Most days I can handle all the pregnancy and new baby announcements, but lately it makes my heart hurt a little. Lately I have been wondering if we wont get picked because I have crohns. I am healthy, but maybe it will scare birth moms away regardless. *sigh*
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Trying to Adopt/Foster 2013 Chat Thread. - Page 2post #21 of 3241/21/13 at 1:38pmThread Starterpost #22 of 3241/22/13 at 5:22ampost #23 of 3241/22/13 at 7:00amThread Starterpost #24 of 3241/22/13 at 6:35pm
I'm one step closer. The foster licensing worker came out to day for her initial visit, which i think is supposed to be her asking a few questions and mostly measuring, checking smoke detectors and that sort of thing. She stayed for more than four hours! we were chatting on and on. Hopefully i made a good impression. At least i got the house (mostly) cleaned and organized. There is a bit more paperwork i need to chase down. Can you believe my previous (crappy) agency ignored the new agency's request for my file? they even followed up with a phone call, which was ignored, then the supervisor called, also ignored. How unprofessional.
I also scored an ikea crib (the 69.99 one..sniglar?) that looks new, with the box AND an ikea mattress (which is sorta thing and cheapy but whatever) and mattress pad (and bumper but we cant use it) for forty bucks, woohoo. Now i just need to get bunkbeds to put in that room although i was trying to hold off buying beds til i was matched. She said i will need some baby proofing stuff to be considered for kids under two but that i wouldnt have to use it until one was placed (baby gate, cabinet locks, baby moniter etc)
progress is nice!!!
post #25 of 3241/22/13 at 7:11pm
The visit today make me feel more insecure. I told her that I have spanked in the past (over a yr ago) and that I had apologized if it happened and I knew I was wrong. She said that that is very black and white and if we believe in spanking than we can't adopt through them. We don't believe in it but it sure made me feel like a horrible parent. I know that we are good parents and our children are very happy, well rounded kids but it is still hard. So now we fill out a lot of paperwork and then wait to sell our house. She will then set up a home study and we will then do our classes. A lot of digging into my past but I am fine with that.post #26 of 3241/22/13 at 8:01pmpost #27 of 3241/23/13 at 5:57ampost #28 of 3241/23/13 at 9:33amThread Starter
Homeschoolingmama, we told our social worker that we tried spanking once when we were desperate, and that we dont believe in it and do not use it. My DD was a very difficult 3 year old with violent tantrums, and we were at our wits end. Nothing was working and we got desperate. It didnt work of course, and we dont do it anymore. Our homestudy was still approved. There is about one sentence in the report that talks about it and the rest focuses on how we now parent our child. I remember feeling very insecure about everything after our homestudy. They asked a million very personal questions, and went through our past with a fine tooth comb and even separated my husband and I to ask us questions. It was very nervewracking but we passed. Now that we are waiting I still get insecure sometimes. I just have to remember that nobody is perfect.
Yeah for the good find Katherine. Someone was giving away a nice Eddie Bauer stroller on their lawn last summer and I snagged it. I plan to use it for jogging.post #29 of 3241/23/13 at 12:47pm
kathteach - I can only advise you not to go through DCFS at this point. They are incredibly understaffed. It truly isn't their fault - the state keeps cutting funding, staffing and hours. If anyone hasn't warned you yet, they way overbook the PS-MAPP classes. For my first one (at LACC), we showed up an hour early and the waiting list was already 30 people long and they were only taking 25. For my second one (at Trade Tech), we got there an hour and a half early and got in, but we were numbers 21 and 22. They turned away around 10 people who were SIGNED UP for the class. Not just on the waiting list. I might recommend getting there 2 hours early, but that seems a little crazy. We have had the worst luck with our state analyst as long as you don't have to send your paperwork to the Culver City office, you might be okay. Our friends in Burbank got their license in a couple of months. Even so you have to wait for the county social worker anyway - our licensed friends in Burbank are still waiting to do their homestudy. We started our PS-MAPP class last April that is technically when you go on "the list". They tell you at that point that there is about a 2 year wait for a child under 2 and less of a wait for siblings, older children, etc. They also told us there was a 3-6mo wait for a county worker to do your homestudy. It's been 9 months and we are still waiting. We were also told that there was a 1 month turn around for state licensing but that their backlog was about 3 months. We did not get a pre-licensing inspections visit until 6 months after we submitted our paperwork. In fact, they never called us. We just kept calling them over and over and over.
