Daughter is starting to get over weight - Page 3

[amber3902]

Thanks for the additional advice on healthy snacks, Stormbride, Savithny, and 4evermom

I’m sure deli meat even if it’s processed is better than ramen noodles.

And I’ll try some of the suggestions for kool aid substitution.  

JollyGG – you made a good point that a 14 year old’s body is still changing.  I think focusing on a more overall healthy diet will be good not just for her but for the entire family as well.

[salr]

Right on, Savithny.  OP, I think you would benefit from reading some books on healthy eating.  My recommendation is You Are What You Eat by Gillian McKeith.  It's a small, simple book with really pretty pictures and I found that to be inspiring and that it made the idea of eating healthy seem easy and tasty.  It's like a coffee table book with a purpose.

Also, I second the recommendation of putting lemon, lime, or a small amount of juice into water.  Sometimes water doesn't settle well in my stomach.  Like first thing in the morning...don't know why.

Lastly, I understand what you mean about not thinking about these things before as a thin person.  It took a big gradual shift for me to get into healthy eating.  Now I love it!  It's not that I didn't think it was important as a thin person, it was just never on my mind.  Sure, that's probably because of society's messed up views on weight and health. But it doesn't make me a bad person.

[amber3902]

Jdsf,

I didn't see your post until after I posted, thanks for your encouragement and understanding!

I like your zucchini tot recipe, I'm definitely going to try that one.

Edited to add - And thanks Salr, you're right that since I've always been thin, thinking about these things has never been on my mind.  I've always had to contend with family members telling me I need to eat more.  I've heard the saying "never trust a skinny cook" and it's happened to me several times where people look skeptically at things I've cooked and when they eat it they are so surprised like because I'm skinny I don't know how to cook!

Edited by amber3902 - 1/8/13 at 12:13pm

[Storm Bride]

Oh - another thought about water. Salr's comment about water first thing in the morning reminded me, as I sometimes don't want water first thing, either. I found out years ago that it helps me if the water is warm, not cold. It may not work for everyone, but I thought I'd throw it out there. I think sometimes our stomachs just don't want the cold water. I drink a lot of water, and it's about 50/50 whether any given glass will be warm or cold (or, occasionally, hot), and it depends completely on what I'm in the mood for in the moment.

[rightkindofme]

I have water issues. What I have done is buy a soda stream. I know that carbonated water is still not "as good" as still water straight from the tap but the carbonation allows me to drink 6-8 glasses of water a day without a problem. When I'm stuck with still water I often just can't handle it. I grew up with kool-aid and soda being the beverages of choice. Despite this not being a "perfect" solution it is a significant improvement for me. Progress not perfection.

It has been ridiculously hard for me to turn my eating habits around. I have been a carbitarian for most of my life. I <3 ramen. It's about improvement not perfection.

I'm sorry a lot of the reactions have been so hostile. I don't think you are starting in a horrible place.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by rightkindofme 

Progress not perfection.

This.

My eating habits were never super awful. They got worse in my teens, and then picked back up again in my 20s. Despite some bumps, they're better now than they were. But, it hasn't been steady progress, and I'm not even aiming at perfect. I'm aiming at better.

Thanks to this thread, and a discussion I'm having on Facebook, I made my kids their "bits and pieces" lunch today, instead of PB&J...again...

[mtiger]

I think the important thing is that you are now thinking about more healthy eating. I've found that it isn't always necessary to go cold turkey on the junk we enjoy - just cut it back to an occasional treat. In time? None of you will crave it all that much.

You got some great advice, wrt snacks and exercise. Have you thought about just walking, the two of you? Great Mom/daughter time. Also, you didn't mention what you all eat for your regular meals. Do you cook together? That's a great way for BOTH of you to learn better food habits. Also, those leftovers will add to the snack/lunch possibilities. And yet more good bonding time.

Good luck!

ETA: Also - portion control is key!

Edited by mtiger - 1/8/13 at 8:37pm

[amber3902]

Thanks for the additional tips re: water.

I'm looking into programs at the YMCA - most of the programs I've seen stop at age 12. 

