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looking for a non judgemental group!

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 

i have been on baby center for years and have stumbled upon a few other groups/forums and they make my blood boil! the other moms can be sooo unsupportive and downright mean. im hoping this will be a better fit for me. my name is jessica :) im due 6/22 and this is my 4th pregnancy. i lost my first at 12 weeks and went into preterm labor with my second at 22 weeks, she was born alive and passed away after about an hour. with our third i was on bed rest from 9 weeks on and make it to 39 weeks with one threat of pre term labor that landed me in the hospital for over two weeks! he is the best little man ever. after losing our daughter at 22 weeks i've wanted a girl...it was like dangling a carrot in front of me, we had always wanted a girl (not that our boy was a disapointment) and she was taken from us much to soon. so...here we are. praying for a girl! i have been on bed rest since about 12 weeks and had a cerclage put in around that time. going a little crazy. this is definitely more difficult than with my baby boy. i felt like a martyr with whereas now i feel almost guilty for not taking more precaution and doing things i didn't do with my last pregnancy. i feel in denial a bit. so...i really need some support! not drama and meanness.


post #2 of 19

That's weird that people were so mean on other sites.  I don't see the point in joining a forum just to be rude and judgmental.  Oh well.  I hope you like it here.  Most of our discussions are pretty civil and supportive.  Welcome to our due date club!  I hope you get the little girl you are praying for.  I'm very sorry for your losses.  They must have been very difficult.

How are you entertaining yourself during bed rest?

post #3 of 19
Thread Starter 

thank you very much! it has been a difficult journey, very trying on my spirit. lots of guilt and anxiety and stress! (and hardly any distraction)

i read, surf the internet, watch netflix. all the things i try to abstain from when im not pregnant! things like knitting and other hobbies are much harder than they seem when you can't get up. everything has to be prepared for you...my husband is a trooper! financial stress is hard, too. so, i do whatever i can think of to get through the day! i sleep a lot, that helps. its a pretty bleak existence for a few months, then wonderful!

hopefully this website will help keep me occupied a bit.

as for the other groups, mention not circumcising your son and you'll get 80 ridiculous replies in an hour...let alone any other natural/attachment topics. and the threads devoted to those topics are hardly active...

post #4 of 19

Hello! I'm also a babycenter refugee. Those boards....eeesh.


I hope that this pregnancy goes well for you. I'm curious about bedrest too...if it's within reach is it ok? What about when you have to go to the bathroom?


Anyway, welcome!

post #5 of 19
Welcome. So brave of you to be yourself on babycenter. I do think someone needs to talk natural parenting on there but I can't bring myself to do it.
post #6 of 19

I've found the BC regular birth clubs to be a total train wreck - but there are good boards there also. The NUCB board is great, as is the June Rainbow baby group. The ultrasound board is interesting and informative.


But in general, yeah - that place is ridiculous! It's much cozier here. :)

post #7 of 19

Ugh! I can't go on most other websites at this point! It's just too frustrating! I paroozed babycenter yesterday, and the discussion weren't really places where I wanted to spend my time.  Most boards on here are very supportive...with the exception of maybe the vax board - those ladies are quite passionate about their choices.  But there is tons of good info on here, many mamas are very well educated and/or just plain smart.  Searching old discussions can bring a wealth of information....you could get lost for hours!! Welcome and good luck!!

post #8 of 19
Thread Starter 

trainwreck is a good word for the boards there. mostly the due date boards...baby gaga (i think it's called) is another terrible one. as far as bed rest goes. right now, until something goes wrong (knock on wood hope it doesn't) its sort of modified. i can take a shower and go to the bathroom and leave for drs appointments but much more than that and i have contractions.

post #9 of 19

Sorry to hear, jellybean - have the contractions caused any cervical changes for you? Remember to drink lots of water, too - that really helps me when my uterus gets cranky (I've been diagnosed with 'irritable uterus' in previous pregnancies - such an icky term!)

post #10 of 19

I find the MDC boards to be really supportive. though there are a few boards where momma's are very into their choices and sharing information they have, like Vax, circ  and such. HOWEVER overall I find those boards are still supportive and are usually about wanting to help us momma's make informed choices not so much wanting to judge (like anything I am sure there are some who are not, I haven't run into them yet.)


Another great place is http://www.mothering.com/community/f/156/pregnancy-after-birth-loss I go there when I need someone who can really relate to the waves of loss and pregnancy. (Though many of us in this DDC have had our fair share of loss, that board just has a different feel.)


Welcome to the boards and I hope you feel supported on this journey!


It sounds certainly like you are really trusting yourself this time through, and that is amazing!  


There are a few general chat threads which are a good way to get to "know" people here. Jump in, don't be shy.

post #11 of 19
Thread Starter 

no cervical change yet. i drink tons of water but it actually contributes to the contractions. with the cerclage, any swelling or irritation in that area makes me contract wildly. so when my bladder fills its worse. sucks. thank you all for being so supportive.

post #12 of 19

Hi Jellybean!  My due date is also 6/22! :-)


My sister has had problems akin to yours.  She lost her first girl at about 22 weeks.  She was born alive and perished 4 hours later.  Her son was born a little early, but mostly full term.  She was put on bedrest for the final trimester b/c the same symptoms were appearing with her first pregnancy.  Her second son was born full term.  She had a cerclage early on which allowed her to live a pretty normal pregnancy until the final month or so when she was ordered bedrest.


Evidently incompetent cervix is hereditary.  My other sister had no such problems and so far I am not exhibiting any problems.  I will mention my sister's plight to my ob, though, and see if there is any concern or to at least get it on her radar.

post #13 of 19
Thread Starter 

how is everything going spotty4? i do believe it can be hereditary and i feel bad for my unborn daughter :( ive been on bed rest the entire time because i also have early pregnancy losses! i did a little more this pregnancy and have ended up with some cervical shortening :( the cerclage bugs my uterus and cervix and i think does a little harm itself. such a hard pregnancy...

post #14 of 19

Hang in there, Jellybean! We're in the final stretch now. <3

post #15 of 19
Thread Starter 

yay we are!!!

post #16 of 19
Oooh thanks for asking. The pregnancy is going well. I had a vaginal exam at 22 weeks (b/c of placenta previa and the placenta moving). The NP said my cervix was closed tight and long. I've not been checked since. I am noticing I am "leaking" here and there but I am pretty sure its just pee and not amniotic fluid.

Hang in there jellybean!
post #17 of 19
Thread Starter 

i had some allergies going on for a while and was sneezing a lot and i kept thinking my water was breaking. Sheepish.gif silly stuff going on. im glad you're doing well though and your cervix is holding up as should be. did your placenta find a good spot?

post #18 of 19
Yup! Ultrasound confirmed it has cleared the cervix. :-)
post #19 of 19

Spotty, happy ho hear that!

My placenta dind`t move...

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