Mamas who were comfortable going away over night with a BFing toddler - talk to me...

[IdentityCrisisMama]

I have an annual over night event that is somewhat crucial to my feeling like a balanced adult. With my first child, I dragged her along with me for her first year and then weaned her around 2 and went by myself until my second was born. With this new baby I did the same, took her last year and want to go alone this year. I hear stories about BFing mamas who are able to go away for a night or two. What is this all about? It's a somewhat foreign concept. 

Tell me about it - what was it like for you and, more importantly, what was it like for your LO? How much did you BF? Did you night nurse when you did this?  Did you have to pump? Pumping on this particular trip will most definitely lead to some mama's milk white Russians, which would be cool. 

[skycheattraffic]

First off LOL about mama's white Russians. Second, I'll be watching this thread like a hawk! I've only been away from DD for one night, when she was 3 or so months old. We were transitioning from EPing to direct nursing so bottles of EBM from grandma were just fine. I'm expecting baby #2 in July and anticipate at least an overnight stay at the hospital so I'm worried how my nursing munchkin will do without me. I have tickets to Shen Yun (sp?) next week with DH and we will definitely miss bedtime. It will be a trial run for us but we would be back by 11pm. I think in your shoes I'd probably test the waters too and try missing a bedtime here or there to see how bedtime without mommy goes. Usually that's hardest here and she's even been willing to settle for cuddles on nights when I was very sore. Normally she nurses a few times overnight though.
Anyways, good luck and happy trip! If it's one night, she will be ok even if she's a mess and doesn't sleep much. She will catch up quickly on her rest once you're back.

[katelove]

I've done it twice now.

The first time was one night when DD was 17 months and I had my tonsils out. I was feeding her to sleep for almost all feeds and several times overnight. She was fine. Took a bit longer to settle for DH that night and longer to settle when she woke overnight. DH said she was a bit upset but not inconsolable. For her daytime sleep the next day my dad took her for a wall in her pram and she went to sleep with no problems.

The second time she was 2.5yo and I was in hospital for 4 nights having baby no2. I had night weaned by that stage but was still feeding to sleep. Again, she took a bit longer to settle for DH without feeding but other than that she was fine.

I didn't express at all on either occasion but, the second time I was feeding a newborn so supply wasn't an issue. Both times we picked up where we'd left off with no problems.

[transylvania_mom]

I've done it many times with both dd and ds; the last time was last month when I had to travel for a week. My dd picked up where we left each time. She had no problem settling with grandma while I was away. I had to pump mainly because I'm prone to plugged ducts and mastitis and also because I wanted to maintain my supply.

HTH
 

[rightkindofme]

Once my kids were over ~18 months I could deal with hand expressing enough milk to reduce the pressure a little. I only did it once with each child but they both were fine with having a daddy-only night. By 18 months I was letting my husband handle bed time pretty much every night because I was starting to freak out from too much one on one time so it was a smooth transition for us. :)

[Skippy918]

Subbing. I will be heading out of town solo in April for 2 nights for a family obligation. How far ahead should we practice DD going to bed without me? She'll be 23 months at the time of this trip. When you do practice the other parent putting LO down, did you have to leave the house?

[skycheattraffic]

We haven't practiced fully yet but the chances of success are zero if I'm in the house. A couple of times when I felt really sick with my pregnancy, I asked DH to try putting her down while I rested and she was trying to open the door and asking/crying for me incessantly. She was about 19 or 20 months at the time and had a very keen mommy radar. I ended up going in and nursing her down because I couldn't get any rest.
If I'm out of the house to run an errand, she's great with dad or grandma but definitely wants my attention if I'm around. You can practice with a safety net by going out before bedtime and not coming home until 60 to 90 min after bedtime so if she's still up, you can put her down but daddy has ample time to make it work. Our first real practice run is this Sunday with grandma.

[katelove]

We never practiced, always just jumped straight in. We figured that, if it was going to be traumatic, better to just have one night of trauma than multiple ones. Probably depends on the personalities involved though.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Yes, katielove, that wold be my instinct too. If I felt like practice would really help, I would totally do that but neither of my kids' temperament make me think that anything other than a lot more time would help...

[rightkindofme]

My husband started doing night time at 18 months old for both kids. It was rough for the first few weeks, I'll be honest. Now they are 4.5 and 2.5 and we trade off who is on bed time duty and there is no fussing at all. I'm really grateful we worked through the hard parts.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

We have started incorporating DH and DD into the bedtime routine for the LO. I've had them take her up and try to read her a book before I go up and nurse. The first two nights were great but the rest have been kind of a disaster. We'll keep plugging away. 

[rightkindofme]

Everyone has to do things that aren't their favorite. That's just life. You don't always get everything exactly how you want it. I figure learning that when the stakes are low is pretty good. "I want only mom but instead I have this dad who LOVES ME TO PIECES AND IS COMFORTING ME AND LOVING ALL OVER ME" is really a great way to start the soft-ball pitches about how life is hard. :)

[IdentityCrisisMama]

I'm probably a little closer to "wants are needs" for infants and to some extent toddlers than you but I do agree that it's good to keep in mind the resiliency of our kids. I've found with my older that she learned a lot of the age-appropriate life lessons without me bringing them on "for her own good". But, yes, in the times where the family's needs needed to be kept in balance and that meant that the child didn't get exactly what she needed/wanted, I was fine with that and much more so with baby number 2. 

[rightkindofme]

Well, I did 100% of the needs in the first 18 months until I felt like I was going to kill myself. Something had to give. I had no child care support. Up until I forced my kids to let daddy do something I was it.

My life is much better now.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Yes! I'm a big fan of the air mask analogy. 

[Greenlea]

I had an out of town wedding I was in when my BFing son was only 9 mths old. I left him for 2 nights, 3 days. He fortunately did just great. While away I pumped and dumped, mainly because I was drinking quite a bit being at the wedding, and didn't have any where to store the pumped BM.  When he was a toddler, at around 18 mths and still BFing, I had to go away for 2 nights for work training. He wasn't taking bottles during the day at this time, but was up a lot night nursing. But he did great with my DH. Slept all night in fact. I guess its just with mama he wanted to be up all night.

[Katie8681]

My son is 18 months old and I've left him overnight a few times over the last year. to sum up I feel he won't starve or languish from mmotherly love over 12 hours. At this point I feel he would be fundamentally ok without me or pumped milk, but with a loving and trusted person, for 24 hours. my DH participates in bedtime enough that I think sleep would be had, but yes, DS would cry for a while. Personally I am alright with that; he would sleep eventually.

[Katie8681]

My son is 18 months old and I've left him overnight a few times over the last year. to sum up I feel he won't starve or languish from mmotherly love over 12 hours. At this point I feel he would be fundamentally ok without me or pumped milk, but with a loving and trusted person, for 24 hours. my DH participates in bedtime enough that I think sleep would be had, but yes, DS would cry for a while. Personally I am alright with that; he would sleep eventually.