Baby Shower question « Back to Group Discussions

[spotty4]

I know its a bit early for a baby shower, but my sister wants me to start thinking and planning.  We know we will have it in May and it will likely be hosted at a friend's house.  My question is do I invite good friends who do not live locally  knowing there is a good chance they will not make it?  I want them to know they are important to me and I'd love them to share the moment with me, but I don't want it to come off as me fishing for more gifts.  How would you handle this situation?

[holidaymama]

I would probably just invite them. They don't have to send a gift, but the fact that you included them is important.

[BabySmurf]

I agree that it's a good idea to invite them.  People are weird about not being invited to events, even if it is a long shot.  Maybe a few of them will even make it and turn it into a mini-cation.  Unless you chat with some of them and it comes up in conversation and they decided not to ahead of time, I would send an invite. 

[Sweet Huck]

I just received an invite to a shower with the following wording on the bottom of the invites:

"Gifts are not required, but if you would like information on their registry, please contact (name of host)."

That might be a good way to include lots of people, but reduce the pressure of gift giving.

Also-- if you're not looking for STUFF-- you could also recommend charities where donations can be made in honor of your growing family.  We did something similar for our wedding. One of the charities we directed people to was Heifer International (http://www.heifer.org/) where, for a very reasonable price, people can give a gift of a flock of chickens, geese, a goat, etc to a family in a developing country.

[FarmerMomma]

I love the heifer project.

[FarmerMomma]

Definitely invite. Maybe include a baby bump pic and tell people you wanted to give them an update as well as an invite.

[spotty4]

Great! Thanks for all the feedback. :-)

[allisonrose]

I don't think there is anything wrong with inviting people that live a good distance. If possible include (or have the host include) a little note saying it is understandable if they are unable to attend and you just wanted them to know how much they mean to you.

[Tenk]

I got the STRANGEST baby shower invite in early 2012.  It said and I quote "***** is registered at Big name store and please bring a package of diapers for them as well.  And I couldn't imagine asking for a gift AND a pkg of diapers because they ARE expensive.  I skipped the shower (our son had just passed) but I dropped off a pkg of diapers we had purchased in advance for him.

I say do it and include the note listed above!!
 

[MommyThea]

Originally Posted by Tenk 

I got the STRANGEST baby shower invite in early 2012.  It said and I quote "***** is registered at Big name store and please bring a package of diapers for them as well.  And I couldn't imagine asking for a gift AND a pkg of diapers because they ARE expensive.  I skipped the shower (our son had just passed) but I dropped off a pkg of diapers we had purchased in advance for him.

I say do it and include the note listed above!!
 

Weird! I've had a diaper shower thrown for me, it was kind of weird, but it seriously was the only thing I needed, and this person HAD to throw me a shower. 

I get invites to out of town showers all the time. It is nice to know someone included me, even if it were just to get more baby gifts. :)

[JNajla]

My best friend is planning a baby shower on May 18th.  What would be a polite way to ask for things that we really NEED?  Or should I not expect anything?  I'm mostly referring to my parents/ DH's parents.  I know that there is still 3 months to go, but we haven't been asked if we need anything from our parents, and I haven't said anything because we don't like to ask for help.  As far as little things, we are cloth diapering so we don't need disposables and I'm making my own wipes so we don't need those.  I suppose that clothes would be needed??  Or books?  I feel guilty registering for large items such as car seat or a crib, and an organic/ non-toxic crib mattress that costs twice as much as a 'normal' mattress.  We're trying to find as much as we can secondhand on Craigslist or at Savers/ St Vinny's/ rummage sales) but we do need help for some things with our financial strains.  I'm rambling.  Just wanted to see how other people have felt about this or if anyone is in a similar boat.

[spotty4]

Oh I would totally just register for gifts.  Use myregistry.com so that you are not committed to any one store, or have to set up registries at several retailers.  Honestly, people will WANT to buy you gifts.  If you can give them some guidance as to what you need/want  then you'll get some things you like/want, not stuff that they like and *think* you should like.  So when your best friend sends out the invitations have her include your baby registry information.  That info then comes from her, as the organizer, rather than a direct "Hey buy this for us!" suggestion direct from you.

[pokeyAC]

JNajla-For some of the bigger things, we are asking our parents and my sisters to buy them instead of putting them on the registry.  I don't really consider it asking for help.  This is their grandchild on the way and we assumed they would want to give a special gift.  My mom and sisters mentioned that they would like to go in on something together so we asked them for the biggest thing since 4 people would be splitting it.  They just sent us the stroller/car seat combo we chose.  My Dad offered to buy a regular car seat so I am going to send him the info.  We will ask the in-laws to purchase other things that seem fair.  My MIL doesn't make a lot of money so we don't want her to spend a lot.  Our friends are throwing us a shower, and we registered at Target and Amazon.  Amazon lets you add things from other sites as well as gift cards.  We told our friends where we are registered so that if any of our guests ask them where we are registered, they can spread the word.  One of my friends found our registry before I even told her about it because she knows I love Target.  So it's mostly a word of mouth sort of thing.  We registered for things we really need like diapers and carriers and not a lot of clothes because we heard that people love to buy you cute clothes because it's more fun for them.  We are hoping people will buy they less fun things that are necessities too.

