nervous about postpartum sex « Back to Group Discussions

[oikophile]

hi everyone,

it's been so long! my babe is 2 months old now, just weighed in at 13 lbs 11 oz at his checkup. O_o
things are going pretty well, but 2 months postpartum and we still haven't had sex...i've been so tired or attached to the baby that i haven't really wanted to, plus i'm a little nervous about what it'll be like. i had a 2nd degree tear, and although i'm all healed up now, i'm worried it won't be the same. also we tried to fool around once last week, and my milk let down. oh dear.

the fabulous sex of pregnancy seems like a distant memory now. please tell me we'll get back to normal someday! anyone else not feeling up to it yet?
Edited by oikophile - 1/7/13 at 7:26pm

[tm0sweet]

I felt this way after ds2 was born. The only advice I can give is not to rush it, but at the same time, for me, the longer I put it off the more I dreaded/feared it. Towels are a must have for sex while nursing! Or just plan on keeping your bra on hope it gets better for you mama!

[sere234]

Yeah, with DS1 I was pretty dang worried but it turned out fine! A tiny bit uncomfortable the first time but fine after that. I was more worried than I should have been!

This time I'm 7 weeks PP and nowhere near ready for sex. I had a tear that is taking a while to heal and NO ONE is going near it yet! 

[MrsKoehn]

I don't know what degree my tear was, but we're now 8 1/2 weeks out and I know it's healed fine. The MW checked it last week at our last checkup and she said it doesn't even look like I've had a baby, much less tore. It was a bad tear though, all the way to a thumb's width of my anus. It had stopped bleeding by the time she checked it so I opted for no stitches.

As to being intimate, I'm not ready for it but he's been for weeks. We've "made love" a few times, but seriously, when she's asleep, one of us is almost always holding her or so tired it's just not going to happen. I have never really had a lot of libido anyway so waiting doesn't bother me. I suspect we'll take the plunge soon though since I know I'm healed up and my only real excuse is Ana and sleep.... Though those are perfectly valid to me. Lol I keep dreaming we're about to go for it and I have a drive then.... Hmm, maybe it's time. I know he'd agree with that. Bwahaha

[finnegansmom]

I have no sex drive when I'm nursing, especially this often with such a young newborn.

I've "taken one for the team" a few times already. 

which is fine....I used that time to compile mental grocery lists.

Yup.

[kateaton]

It's been 8 weeks and I had no tears at all this time- it still hasn't happened yet.  I don't have much of a drive when nursing and exhausted.  The thought of it does make me nervous- just b/c things do change after you have a baby and everything feels different.

[babychak]

I had a second degree tear and was given the "all clear" at 5 weeks PP. We tried last weekend (at almost 8 weeks PP)...it didn't even make it all the way inside and it hurt, I got scared, and ended up crying. Then the baby started crying. Yeah, really romantic. :( Don't know when we'll try again...it seems impossible since our little one needs to be held constantly...and I'm nervous...

[franjapany]

Originally Posted by finnegansmom 

I have no sex drive when I'm nursing, especially this often with such a young newborn.

I've "taken one for the team" a few times already. 

which is fine....I used that time to compile mental grocery lists.

Yup.

that cracked me up

8 weeks pp and nothing happening here either. although, surprisingly I would even feel up to it. I think. But our little one also needs to be held most of the time and then there are his two siblings who tire us out enough for at least me to have no energy for anything as trivial as sex ;) DH is suffering though, I can tell. I guess I'll have to make an effort pretty soon. It just really feels like such an effort. ugh. the only time for anything to possibly happen is at night and then I'm just too tired.

btw, this baby was conceived after a 4month dry spell, when I had the opportunity to sleep for an extra 1-2 hours every morning with dh taking care of the kids. with the extra sleep my libido suddenly kicked in again - and bam! there I was pregnant with no3 :)

[kparker]

I'm just over 9 weeks out, and we've been there done that a few times. First time was at 2 weeks PP - not sure how that happened but I was magically interested so we had a date night and tried. It was terrifying and pretty tender, but not as bad as I expected. I admit I'm not really interested though, much to my husband's dismay. It's uncomfortable, hard to get around to doing with the kid being so needy, and I just don't really have any interest. Maybe that will change!

