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what are you doing with your kids when you go into labor?

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 

We asked FIL and step-MIL to watch DS when I go into labor. Since then I have found them to be extremely flaky and don't know if I can count on them to be available when labor comes. Plus when we asked, I was going to be delivering at a birth center where I would only be there 4 hours past birth. 
Now I am going to be at the hospital. Possibly for 3 days if I end up with a c/s. The hospital we are at has no visiting hours. And if we wanted, DS could stay there with us. But I know that it would be way too stressful. 
The problem is that I don't trust DP's family with him. I have only been away from him for 24 hours and during that time, DP was taking care of him.
I would love for him to stay at our house so he can sleep in his own bed, but MIL is an idiot. Both of my SILs are horrible parents. I'm not trying to be a snotty bitch, DP agrees with me. 
I really just wish that DP could go home and stay there with DS, but of course I want DP at the hospital with me, too. 
Times like this I wish my family lived closer!

What are you all doing with your other kids?

post #2 of 21

The current plan is to have my sister come to the house to have an adult with them. We are not informing my parents or MIL when I go into labor because I don't want an audience (long story). I've decided that I won't ask the kids to leave the room, but I want an adult to be there for just them. 

post #3 of 21

A lot depends on when I go into labor and how fast, LOL. I will be giving birth in a hospital. Assuming my parents are home when I go into labor, the kids will stay with them (we live with my parents). I know my MIL would love to have DS until we come home from the hospital, but I she lives further away from the hospital than my parents, and I would rather DS be closer so he can visit when he wants, and we don't shuffle the kids around too much. DD will only be 17 months, so she'll be fine either way - but I think it's easier to have the kids all in one spot. I'm sad that my mom will most likely not be able to be with me for this birth, but I think she's ok with that. She was with me for the first 2, and I don't think she enjoyed the last one very much, LOL. We live about 10-15 minutes away from the hospital, so she can come as soon as I'm in the PP room and I think that's good.

 

Now, if I go into labor when my parents are NOT home . . well. I think the kids will come with us to the hospital, like it or not, until my parents or the ILs can come get them.

post #4 of 21

I'm hoping for a homebirth.  We have DSS7 one week on, one week off, so depending on the week, he might be home.  The tentative plan is to have him go back to his mom's, but if things are going okay (or he's in school, or it's night time) he may stay.  Hopefully both my parents will be up for the birth, so my dad can keep him occupied if he does stay. 

 

DP almost had tickets booked for DSS to go to visit DP's parents in Alberta during Spring Break (he's gone the last 2 years by himself, but this year it's around my due date).  I convinced him that I didn't think that was a good idea - how would you feel if your dad sent you away and you came home to a "new" family... 

 

At first I was adamant that DSS not be at the house.  Not because he's a child, but because I don't want to be jealous of any attention he gets when/if I need attention.  He's an only child of divorce and spoiled rotten, generally demanding (and getting) an adult's attention whenever he wants.  I'd be very upset if he decided he needed his dad at the same time I need him.  However, sometimes he's just fine - especially with me (the only parental figure in his life that doesn't cave to his every whim) and I'm pretty sure that if I were to tell him that I'm very busy and he can sit and watch or go play with Opa that he'd be okay.  A part of me wants him there just to have the memory of his sibling being born [hopefully] at home, surrounded by family. 

 

I still don't know...I think I'll be playing it by ear.

post #5 of 21

such a good question!  

 

A part of me would love for my kids to be around for after the birth... I am planning on turning our back room/den into a mini birth center and it will be mostly private... the kids can play in their rooms or watch a movie during labor but then would be right there for afterward....

 

HOWEVER... another part of me knows I would be horribly distracted if my kids were home.  I had a home miscarriage very suddenly when the kids were home last year and they both looked terrified for me.  The noises I made, etc... it was all very frightening for them.  I know this would be a much more positive experience, but I really don't know yet if I feel entirely comfortable with them home.  Especially, as scruffy described, I don't want my DH to feel torn between caring for them and caring for me.

 

I'm thinking I'll probably have them ushered off to my parents' house.  I don't particularly want my mom there at the birth (for a variety of reasons... I think I would be very inhibited if she was around.  Like I couldn't get "primal" haha.  Also... not too sure how supportive of the homebirth she would be in the moment.)  So this will also give her an active role in the process.

