Daughter is starting to get over weight - Page 2

[amber3902]

Imakcerka – I am not your mother, my daughter is not you.  Please stop thinking that I’m telling my daughter this or that.  Like Queen said, I'm on here to looking for help.   Think about it, if I wanted to make my daughter her feel bad about herself I wouldn't even bother posting on here looking for advice on how to help her. 

I used an online weight calculator just now and this is what they said:

A 14 year and 4 months old (female) child who is 147 pounds and is 5 feet and 5 inches tall has a body mass index of 24.5, which is at the 88th percentile, and would indicate that your child is at risk of becoming overweight.

Your child's ideal body weight would be at a BMI at the 85th percentile or below, and so would be about 141 pounds.

That doesn't necessarily mean that your child has to lose 6 pounds. As he gets older and taller, he may thin out some and therefore just need to stop gaining weight, gain weight more slowly or lose some of that weight. Talk to your Pediatrician for more help interpreting these results.

Thanks, Queen for your suggestions.  I’m going to stop buying the Cheeze its and get the sliced cheese with apples, and baby carrots with ranch dressing.

Mosaic – you are right this is hard for me because the only weight issues I’ve struggled with is trying to keep the weight on.  I’ve actually had to drink weight gain in the past.

[Imakcerka]

well I'm certainly glad you got the answers you were looking for.

[seashells]

Originally Posted by amber3902 
Mosaic – you are right this is hard for me because the only weight issues I’ve struggled with is trying to keep the weight on.  I’ve actually had to drink weight gain in the past.

You seem very focused on making sure we know how thin you are.

Look, there are two separate things going on.

One - you are concerned about your daughter's appearance. Stop being concerned about her appearance. That is toxic and no good can come of it.

Two - you are not concerned about your health or your daughter's health. Heath does not equal weight. Weight does not equal health. This is not just some PC stuff, it's real. The snacks you stock in your house are not healthy, for you or for your daughter. If you think that your weight proves any level of health, you are wrong. If you think that Cheez-Its are okay for you because you are thin, you are wrong. It's crap no matter what size body is eating it.

So, now is a good time to decide whether you want to be the kind of mom who is focused on appearance (and that is ALL that weight is), or if you want to be the kind of mom who ensures the household knows how to nourish their bodies and has access to foods that contribute to growth, strength, energy and wellness.

[turtlewomyn]

I think in addition to changing to the snacks that were recommended on this thread (and besides apples and carrots and other fruits and vegetables you really should get some good proteins in there, plain almonds are good, as are hard boiled eggs, cheese has been mentioned, these things will help to keep her full while providing the building blocks for muscle) you might want to take a class on nutrition or have a sit down with your doctors.  You have said that you have absolutely no knowledge about what is healthy food (as evidenced by the snacks you keep around), which means that you don't even know how to eat healthy yourself, this could really impact how you respond to disease (my very thin aunt recently had a heart attack and quadruple bypass, she had genetic disposition to heart disease but because she ate healthy and exercised (but was just thin by her predetermined body type, like you) she was able to survive and recover well from her heart attack and surgery.  Finding out how to eat healthy will help you to be a good example for your daughter, and hopefully you guys can enjoy doing some exercise together (we like to do family walks, it's a great time to talk).  Good luck with developing new healthy habits for your family!

[rightkindofme]

My mom is consistently a size 2 or 4. I am consistently a 12 or 14. I am built like my paternal grandmother. Genetics are interesting.

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by amber3902 

I used an online weight calculator just now and this is what they said:

And keep in mind that BMIs aren't completely accurate. Athletes will come up on the charts as obese because they have good muscle tone and low body fat. Muscles weigh more than fat so the charts will say they are obese because they weigh more than average.

Many girls and women shy away from weight training (lifting weights) because they are afraid they will look too muscley. It actually takes an enormous amount of work to look like a body builder. Lifting weights is great for women because it improves your bone density and helps prevent osteoporosis. AND having strong muscles means your body burns more calories even while you aren't doing anything. 

I'd focus on adding more snack options that aren't starchy high carbs. I like peanut butter on apples, myself. My ds gets in food ruts so I think it's good to brainstorm what food options there are in the house and what would be good to stock up on. You could put a list of snack ideas on the fridge. A list doesn't even have to have the mentality of being about weight and health but could be focused on grocery shopping and budgets. Which foods give you the most nutritious bang for your buck? How much of what do you need to buy for a variety of snacks to last a week? My ds goes for what is easy so chips or crackers are his first choice but he'll eat better if other things are obvious.

