I don't know what else to do with DS1. I feel like we've tried everything. He is 3.5, ASD, and firmly attached to DH. It has always been this way from the time he was very young, I serve simply to care for him until DH comes home. Now that he has a decent vocab, all day long I hear, "Da home soon", "Da home", "Da now", literally all day long. He is deeply attached in a way that isn't like other children. Da is more important then food, then drink, then anything. Every noise is Da coming home, every truck is his, heaven forbidden that I actually need to pass by DH's office. This deep attachment has always been there but with DS1 maturing and him being able to actually verbalize, it is just more impossible to ignore.
DH and DS1 sleep together. I can't put DS1 to bed, he just sobs uncontrollable, eventually falls asleep, wakes up a short time later, and we repeat, over and over again until DH either comes home or literally all night long if he gone. We did get the fourth "bonus" baby so there is DS2 to consider who is 17 months and obviously can't sleep through all this.
Even on a good night with DH, DS1 is not a great sleeper. Hasn't napped in over 1.5 years. Takes forever to fall asleep, wakes up constantly, is often wide awake for hours in the night. We've tried melatonin, varying kinds, doses, it worked for a short period of time but no longer does. If DH isn't right there in bed with him, he wanders and wakes up repeatedly until DH gives up and comes to bed. With more sleep, his behavior is better, less sleep and we have even more meltdowns and tantrums then normal. Otherwise I'm to the point where I'd just let the kid roam around for hours.
We've tried separate beds, on and on. It isn't my first child so I know about transitioning. Heck, I've taught classes on AP night time parenting to new moms! It is downright impossible. He goes into horrible meltdowns, regressions. Dh Isn't sleeping obviously because DS1 wakes up all night long. The biggest two problems that we have is that DH is unable to work at night or travel anymore. Sometimes he has to work a late night at the office, almost every night he normally works from home after DS1 goes to sleep which he can't even do because DS1 wakes up over and over and over again. This is highly critical to his job. And so is travel. He literally has only traveled for work a couple times since DS2 was born, it used to be a week a month and he needs to probably do at least every other month right now. Not traveling is coming at a huge cost. The problem being is that literally DS1 and I do not sleep when DH is gone. He wanders for hours, almost at night sometimes, pacing around the house, and refusing to verbalize. He goes in another place in his mind and it get be difficult to get him out of it until DH returns. DH had to leave his work's holiday retreat weekend after one night because it was such a failure back at home. I don't have easy children at night, my two girls have their fair shares of issues so we've dealt with non-sleeping children for years and years but this is just not sustainable. I truly either need to be able to parent him at night or he needs to sleep somewhat. Anyone had a similar child?