Trying to Adopt/Foster 2013 Chat Thread. - Page 5

[Smithie]

rs11 - do not say ONE DAMN WORD to your foster worker until you have brought home your privately adopted infant and the birthmother has signed all the paperwork AND your lawyer is telling you that the birthfather is a nonentity. Just don't. And even then, say nothing until/unless they call you and offer you a placement. You have nothing to gain. 

[PoorUglyHappy]

How is everyone doing? 

We are finally starting over with a new agency.  I just kept hoping the county would work out.  I am back to filling out paperwork.  :)

[PoorUglyHappy]

http://scienceblogs.com/casaubonsbook/2013/03/12/what-foster-parents-wish-other-people-knew/

A short article I came across today. 

[Newbian Mama]

PUH - I'm so happy you're starting over, well not happy about that, but happy you're with an agency that will actually do something. Do you have to start from scratch or is it just supplementary paperwork you're doing?

Thank you for the article. I may print it out and hang it in my cube at work. Number 1 really struck a chord with me as I find myself often wanting to say "I'M NOT A FREAKIN' SAINT"! I'm adopting because I selfishly want to parent a child and practically anyone can do it. I get why people say that but it's a very uncomfortable title to have.

AFM - I haven't been getting the email reminders when someone posts in the group so I haven't been checking the thread. I am out of the paperchase and have my homestudy visits scheduled for next week and the week after. My social worker is awesome and I can't wait to speak with her again. Also, I've been looking at waiting children and I've found several I'm interested in learning more about.

How's everyone else?

[PoorUglyHappy]

Newbian Mama - I don't have to do everything over.  One of my background checks gets transferred but I still have to be liveScanned.    I do have to take a few more classes, including a water safety class.  Did anyone else have to take water safety?  It seems like it is all about pools.  I don't have a pool.  Wish I did though...   The good news is our friends from PS-MAPP who started the switch in January already have their first placement.   It was less than 6 weeks.  I am just glad to have things to do in the meantime.  The waiting was really getting old.

RS11- any updates?

Deborah - How's the process going for you?  Are you getting all your questions answered?

[deborahbgkelly]

Hi- Haven't done very much yet. I am waiting until after the anniversary of our boys' passing to really delve in .I have been reading some books on adoption and have been spending a lot of time with my honorary niece and nephew.We are going to Chicago to be with family during our loss anniversary and during Passover.

[EloiseMM]

Who do you call to get the paperwork to get started with foster care? DHHS?

Would having tachycardia (fast heart beat) and high-blood pressure disqualify me? I have it because of thyroid issues.

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by EloiseMM 

Who do you call to get the paperwork to get started with foster care? DHHS?

Would having tachycardia (fast heart beat) and high-blood pressure disqualify me? I have it because of thyroid issues.

Depends on where you live. Where i live DHS contracts with private agencies to handle foster care and adoption, so you would just call around to different agencies to see if they are accepting new people. In some areas DHS (different name in different places) handles it all, not private agencies. You could certainly call your local DHS and ask (mine wasnt very helpful) or look online. If your state has an online adoption photolisting there is usually a FAQ on adoption and foster care and maybe a list of who to contact.

With my agency, as long as my doctor filled out the physical form that said i could care for a child, thats all they needed. (and it wasnt even "my doctor" as i dont have one, it was just the urgent care clinic doc who did my physical)...they are pretty openminded/flexible when it comes to approving people for foster care. Generally as long as your home is reasonably safe (they will give you guidelines they follow) you havent been convicted of certain crimes (they will give you a list) and you can support your own family on legal income you are good to go.

[Newbian Mama]

PUH - Wow six weeks? That's great, My agency has implied that matching may that quick for some of us. They also said more matching happens during the summer and early fall than any other time.

Water safety was optional for me. I think the form asked if I owned a pool or planned to take my child swimming. I answered no so I didn't have to take the class. I can't swim so no way am I going to a pool.

Deborah - It sounds like you have a great plan to spend with your family and honor your boys. Adoption will unfortunately always be there so there is no rush at all.

Eloise - I'm in N. California and we can either go through the county or through a non-profit foster family agency. I chose an agency but a friend of a friend went through the county and was matched with an infant very quickly.

The form for the doctor was pretty straightforward and asked what conditions I had and if I could parent a child with those conditions. As long as your doctor thinks your managing your conditions well then you're set. I might even add that if your doctor doesn't agree then you can find another one who will... Best of luck!

AFM - Homestudy tomorrow. Woot!

[PoorUglyHappy]

Newbian Mama - Sending good vibes for your homestudy tomorrow!

Eloise - We started through the county (DCFS, here) in Southern California but are now with a FFA (Foster Family Agency).   I got the referral from a friend, maybe you can ask around?   I have heard many times that health issues aren't an issue as long as your doctor will say its okay.  

Deborah - It's good that you are taking the time to grieve.  I always jump right into the next thing and sometimes it catches up with me later.  

[Newbian Mama]

Thank you so much, I barely got any sleep last night so hopefully I can go home early and sneak in a nap.

[PoorUglyHappy]

Newbian Mama, how did it go?

[EloiseMM]

Thank you all for your help -- called, and set up a time for an informational meeting!

