I have never posted on any blogs or other websites for help with my situation. So here goes....
I am a 28 year old woman that has been married for 10 years with two children ages 8 and 10. This last year, 2012, my husband became very depressed. I had my doubts about an affair but I blew it off thinking it will unveil itself some how. Well I was right! Long story short the confrontation happened in October and I kicked him out because of it. He got an apartment in November and I stayed in the house. This worked out good because I had just received a teaching job in August and started getting paid for it in September.
We told the kids we were separating when he got his apartment. Our custody arrangement is M,T him and W,Th me with alternating weekends. He moved about 15mins away. Well a week after we told the kids he had his girlfriend come stay the night with her two kids. Need I say that he has a two bedroom apartment. I was furious, but it doesn't surprise me. I thought that at least for the kids sake and our agreement that we wouldn't bring anyone around the kids until a divorce is agreed or final. Well apparently I am the only one thinking about the kids environment. Since his move out he has been very depressed STILL. He wants to talk to me and I tell him that we are no longer a couple and that I cannot be here for him with his feelings and emotions. He blames me for everything. I just agree because he is so emotional that he is having a conversation to himself. I just simply dismiss myself from that argument.
He can't speak to me as an adult or speak like an adult in front of the kids.I hear so much from the kids about his conversations on the phone that happens in front of them. I tell the kids that they shouldn't be listening to his conversations and should walk away. I don't know if he thinks we will get back together but after all this crap, it isn't going to happen! He continues playing these flirting games and when I don't I am the bitch. I just laugh.
Since he has his own apartment, I have never been inside, I never ask to go in. I give him his space and respect that. On the other hand, he comes in my house whenever he wants, lays on my bed, eats from my kitchen. He won't take the rest of his stuff that are in boxes. He says he can come inside anytime he wants because his name is on the loan. I know I am unable to change the locks until I file for divorce (coming very SOON).
He has left me with past due bills that he was in charge of paying water, electric, mortgage. He doesn't pay for any medical expenses or medication for the kids or lunch money for school. I have asked and he said no I have no money. I see that he plays a pity game when he doesn't have to spend his money on hunting gear then not be able to pay his bills. He tells me all the time, "I am behind on all my bills". NOT MY PROBLEM! He always says, "I have no money!" It isn't my problem that he can't be responsible for anything.
Yes the house is more than 186 days past due and I have been trying to work with the mortgage company on getting a repayment plan or something set up. I am able to afford this right now, well, hopefully. This is another issue because since he doesn't want to sign a form to get off the deed I have to wait for his paperwork for the mortgage company can see if I can get on some type of program. .
I am just overwhelmed that he doesn't respect my privacy and doesn't think I should have any. I have many questions! I am filing this week but I want some input on what I should consider. The counselor doesn't agree with our custody arrangements and I agree. My kids are crazy when they come back from seeing him, my son doesn't take his ADHD medication, they don't get their homework done, and he never signs or checks their daily school folder. He constantly has his girlfriend over there with her two young kids. Which is why I think he is neglecting the school responsibilities for the kids.
I don't want to take away from him seeing them by no means at all. I just provide a stable home (always have been with them) compared to him. I hate to say that but I am looking at how their grades are dropping and they are gifted kids.
I have been trying my hardest to hold it all together (kids help me), bite my lip on what he says or does at my house and in front of the kids.
I just need some advice on what I need to consider, how to talk to him when it comes to the kids, what type of orders to consider, and anything else that I don't know about. I have never experienced this before so I don't even know if I should be asking something else.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.