bad person I think. I don't often think that too about people. Anyway, thanks for your support! I'm so happy for you :)

Hi, everyone!! 

[daurelia]

Oh my goodness!!!! I haven't been on since Thursday and SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED HERE!!!!

SILA! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

SKJ-- CONGRATS are in order for you too because your numbers keep doubling!!! I kind of feel like this ship is going to come to port... I am really, really excited for you.

TheCoffeeBean, it's nice to see you on this thread. I certainly remember you from the various times we've crossed paths on this site-- sad that we are both still here, but hopefully we will get good news soon... in the meantime we can support each other. So terrible to have had so many miscarriages (I've had a handful myself).

Indie, are you in Hong Kong?? I went there 2 years ago and loved it. I hope you are having a great time...

Everyone else, lots to catch up on, I will go back and read very carefully for personals!!!

AFM, I was out of town and I never check this site on my phone... maybe I should. I missed so much stuff!

I'm approaching ovulation and feeling very ambivalent... I dunno. It's like every time I get my period I go through this mourning, and I have to work so hard to move on from it, and I console myself with party times with friends and drinking and stuff. And then time to try again and I'm like, I have worked SO HARD to be OK with not being pregnant, why do I want to get my hopes up again? Meanwhile, my job situation is up in the air, some friends of mine are talking about a trip to Nepal in the fall, and I'm like.... why would I give all that up? For a child who I haven't met yet, and is already making me feel major resentment?

This is seriously depressing. I hate infertility SO. SO. MUCH. I wish this could be easy for me the way it is for nearly everyone else.

[SilaMarila]

I went in at 8:15 this morning for my beta and the nurse called me at 11:30 with the results. 

Hcg: 154

Progesterone: 17

They wanted to see my progesterone over 20. I was actually still in the area so I was able to go right back after she called before their lunch break and get my first PIO injection. Looks like I'll be doing those until 11 weeks.

I feel good about this. My progesterone isn't terribly low, we just need to be cautious. I'm 14dpo today.

[MindlessChrissy]

Congrats Sila!!!! Are you getting a repeat beta Friday?

[toothfairy2be]

Sila- Those numbers sound great to me. Are you doing serial betas & how often do you need the PIO injections? 

SKJ- Of course I'm happy for you, for both of you. Everything that goes along with infertility makes life and pregnancy hard but I've tried to prevent my personal experience from tainting my ability to feel genuine happiness for others. Especially you all who understand each and every one of these emotions better than anyone I know in real life. That said, the scariness of each and every appointment never gets any easier. I can imagine after experiencing loss they are even more nerve-wracking than mine were. 

daurelia- Welcome back. I check MDC constantly from my phone, it is like a crutch I can't get rid of. Of course, that means it takes me so long to finally get on my laptop to write responses because I read things and am too lazy to type everything into my phone! All of these emotions are so crazy, the resentment, the freedom... everything. There is just no right or wrong way to feel. My approach now is just to make plans and if they need to be changed, deal with it later. There is no way to predict anything, it is a crappy thing especially for compulsive planning control freaks like myself but baby-making is a lesson in expecting the unexpected. So far, none of my plans have been interrupted by baby (shaking my head). 

indie- I've been loving your instagram pics of Hong Kong. Hope that you are having fun out there in between work obligations & that you're adjusting OK to the time change! 

AFM- Had my followup today with my OBGYN. She said everything looks like it has returned to normal. They didn't do any bloodwork b/c my urine test was light enough that they don't think I need one. It was depressing going into that place (also that I had to wait 45 minutes). Anyway they gave us the go ahead to start trying again. EWCM was back as of this morning, DH is 2 hours away... not that I had a plan to try this month (or that it would ever work) but I'm conditioned to see EWCM and plan sexy time. Ugh. The next 2 months are going to crawl. I wish not TTC would make AF come sooner... like if the egg isn't exposed to sperm somehow your body would just know to start bleeding. Nice thought, right? 