At one time she did karate, but it got too expensive for me - it was $95 a month and

I had to stop it.  But I'll keep looking around to see what I can find.

Mtiger - Yes, I've thought of walking, but I work full time so by the time I get home from

work it's dark outside.  But once the days start getting longer we can start doing that.

To answer your question about meals, my dinner usually consist of either steak/chicken/fish, a side of either baked potato or rice, and some kind of vegetable.

I always try to make sure we have some kind of vegetable with every dinner.

My D14 is usually doing her homework while I cook, but I can certainly have her help me when she doesn't have homework.

You're right, it's a good time for bonding.
 

Thanks again for all the helpful suggestions.

[homeschoolingmama]

It is ok that you have your worries.  You want what is best for your daughter.  If one of my daughters grew up and looked a bit overweight I would probably wonder what to do as well.  I wouldn't mention it to them though.  I would worry about her health and the way others will speak to them if it got to be more.  Of course you love her and want what is best.  Here is what I would do.

I wouldn't let on the way I felt.  I would change our food to healthier food and take any junk out of the house.  I prefer that anyway.  I would turn it into a family thing.  The family needs to get in shape.  The family needs to eat nutritiously.  Don't show any worry toward your daughter.  

I know people can be touchy talking about weight but a caring mother can also worry.  It doesn't mean that she is being judgmental and negative.  I would worry a bit if my daughters started getting overweight.  I wouldn't want them to struggle.  I love them.  I would try to help but through our whole family.

[pek64]

If you are going to be drinking a lot of tap water, filter it. A simple Brita pitcher is not that expensive, and good health is worth the cost!! Filtered water tastes soooo much better, no carbonation is needed!

[rachelsmama]

Originally Posted by amber3902 
Mtiger - Yes, I've thought of walking, but I work full time so by the time I get home from

work it's dark outside.  But once the days start getting longer we can start doing that.

I used to be reluctant to go out walking or biking after dark, but last winter I was forced to start doing it due to circumstances, and I found it quite liberating.  I bought some reflective armbands and small LED lights for bicycling, and I use them some when I walk too, but those aren't expensive.  The world can be very pretty on a crisp winter evening.

[Lazurii]

I just wanted to add my experience to this.  I have some very good friends that I met when their oldest son was 12.  He was thicker than what others (not his parents) wanted, and they would harp on him about it.  He kept gaining weight and got a bit chubby.

Then at 15 he grew.  And grew.  And grew.  Now he's a beanpole.  Teenagers need that fat to grow, and it can take them a couple years.  They will often gain that weight even eating healthy foods.  I feel the key is to make sure that their food is healthy so they have a wonderful foundation to grow on.

About the belly fat on your daughter, that fat can be important during puberty to ensure she can have children.  Or she could just be pear shaped.  Or her natural waist could be higher than her belly button. 

[kathymuggle]

Sorry you were given a bit of a hard time.

I would bring DD shopping with you.  Maybe let her choose her own healthy snacks?  Bulk stores can be quite good - as they have assortments of nuts, seed, granola, etc.   I would not control what she eats (at all!) but I would make a concerted effort to bring more healthy food into the house.  If crap is not in the house, she cannot eat it (unless she spends her own money on it).

I do not know if you use pinterest or tumblr, but both can be used as a fun source of healthy recipes.  It can be something you do together, where you scroll around for healthy snack ideas, and pin the ones you like….

Good luck!

[pek64]

Originally Posted by Lazurii 

I just wanted to add my experience to this.  I have some very good friends that I met when their oldest son was 12.  He was thicker than what others (not his parents) wanted, and they would harp on him about it.  He kept gaining weight and got a bit chubby.

Then at 15 he grew.  And grew.  And grew.  Now he's a beanpole.  Teenagers need that fat to grow, and it can take them a couple years.  They will often gain that weight even eating healthy foods.  I feel the key is to make sure that their food is healthy so they have a wonderful foundation to grow on.

About the belly fat on your daughter, that fat can be important during puberty to ensure she can have children.  Or she could just be pear shaped.  Or her natural waist could be higher than her belly button. 

