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Trying to Adopt/Foster 2013 Chat Thread. - Page 10

post #181 of 335

Someone on another adoption board shared this cute video, so I thought I'd share it here too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADuSnt6PFn8&playnext=1&list=PLE84C99EA33B87618

post #182 of 335

Deborah - Lucky doggy! :)

 

sk8boarder15 - Welcome to the group! How exciting to be in the beginning stages of the process. I'm not sure about income verification in the private sector but at my agency, I was only asked to provide a written sheet of assets and debts. They wanted to make sure I could take care of myself.

 

QueenJane - Two weeks, sweet! Is six too old for you? I know you had expressed some ambivalence about adopting another older child.

 

AFM - I saw a child online and asked my social worker if she thought we'd be a good matched. She said yes and the child's social worker said yes to my homestudy is currently being reviewed. I'm trying not to get attached but I am super excited.

post #183 of 335
Quote:
QueenJane - Two weeks, sweet! Is six too old for you? I know you had expressed some ambivalence about adopting another older child.

 

AFM - I saw a child online and asked my social worker if she thought we'd be a good matched. She said yes and the child's social worker said yes to my homestudy is currently being reviewed. I'm trying not to get attached but I am super excited.

 

It would depend on the situation. 7-9 would be better than 6 and only a girl in that age range. Only because my two boys are 5 and i really dont want to mess up that dynamic by introducing a child to close to their age (esp a boy.) If there's an older child i prefer there also be a younger sibling (under 5, preferably under 3)...the boys REALLY want "a baby brother" and ask about him all the time (whenever i say the worker is coming they say "is she bringing our baby???" ) i've tried to explain that the "baby" might be 2, or 3...but i am really hoping for a little one (to me 2 is still "a baby" LOL) I think my daughter (who is 11) would not do very well living with a child too close to her age (i've set my age range 0-10 but i think a 10 yr old might be too close)...she does pretty well with kids a few years younger. 

 

 

Congrats on getting your homestudy reviewed! that is exciting! 

post #184 of 335

That sounds very well thought out. So far I have seen 3 kids under 3 in our "adoptable kids" books so know that they are out there. How is your daughter progressing so far? Is she ready for another sib (possibly a sister)?
 

I am very excited but trying to keep my cool. I let myself become overly invested in a sibling set I saw online and cried when I discovered they'd been matched. I don't want that to happen again.The boy that my homestudy is in review for is 10, which is a year higher than my age range but I can be flexible for the right match. We'll see what his social worker has to say about that.

post #185 of 335

Sounds like there are many good things going on in this thread! Exciting! AFM- I am now adding another concert to all the things I'm doing and I am auditioning for Jekyll and Hyde the Musical (rehearsals for that don't start until July though). SO, I have SRO and our first performance for that is June 22 and we are getting our music for Christmas already! Mozart Requiem is May 17 and 19. Now I'll also be singing Haydn's Creation and that concert is June 1st and June 2nd.Peaches is definitely a lucky, spoiled pup. She's so much easier to handle though when she gets massages and walks. She slept most of the afternoon and some of the evening after her massage yesterday. Walks only tire her out for a couple of hours. I got my own little massage at Physical Therapy today, so lucky me!

post #186 of 335

Sounds like there are many good things going on in this thread! Exciting! AFM- I am now adding another concert to all the things I'm doing and I am auditioning for Jekyll and Hyde the Musical (rehearsals for that don't start until July though). SO, I have SRO and our first performance for that is June 22 and we are getting our music for Christmas already! Mozart Requiem is May 17 and 19. Now I'll also be singing Haydn's Creation and that concert is June 1st and June 2nd.Peaches is definitely a lucky, spoiled pup. She's so much easier to handle though when she gets massages and walks. She slept most of the afternoon and some of the evening after her massage yesterday. Walks only tire her out for a couple of hours. I got my own little massage at Physical Therapy today, so lucky me!

post #187 of 335

Sorry I've been MIA! I've been busy being mama to my new placement.  FS is 9 days old today! 

post #188 of 335

How exciting PUH!

post #189 of 335

How exciting PUH!

post #190 of 335
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoorUglyHappy View Post

Sorry I've been MIA! I've been busy being mama to my new placement.  FS is 9 days old today! 

 

Wow! You must be busy. Thats awesome. Congrats!!!!

post #191 of 335

OH MY GOSH PUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

How absolutely exciting. I can't wait to hear all the details. I'm so very happy for you and of course for you FS being placed in such a loving home.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PoorUglyHappy View Post

Sorry I've been MIA! I've been busy being mama to my new placement.  FS is 9 days old today! 

post #192 of 335
Quote:
Originally Posted by Newbian Mama View Post

That sounds very well thought out. So far I have seen 3 kids under 3 in our "adoptable kids" books so know that they are out there. How is your daughter progressing so far? Is she ready for another sib (possibly a sister)?
 

