Trying to Adopt/Foster 2013 Chat Thread. - Page 4

[deborahbgkelly]

I have had nothing but support from those who know this is in our plans. Some people  are disappointed we aren't trying for bio kids again, but they aren't people I know IRL.

[maos211]

I'm sorry for your loss. We lost a twin baby girl last year to TTTS. Your providers are amazing. The specialist I saw each Tuesday and Friday while hospitalized didn't say a word to me even though I have birth on Thursday night and he was there on Friday right down the hall doing ultrasounds on the rest of the pre parting mamas. Still upsets me think about it.

[deborahbgkelly]

Thanks Maos211. This was our 3rd baby lost this year. We lost both our twins to IUGR from placental thrombosis back in March. I'm sorry for your loss as well and that your doctor was a jerk. I had a bad follow-up experience that caused me some major PTSD. I really am grateful for my care providers.My acupuncturist also called to check on me and see if I needed anything. My house organizing project is working as a great distraction and is going well. My poor pup is very itchy though, so she's off to the doctor Monday. We are trying a new one because I feel like my current one is not considering all possibilities. I hope no one minds my sharing pics of my furbaby. She's red on her belly and her legs too.

This picture is from this afternoon.

[deborahbgkelly]

Accidental post.

[Newbian Mama]

Smithie - That's great news! It's wonderful the kids will not only know each other growing up but you also know and like the other family.

MamaRhi - I am with AASK out of Oakland. They've been absolutely wonderful so far. The only reason I didn't choose the Red Cross class is because the certification is for a year. I wanted a two-year cert just in case this process took longer than I thought.

It sounds like you know exactly what you want in a house, you just have to find it. I am a licensed real estate salesperson although that's not my profession. I'd be happy to help as much as I can until you hire an agent, if that's the route you're going.

As far as reactions, my family is all onboard as I expected them to be. We have a long history of formal and informal foster care and adoption so it seems natural to them. Friends have had different reactions; one asked if I was sure I wanted to trade my single life for single parenting and another said she'd be concerned about the child killing me! Crazy, I know. I've told a couple of coworkers and they've had questions about the overall process but don't ask too many personal questions.

[deborahbgkelly]

This thread's been pretty quiet the last few days, so hopefully I can bring it back to life. I downloaded some books on adoption for the Kindle and the first one I'm reading, I like so far. I'm 84% through it and just started yesterday, "99 Things You Wish You Knew Before Choosing Adoption" by Robert and Jeffrey Kasky (they are a father and son lawyer team who work a lot of adoption cases in FL).

[queenjane]

The foster care licensing worker is coming out in one week to do her final walkthrough (i need to buy some bunkbeds grrr) and i have a few pieces of paperwork i will give her at that time. Then its just a matter of waiting on my license to be approved by the state which probably wont take more than a month. At that point i guess my adoption worker will write her part of the homestudy and try to match me, and i can also inquire on kids on the state photolisting. So...getting closer but not quite there yet! I'm feeling much less anxious about it this time than the first time i adopted, not so worried about how long things will take.
 

[deborahbgkelly]

Queenjane- How exciting! Every step completed gets us closer. I'm excited just having read about adoption and talking to people. I can't imagine how it might be when I get as far as you are in the process. I imagine it's a little nerve wracking, but mostly exciting.

[PoorUglyHappy]

QueenJane - Great news!  Everything is moving forward!   I am glad you are more relaxed - this way you can enjoy the process more this time.

Deborah - This thread is definitely not as busy as a TTC thread.    I do miss the ups and downs of the 2WW, there was so much excitement.  At the same time, I am glad to be done with that rollercoaster. 

As for the question about telling others about our plans,  my friends have been supportive but my family is hesitant.  That is a bit hard. My parents and in-laws feel like we should have tried IVF.   No one offered the $15K though and I am happy with my decision - I am not really a gambler and there were too many odds involved.   Early last year,  I was telling everyone about fost-adopting.   After that, I started having to constantly answer questions about our status, how things were going,etc.  Now, I don't tell anyone so I don't have to talk about it all the time.  There is rarely any new news anyway.     

[MountainMamaGC]

QJ- How exciting.

