Just signed my paperwork to file for divorce

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1/6/13 at 8:42am

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Hi everyone- I've been browsing posts for the past few months (after a long absence from MDC) and wanted to say hi. After several years of struggling to make a decision and take steps, I finally told H in July that I wanted a divorce. And said that repeatedly for the past 6 months. He's in denial and has refused to see a mediator or discuss next steps. He tells me he's not getting a divorce and I can move out if I want- he'll have the house and the kids. He has also threatened to go after full custody and lock me out of the house. I have a good attorney so I feel prepared for these possibilities and not worried about the outcome. I feel very sure about what I'm doing, which is a relief after so many years of trying to make a decision.

On friday I signed the paperwork to file a complaint for divorce and my attorney is filing it on Monday. Woo-hoo! I'm a little worried about serving him. He's been so deep in denial that I don't think it's going to be good. He's been emotionally abusive over the years, and recently made some vague threats about not pushing him too far. I want to keep the house and have stability for the kids, so I've stayed (in a separate room). He won't move out, so I'm stuck with this situation for now. I have considered moving out with a friend who is also recently a single mom, but don't want to give up my leverage with the house.

I'd be interested in any btdt stories or advice. Thanks!

I do really want the house because it's perfect for renting out space (there's an in-law apt), which will make it affordable for me. It will actually be cheaper than renting a 3 bedroom for me and the kids in the area where I live. And realistically, I can refinance with a co-signer but H doesn't have that option. I'm pretty sure when it comes down to it that I'm the only one who can afford the house. So I just have to wait it out. It's really tough living here with him though- I constantly have to enforce boundaries. He always wants to give me a hug which can turn into a grope session

I would love to move out and put some space between us (and have even looked at places at times when it's gotten really uncomfortable in the house), but I want to do what's best for the kids in the long run.