 

I'm a relatively quiet laborer (I labored almost totally alone until 9.5 cm last time).  I think it would be fun and special to have a close girlfriend or two there to support me, but I haven't decided yet.  These are the things that are very hard for me to visualize! 

post #6 of 21

Our plan is to keep DD 2yo home and have my mom be her "doula". If she wants to be there she can be but if she doesn't she has one of her fave people (my mom) to keep her occupied. Yesterday I watched some birth videos with her and she did great. Kept asking for more. We started with some slideshow type vides with pics to music, then moved on to videos with music and no birth noises and then finished with full detail videos with full birth sounds. There were a variety of scenarios from waterbirth to birth in a bed to birth in a chair. Some had kids involved and some didn't. She seemed to love them all. After the videos she kept putting her hands on my belly to hug the baby and then she was looking down to see if the baby was coming out yet. Hopefully this is a sign that she will do fine. She handles most situations well. she's a old soul joy.gif

post #7 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by LDoulaSteph View Post
After the videos she kept putting her hands on my belly to hug the baby and then she was looking down to see if the baby was coming out yet.

Awww...

post #8 of 21

That is very sweet, LDoulaSteph! :D

 

My daughter is still undecided on whether or not she wants to be around for the birth, and I'm not going to push her into being there, so we're kind of playing that part of things by ear. The issue of getting her to school, too, came up on our drive home. My mom is coming out for the entire month (OMG we're all gonna KILL EACH OTHER!!  XD ) of March, since my due date is right smack dab in the middle and I don't see this little one coming more than two weeks early or late (the pressure will be on once I hit 40 weeks, if not earlier, since I'm diabetic). My mom will be good for taking care of my daughter and keeping her out of the way (at least that's the hope). If nothing else, a friend of mine has offered to take her.

post #9 of 21

We're hoping our DD can be present at the birth.  We're having a hospital birth, so MIL will come as well and if things drag on too long, she'll take DD back to her place.  MIL is agreeable to this and it seems like a good plan - I just hope we're not doing a mad dash for the hospital at 3 am or anything, I'd hate to have to call her then.  She would come without complaint of course but I'd feel awful about hauling her out of bed!  I guess we could just wait until a "decent" hour (fortunately MIL is an early riser, 5:30 would probably be decent for her) and hope DD would be ok without a dedicated adult until then.  She's 7, and pretty into things like this - but getting woken up at 3 am isn't good for emotional control if you're 7, either.

 

Any tips on how to get labour going at a specific time of day??? Or for slowing labour if it's 3 am?  I'm all for the gravol if that's likely to work...

post #10 of 21

We're having a homebirth.  The kids are older (20, 17, 14 and 12), and so that puts a different spin on things, since they don't need to be watched.  They could also be at their dad's depending on how the timing works out. My oldest DD was there for her younger sister's birth (she was nearly 3yo), but otherwise it just worked out to have the older siblings come in after the next two were born.  

 

It's kind of weird, but I don't think I want anyone at this birth but DP and the midwives.  With my second DD, I had the whole world in the room while I was in labor--my ExH, midwife, nurse, mom, dad, younger brother--but ExH and I didn't have a particularly close relationship and it felt right to have all those other people there.  With DP, this feels way different, and I'm looking for a lot more intimacy this time.  Plus the kids don't seem to have any interest in being at the actual birth, lol.  It will be awesome to call them in soon afterwards, but I'd like it to be just DP and me at first.

 

:)

post #11 of 21
This one is soooo hard for me. Last pregnancy I was so stressed about it I made myself sick, until my dr asked if I wanted to be induced at 39 weeks. Which was my sisters day off! Just relaxing into a plan put me into labor and he was born the day before, lol. Perfect because I really didn't want and induction! It was super fast tho, we put the kids in the car, drove to the hospital and he was born 9 minutes later while they sat in the hallway. They were 8 and 4, so they did well.
This time! I have no clue. They are 10, 6, and 2. The 6 is wild, hate to ask dd to watch that AND a toddler in the hospital. My sister works a lot, my mom is disabled, my dad doesn't live here, and the inlaws, never. I really wish we had a midwife within reach, but my labors are too fast for one hours away. I thought about just staying home when the time comes, if everyone is healthy (dh is a disabled vet). But my health has sucked, so dh said he didn't think we should...
greensad.gif. And then once the baby is born.... I love having dh with me the first couple nights, it's been very bonding for us, but our toddler has never slept away from home.
I just don't know... I've had two nights of severe ctx that I thought if we just had a babysitter I'd have gone in. Sometimes I imagine myself getting in the shower alone, at night, laboring and delivering my baby.
I've been trying to talk to dh, he just says it'll all work out. Which I guess is right, but I need a PLAN! Lol
post #12 of 21

We are having a homebirth and the kids would like to be there. We have not discussed in detail yet about what all that means. I have a friend that I'm thinking about asking to be present at the birth and be available to help with the kids if need be. Its going to depend on if her DH is around as they have a child and if he's out then it would not work.

