When Are You Announcing? « Back to Group Discussions

[nettlesoup]

As my last pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage I'm very wary about telling family and friends too soon. Ideally I would like to wait until maybe 10 - 12 weeks, but I very much doubt I'll be able to hide it for that long. My MIL seems to have pregnancy sense so she'll no doubt figure it out pretty quickly. In reality I'll probably end up telling family after my first midwife appointment, at which point I'll be about 9 weeks.

I have told a few people already. I told my sister because I trust her and tell her everything, and I have a few mum friends I meet up with frequently whom I've told as I know they wouldn't mention it to anyone else. The reason I've told these people is partly so I have someone to talk to in real life who have been there, and also if I do lose it again I'll have support.

I won't announce it to anyone else outside of family until my scan when I'll be about 12 weeks. I'm also going to be a bit cheesy when announcing to family and stick my daughter in a big sister t-shirt.

[kms7z]

I'm about 5 weeks and have told my two best friends and my husband. There are a few "inner circle" type of friends and I will likely tell them whenever I see them next. I've miscarried before and had to do the "untelling" and I am fine with untelling all of these people. I'd want to talk to them about the loss, etc.

My mom and I are kinda not talking too much. Just keeping things kind of distant so they don't flare up too much into fights. So I think I won't tell her until its more public, like the 12th week. I don't think she'll take it badly that she didn't know right away bc she knows we didn't tell many folks when we found out I was expecting my rainbow baby a few years ago.

As far as work folks... I'm close with a few women on my staff, and if I start becoming nonfunctional from morning sickness and fatigue I'll let them know. I want to wait until week 12 or 16 to let my female boss know. As for the rest of my staff and coworkers etc... I won't tell until at least 16 weeks. I probably won't tell anyone other than my direct reports, and let the news spread organically from there.

I never announce that I'm pregnant on Facebook... Kind of fun to let folks suspect from the pics

[nettlesoup]

I completely forgot to mention that my fiance of course knows!
 

[splath]

My parents know and dh knows. I don't plan on telling anyone else until we see the heartbeat and possibly not until the second trimester.

[Rhoze]

Because of the history of miscarriages, DH and I struggled with this decision.  In the end we landed on "it won't hurt us more if we are excited and tell those closest to us, so let's embrace the joy now" philosophy.  

So a few night ago my sister decorated sugar cookies in a baby theme then called my parents into the kitchen.  She set DH and I up on skype in the corner and we got to watch their excitement when they saw the cookies, it was wonderful.  I told my to BFFs and DH told his, but we've asked everyone to keep quiet for now.  FIL and MIL will be told later - MIL won't be particularly supportive, so we'll just put that off for a bit.

[nettlesoup]

That sounds lovely Rhoze, and I like your philosophy.
 

[countrybound]

I told my parents and my DH told his mom, sister and BIL (dad passed 2 years ago), we told them the day I found out, his sister is 3 weeks ahead of me with their first. I've had two miscarriages myself but I am close to my parents and would like their support if that should happen again. I don't like hiding grief and having nobody to talk to about it. I wasn't planning on telling anyone else, but my DH is so excited that he basically begged to tell his friends and other family. So Christmas eve his sister mad an announcement for all the pregnant women in the family to get on the couch (nobody knew she was expecting and that was her way of announcing it), there was another cousin thats about 18 weeks on the couch with her, but I didn't want to steal her thunder so I didn't say anything or get on the couch lol. I guess she had been trying to get my attention but I didn't notice. My DH made the announcement about an hour later that we were expecting too. It was cute, but if I do miscarry that will be awkward as I am not close with his huge family. Also an announcement was made at brunch with all my friends which I had no choice really as I was drinking water instead of my regular mamosas. I ended up telling all my friends last time I miscarried and again got nothing but support. So now we just have to tell facebook world and that wont be until we find out the sex. I'm going to do a clever picture, but haven't figured one out yet.

[chispita]

Our circle of friends we will tell after the first trimester, work people when it's obvious.

So the only question is our parents. Since we live in a different country from them, chances are we can wait till the first trimester is over, or rather wait till we see them in March (I'm meeting my parents in March in NYC, and my husband is going back to Spain for a friends' wedding in March too).

The only question there is that my parents were planning to do a trip to Yellowstone with us at the end of July - and I'm not sure whether that will be doable at 7/8 months along - what do you guys think? If they start pressuring us about plane tickets or planning that trip, we might be forced to tell them sooner than we'd expected.

I also want to tell my BFF as soon as possible, but I'm holding on till I've had a chance to privately celebrate the good news with my husband (who got stuck in Spain on NYE because he lost his pasport, and should be getting back next weekend).

[countrybound]

Originally Posted by chispita 

Our circle of friends we will tell after the first trimester, work people when it's obvious.

So the only question is our parents. Since we live in a different country from them, chances are we can wait till the first trimester is over, or rather wait till we see them in March (I'm meeting my parents in March in NYC, and my husband is going back to Spain for a friends' wedding in March too).

The only question there is that my parents were planning to do a trip to Yellowstone with us at the end of July - and I'm not sure whether that will be doable at 7/8 months along - what do you guys think? If they start pressuring us about plane tickets or planning that trip, we might be forced to tell them sooner than we'd expected.

I also want to tell my BFF as soon as possible, but I'm holding on till I've had a chance to privately celebrate the good news with my husband (who got stuck in Spain on NYE because he lost his pasport, and should be getting back next weekend).