So I bought my beads... I am so excited to get the first package in the mail!

[SKJ2011]

Congrats sila!!! How'd the shot go?

On my phone -hi everyone!

[SilaMarila]

Chrissy - Yes, I'm going in Friday to make sure my progesterone has gone up. We'll see if we do any betas after that...

TF - Thanks. DH will be giving me the injections every morning. I know how hard it is to see people get bfps right after having a loss. I admire how encouraging you have been. How can we help the next 2 months go faster for you? I bought my beads on Tues :) I forgot to buy an envelope to mail them in, so as soon as I do that I'm sending them!

Daurelia - Thanks. Oh the vicious circle. We've all had really rough patches in this crappy journey. Totally normal. Hugs.

AFM - I feel like DH is worrying a lot more about this pregnancy than I am. I don't like that. It's sad, now that I'm pregnant again, I see how deeply the losses affected him.

[SilaMarila]

SKJ - The nurse did it so it was no problem lol! I'll teach DH how to do them tomorrow. I can always do it myself, it's just kind of hard to see/reach back there and the nurse recommended having someone else do it. So as long as he's here... Are you also doing PIO? I forget what meds you are staying on? Lovenox? Was your second beta at about 15dpo? The 157 one? I was just comparing mine to yours...

[SKJ2011]

My first was 78 @ 12/13 dpo. My next was 157 @ 15/16 dpo. I think your number is fantastic and could be either singleton or twin!!

I'm talking oral prometrium. I'm also on an estrogen patch, lovenox and metformin.

[chuord]

Sila - yay for your numbers... Between you and SKJ I'm soo excited, and think we have a few sticky ones.
Hi all 😄 on my phone...
Hugs daurelia and tootfairy - yay for beads!!!

[Matt's Mom in MT]

Ok, so for the life of me, I can't find the smiley that is waving.  So hi to everyone.  

Daurelia - I wish that this process was easier for you,  Wanting a baby so much hurts, especially when you have disappointment after disappointment.  ((HUGS))

Sila - Your numbers seem good.  Hopefully the shots help.  Still praying and sending sticky baby vibes.

TF - I agree with you whole heartedly.  The months you aren't trying to conceive should go much, much faster,  MUCH faster.

AFM- Still waiting to take the stupid nuvaring out.  It comes out on the 28th.  I am not a patient person and the waiting is killing me.  

On another note, how do I put a signature in my posts?  I've been all over this website and nothing useful has jumped out at me.

[pokeyAC]

Hi Matt's Mom--To set up  your signature, you just need to click on your username at the top right hand corner and then scroll all the way down to where it says "Your Forum Signature."  Then click on Edit to make your signature. 

[bebelove]

Sila, great news!!! Happy for you :)

Toothfairy, I'm glad you have the go ahead to start trying, but sorry about everything else. :( I can only imagine how difficult this has been, and I think you've been so strong! Just hang in there a bit longer -- getting good EWCM is a great thing no matter what because it means things are working as it should when the timing is right!

[SKJ2011]

Daurelia - The roller coaster of IF sucks so bad. It's impossible to have a life while trying to consider how it will be affected by a new baby. I'm with TF, I would just try to live life and plan without thinking of whether there will be a baby in the mix. At this point, it would probably feel kind of good in a weird way to have to cancel your plans to go on a fabulous trip because you will be 8 months pregnant, you know? That's how I've been looking at it anyways. My third loss would have been due about a week before my brother's wedding in upstate NY. I am supposed to be participating in the wedding, and while it would have SUCKED to miss his wedding, I felt like I had something so wonderful happening to me at that time that he would have understood. There is always going to be something in the way, you know? Anyways, I hate that any of us have to even consider these things. There are so many women who can just plan their kids to be born whenever they want. I totally envy them.

