Taking The Scenic Route to a BFP - Winter/Spring 2013 Edition - Page 46

[chuord]

On my phone so soz about the spellin..
Hi all 😄 apologies for being less than present... I've accepted the fact that for me if I don't step off the obsession pedal this ttc thing is not going to work... So I'm trying to not temp lol (how pathetic is that?)

SKJ - I agree with Jpack, while I totally get the not relaxing, you feel so pregnant 😄 I totally have my fx that this is your miracle take home trauma free baby! Hopefully when you get well into second trimester you will be able to enjoy your experience with peace - I truly hope so...

TF - it's like they sent out a bulletin to all/any pregnant/new mums that either live near or know you to come and plague you! This has been such a sucky time for you in more ways than it should have... Sounds like you need dh to either crack open a nice bottle with dinner, or take you out somewhere nice... (I read that until implantation it's fine to have alcohol in moderation) treat yourself every time this stuff keeps happening, huge hugs and happy energy...
Indie - are you still in HK? Lost maybe? Lol
Daurelia - I get you, I think I'm having a rough trot too, then I get a refresher from these girls on their stories and I feel way impatient by comparison... Fx to relaxing being patient and it all happening well - for everyone!
Sila - I'm still hanging for more results... Soo living vicariously thru you and SKJ!
Bebe, Gtree, Chrissy, shell - hi there 😄

Ok after last week before AF, and my complete freak out (full body shaking, sweating, tears) at the thought of BEING pg I realized I still had stuff to clear either emotionally or physically... So kinergetics on Wednesday,.. Wow! I'm like a freakin onion - layer after layer of traumas and issues hopefully this is it... I'm sorry to mention this bit here but the root cause was my termination, I was soo disappointed in myself at having screwed up I subconsciously decided I was a failure, a moron and I was so repulsed and horrified (although apparently not strong enough words for the emotion) I rejected my body, apparently didn't care if it was alive or not... My Dizzyness was from a heart wrenching imbalance, and I'm assuming the physical problems from the last 5 years would tie into the decision to try to conceive. I'd also had a block on sexual pleasure, and definitely a mantra saying 'boys sperm is evil don't let it in' (if it hasn't been causing me so much trauma you could almost laugh) That's 15 years of that, of course I need to wear the correction for a while to really feel the difference, but instantly I felt tapped into my old energy levels, and felt like my body and I were coordinated... Moving muscles even feels more personal... I went to the mega shopping centre to get some stuff for dh and couldn't stop smiling at everyone (I'd been avoiding smiling at men) lol to the point that some guys looked terrified and I ended up laughing - but couldn't stop smiling. I'm hoping that I continue to feel happier about myself... I wanted to share because I've done counseling and its great, but I've found out thru kinergetics that its the subconscious that is like the background computer program, it also holds and prevents against recurring pain, until I started to reprogram I couldn't heal, sorry to go all preachy... I just want all of you most special ladies to get your babies ASAP - and anything that may help is fab in my mind.

[SKJ2011]

not feeling great about things today...

U/S showed growth in the gestational sac, but still not a measurable fetal pole (around 2mm) and no heartbeat. I'm 5weeks 5-6 days today. The u/s tech was acting cautious, but my nurse said not to worry at all. I find a journal article that said that once the hcg is over 10,800, all people in the study showed a heartbeat. My hcg was 3945 on Tuesday. The nurse thought it would be about 9000 - 9500 today. If that's the case, I'm not that worried about no heartbeat. But, if the hcg is still doubling at the same rate as it was up until now, my hcg would be well over the 10,800 level.

I'll know my beta this afternoon. I go in again on Wednesday for another scan.

[MindlessChrissy]

Thinking of you, SKJ.

[jpack]

Oh babe, SKJ, so sorry for the less-than-optimal situation. Oh, boo. I'm rooting for you and for your little bean!

[toothfairy2be]

SKJ- 2mm is perfect for 5.6 weeks. Also I'm not sure at what point the doubling rate slows but you're probably approaching it. Take your nurses advice & keep thinking positive thoughts. Again, it just never gets easy. I'll be praying for good results. When do you get checked again?