I think a trip to yellowstone at 7 months is fine, 8 might be pushing it. I went to Disneyland for a week when I was 7.5 months pregnant and did fine (but I only live 6 hours from there also), however it also depends on how your pregnancy is going. Obviously things can happen where you're forced on bed rest or something, or the Dr. doesn't think it's a good idea. How far is yellowstone from where you live?

[CDsMom1031]

We've already told everyone. Haha. My DH was way too excited.

[chispita]

Originally Posted by countrybound 

I think a trip to yellowstone at 7 months is fine, 8 might be pushing it. I went to Disneyland for a week when I was 7.5 months pregnant and did fine (but I only live 6 hours from there also), however it also depends on how your pregnancy is going. Obviously things can happen where you're forced on bed rest or something, or the Dr. doesn't think it's a good idea. How far is yellowstone from where you live?

Getting there from where I am takes slightly over 5h, with one layover. So it looks like in theory it should be fine (of course, there's no way of really knowing beforehand how I'll be feeling in July)

[happybunny]

Originally Posted by chispita 

Our circle of friends we will tell after the first trimester, work people when it's obvious.

So the only question is our parents. Since we live in a different country from them, chances are we can wait till the first trimester is over, or rather wait till we see them in March (I'm meeting my parents in March in NYC, and my husband is going back to Spain for a friends' wedding in March too).

The only question there is that my parents were planning to do a trip to Yellowstone with us at the end of July - and I'm not sure whether that will be doable at 7/8 months along - what do you guys think? If they start pressuring us about plane tickets or planning that trip, we might be forced to tell them sooner than we'd expected.

I also want to tell my BFF as soon as possible, but I'm holding on till I've had a chance to privately celebrate the good news with my husband (who got stuck in Spain on NYE because he lost his pasport, and should be getting back next weekend).

Are you worried about the flight or Yellowstone itself? The flight should be fine, even though it may be a bit uncomfortable. If it's the hiking, etc at Yellowstone, I bet you'd be okay if you make sure you're active throughout your pregnancy. I'm doing a very walking intensive archaeological field school when I'm 28-33 weeks. The thing I'm most worried about is the heat and having to pee every 5 minutes (during the day we'll be out in the middle of nowhere, no plumbing or cell service). I'm planning on getting into a good exercise routine very soon to build up some endurance...

AFM, I've told my DH, his cousin (the only family we have who lives here) and my best friends. My friends are all birthy folks (although they are all on the East coast) and I told them the day I got my BFP. It was very helpful talking to my friend who's a midwife when I was going through my m/c and they were all super supportive.
We have not told the rest of the family. My family was not very supportive with my pregnancies before and my MIL made some insensitive comments when I had my m/c. I want to avoid having to deal with that again. I want to wait until about 8 weeks. I think I'll feel a bit safer then. I'll tell them in person and make a FB announcement after we've heard the heartbeat on doppler. 

[deborahbgkelly]

I wasn't planning on telling anyone outside of some family and some very close friends until 12 weeks, but my body has decided otherwise and people will guess. I won't be officially announcing outside of family for a long time, but if someone asks, I won't lie about it. I did tell people who needed to know for safety reasons. Plus, I'm so sick that people might figure it out based on how often I'm getting up to go to the bathroom.

[chispita]

Originally Posted by happybunny 

Are you worried about the flight or Yellowstone itself?

Everything! I'm new at this 

Thanks for the reassurance, since I have no idea what to expect. My intention is to try to be pretty active, so I think it should be fine. The heat might be bad, but that's always something I'm very careful about anyway

[dejagerw]

All our family is out of state. We're planning on telling my side of the family in a couple weeks when we go up to celebrate DS2's 2nd birthday (I'll only be 6 weeks). We'll probably Skype my husband's parents sometime after that. I'll probably start telling close friends shortly after that, and probably facebook after 12 weeks.

Chispita, as far as the Yellowstone trip, I wouldn't personally have any problems with it if it were me. We travel by car 5 hours regularly when I'm 8 months pregnant. But like pp said there's always the chance of bedrest or complications down the road that might prevent you from flying. So, I'd get trip insurance or something. And as long as your active, I don't see problem with moderate to easy hiking. Nothing crazy though, as your balance will be off and you'll likely need to take is slow.

[swissmiss2584]

With our first we told everyone the day we found out. This time I want to wait until at least 10 weeks. I've had some spotting which is making me glad I have only told close family and my best friend.

[mrsandmrs]

we have told both of our parents, and one or two best friends each. we're trying to wait until 12 weeks to tell some very close friends, 14 weeks to tell family, 16 weeks to tell the world, i.e. facebook + work. since we're having twins, it might be pretty challenging to keep it a secret that long. i guess we'll negotiate these things as they unfold. 

[aidenn]

I haven't decided yet. I told my mom today, but she just moved in with us last week and now I think she is overwhelmed so I feel I may have messed that up. My husband and I are not rich, so I sense the reaction from most people is going to be sour or snide. I hope I am wrong about the negativity! We love kids and the chaos they bring, so we are thrilled! Since I don't want rain on my parade, I am thinking 8-12 weeks, minimum!

[CDsMom1031]

Everyone always has something negative to say. Ignore them. All the child needs is mom and diapers. Who cares if you aren't rich?

[nettlesoup]

What CDsMom said. We are very far from being rich, but we manage. Why must people concern themselves with other people's private matters? Happy, caring parents are all that matters.