For me, I had to do a lot of emotional work to "let go" of all my expectations. My longing for children close together, my want of another spring/summer due date, etc. I think once I just accepted that I truly have zero control over this, I was able to just let life happen. It made the day to day so much easier on me and definitely helped with the stress of all of this. That being said, I could not have gotten to that place without going through everything I went through. I talked to my therapist a lot about wanting to let go, but I couldn't make myself let go. It just happened over time. So, I totally know where you are coming from, and I think your post sounds like you are moving in the right direction. Hopefully this is your month and your ambivalence is the ticket!

Matt's mom - hope the next week flies by for you. Tell me about not being patient. Tuesday was my 1 year anniversary of my D&C. It took us 9 months to conceive that pregnancy. I remember being so devastated at loosing the pregnancy, but even more overwhelmed by thinking that it could take another 9 months to get pregnant again. Part of me wanted to just call it quits then. Little did I know how much the next year would suck. IF is the biggest lesson in patience I've ever been through.

TF - Oh, sweetie, the OB's in the world have no freaking clue! I HATED the woman who did my D&C. She was such a freaking b*tch. At my follow up, a week after the D&C, I told her that my HPT's were still positive She rudely asked me why I was taking HPTs. I had to defend myself while I was in stirups. Then, she got all annoyed and said I'd need to do serial betas to make sure the HCG went down to zero. It took FOREVER for it to go down. Man, the whole thing just sucked and she made it so much worse. So, I'm sorry that you had to go through something similar with impersonal OBs. My midwife who told me that I had a missed miscarriage was totally supportive and sympathetic and just amazing. So, there are good ones out there, just not all of them. I just realized that I think I'm responding more to what you said on the IVF thread (busted for stalking!).

Glad you have EWCM. I can't wait for this darn D&C cycle to be over for you!

I bought my beads too! Need to hit up the post office and write up some nice words to each lady before hand.

Chuord - so cool about the glass work! Thanks for the explanation Has AF left the building yet? Hoping this next cycle is the one for you!

bebe - love that you have joined us again. I just started looking into genetic screening, so I may have to pick your brain.

AFM - On Tuesday, the nurse brought up the NT scan and first trimester screen. I'm trying to understand all the various tests that I can have. I recall with DD that we talked to a genetic counselor to figure out which tests to have. A few of them occur before I would be transferred to my midwife, so I'm confused about who to talk to. I emailed my midwife for guidance, so I hope she gets back to me soon. I am trying to just take this day by day, so having to think ahead is really scary and uncomfortable. I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with being pregnant.

[jpack]

I just want to point out that from now on, I'm going to insist on week-long vacations in the middle of the 2ww! BEST THING EVER! Hehe!

Daurelia, big waves of anxiety/sadness/frustration are par for the course, at least for me, with the worst being from 10dpo through cd1, then I recover. I just try not to put much stock in the feelings I get during that time (if that makes any sense). I hope you've been able to move past some of the disappointment!

SKJ, wow! I just feel like, holy cow! You're really pregnant! I'm just so happy for you (though I totally get never feeling comfy).

Sila same goes for you- looking forward to hearing more!

TF & Indie, thanks for being awesome!

Chrissy, what's happening in your neck of the woods?

Bebe great to hear from you and so sorry about your terrible boss- sorry for her that she's suffering or whatever has caused her to be so awful...

[toothfairy2be]

Sitting in our break room eating chocolate. My former coworker that I've been avoiding is coming by with her new baby (the one I cancelled lunch plans with ). Somehow chocolate will give me a fake smile long enough to get through the visit.

[Matt's Mom in MT]

TF: 

Personals in a few.

[Matt's Mom in MT]

Pokey: Thank you!  I guess I wasn't scrolling down far enough.  You're a peach!

SKJ: Thanks for putting things into perspective for me.  My wait right now is nothing compared to what you guys have been through.  Kind of like when my husband teases me about having "first world problems."  

jpack: I'm with you on the vacation thing.  Seems like a great way to spend the tww.

TF:  I hope you made it through co-workers visit.  Sometimes life just sucks.  Hugs.

Everyone else: and !