[JNajla]

Quote:

For some of the bigger things, we are asking our parents and my sisters to buy them instead of putting them on the registry.  I don't really consider it asking for help

This is the advice that I was hoping to get.  I just didn't know if it would be 'inappropriate' to just ASK my parents/ in-laws for things.  It is the first baby for both (and DH and I are both only children) and there are no financial issues for either, so that is why I'm kind of surprised that neither has asked if I need anything or want anything.  I don't feel right just telling them what I want or need.  That may sound weird, I'm just very independent (my parents never helped with college costs or anything like that before).  So, if I've ever needed their help/ support, now is the time!!

I did start an Amazon.com registry and Target registry (Amazon had everything that I was planning to get for cloth diapers so that would be great if I received some of that stuff as gifts!!).  Everything little thing that I would receive would be such a big help for us.  

[pokeyAC]

I would ask them if they had something particular in mind that they would like to buy for the baby, just in case they really wanted to get a crib, for example.  If they have an item in mind you can tell them which one you like.  If they don't, you can suggest something appropriate.  We wanted all of our parents to feel included and special.  Having them pick something off the registry didn't seem as personal.  That is one special grandbaby you are carrying!  I imagine all the parents would want to get it something special. 

Amazon was great for diapers!  Almost the entire list we made is diaper stuff.  At target we did more clothes and sheets and such.

[amlikam]

Originally Posted by JNajla 

This is the advice that I was hoping to get.  I just didn't know if it would be 'inappropriate' to just ASK my parents/ in-laws for things.  It is the first baby for both (and DH and I are both only children) and there are no financial issues for either, so that is why I'm kind of surprised that neither has asked if I need anything or want anything.  I don't feel right just telling them what I want or need.  That may sound weird, I'm just very independent (my parents never helped with college costs or anything like that before).  So, if I've ever needed their help/ support, now is the time!!

I did start an Amazon.com registry and Target registry (Amazon had everything that I was planning to get for cloth diapers so that would be great if I received some of that stuff as gifts!!).  Everything little thing that I would receive would be such a big help for us.  

My inlaws are kind of clueless. We didn't ask them for anything, though both are more than well off- plus at the time this was their only grandchild with little to no hopes of more until recently). My dad (who has since passed) asked us what we needed/what he could help with and when DD was born a month early and we had nothing, he went to Wal-Mart (closest place to buy anything) and bought a stroller/carseat combo, diapers, hats (because she was so tiny he didn't want her to be cold), me underwear (he had 4 girls, 8 aunts... he didn't care), pads with wings, and some outfits for her. He then told me to let him know if we needed anything and he'd come back (he lived about 3 hrs away!) My sisters were doing things too (one went with my dad shopping, the other asked if I needed my house cleaned and left to go clean it). 
Meanwhile my mother in law showed up with magazines and newspapers to keep herself occupied and just was completely unattached.... she didn't even hold my DD until she was 7 months old!!! That being said she did host my shower (2 weeks after my DD was born the day after we were discharged. She didn't want to reschedule because it would be inconvient for everyone.... and the plan was DH was going to go without me. But my sisters told me if i came they would hang out with me in a corner.... gah I wish I had stayed home, I could have used some sleep :-)

Anyway, I think you could ask your parents/inlaws depending on who they are. I wouldn't ask my in laws and I wouldn't need to ask my dad because he offered what he could give.

[helenh]

I say invite anyone who is important to you, regardless of where they live.

My extended family all live in the UK.  They won't make it to the shower but they may send a little gift, although it's not expected.  My in-laws live about 12 hours away but I think they are planning on attending the shower. 

My parents offered to buy some of the big items (nursery furniture, etc), which was a lovely gesture.  My Husband sent his family links to our registries so hopefully they will buy some of the bigger items (stroller, car seat, bassinet).   I thought it was better coming from him.....

It's amazing how expensive some of these things are.....This is our first baby so we have NOTHING.

[shanna-cat]

I am having a tye dye baby shower and am super excited about it. This is our third little boy so we need nothing- literally. For the shower instead of gifts everyone is bringing a white baby item and we are all going to tye dye. I am hoping to end up with some really unique beautiful colorful baby things... At least this baby will have mad style!