Keep in mind if people restrict calories, their metabolism slows down. I wouldn't even talk about calories. The cool thing about people who haven't damaged their metabolism by eating low calories is that they will actually burn more calories while at rest if they over eat one day (or a few). So don't worry about the once in a while over eating when dd is around relatives. 

The other thing I'd focus on is getting some physical activity most days. We like to take family walks...

[savithny]

There's a big misconception among many people that thin=healthy, and I see it playing out in a number of ways.  Some of them do show up in your post.

I'm just going to throw them out here:

Since thin=healthy:

• Thin people are all healthy
• Thin people don’t need to worry about nutrition
• Whatever a thin person is eating must be healthy since it keeps them thin
• If a person is thin, they don’t need to exercise because they must get enough
• A fat person must be unhealthy
• A fat person must be eating unhealthy things
• Whatever a fat person eats IS unhealthy
• If a fat person is eating healthy and not losing weight, they must be lying about what they eat
• If a fat person is exercising and still fat, they must be lying about exercise
• Fat people who eat healthy and exercise all will become thin people.

All those things are accepted as absolutely true by many people.   But they are all logical fallacies. I catch myself doing it;  in the past, when I’ve tried to get fitter, if I don’t lose weight doing it I think I must be doing it wrong and “its not working.”  It WAS working – I was getting much fitter and healthier!  

I understand the issue with trying to provide snacks for a  growing teen, too.  My son is mid-growth spurt.  He could eat all the time.   I’ve had to brainstorm a set of snacks he can help himself to that won’t break our budget.

In addition to the snacks you’re providing being very carb-heavy and processed, I’d point out that they’re also FULL of sodium.  Most people don’t realize just how salty ramen noodles are, for example.     You’re setting up a salt craving that can be very hard to re-train later.

Empty/simple carbs are simple sugars that cause quick rises in blood sugar followed by quick drops.   This messes with the feeling of fullness and with hunger cues.

You may want to look up information on the Glycemic Index, which is a measurement of how a food affects blood sugar.  Many people do very well on a low-glycemic diet – they feel better and are physically healthier.

You might also look for the book “The End of Overeating,” which talks a lot more about processed food like cheezits and why it’s a problem in the modern world.  It’s designed to be eaten quickly, and the processing actually enables our bodies to extract more calories from it, faster.   The natural systems that keep our appetite and metabolism in balance are actively overridden by very sweet/salty/fatty foods – because in nature, those foods are vanishingly rare, so it is okay for our brains to tell us to eat ridiculous amounts of them.   The problem is that in modern life, these foods are NOT vanishingly rare. 

And on the subject of processed foods, you might get a lot out of Michael Pollan’s “Food Rules.”  It’s a little book of simple statements about food that condenses down his big, technical books into some easy-to adopt ideas.  If you pick a few and try to stick with them, you’ll find yourself eating a more nutritious, more whole-foods diet, overall.

Another tip, if you haven’t already done this:  sweetened beverages of any kind mess with our ability to judge fullness and contentedness with how much we eat.  This includes artificial sweeteners.   Stop stocking juice and pop, if you have it around.   Just because you’re thin doesn’t mean you should be drinking it either.   Drink water.   Or water down the juice.   I bought old-fashioned 7-ounce juice glasses like my grandmother had, and that’s all we drink sweetened beverages out of of in our house.   When cookbooks and meal plans talk about a “glass” of juice per day?  That’s what they were referring to until very recently. 

Some of the things we do for snacks at our house:

• Hummus with pita and carrots (I make it in the food processor from canned beans, which is quick and cheap)
• Peanuts in the shell (having to crack them slows down the eating a bit, so they don’t wolf down fistfuls before the sensation of fullness hits their stomach.  Also, less salty).
• Peanut butter toast (DH bakes bread weekly so it’s a cheap option, also doesn’t have some of the additives like DATEM which may contribute to T2 diabetes)
• Greek yogurt (more expensive, but 3x the protein of regular yogurt) – kids know they get 1 per day
• Baby carrots and dip
• Apples (we buy them by the big bag)
• Pineapple chunks (I buy them and cut them up and have a lidded bowl in the fridge.
• Quesadillas with cheese and mashed black beans.
• Eggs – hard boiled or fried on toast.
• Chunks of smoked sausage (I justify this by buying it at the farmers market so at least its from healthy meat!)
• Peanut butter on crackers (not the prepacked “PB Crackers,” but actual PB spread on actual crackers, preferably without hydrogenated oils in the cracker)
• Cottage cheese (with or without fruit)
• Grape tomatoes (good with cottage cheese, actually)
• Deli meat – either just rolled up and eaten, or as a sandwich