[MrsKoehn]

Well, we finally *did it* and it wasn't painful for once. It always has been. I think the tear gave me a little extra room....

We lay there snuggling and he says, "Wouldn't it be funny if you got pregnant again?" NO. It would be embarrassing actually.

[BibaDiva73]

I'm 8 weeks postpartum and we had sex Friday night. Now I'm terrified that I might be pregnant again. Exclusively breastfeeding on demand and no period, but I've heard stories of women getting pregnant under those circumstances anyway. We didn't use protection--stupid, I know, but hoping I'm ok in spite of it. I want another but not so close together. Will get the mini pill this week.

[BibaDiva73]

I'm 8 weeks postpartum and we had sex Friday night. Now I'm terrified that I might be pregnant again. Exclusively breastfeeding on demand and no period, but I've heard stories of women getting pregnant under those circumstances anyway. We didn't use protection--stupid, I know, but hoping I'm ok in spite of it. I want another but not so close together. Will get the mini pill this week.

[MrsKoehn]

I forgot to check if he had a condom too. I even dreamed we had #2. My body probably couldn't manage 2 this close with my past health. My Dr and mw recommended 2-3 yr spacing for my health. That's the spacing I like anyways so I'm good with that. I just keep reminding myself that EBF is as effective as the pill - 98 percent I think? It wouldn't be the end of the world if I got pregnant right now, just, well, embarrassing. And a pain having Irish Twins.

[kparker]

RE: pregnant again so soon - a silver lining to my infertility journey is that there is ZERO risk of getting pregnant unplanned! I like that heh

[tm0sweet]

My first 2 are 17 months apart, found out I was preggo with ds2 the same week we got custody of ds1! Whew was that a learning curve to suddenly have an 8mo baby anywhoodles… my point is I survived and have actually come to enjoy my boys being so close in age!

On a more related note… we haven't been using protection either. My period didn't return last time until ds was 9mo, so I'm hoping it's the same case this time!

[MrsKoehn]

We'll see who end up in what DDCs when! If I could pick, mine would be Nov 2014 or March/ April 2015

[finnegansmom]

I think this is the end of having kids for us....I'm 41 so really, my uterus needs to retire.  :)

Of course, we said that after #3 and I got pregnant at 12 months pp on a whim.

It was a total fluke, which I doubt would happen again to someone my age.

We don't have a ton of money or a large house, but if we did and I was a little younger, I'd be all over #5.  :)

Oh and my periods came back at 11 months with both #1 and #2, and about 8 months with #3 (he got teeth then and was very bitey and I think I didn't nurse enough to keep it away).

I'm guessing this one will be 8-11 months pp as well.

I tend to get a lot of EWCM annd extreme nipple soreness before I get my first period, so i think I ovulate before I get AF the first time, so I kind of have a heads up.

[kateaton]

My first two are 15 months apart- boy was that a surprise!  And not one I plan to repeat!  I do really want a 4th (and secretly a 5th, but we won't tell dh).  He hasn't absolutely agreed to a 4th, but says "we'll see", which means I can very easily talk him into it ;-)  He does say he likes the idea of  a big family, but worries about finances.  Anyway, I want a full year before we try or think of trying again, but I don't want to wait too long, I'm 36 and feel the clock ticking.  Secretly I hope I have twins next time, then the 5th is guaranteed!  I think somewhere around 2 years apart for this LO and the next would be good.  We'll see- If there's one thing in life I've learned is that I'm not in control and can't plan the way I want things to go.

[MrsKoehn]

I'm 33, hubby is 26. We're both from big families and want a big family. I always tell people, Well, his Mom had 14, my Mom had 6. That's a total of 20, so something south of that! They never know how to take that one!! Lol We don't have a number on mind. My health and she will make that decision for us. I just hope we have at least 2 of each.

[PacificMar]

I'm also very unlikely to get pregnant again--Luthien was conceived via intrauterine insemination and I'm 42. If she ever expresses interest in having a younger sibling, I'll have to break the news that the baby farm has gone to seed. Maybe we'll rescue a mastiff instead.