We haven't gone to the session yet. We're going tonight. I asked about wait times, etc. already. Good question about degrees of openness (though that is on the website). I will definitely ask about post-finalization support and how many children they've placed in the last year.
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Trying to Adopt/Foster 2013 Chat Thread. - Page 12post #221 of 3245/15/13 at 3:42pmpost #222 of 3245/15/13 at 8:47pmpost #223 of 3245/17/13 at 4:53pmpost #224 of 3245/17/13 at 4:53pmpost #225 of 3245/17/13 at 9:46pmpost #226 of 3245/18/13 at 12:30pmpost #227 of 3245/18/13 at 2:00pmpost #228 of 3245/18/13 at 2:00pmpost #229 of 3245/23/13 at 4:28amQuote:Originally Posted by PoorUglyHappy
It is going great. I am just wondering how other foster parents deal with the revolving door of caseworkers, etc. We have at least one or two visits a week. I am not so good at keeping the house clean. There are piles of laundry and dishes. It is just an added stress that I am not so psyched about.
I rarely had more than one SW visit a month but I stopped stressing about the way my tiny house looked. It was never horrible but there was always stuff that needed to be done. Many of our visits were outside so the kids could play while we talked. One of my licensing workers (turned adoption worker) would even arrive while my DS was in kindergarten and we'd walk with my FD (now daughter) to the bus stop to get him.post #230 of 3245/24/13 at 7:36pm
I got a call for some foster kids today! Unfortunately, after a quick decision (while still on the phone) that i was going to go for it, then quickly trying to get the house ready for THREE new kids the intake lady called back after a little while to say they werent removing the kids after all. It was a sib group age 6 and 3 plus an unrelated newborn (they were coming from another foster home)...the prospect kind of scared me a little bit but they said it was temporary until they figured out the plan for the other foster home. I didnt have carseats, bottles, clothes, diapers nothing! i was going to have my friend run over while i went to the store (she has my carseats in her garage so she would bring them.) its weird thinking about that many kids dropped in my lap! My boys were so disappointed they werent coming!
on the plus side, the intake lady said she knew i only wanted perm. court wards (for adoption) and kept apologizing for calling me (she sounded desperate and offered to try to find somewhere else for the baby but it sounded like she had no prospects for the other two)...i explained to her i'm not ONLY open to PCW i'd consider TCW too (temp court wards) i just didnt relish the idea of visits 3/week for a year. She seemed to feel bad that they werent coming (well not that they werent coming but that it was such a false alarm) and said she'd have me on speed dial lol.
So that was much ado about nothing but still really exciting. I'm a bit relieved it didnt work out (i would have been pretty disappointed if it had JUST been the baby and then he didnt come) because i realize how much i need to do around this house if older (not infant) kids are going to be coming! So i know what i'm doing tomorrow (organizing!) I suspect i will be hearing from the intake lady sooner rather than later.
Oh and my adoption worker mentioned AGAIN a "one year old" she has for adoption but the details are sketchy and since the last time she mentioned this mythical "one yr old" didnt turn into anything i'm not holding my breath. Still waiting on a return email from her on why his FP doesnt want to adopt.post #231 of 3245/28/13 at 7:14pm
I got *another* call today. This time for two kids who are PCW (legally free though likely there will be appeals which are almost never heard)...in another foster home, apparently having a hard time with the TPR, need to be moved. She knew i wanted to adopt and my adoption worker told her to call me. Well...its a girl age 9, boy age 8....so i said no. I *really* want at least one to be younger than my boys...if it was the 9 yr old girl with say a 2 yr old brother i probably would have wanted to find out more. We pretty much have our heart set on having a little one though. It actually wasnt that hard to say no but i think she was surprised. Hopefully she will call again with a more appropriate placement!
On a totally different note...we're getting a foster dog tomorrow, a husky mix who is supposed to be a good girl. I havent had a dog in ages so this should be fun (or really awful, depending. lol)post #232 of 3245/28/13 at 10:39pmpost #233 of 3245/29/13 at 1:40pmThread Starter
I know I have been MIA for awhile. Its good to see everybody progressing!!
I am sorry about your bad news Deborah. How frustrating.
I have spent some time soul searching. I was even considering it calling it quits and raising DD as an only child. I had a little flare up with depression, but I am recovering now, thanks to talk therapy, and some supplements. (SAM-e and rhodiola if you are curious). I was going through a list of pros and cons to an only child. There are a lot of pros, but when I held my friends 1 month old baby last week, I just knew that I had to have one more child. Then I called to check what would be the protocol for when DH and I go on a 10 day back woods hike in June in terms of our file and birthparents, I found out that 2 birthmoms are looking at our profile right now. So that really cemented how badly I want this. I mean they each have 10 profiles, but just maybe our little family will stand out.post #234 of 3245/30/13 at 7:39pm
I'm sorry Deborah.
