Trying to Adopt/Foster 2013 Chat Thread. - Page 3

[deborahbgkelly]

Does anyone have book recommendations about the process of adoption?

[Smithie]

It's not a traditional recommendation, but I like "The Kid" by Dan Savage. Less about the nitpicky details of paperwork (which are going to vary from place to place anyhow), more about getting to know a birthmother and respecting her for who she is while also understanding that she is not yours to change or fix,

[deborahbgkelly]

That sounds good Smithie. I like Dan Savage.

[MountainMamaGC]

I am sorry for your loss deborah. Welcome to our thread.

[deborahbgkelly]

Thanks MountainMama. Even though we don't plan on starting the process until over the summer, I'm a planner so I've been reading up on home studies and adoption agencies in my state. I am most worried about the fact that my dog is an American Stafforshire Terrier (one of the breeds under the pit bull umbrella). I know boulder county told me that her breed wouldn't keep us from being placed and that they would just want to meet her, but what if a caseworker or agency feels differently? She is part of the family and we will not give her up. Here's a picture: She was wanting to do yoga with me.

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by deborahbgkelly 

Thanks MountainMama. Even though we don't plan on starting the process until over the summer, I'm a planner so I've been reading up on home studies and adoption agencies in my state. I am most worried about the fact that my dog is an American Stafforshire Terrier (one of the breeds under the pit bull umbrella). I know boulder county told me that her breed wouldn't keep us from being placed and that they would just want to meet her, but what if a caseworker or agency feels differently?

If you run into problems see what you can do to alleviate whatever fears they may have. Can you have her evaluated/temp tested/cleared by an animal behaviorist? Has she gone through obedience training? If she has "credentials" (LOL) maybe it would look better. NOT saying you WILL run into trouble but if you do....

[PoorUglyHappy]

Although we don't have pit bulls, we have two wild dogs.   They like to jump/act crazy and bark when new people come to the house.  We don't live in the nicest neighborhood so I consider the barking to be our security system.    Once the greeting is over, they calm down.   I was very worried about our inspection but we just crated them and the social worker was unphased by the barking.   I am sure a well behaved dog of any breed is no problem. 

[deborahbgkelly]

She has done a lot of training and I could probably get the trainers at both facilities to write a letter. She did basic manners 1-3 at the Boulder Valley Humane Society, she did Grumpy Growlers (that was for being reactive to dogs), Control Unleashed, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Friday Night Sports, and Walk this Way at the Boulder Valley Humane Society. She tested out of basic obedience 1 at the Zoom Room and would probably test out of Obedience 2 and does Puplates. She used to be very dog reactive (because of fear and it was clear her previous owners hadn't socialized her with dogs) and now does not need a barrier in class, has greeted dogs nicely on the trails, and went to a Halloween Party for dogs. We met someone at the party that we will start working with to hopefully get her to the next step. We don't yet have a CGC for her, but it is one of my goals.

I would rather not crate her because she has major separation anxiety and we don't do that. I also think it's really important that they meet her. She cries when people don't say hi to her. She is a little exuberant at the beginning, but once someone sits down she usually calms down a bit. She is also learning to sit to greet people instead of jumping on them. It isn't consistent yet, but she's almost got that one down. I have a friend who had a horrible experience with pits when she was a kid (bad owners) and absolutely fell in love with Peaches when she met her Friday. Peaches has made many converts. She adores children and thought it was the greatest thing when a 2 year old was screeching in delight at her kisses. She also enjoys playing with our cleaning person's granddaughter. Peaches would just lick a burglar. She is definitely not a security system.

[PoorUglyHappy]

Deborah - My dogs are not aggressive at all either.  I just WANT them to act crazy when strangers come to the house.  I know it's a bit difficult to understand but our house was broken into 3 times (over 2 years) before we got dogs and not once in the last 6 years.   Every agency has different regulations but we are required to have a kennel or crate for the dogs as part of our inspection requirements.  The explanation given to us is that many kids in DCFS have dog fear issues and they want the dogs to be able to be put away when new children show up.  Our inspector met the dogs and then instructed us to put them away in the place that they would be if new children showed up.  She checked it off her list the same way she checked off "fire extinguisher".   However, we are fost-adopting  - I don't think you've mentioned what kind of adoption you are going to do yet.  If you are going with private adoption, the regulations will be quite different.   