Do you know if this type of meeting is just for my husband and or my husband, or is it with other parents too? (I forgot to ask, but maybe someone here knows how it generally is)

This is with the county.

Here's hoping it goes well, so I can tell my family soon!

[Newbian Mama]

Oh my gosh, it went so well! I was super nervous right until the social worker hugged me and said, excitedly "we're finally here". Then I totally relaxed and spilled my guts about my childhood. I can see how some people may feel the homestudy is a bit invasive. I've never told a gov't agency the name of my first boyfriend. That was a bit weird but I understood the line of questioning. My next homestudy is next Wednesday and we'll talk more about the kind of child I want and about my parenting beliefs. Thank you so much for asking :)

Originally Posted by EloiseMM 

Thank you all for your help -- called, and set up a time for an informational meeting!

Do you know if this type of meeting is just for my husband and or my husband, or is it with other parents too? (I forgot to ask, but maybe someone here knows how it generally is)

This is with the county.

Here's hoping it goes well, so I can tell my family soon!

The info meeting is probably with your family and a few other families. Maybe even more than "a few" since you're' with the county. The intake meeting, which occurs after the info meeting, is just with you and your husband. At least that's how it is in N. CA.

When is the meeting? So excited for you!

[PoorUglyHappy]

Newbian Mama, that sounds like a great experience.  I'm glad everything went smoothly!

Eloise, my orientation for the county in Los Angeles was huge.  It was held in a convention center.  There was a room of about 100 that I was in and another room of about 50 where the presentation was done in Spanish.   DCFS here holds one orientation for both kinship care requirements and foster care requirements so that could have accounted for the size. 

For my orientation with my new agency, it was just my husband and I and the social worker's assistant.   

[Newbian Mama]

I had a bit of a panic attack yesterday.
It began with a talk with a coworker about my homestudy. I told her my social worker had implied that I may be matched by June. The coworker stated that June is so far away and if it her, she'd want to be matched sooner. I replied that June was fine and was quick enough for me. A very benign conversation.

A couple hours later I was locked in the bathroom worrying how I was going to get together daycare, school, medical providers, beds, toys, etc by June. Then I started worrying that I won't get be matched by June and that I may never be matched. What if I flunk the home study? What if I get matched with a child who I'm unable to parent? What if I get fired and we become homeless? What if I'm completely fooling myself and I'm in way over my head??

I came home and had a good cry and now I'm 97% sure all that panic was for naught. There's still that 3% worry though. Has anyone else gone through this or am I just looney?

[PoorUglyHappy]

Newbian Mama, My husband and I just had a very similar freak out.   Since we've never had kids before, we really have the minimal stuff required for our home study = car seats, cribs, safety stuff.   We went to our friends' house who are fostering an infant and a toddler right now and they had so many baby and kids things.  They kept saying "we couldn't live without _________" naming swings, swaddlers, etc.  Not to mention I've never had to find daycare or any child care and I don't know how hard it will be in my neighborhood.  For our new agency, I think we will be matched by June as well.    

I want to start to prepare but I don't know what I should do.  ARRRGGGHH.  

[Newbian Mama]

Thanks so much for responding. I was feeling like such a freak!

You definitely have more stuff than I do so you're prepared in that way. Yay you I still need to clean my spare bedroom (probably this week) an rustle up some furniture. I don't know how you feel about second hand but have you tried CraigsList or Freecycle? Also try Amazon.com Warehouse Deals where they sell discounted items that have been returned.

As far as baby must-haves, everyone is different. Food and clothes are important and everything else is secondary Does your agency supply toys for the child you're placed with?

Daycare and school research has driven me to drink lol. I don't know about where you are but the school district where I live is crappy. Charter schools are big here but they're on the lottery system and I think they've all closed registration for the upcoming school year. Ahhh, what to do? Daycare is hard to choose too because I work very weird hours.

If you have any insight please share! It's nice to have someone to commiserate with

[Newbian Mama]

How's everyone been? Any updates?

I finished my homestudy yesterday and now I'm in the wait again. Reminds me of TTC except now it's the 3ww instead of 2.

[PoorUglyHappy]

Newbian Mama, that is great you are done with your homestudy.  Three weeks is how long our new agency said it would take for us to be licensed after our homestudy as well.   Take this time to relax, it might be the last kid-free weeks/months you have in a while.  (That is what I keep telling myself).  

AFM, We are starting our homestudy on Thursday.  One week away.  I am out of town visiting my family this week.   Of course I got the call while I was waiting in the airport.  I get home Monday, and have only a few days to prepare.   The anxiety of being out of town this weekend is almost too much for me.   In the meantime, I have been making "Wishlists" on Amazon for each age of baby/toddler and making lists of necessities.  This way when we get a call, I will just quickly add all the items to my cart and have it shipped two-day (we have Amazon Prime).    If I think of it... I might need to make one set for boys and one set for girls.   Or I am just being crazy and this is some sort of nesting instinct gone way awry.   I am definitely not opposed to second hand but I find craigslist and freecycle in LA to be not worth the hassle.  People don't show, don't respond to emails,etc.  Not to mention - going 5-10 miles away can take 45 minutes.   We have a local second hand baby & kids store but it is all designer baby things that are still so expensive.  I find that it is easier just to shop online.