I agree that you shouldn't make too big an issue of it unless it is an ongoing trend. My mother thought I was getting fat as a teen, and then I grew. I'm glad I didn't listen to her. If it's just a bit, wait to see if she's going to grow.

[oplong]

I didn't even read all of the posts, but it sounded like you were getting some good advice about snacks. Basically, the less "processed" something is the better it is for you. 

I have a 15 year old daughter who at one time was overweight. I was extremely hesitant to say anything. My grandmother harped at me about weight when I was a child and I struggled with eating disorders all through adolescence. So I didn't know what to say to my daughter. 

She eventually decided to do something herself. She started swimming year-round and she became a vegetarian. Now she is vegan. I don't know what she weighs and neither does she, but she looks great. She is about 5'7" and wears a 7 or a 9 depending on the brand. 

Has your daughter said anything about her weight? I would use that as a cue.

Also, keep an eye on it. Juvenile onset diabetes and certain thyroid conditions can present initially with increased appetite. If you are really concerned, a trip to the pediatrician may be warranted. The pediatrician also can talk to your daughter about diet and exercise.

Hope this helps.

[Neaera]

I think the best thing you can do, for everyone in your family, is to make some healthy lifestyle changes for everyone. This way your daughter does not feel singled out, and everyone benefits. I have a 13 year old dd who tends to fall just below the low end of what is considered healthy for her height and body frame. If she does not work out, she is considered underweight, without the added muscle. She would much rather make art or read, and our doctor was just as concerned about my daughter being too thin and sedentary as she was about me having weight to lose. So, now we all (including my partner, who is in pretty great shape,) are making changes. We all feel in it together, and I feel supported in my weight loss while my daughter is building more muscle, while we all improve our cardiovascular health. Actually, it would be the perfect lesson for your daughter that thin does not always equal healthy. If you have never thought about food or exercise in the past, chances are you probably could make some improvements as well. Win-win.

For us, dance games on the Wii are a great option, as is long walks with our dogs, swimming, and hiking. We also try to walk most places under 1.5 miles away if the weather is cooperating.
 

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

Ok... Then what do want?  For us to tell you to get her on a tread mill?  And why so cranky?  I'm speaking from the side of the a kid whose mother thought she wasn't doing anything wrong either.  Just giving you a different perspective.  Nothing wrong with that now is there?

Who's being cranky??????? 

[Youngfrankenstein]

OP, I think you're heeding this advice.  I don't know why people were so harsh with you.

Sav has some amazing points.  You should rethink skinny=healthy but I think this thread hopefully will get you thinking about it.

Baby steps....

If I were in your shoes, I'd just focus on having better snack choices for your dd.  That is a great place to start.  Don't worry about changing everything at once.  Then it seems daunting and it's easy to give up.

[rightkindofme]

There is a whole movement called Health At Any Size. It's a great place to start for all kinds of points of view about healthy living. :) You can google it and find lots of good stuff as well.

[Banana731]

You've gotten really good advice about snacks and food here. Something that helps me in deciding what kind of food to eat or buy is to think about how close that food is to it's original state, because that's typically a healthful food choice. Meat, veggies, brown rice- besides being slaughtered/picked and cooked, it's pretty close to it's natural state. Cheetos are corn and cheese, I think, but that's pretty far from what corn and cheese actually are, right? Even cheese, which is processed from milk, is still just milk and bacteria ( and maybe annato to make it yellow) so it's still really close to it's natural form. I also tend to shy away from things that have non-food ingredients. If I don't recognize most of the ingredients as whole foods on their own, I question the healthfulness of the item.

I also don't care for water first thing in the morning. I will drink very diluted cranberry blend juice ( the 100% type, not a cocktail with added sugar) and water with breakfast. About 1/4 juice to 3/4 water. You could start stronger and water it down more over time. It's also nice with seltzer instead of water. Big batches of iced Mint tea or regular tea with lemon sweetened with honey might make a good replacement for the sugary drinks for your family too. Again, over time, you can cut down the sweetness.

It's hard to change your Eating habits, but it's a really good feeling when see your family enjoying goods that are actually good for you. Good luck OP!