When I last talked to my caseworker and she said March, maybe April for our homestudy. We talked to another agency that said we could be licensed in 4 months through them. Fosterfamily.org I know people from TIES classes that already have been licensed/final homestudy approved for a long time without a placement. Friends of mine who went with SCFFAA, got a placement one week after their final approvals - their whole process took 6 months. Right now my life is really crazy busy so I am thinking this may just be all in God's time and maybe you won't have all the issues that we did.
Let me know if you have any questions about it.post #30 of 3241/23/13 at 1:36pmHomeschoolingmama, I think you will pass your homestudy just fine despite the spanking remark, but take a lesson from this! The adoption professionals you deal with are not your friends or your therapists. If you have had some kind of struggle in the past that you know will come up as part of the background investigation (like your Chron's disease), obviously you must disclose. But otherwise, your answers should be positive, generic, and geared to their checklist. Don't discuss negative things about yourself that you know to be unprovable.post #31 of 3241/23/13 at 9:33pmpost #32 of 3241/25/13 at 3:08pm
Here in Alameda County (California) they say there is 90 days from submitting your paperwork for them to finish the licensing process.
We went to the orientation and now we're signed up for their PRIDE classes in March. I'm getting recertified for CPR/First Aid in March too. We're trading our truck for a 5 passenger car, since my car has broken down twice in the last year. Things are coming together.
Our down sides are that we're in the middle of moving because we don't fit in the house we're in anymore and I'm at the tail end of a loooong divorce that I could just end at any minute if I can just get all the complicated paperwork filled out. So we're trying to put off the home visits and paperwork a bit. Plus my partner is back and forth on his readiness for this. I think after his motorcycle trip in March (amidst taking the classes), he'll start feeling better and more ready for this.
Alameda County seems to be ready to bend over backwards for anyone who wants to become licensed. They have kids in foster care in the thousands and only about 300 licensed homes. We initially started this process to take in a particular teenager, but we are feeling very inspired to take in more younger kids now.post #33 of 3242/1/13 at 5:54am
Hi MamaRhi - I'm in Alameda County too and I'm in a similar situation. I too have to move in order to complete the licensing process. I think I may have found a place but it's been strange trying to think like a parent with a child instead of like a single person. Things I wouldn't normally bat an eye at are taking top priority like the location of the stairs, closet space, location of parks, schools, etc. It's been fun but weird.
I didn't know there were only about 300 licensed homes, wow. My agency is very flexible with my situations and maybe that's one of the reasons why. Have you already signed up for First Aid training? I went to a terrific woman in Alameda and I felt like I learned a lot.post #34 of 3242/1/13 at 10:20am
I finally got my Foster Home License in the mail! I am still planning on moving to another agency, though. Right now we have a friend from college living with us as she transitions from NYC to LA and she will be with us for another two weeks. After she moves out, we are going to start the paperwork with the new agency. I haven't heard a word from my County social worker at this point either and she said "February at the latest" for our home study. This process has been beyond frustrating.post #35 of 3242/1/13 at 12:07pmpost #36 of 3242/1/13 at 1:14pmpost #37 of 3242/1/13 at 1:14pmpost #38 of 3242/1/13 at 2:25pmpost #39 of 3242/1/13 at 6:06pmpost #40 of 3242/1/13 at 10:22pm
Thank you both. Even though I'm still reeling from my loss, I'm kind of excited to start the adoption process. We don't plan to do it for a few months, but I feel ready otherwise. I also feel really special because a friend of mine lost one of her twins and has been a great support through losing my twins and through this loss. She came to keep me company tonight because I didn't want to be alone. She also brought a card with pictures of her beautiful family. She was worried it might upset me, but it made me smile. Her family is now on my fridge. It made me feel like she considers me family and I feel like I consider her family so it's really a great feeling.
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