[Smithie]

My son's "other mother" has signed a directed placement on his younger half-siblings. They are going to be raised by our friends. We will see them and know them and be part of their lives as they grow up. 

[deborahbgkelly]

PUH- We plan to go through an agency, so I am sure that the requirements would be different. I would crate train her if I had to, but she has horrible separation anxiety and that might be problematic in the long run. However, she has a new bed she likes a lot, so I may work more on the command "Go to Bed". 

[granolamommie]

We are in the process of getting licensed.  We have 3 bio and trying for one more bio.  Then we are hoping for 2 more via foster/adopt

[granolamommie]

Originally Posted by homeschoolingmama 

The visit today make me feel more insecure.  I told her that I have spanked in the past (over a yr ago) and that I had apologized if it happened and I knew I was wrong.  She said that that is very black and white and if we believe in spanking than we can't adopt through them.  We don't believe in it but it sure made me feel like a horrible parent.  I know that we are good parents and our children are very happy, well rounded kids but it is still hard.  So now we fill out a lot of paperwork and then wait to sell our house.  She will then set up a home study and we will then do our classes.  A lot of digging into my past but I am fine with that.

That is ridiculous!! I wouldn't worry about the spanking issue too much.  People are not perfect and they have to understand that.

[Dornmama]

Smithie - That is awesome!!!

I scheduled our first homestudy appoinment yesterday! It's on the 25th! I was so excited when I got the call I cried.

[deborahbgkelly]

Hi all- Things are going pretty well here. I am excited because I got things to organize my house with, so I can be prepared for a home study in a few months. Also, remember my friend I mentioned that had a bad experience with Pits, but adores Peaches? She said she'd be very comfortable giving us a reference. She's going to bring her hubby and her kiddos here in a week or two after I'm fully recovered from my surgery. She thinks that not only will her hubby love Peaches, but that way the reference can be from both of them So, I think that concern is now covered. I'm feeling really excited about this process.

[PoorUglyHappy]

Smithie - That's awesome!

Granolamommie - You are going to have a full house!   My husband grew up with a big family and originally wanted a big family unfortunately infertility got in our way.    We are limited to 2 foster children total based on the size of our very small house. 

Deborah - Hooray for steps forward!

[deborahbgkelly]

My doctor called to offer her condolences on my recent loss and I told her about our plans to move forward with adoption after some time to grieve. She was incredibly supportive and said that  she not only thought it was a good decision, but a strong and brave one. I am so incredibly lucky to have amazing care providers who really take the time to bring a personal touch to the caregiver-patient relationship. My OB is also amazing.

[granolamommie]

Originally Posted by PoorUglyHappy 

Smithie - That's awesome!

Granolamommie - You are going to have a full house!   My husband grew up with a big family and originally wanted a big family unfortunately infertility got in our way.    We are limited to 2 foster children total based on the size of our very small house. 

Deborah - Hooray for steps forward!

LOL- You are not kidding.  But I love it!

[MamaRhi]

Hi Newbian Mama!

Good to know there's someone else nearby on here. :) What agency are you going through? I signed up for the CPR/First Aid recert through Red Cross, I think it's in Berkeley.

I've already got kids, so I look for most kid details naturally, but the regulations have me looking at things that I don't often worry about with my bio kids, plus just thinking about how many people we'll have in the house! I need a BIG pantry and plenty of storage in the bathroom! I also want a "mud room" or laundry room or something with a door where I can put my pets (a dog and cats) when they need to be out of the way or are getting too exciting// annoying and to put the litter box and stuff. Also, with each house I look at I found myself strategizing who to put in which bedroom to keep the peace and sanity. Any house that I can't organize with that thinking tends to get crossed off my list. I'm also trying to avoid certain neighborhoods but stay near my older kid's school (soon to be my younger kid's school). Not easy.

We are starting to talk to family and friends about becoming foster parents. My parents have been supportive but my friends are having some amusing reactions. I stunned one friend into complete shock and speechlessness. (This is a friend who thinks I'm an overbearing parent. I also am accused of being a too permissive parent by others. Maybe I should compare reactions by this divisor?) What kinds of reactions have you all gotten about your decision?
 

[deborahbgkelly]

I have had nothing but support from those who know this is in our plans. Some people  are disappointed we aren't trying for bio kids again, but they aren't people I know IRL.