[SKJ2011]

Thanks toothfairy. I go in next Wednesday. I had the choice of mon, tues, or wed, so I wanted to wait as long as possible for the best chance to see something.

It seemed like the u/s tech couldn't really find the pole and then mumbled something abt 2mm. So incredibly stressful!

Thanks jpack and Chrissy.

[daurelia]

SKJ, that sounds so stressful- I hate how after everything we've been through we can't just relax and enjoy being pregnant, we have to be worried about every little thing. Update us with the numbers OK?? Thinking of you.

(Thanks so much everyone for all the nice things you said about me feeling so ambivalent about trying again, I really appreciate it.)

[toothfairy2be]

At 6.1 mine was 1.9mm (already measuring small). Maybe she doesn't do u/s that early very often so doesn't understand that 2mm is perfect for that age & also you really won't expect to see a heartbeat this early. I'm still uber-hopeful that everything will be okay. This is your baby, enjoy that little speck of life. Do something nice for yourself this weekend. I agree with waiting til Wednesday, you can't be in there watching every day! 

jpack- are you home now? I'm so glad you got to go to Florida for half of your 2ww, lucky girl! Every time I go to Whole Foods I think you will be there... is that weird? 

chuord- Sounds like working on your energy is more of a project than you thought! There are so many blockages from past events & it is  so hard to recognize how your past has affected you. Hopefully you are continuing to get your past set free and you will be open to new life. Pregnancy is almost as terrifying as infertility...

AFM- Yesterday with my former co-worker was fine. She didn't stay for a very long time & we made plans to do lunch next month (blah). I signed up for short term disability insurance today, so at least when (WHEN-hear that universe) I have a baby I will have some pay while I'm off work. Also, I did OPKs for a few days last weekend and never got a positive, then I had a lot of EWCM Wed & a good amount Thursday so we BD last night (because I am a crazy person that somehow thinks I may have a miracle pregnancy even though I have a sh*t body and DH has sh*t sperm). Good news was, it didn't hurt AT ALL. I've only been taking my enzymes for about a week and a half & it helped that my cervix was high so that wasn't bumping and hurting but it makes me wonder if those things are making a difference. 

[SKJ2011]

So, my hcg is 9911. I talked to a different nurse and she made me feel a little more worried. She didn't sound worried until I mentioned that I didn't see a heartbeat today and if that was consistent with my hcg level. Then, she started to get a me a little worried b/c she said my number hadn't gone up for doubling every 2 days, but then I said the other nurse said she expected a number between 9000 and 9500, but maybe she was thinking I was in two days ago, and not three? Anyways, I feel ok that we didn't see a heartbeat, since the number was less than 10,000; but now I'm worried that my hcg is only doubling every 54 hours. But, like TF said, it does slow down. And, there is a site that says that once the hcg is between 1200 and 6000, it doubles every 72-96 hours and every 96 hours once it's above 6000. I emailed my doc again. I'm sure she hates me by now Will let you know what she says.

ETA: I sound like a total crazy person

[SilaMarila]

SKJ - deep breaths! 

Update: 2nd Beta results

Hcg - 293

Progesterone - 30

So that's good. I did an online calculator that put me at a doubling rate 51hrs or 2.15 days. I think we have just one little bean guys 

I'll have to come back later when I have more time...

ETA: 3rd beta on Sunday...

[SKJ2011]

TF - we cross posted. Glad that the EWCM is causing you some comfy loving with DH! Good to hear. And, it sounds like those enzymes are working too. Thanks for all the well wishes with this emotional roller coaster I think I just got my hopes up on Tuesday b/c we saw more than I thought we would. But, I hope my hcg is still. ok and explains why no HB today. And thanks for reminding me to "enjoy that speck of life". You are right . I was always so inspired by how you were so loving of your baby the whole time she was with you.

[SKJ2011]

Sial - Nice beta and VERY nice progesterone! Glad things are going great!! Fingers crossed for another great number on Sunday.

[SKJ2011]

Heard back from doc...