MountainMama i think having doubts is really common. Good luck with the birthmoms, hopefully you will get a match!
I got ANOTHER foster call today! I was surprised. That makes three in less than a week (more than i got in probably a year of fostering with my other agency ) I said no, which i am getting good at. Three kids ages 9, 6, and 5. I there had been at least ONE (pref two) younger than four i probably would have said yes but i really have my heart set on at least one infant/toddler/young preK kid. My boys are 5.5 and i'd prefer to stay younger than them with possibly a girl older. And once they are older than 5 the bedroom space gets a little complicated. I did tell the intake lady how sorry i was, that i felt like i was saying no too much but she laughed it off, said to be ready for another call. I'm hoping the next call is for little ones!post #235 of 3245/30/13 at 9:21pmThread Starterpost #236 of 3245/31/13 at 7:28pm
Well, I went to the foster parent orientation meeting last night. Pre-certification training (generalized for several programs) starts Tuesday, and is over in 3 weeks, then 4 more weeks for the specific therapeutic program I choose. They say expect 3 months for the whole process. Suits me fine to wait till schools starts, or nearly. I am hoping to be placed with a teen girl with developmental disabilities.
I am still worried about what my file may contain from the previous disasterous foster experience. Does anyone know - can I request to see my own file before I go any farther with this? I have been certified by both the state, and the non-profit agency I am hoping to go through now. DHS records will be the awful ones; if I remember right, I left the agency on fairly good terms.post #237 of 3246/1/13 at 7:16amThread Starterpost #238 of 3246/1/13 at 1:44pm
Yesterday was a crazy day. I got a call for a 4 month old baby, of course i said yes. They are going for permanent custody on the baby due to the facts of the case so there is a good chance he will be adoptable. CPS got the court order to remove and were on their way to get him to bring him to me, we waited and waited. Turns out when they got there, baby wasnt at the home(relatives house presumably?) and when they tracked down one relative she said a different one had the baby. So....i was told when they find the baby they will call me. I have heard nothing at all today. I get the feeling they wont even bother til Monday. :( We were all super excited because he was on his way and now im not sure if he's coming at all. My agency signed a contract for this baby with the county so if they find him it should be "for sure" that he comes to me (as much as anything is "for sure" on foster care....sigh) its just really hard waiting and not knowing what will happen. I did pick up a few things (diapers, onesies, bottles etc) at the store just in case, i will return it if i dont get him.
And when i moved my boys' carseats to my minivan's third row i discovered that there is simply no way three carseats will fit back there. Which means i cant accept three kids after all, only two (and thats with my daughter sitting in the front)....i guess i need to trade in for a full size van sooner rather than later! Had i taken either of those 3-sib groups i wouldnt have been able to get them in my van! ugh!post #239 of 3246/3/13 at 11:28am
QueenJane- How frustrating. AFM- Well, it pays to mention changing income situations anywhere and everywhere. I mentioned our having to delay the adoption in a Facebook support group and someone contacted me about possible transcription work. It isn't a ton of money, but it would be helpful. It would also be an interesting change of pace. I have to take a test, but if I pass then I should have some extra income and wouldn't have to give up my writing or have work interfere my household duties.post #240 of 3246/3/13 at 12:07pm
MountainMama - I think that kind of soul searching is totally normal. It is a good thing to sit and re-evaluate your options. Just imagine how it will feel to be matched! That will be so exciting. I think it is hard to be in this powerless point of waiting. It is easier when there is something to do, paperwork to fill out etc.
Rhu - I wouldn't think that an agency would have any access to DHS records unless they are also legal records.... But who knows?
Deb - Ugh, about the layoffs. I'll send positive thoughts that your hubby isn't on that list! I hear ya about the obstacles to becoming parents - I felt like the universe was set against me. Now, I feel like we were just waiting for our current FS.
QueenJane - I would think they would have designed some slim-lined car seats for that purpose by now! It seems as though they are going to have to resdesign minivans with car seats in mind.
AFM - motherhood is more difficult than I thought! Ha. I can't wait until I can share more info with you all - this has been a rollercoaster of a ride. But right now it all looks good for permanency. 1 week until the next court hearing for our boy. I can't wait to hear what the judge has to say about our situation!
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