Quote:
Originally Posted by Louplus2 
First of all, I want to say, give yourself a great big hug, you are finding this time in your life difficult, there is nothing wrong with admitting that. The next thing I want to say is, you are doing awesome. You ARE taking care of your son - even though you are struggling. You HAVE NOT walked out of the door. For every little thing you do for your son, recognise it and appreciate your work that you are doing in taking care of him.
I have been were you are now, not all that long ago, after my first son was born, when he was 3 weeks I almost got up off the bed and walked out of the front door, the ONLY thing that stopped me was the thought of how messed up he would be if I did that to him. Of course I was glad that I didn't because he IS amazing and I would have missed out on so much, and now we wouldn't have his brother who is so awesome he makes my heart hurt just to look at him.
The second time I nearly walked was last year, but that was more to the hospital, I was so close to committing myself, I didn't because we have NO ONE to look after the boys. It was rough., really rough. I was not in a good place. This is what helped me, I made very teeny tiny steps, started taking a shower and getting dressed, although I was looking after the boys, I was not looking after myself. I started an astronomy class (I had a panic attack in the class on the first day), I had to go back to work part-time, but it did ME so much good, it got me talking to other people again. The thing I regret not doing is going to the doctor for help. I didn't tell anyone. I suffered in silence, and it probably made everything so much worse.
I was also very patient with myself and what I could achieve that day. If I didn't get dressed that day no problem, at least I hadn't commited suicide. I was that low. But this is not about me, this is about you. I really started this reply just to give you some encouragement and if you feel like the worst, you most definitely are not the worse.
For every tiny thing you do for your son, please make a note of it and think fab I am taking care of things, forget anything that you don't do, it is so easy to get into a negative spiral of self-recrimination.
I am glad you are getting help, just take it one day at a time.
I hope some of this helped you.
Love, light and blessings.
First of all, I want to say, give yourself a great big hug, you are finding this time in your life difficult, there is nothing wrong with admitting that. The next thing I want to say is, you are doing awesome. You ARE taking care of your son - even though you are struggling. You HAVE NOT walked out of the door. For every little thing you do for your son, recognise it and appreciate your work that you are doing in taking care of him.
I have been were you are now, not all that long ago, after my first son was born, when he was 3 weeks I almost got up off the bed and walked out of the front door, the ONLY thing that stopped me was the thought of how messed up he would be if I did that to him. Of course I was glad that I didn't because he IS amazing and I would have missed out on so much, and now we wouldn't have his brother who is so awesome he makes my heart hurt just to look at him.
The second time I nearly walked was last year, but that was more to the hospital, I was so close to committing myself, I didn't because we have NO ONE to look after the boys. It was rough., really rough. I was not in a good place. This is what helped me, I made very teeny tiny steps, started taking a shower and getting dressed, although I was looking after the boys, I was not looking after myself. I started an astronomy class (I had a panic attack in the class on the first day), I had to go back to work part-time, but it did ME so much good, it got me talking to other people again. The thing I regret not doing is going to the doctor for help. I didn't tell anyone. I suffered in silence, and it probably made everything so much worse.
I was also very patient with myself and what I could achieve that day. If I didn't get dressed that day no problem, at least I hadn't commited suicide. I was that low. But this is not about me, this is about you. I really started this reply just to give you some encouragement and if you feel like the worst, you most definitely are not the worse.
For every tiny thing you do for your son, please make a note of it and think fab I am taking care of things, forget anything that you don't do, it is so easy to get into a negative spiral of self-recrimination.
I am glad you are getting help, just take it one day at a time.
I hope some of this helped you.
Love, light and blessings.
Thank you for your reply and your honesty in sharing your story. I am sorry you have struggled so much. I have considered the idea of committing myself a few times, and came close to taking myself to hospital just yesterday because I was feeling so low. I know I need to give myself credit for all the things I have already done for my son, I just worry I won't be able to maintain it and that one day it will get too much for me to handle. I worry about what I will do if that happens and what will happen to him. I don't want him to suffer because of me.
I am trying to take it one day at a time, but am battling with possible future scenarios in my head that just go round and round. It's exhausting.
I overload my brain with possible futures and then micromanage how I will respond to them and then I can relax because I HAVE A PLAN. But it doesn't sound like it works like that for you.
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