Edited by savithny - 1/8/13 at 9:38am

[mumkimum]

  I find savithny's above post to be fabulous advice for looking a bit at practical things and how you may be perceiving the situation.

I'd like to also mention that even teens will put on a bit extra weight when approaching a growth spurt, just like you notice younger children do.  And that's normal, and may be there a little longer.  Doesn't mean their body doesn't actually need the energy storage they're developing.

Finding healthy and more active things to do together as a family is also always a good habit, even with teens, rather than just 'what can I get her involved in (by herself)'.  It'll also be more likely to spark her interest in other active things to do.  

[amber3902]

Seashells - you are wrong that I am concerned about my daughter’s appearance.  I am concerned about her health.  I wouldn't be so concerned if her weight was evenly distributed over her body, but her weight is concentrated in her belly.  Belly fat is not good because it’s concentrated around the organs in the abdomen and can lead to diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure.

The only reason I keep talking about my weight is to explain that my eating habits are probably not the best because I've never had to think about what I eat.  And you are right that weight does not equal health.  I want to be the kind of mom who teaches her kids how to eat healthy, but since it's something I've never had to think about before, it's something I have to learn, hence the reason for my post.

Savithny – thanks for explaining about the empty/simple carbs and all the other information.  Very informative and helpful, your list of snacks is exactly what I was looking for.  I think she would like boiled eggs. 

Couple of questions - I thought I heard that deli meat is bad for you because it's processed?

And we do drink a lot of kool aid instead of water, but the problem with that is when I eat something greasy, I can not drink water.  The water seems to sit on top of the food and makes me feel very gassy and bloated to the point of discomfort.  Any suggestions?

And thanks to the other posters for their helpful advice.

[Imakcerka]

Originally Posted by amber3902 

Seashells - you are wrong that I am concerned about my daughter’s appearance.  I am concerned about her health.  I wouldn't be so concerned if her weight was evenly distributed over her body, but her weight is concentrated in her belly.  Belly fat is not good because it’s concentrated around the organs in the abdomen and can lead to diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure.

The only reason I keep talking about my weight is to explain that my eating habits are probably not the best because I've never had to think about what I eat.  And you are right that weight does not equal health.  I want to be the kind of mom who teaches her kids how to eat healthy, but since it's something I've never had to think about before, it's something I have to learn, hence the reason for my post.

Savithny – thanks for explaining about the empty/simple carbs and all the other information.  Very informative and helpful, your list of snacks is exactly what I was looking for.  I think she would like boiled eggs.  One question though - I thought I heard that deli meat is bad for you because it's processed?

And thanks to the other posters for their helpful advice.

This is where I think you're missing the point. 

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by amber3902 

The only reason I keep talking about my weight is to explain that my eating habits are probably not the best because I've never had to think about what I eat.  

Why not? Because you're thin?

This is the fundamental point you will need to examine.

You did need to think about what you eat, whether you did or didn't. But it was every bit as important for you to think about what you eat as it is for your daughter.

I personally think deli meat is not the best because it's processed, you're right. But there's a relativity to this, too. But yeah, I think it's better to use, say, chicken pieces leftover from your roasted whole chicken or roasted breasts than deli meat, sure. But deli meat is more nourishing than, say, Cheetos.

What kind of foods feel greasy to you? You may want to avoid them altogether. Also, a nice alternative to water is iced tea (unsweetened is better, of course).

[amber3902]

Come to think of it, drinking water with just about everything I eat makes me feel bloated,

but especially Italian food like spaghetti, lasagna, chicken Parmesan, etc.

I'll drink juice instead of water, and it doesn't bother me at all.

I can try the iced tea as well, thanks.

[Imakcerka]

HA!

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by amber3902 

Any suggestions for healthy snacks?