Hi Sarah, we have good US progression and hcg rise. I am not worried.

[SilaMarila]

SKJ - Thanks. I'm with your RE. I'm not worried :)

[SKJ2011]

Thanks Sila - it may sound silly, but you not worrying about it is REALLY helpful for me. As you can clearly see, I'm a pessimist, so I need all the outside optimism possible It's funny b/c I went it not worried and then the u/s just totally freaked me out. Glad a get a decent break until Wednesday

[toothfairy2be]

I'm not worried either, it all sounds perfect to me.

[SKJ2011]

You ladies are seriously the best best support a girl could ask for. Love you all.

[chuord]

SKJ - for what it's worth (my lack of knowledge) I'm not worried either! After reading all of TF's information on it it sounds like you are well within normal range, and your hcg is still really good. Fx you can chill out a little until Wednesday.

Sila - congrats on the good numbers! Hmm you think only one? I asked my energy lady and she gave me her guess including sex... But I haven't posted that cos who knows if she's right lol... Any official news on when they want to do an u/s?
Tootfairy - thanks for reading my rant lol - I've decided I won't post that sort of stuff first thing in the morning (while half asleep) as I tend to sound like an idiot 😝 but it was an interesting experience and I still feel different, more dexterous.
I'm so glad that the things you've been taking have helped settle things down, being able to have 'comfortable' bd sounds like such a simple thing, but If you can't it's awful esp when ttc. Here's hoping you caught a miracle this month, if not I feel really good that your body is back on track for next cycle. Hang in there you've been so brave. This whole ttc game is almost the same as war, I'm thinking we should start giving out medals!
Daurelia - where are you at now?
Indie - hugs

[SilaMarila]

Chuord/all - We won't be doing any early u/s. DH and I talked last night and decided that we both aren't comfortable with early u/s. Then I went to my RE this morning and they gave me a little booklet about "your first trimester" that included what they usually do and I'm really not OK with it. They want to do an u/s every week until 12 weeks! I know it's controversial and I'm really out of the norm on this one, especially for an IFer AND someone that has experienced loss. Sorry, I'm just not OK exposing our fetus to up to 8 let alone 1 u/s before it's even 12 weeks old. That is our personal decision. We will wait until the heartbeat can be heard with a doppler from the outside by our midwife. My intuition at this point is still that it's a singleton (we're thinkin' boy!) and we will discuss the fact that we conceived though IF treatments and the potential that this could be a twin/multiple pregnancy. If we hear more than 1 heartbeat, probably around 12 weeks, then we will have a u/s to confirm and will have to transfer from her care. I feel that is still enough time to fond a care provider that would allow me to have the in hospital birth experience I would desire. We will do 1 u/s around 20wks to find out the baby's gender and to check it's anatomy. 

There was also a list of things NOT to do until after the first trimester. It says something like "Dr.A realizes that some of these may seem overly cautious, but we understand what it took for you to get here...ensuring the safety of your pregnancy..." Anyways, NO exercise, even long walks, and NO sexual activity (even orgasm!) are a couple of them. I can probably handle the no sex thing, but I know my body and my mental health and I'm still exercising at least every other day. And by that I mean to me what seems like practically no exercise lol. I haven't run in weeks or done any of the high intensity strength training interval workouts that I'm used. I'm just walking and practicing yoga (obviously making adjustments, no twists ect).

Ok, climbing off my soapbox for now. Sorry :)

`

SKJ - Great! I'll keep sending you worry free vibes. Telling you not to worry also somehow reminds me not to worry :)

TF - My beads are in the mail!!!

[chuord]

Sila - I understand, everyone ought to be able to take the route that best suits them 😄 for you it's the stress of having the u/s for others it's the stress if not knowing... In my book as long as stress is prevented it's the right choice for you... I was just wondering if your position had changed since the + Lol my energy lady was thinking boy too... Maybe she was tuned into your thoughts? I'm glad you and dh are on the same page... Re exercise - wth!! Lol I can imagine they would have to chain you down to stop you 😄 SKJ you're the same right? Exercise junkie... Speaking of which how's that knee going?