AP lifestyle in Queens?

[LambcameraPDX]

Hello, My husband and I are both from New York.However we fled in the mid 90s for Portland, Or and now we have a wonderful almost 2 year old daughter.

Here in Portland we co-sleep, breastfeed, don't vax (so far), wear thrift store clothes, and we belong to a fantastic "swap shop" co-op where we can exchange useful goods, as well as hang out and socialize, for $30 a month. I've gradually made AP minded friends who are interested in homeschooling. Our income is low but we own our house (thanks to my husband inheriting the money to buy it). So, we live pretty simply yet don't feel poor at all.

HOWEVER! Since having our baby, we have felt lonely for family. True, our families are totally non AP oriented. My husband's family is competitive and materialistic. My family is not rich at all, but strives to live as if they are - working all the time, stressed, smoking, drinking. But despite these major differences in lifestyle, and values, they love us, and are really excited about getting to be around our daughter. During our last trip to NY, I felt more at ease around my husband's family and more accepting of mine. We are thinking of moving back. We would probably live in Queens.

Questions for Queens people: Do you feel like there are others like you nearby?  Are any of you sahms? What is your social life like? Are there holistic doctors who are open to selective/delayed/non vaxing? How do you feel in general about living in NYC and practicing Attachment Parenting?

If you are not actually in Queens but are in the NYC/Long Island area, please feel free to answer.

TIA!!

[glassesgirlnj]

We live in the NYC metro area, and spent three years living in Queens (although we were not parents at the time we lived there).

I am a WOHM and my spouse is a SAHP, so it is possible to live in the NYC metro area on one income, though it's VERY tight at times. Buying most things secondhand (Craigslist, Craigslist, Craigslist) helps a lot here... and it sounds like you know how to do that already!

It also really helps that we only need to have one car, and if you play your cards right, you could find yourself in an area where you don't need a car at all.

Speaking of public transportation, I think baby carriers have a HUGE advantage over strollers when it comes to buses and subways.  I always felt sorry for the parents I saw lugging strollers up and down the subway steps...

Hope this was a little help, at least!  LMK if I can answer any other questions for you.

[LambcameraPDX]

Thank you! Yes we are pretty adept at thrifty living. 

I guess another question is, do you feel you have a "tribe" in New York? If we move there, we will have family, which I am really eager about. But I know I will need like minded friends and acquaintances. I guess there is La Leche, and the possibility of starting AP meetup groups....I just have a weird feeling about NY. It's this huge, international city but there is a lot of conformism in a way. But maybe that's my outdated 20-something perspective that I had when I moved away years ago...

[*GreenMama*]

There are some super awesome LLL groups out there with some very cool AP moms.  Check out This link for their meetings and contact info. There's even a link to their yahoo group, which is really active. http://www.lllusa.org/NYE/Queens/queens.HTM

[LambcameraPDX]

Thank you, GreenMama :) I am starting to get over my weird fears about attachment parenting in NY. (it's really all about old family baggage anyway!) Can't wait to get there and to start getting involved. I love LLL - they've been a wonderful resource here in Portland.

[glassesgirlnj]

There are definitely plenty of AP moms around here!  Most of the ones I know personally live in Brooklyn or in Northern NJ (we're very close to the Maplewood/Montclair/South Orange area). 

But I would look in Jackson Heights, maybe, or Astoria/LIC... those areas were getting more "crunchified"   at the time we left.

I've also found a nice thing about New Yorkers (and near-to-New-Yorkers) is that they don't get up in your business - Queens is especially good for that b/c of all the cultural diversity. I can't imagine, for example, anyone making a comment about someone NIP, the way they might in another part of the country. 

So when you ask about a "tribe": we have friends here who are AP parents, and friends who are non-AP parents, and everyone pretty much gets along.  There's very little tearing down of others' parenting choices. *But*, if one has a big need for a "cheering section", there isn't much of that either.

What does exist, I've found, is a basic understanding that we all do what we have to do to get through the day.  Yougottaproblemwithat? 

[LambcameraPDX]

You've reminded me about something very cool about New Yorkers: they mind their own business! But still, I will be wanting - and missing, apparently, a tribe of natural family living folks. There's a shared language about it all here in Portland that I've gotten used to and comfortable with. Am totally excited about moving back to New York, my roots, my people - even while missing the West Coast vibe a lot. And I know I'll find simpatico people, and just all around interesting people.

Cross country moves are complicated. 

[lily88]

I lived in Astoria for about 10 years and have family in Oregon who I visit every couple of years.

Queens, especially Astoria/LIC and Jackson Heights, also Forest Hills to a degree, is pretty family friendly and you will definitely find AP supportive mamas and papas. Both my DCs were born when we lived in Astoria and there was an awesome LLL group (Queens West LLL) that was a wonderful support during those early years. When my first DC was born there happened to be a lot of AP inclined mamas around in the mid 2000's and we had a little moms group that was pretty AP oriented. I think things are a little different now perhaps, with the economic challenges of the last few years, but there are still plenty of SAHPs (including some who aren't necessarily AP). There are lots of crunchy minded folks in Astoria/LIC, though probably not to the level of Portland. We were part of a CSA for several years and also did a traditional foods/raw milk coop thing. I knew a few other mamas who used cloth diapers (washing in laundromats really makes you a pro!) and there is a NYC homeschooling group, at least one babywearing group and a holistic moms group. I do agree that people mostly don't judge and let you do your own thing, and that is true in Queens as there is so much diversity. Good luck!
 

[LambcameraPDX]

Thank you for the encouraging words!
Edited by LambcameraPDX - 1/18/13 at 1:32pm