We keep fresh fruit, dried fruit (although if they start eating too much of that, I stop buying for a while - it's fine in small amounts, but too much sugar for high consumption), raw nuts and seeds. Our usual pantry stock of snacks is:

Almonds

Walnuts

Cashews

Pecans

Raisins

Dates

Prunes (my kids love them)

Apple rings

Sunflower seeds (we eat both roasted and raw)

Hemp seeds

We sometimes have pistachios and dried apricots, and I occasionally buy dried cranberries, but they have added sugar, so I don't do it very often.

The kids also snack on cheese (mostly cheddar) and yogurt. Some people don't think we should eat dairy, but I think there are good arguments on both sides.

I'm obese. I have disordered eating, and actually eat in two modes. My day-to-day eating habits are very good, but I also binge on junk on a fairly regular basis, which is what packed on the weight, and why I'm still so heavy.

However, when I was younger, I was active and healthy. At age 18, I did 30-40 minute aerobic dance workout every other day. I walked everywhere - miles a day. I did yoga twice a day. I did strength/weight training every day (alternating upper and lower body). I had a resting heartrate (measure of cardio health) of 55 bpm. According to the table, I was seriously overweight, as I weighed 160 pounds at 5'5" (same height as your daughter, but 13 more pounds). My advice is to focus on your daughter's health, not her weight. Despite all the press, they actually are two different things.

[savithny]

Originally Posted by amber3902 

The only reason I keep talking about my weight is to explain that my eating habits are probably not the best because I've never had to think about what I eat.  And you are right that weight does not equal health.  I want to be the kind of mom who teaches her kids how to eat healthy, but since it's something I've never had to think about before, it's something I have to learn, hence the reason for my post.

Savithny – thanks for explaining about the empty/simple carbs and all the other information.  Very informative and helpful, your list of snacks is exactly what I was looking for.  I think she would like boiled eggs. 

Couple of questions - I thought I heard that deli meat is bad for you because it's processed?

And we do drink a lot of kool aid instead of water, but the problem with that is when I eat something greasy, I can not drink water.  The water seems to sit on top of the food and makes me feel very gassy and bloated to the point of discomfort.  Any suggestions?

And thanks to the other posters for their helpful advice.

You've never had to think about it before because you, too, have bought into the cultural narrative that says "thin=healthy."    The idea that you only have to "think about it" and worry about good nutrition if you're overweight is a really dangerous fallacy in US culture.  It's incredibly common, so most people don't question it.

Deli meat isn't the best, its true.  But "processed" is a relative term.  Good deli turkey,for instance, is preserved with salt and some chemicals, yes.  But it's not chopped and reformed and puffed and hydrolized and stabilized and de-esterized and partially-hydrogenated and and and.... It's meat with salt and nitrates, generally.   Which is almost certainly a better choice than a ramen noodle, nutritionally speaking.  

Honestly, about the water?  I can't see how adding sugar to it in the form of koolaid would help it mix with grease better.  If you were saying that beer or wine or vodka sat better, that makes sense chemically because alcohol cuts grease.   Just sugar?   I don't know what the issue is with water and greasy meals, but adding sugar water to a greasy meal is NOT an improvement!      If you can't drink water with a greasy meal, adding sugar isn't really the answer.  Cutting the grease may be a better answer.

I don't even have much advice about how to give up kool aid because I've never drunk it except at birthday parties -- my mother didn't allow it in the house, back in the 70s.   We just drank water with meals.   You may find that adding a squeeze of lemon to your water makes it taste different and "cuts the grease" the way the kool aid does.   While normally I'm one for gradual dietary changes, you may find everyone in your house benefitting VERY QUICKLY from just tossing the kool aid and going cold turkey.

The koolaid is a perfect example of the above fallacy, by the way: either no one ever looked sideways at you for drinking koolaid because you were thin anyway, or you never thought it was an issue.  People have been trying to educate Americans that koolaid is unhealthy crap for years.    It was why my mother wouldn't buy it.   But to most of us, whatever thin people eat or drink is automatically "healthy" because they are "healthy" because they're thin.   

[Storm Bride]

Okay - just read savithny's post, and she came up with a much better snack list than mine, and the rest of her post rocks. Well said, savithny!

re: The ensuing discussion about deli meats. There are more and more nitrate free varieties available, so even deli meats can be better than they were. And, I agree with whomever said they're better than Cheetos.