PUH- Our whole family knows. We have got nothing but positive feedback, and if they think anything negative, they are def. keeping it to themselves.

AFM- I decided to get a job. I will be cleaning a government building 3 days a week, 6 hours a day. Its perfect. My friend and I are sharing the job, and watching each others children so we dont have to pay for childcare. We are going to pay off our debt as fast as we can, and also try to do more things as a family. I have been home for almost 5 years now, and I am looking forward to getting out of the house.

[deborahbgkelly]

So, totally a different kind of adoption, but this little kitty is coming home with me tonight (She's 6 years old): We are doing a trial period first to make sure that she fits in with the other animals, but she was raised by a dog, lives with a dog and cat now, and also lives with a 2 year old and an infant.

[queenjane]

She's beautiful!
 

[deborahbgkelly]

Thank you. Here are all 3 furbabies checking each other out: I hadn't planned on having them meet each other yet, but Sushi has a determined little mind of her own.

[rs11]

Hi everyone. I haven't posted in the new thread yet.

I'm married to a wonderful woman. We've been together for four years and have been trying to start a family for nearly three. We've been licensed foster parents since late last year but haven't yet received any calls at all, even outside our age range. We've been told numerous times that the state won't approve us for state foster care adoption because we're a lesbian couple (the counties handle foster approvals; it's a very strange system).

Meanwhile, the chance for a possible private infant adoption has landed in our laps. We've met the girl and she seems to like us. I'm not sure how far it's going to go. We meet with an attorney to find out what the legal issues are later this week, but we know we'll have to have another homestudy. I'm not sure which one scares me more -the foster care thing or the private adoption! I've seen people go down this road before and it hasn't worked out well for many of them.

If the private adoption moves forward, we'll have to tell our LW pretty soon and she's likely to freeze our license immediately (even though the baby isn't due for several months) which means we can't accept a placement that way, and if the adoption falls through, it may take a while to unfreeze the foster license, and we'd be back at the bottom of the waiting list when it did go through. Aaarghhhhh!
 

[deborahbgkelly]

rs11- How archaic of the various counties. I hope the private adoption works out for you.

[deborahbgkelly]

rs11- How archaic of the various counties. I hope the private adoption works out for you.

[Rainey Daye]

Subbing to follow along...though I haven't been posting in awhile!! I am actually the one who started the last Trying to Adopt chat thread last year, and then we were surprised with my current pregnancy (32 weeks now)...after we had already decided to not pursue any more bio kids. I had complications with Bug's birth that had me back in the hospital with an eclamptic seizure when he was six days old...then we had three losses in ten months time in 2011...then I had a retained placenta from my third loss that started me hemorrhaging last year and I ended up crashing three times in the ER and had to have blood transfusions and an emergency D&C. So we weren't going to try for any more bio kids and were rather careful since we hadn't taken permanent measures yet...but no matter what, protection isn't foolproof and we ended up finding out about our miracle rainbow baby three days before our intro class about foster adoption!! 

So now we are on hold for probably at least a year...but then we plan on at least fostering, if not foster-adopting. I think we will just go into fostering and then see how we feel about adding another permanent addition to our family.

[deborahbgkelly]

Hi Rainey Daye- I'm glad things are going well for you so far with this babe and also glad that it doesn't stop your plans to eventually foster.

[queenjane]

Rainey Daye -- congrats on your baby, how exciting!!!

rs11 -- any way you can put off telling your worker about the possible private placement?? sucks to be in that position. They wont let you foster while you're waiting for a private placement?

My foster care licensing worker had her final pre-licensing visit today. she was here FOREVER. She is nice enough but asked me a lot of the same questions she asked last time that i also answered on the application. sigh. i mean, does it really matter "what activities did you do with your mom growing up?" "how would you describe your father's personality" Really?? it was exhausting. But thats the last step and now she just needs to write everything up and send it off. She said she has three other families to do at the same time, and something about "hoping for late march but maybe april" ...not sure if that means she will be done writing it by then or if we are hoping for getting licensed by then? I'm not in a super hurry or anything so i guess it doesnt matter.

[MountainMamaGC]

Adoption update: We started at #62 back in November. We are now #55 and there are 6 placements happening over the next couple months which will take us to #49. Our profile has not been looked at yet.