I've been really struggling with friendships since moving to Texas. I'm just not meeting "my people" out here, and it's hard for me, personally. I've learned the hard way over the past 3 years that I'll be just as unsatisfied, if not more so, by not being true to myself in order to make friends and have friendships. I've had a handful of "false starts", where I meet a woman, and everything seems very promising, but then I learn some more details about her and I'm in a position where I'm just trying to back away slowly, if you know what I mean. I'm working on being more OK with myself. I'm 100% OK with my own company, for periods of time, however I judge my worth almost solely on what others think of me, and that does need to change in some ways. I am throwing that out there because when you have no friends, it's hard to know what people think of you, and that's a difficult position for me to be in.
I've let a friendship go, recently. It was hurtful, but I just wasn't getting anything from the relationship, and I didn't feel as though I was offering her anything positive either. She initiated the split, and I went with it. At this point I feel friendly towards her, and comfortable being distant acquaintances. I hope she feels the same. We had been reasonably close friends for about a year.
There is another friendship that I am really struggling with. The friend initiated some distance, or so I thought, and I, frankly, felt hurt but relieved. The friendship hasn't been an easy fit. The break was pretty short-lived, and now I find myself really, really torn. On the one hand, I have already lost that above-mentioned formed friendship this year, and I feel like it would reflect pretty poorly on me to let another friendship go. I also have a new friend and a few fledgling relationships that I came into directly because of this friend. She introduced me to these people. The new friendships are very promising. Additionally, I do have fun with this person, and I enjoy, on occasion, the social scenes she creates. There is an element of excitement added to my life. I would feel lonely and left out if I was never included again.
On the other hand I find a number of this person's life choices to be morally questionable and irresponsible. I find it difficult not to focus on the choices made because frankly, I find them to be the result of flaws in character. Judgy, I know. I don't like how judgemental I am when I'm with this person. Also, this person is very comfortable taking help, but has, as of late, not offered any. And I've needed help, and I've said to her, bluntly, that I need some help. She was too involved with her own stuff to reach out to me.
Looking at her other relationships, I think I can expect to not receive support from her. I can expect to give it frequently.
There are a few behavioral issues that I find very, very annoying. "Flaky" would be the apt term for the biggest "problem habit". Some people just laugh it off, but I'm a planner, and I find flaking out very disrespectful, and it makes me downright nervous and upset.
Finally, there is absolutely no chance she and I will be able to have a conversation about any of this. Constructive criticism is not handled well. Any slight, major, minor or imagined, is met with massive public drama. I've watched it happen. I've confirmed, discreetly, with a mutual friend that if I so much as intimate that I have a problem with something she's done, she will go batshit.
Ugh. I think the fact that I haven't just cut bait says something. I do feel for this person. She has a lot of good to offer... she's just not offering it right now, in my estimation. She stretches me as a person, something I want and seek for in friends, but she also irritates the ever-loving-crap out of me on a regular basis.
I wouldn't be left with zero local friends if I ditched her, but I might lose another friend or two, and frankly, I would also miss her, in many ways.
I'm comfortable discussing my own involvement and shortcoming in this situation, but please be gentle. I'm really trying hard to be a decent person, and this past year hasn't been easy for me in a lot of ways.