Oh - avocados are also good, if your daughter likes them...or make up guacamole to dip veggies in. I didn't even mention veggies in my post, but all my kids love carrots, cucumbers and celery. There are also a few veggies that all but one (different one for different veggies) enjoy: broccoli, cauliflower, bell peppers, and tomatoes/grape tomatoes. They all make quick, easy snacks.

[JollyGG]

I didn't read the whole thread. However what I did read covered the issues of your daughter getting even the subconscious feeling from you that something is wrong with her and a list of healthy snacks. I also wanted to mention that she simply might also be preparing for a growth spurt.

If she seems to be spreading out a bit and this is a change from the way her body has been looking it might just be some changes due to puberty (starting to build body fat for hips and breasts) or she might be preparing for a huge upward growth spurt. I think it's pretty common for a 14 year old to get a bit thicker as their body is going through some pretty extreme changes.

[4evermom]

You could try drinking water with a wedge of lemon squeezed in it. My husband does not like water so he brews celestial seasonings herbal tea, like tangerine zinger, and keeps that in the fridge. Or you could eat less greasy foods;-) If you mix up your own koolaid, you can use less sugar than it says. It's better to not drink it since it is just sugar and food coloring, but making it with less sugar can be a baby step towards more healthful beverages.

[Storm Bride]

I missed the water discussion at first, but I agree about herbal teas and/or lemon water. I think peppermint tea, in particular, tastes really nice when it's chilled. Peppermint also has a reputation for soothing the stomach.

[jdsf]

Clearly this is a touchy subject here! Sorry for the negative responses you've been receiving. Anyway, as a partner to someone who was always very thin and had to be careful she was not underweight during pregnancy, I know that skinny bashing and fat phobia can be equally distressing. DP also had a rather unhealthy diet into her early twenties since she could just eat whatever she wanted whenever, and also had to learn about healthy food and eating habits, mostly during her first pregnancy (which she remained a size 0 after). Both of our girls went through periods of being very thin, DD 15 filled out around 13 and has a BMI of 17 now. DD12 is at her long and lankiest, not quite 15 BMI but she is getting taller by the minute and hasn't filled out yet. A lot of people, including a grandmother, are particularly nosy about DD12's weight and suggest we aren't feeding her enough or there's something wrong. She is perfectly healthy, her best friend weighs one pound more than her at the same height, and many kids go through the "all legs" stage, just as many kids might start getting stocky before they reach their full height. Don't let your views, or anyone else's, on what a child *should* weigh influence your parenting here. I agree that a healthier diet is the way to go. I became a vegetarian almost a decade ago, mainly because I knew I would eat crap like fast food cheeseburgers if I could. Being more conscious about what you put in your body is a good practice for anyone.

Healthy, filling snacks we enjoy:
Nachos with multigrain tortilla chips (black beans, tomatoes, green onions if we have them, and a little cheese - maybe 1 cup grated per tray)
Smoothies. They are really great, easy to get a day's worth of fruit and delicious.
Ramen noodles with a healthier bullion (we like better than bullion, also vegetarian) so it's not full of MSG and other crap. Still an empty carb but kids love ramen, it seems wrong to take it away entirely
Cheese tray - serve a Brie or other mild cheese with fruit and some good whole grain bread or triscuits, not too many, mostly apples or pears to eat the cheese on. For some reason, if it's fancy, they feel full after eating less.
Ants on a log - we use almond butter instead of peanut butter and whatever dried fruit we have - cranberries, golden raisins, currants, etc
Applesauce. Simple, and you could eat half a jar without it being bad for you. I buy the unsweetened kind, it's plenty sweet without added sugar.
Meatless chicken nuggets, taste pretty much the same as real chicken nuggets but aren't as bad for you. They aren't great for you, but it still helps make a plate of baby carrots more palatable. Good incentive to get them to eat something they don't care for particularly. I'm all about serving up little hors de oeuvres plates, throw a deviled egg in there with low cal mayo and you've got a good snack.

I also like to "hide" vegetables in most meals, for example, zucchini tots are awesome. Just grate a potato and a zucchini, add an egg and some seasoned bread crumbs and chopped onions and bake in a greased mini muffin tin. They taste like little tater tot/latke cakes, and kids will eat four of them never knowing they ate 1/4 of a zucchini

I love Epicurious and Pinterest, they have great recipe ideas to encourage healthier eating as a family.