I am very excited but trying to keep my cool. I let myself become overly invested in a sibling set I saw online and cried when I discovered they'd been matched. I don't want that to happen again.The boy that my homestudy is in review for is 10, which is a year higher than my age range but I can be flexible for the right match. We'll see what his social worker has to say about that.

 

My daughter is doing ok. Her behavior is much improved from when she first moved in. The problem now is me. Its not easy parenting "therapeutically" all the time. Sometimes you just want to say "put your clean clothes away" without trying to do so in a way that wont reinforce a "trauma response"...im not very good at it. I think that first horrible year impacted my ability to bond with her now. Its much harder to parent a child you dont have a great bond with because little things that would be no big deal can be super annoying.  She's find with more sibs coming. She wavers on whether she actually wants to share her room with a sister or not but i think she'd be find with it. We'll see i guess! She's excellent with babies and toddlers though and can be very helpful in a mother's helper sort of way. 

 

I remember being so invested in the kids i'd see online....heck i'd put the kids first name with our last name to see if it would flow, i'd look at clothes in that child's presumed size in the store, i'd induldge in fantasies about that child being part of our family. I had a tendancy to downplay any red flags in the profile if i was super invested in the child. It was hard when they'd get matched. And i'd feel guilty if i would get more info and discover it wasnt the right placement at all. There was a little boy on NWAE once that looked JUST like my oldest son. Red wavy hair, freckles...they could totally have been bio brothers. But i spoke in depth with his worker and is was clear he had significant behavior issues (was living in an RTC at that time, at 8 yrs old) and probably struggled with fetal alcohol issues as his mother was a lifelong severe alcoholic. I had to choose not to pursue him but in many ways it felt like abandoning MY child. Now, when i see a potential kid online i try not to think so much about it. Though i must admit i really wanted that sib group of 3 yr old boy and his twin 2 yr old brothers i saw on my state photolisting (ultimately they were matched with their foster parent which meant they probably werent TRULY available at all.)

post #193 of 335

I'm so glad to hear your daughter is doing better! I remember some of your posts last year and I know you've had a long road to hoe. I can't even imagine all you've gon through to get to the place you all are at now. I know you have a ways to go but for right this very moment Congratulations, Mama!

 

Wow, I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one! With the sibling set, I had planned the school they'd attend, where to buy uniforms, how we'd decorate their room, how we were going to spend the 4th of July, etc, etc, etc, I'm not doing that with this boy but it's very hard! Some of it is practical, I'm single and work full time so daycare and school are the top things on my list and then some of it is wondering if I should research sports activites, or musical instruments, or... you get the picture. I know it's amazing that his social worker contacted mine in less than 24 hours so I don't want to think this is taking too long but I sort of feel like that. What the heck am I going to do if this process continues for months?! Maybe I should've done high-risk fost/adopt then I wouldn't have all this stress. It'd be a different type of stress. Lol.

post #194 of 335

I had to turn down my first child yesterday. The kid's social worker thought I might be a good match for them so I received the kid's profile (not the complete file). The kid has a host of challenges that I feel inadequately unprepared to handle. I know I said "no" for all the right reasons but it was still so so so difficult. 

post #195 of 335
Quote:
Originally Posted by Newbian Mama View Post

I had to turn down my first child yesterday. The kid's social worker thought I might be a good match for them so I received the kid's profile (not the complete file). The kid has a host of challenges that I feel inadequately unprepared to handle. I know I said "no" for all the right reasons but it was still so so so difficult. 

 

I'm sorry. :(

post #196 of 335

Thank you very much. I imagined a social worker saying I wasn't the right match for a child but I never pictured myself in this situation.

post #197 of 335

That's got to be so hard. I think DH and I are going to fill out the application for Adoption Options today.  In other news, my final class for my grad certificate in Business Administration started today! Also, I got 2 solos in my musical theater group! I will be a soloist in Just Arrived from Copacabana and I Want It All from Baby. I am currently waiting to find out if I got into the ensemble for Jekyll and Hyde the Musical. I've got the theater bug again. Poor DH. LOL.

post #198 of 335

NewbianMama- That is hard.  I can hardly believe how great the need is for foster and fost-adopt families.  I think you will probably get a few more calls before a match on both sides is made.  I think you did the right thing. If you didn't feel it was right, it is best that you said it wasn't right for you.

 

Deborah - I think it is great that you are keeping busy.  The waiting of adoption can get hard.

 

Queenjane - did you get your certification yet? 

 

AFM - doing great, super happy.  We still haven't gotten any details about the situation of the baby's separation from his bio mom.   For now, I am enjoying being his mama and hope that he gets to stay forever.  It'll probably be a month before we hear any updates.  That is his next court hearing.

post #199 of 335

So, DH wants to go to the info session for Adoption Options before we fill out an application. As much as I hate waiting another week and a half, I'm glad he is really wanting to be a part of the process.

post #200 of 335

So, DH wants to go to the info session for Adoption Options before we fill out an application. As much as I hate waiting another week and a half, I'm glad he is really wanting to be a part of the process.

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