 

When our second was born our first was 2 and we had a hospital birth. My DH's niece took care of our son she is just a couple years younger than I. They had a great time together. She brought him to the hospital so he could see baby, shortly after she was born in the evening. But then took him home so he could sleep in his own bed. We were home the next day mid-morningish...I had told the hospital staff I was not going to be hanging out there long :)

post #13 of 21

I'm leaning toward a similar plan as LDoulaSteph.  My son will be 3 by then, and we're planning a homebirth.  We've hired a doula, so if DP needs to step away for a while to be with DS, it won't be the end of the world, and my mom is pretty easy going/good with my son.  DP's parents also live 15 minutes away, so my mom could take Jack over there if he or I don't seem to be handling it well.

 

We've read a couple of books, but haven't watched any videos yet, but I've been reviewing a bunch.

 

This was a post that I flagged before I was even pregnant and recently revisited.  Very useful information: http://www.phdinparenting.com/2011/03/23/preparing-an-older-sibling-for-a-new-birth/

post #14 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by nearlyelated View Post

I'm leaning toward a similar plan as LDoulaSteph.  My son will be 3 by then, and we're planning a homebirth.  We've hired a doula, so if DP needs to step away for a while to be with DS, it won't be the end of the world, and my mom is pretty easy going/good with my son.  DP's parents also live 15 minutes away, so my mom could take Jack over there if he or I don't seem to be handling it well.

 

We've read a couple of books, but haven't watched any videos yet, but I've been reviewing a bunch.

 

This was a post that I flagged before I was even pregnant and recently revisited.  Very useful information: http://www.phdinparenting.com/2011/03/23/preparing-an-older-sibling-for-a-new-birth/


Awesome resource!!! Thanks so much for posting.  I was looking for a listing of good birth videos to show DD - randomly poking around on youtube didn't seem to be such a good idea...

post #15 of 21
It's only when I brought up this topic with DH last night did we realise we hadnt even thought about what to do with 3 yr old DS! We live about an hour from the hospital and any family, though my sister and MIL and FIL are not far off the route. But I hope to be in established labour before I leave home and it just seems weird to me to think of stopping to drop off my son, my instinct tells me that would slow or halt my progress. I don't really want to see anyone but my DH and the midwife during labour and birth, ideally I would have a dark quiet unassisted birth but our remoteness is worrying (more for DH than me!) and circumstances won't even allow a home birth.
I never put DS in the birth picture at all and I don't think I'd like him present. I'd worry about freaking him out rather than focusing on my own state. We might have a look at some of the birth videos though, it's likely I've underestimated kids natural acceptance and that DS wouldn't be bothered, but rather interested.
post #16 of 21

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlimP View Post

We might have a look at some of the birth videos though, it's likely I've underestimated kids natural acceptance and that DS wouldn't be bothered, but rather interested.

 

I was nervous to watch birth vids with DSS7 and was planning on carefully picking out some "easy" ones.  Then one day when my mom and I were watching one of the movies my midwife had lent me (I don't even know which one, but it was a peaceful one) he came in with his toys, looked at the tv for a minute [woman gives birth] and said, "Did that lady just have her baby?"  I said "yes."  And he said "cool" and kept on playing with his cars.  I think they really take our lead on things like that - both my mom and I were smiling, so he was happy and left with a positive impression.

 

I haven't watched any more with him, and I'm not sure if/when I will.  I don't want to overload him so much that it's not "normal/routine" for him - by me making a big deal out of it, it will be a big deal to him, YKWIM?  The next time we read a book about being a big brother, if he asks questions pertaining to the birth, I'll take his lead and we'll discuss it further, but I don't want to push the information on him, especially since he may not even be there.  But that's just my approach for him - if he was curious, I'd be all over that and showing him everything I could find!

 

Nearlyelated -  great link!!  Very clear and useful information!

post #17 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MPsSweetie View Post
I've been trying to talk to dh, he just says it'll all work out. Which I guess is right, but I need a PLAN! Lol

I had the same issue! I stress out about it, and DP is so relaxed about it. 

I definitely don't want DS there during labor. I won't be able to focus on the task at hand with him around (he is a total mommy's boy). 
We might try to have him sleep at the hospital with us. If not, DP said he would drive home and put him to bed then come back to the hospital. That way he is sleeping in his own bed and put to sleep by daddy, and MIL can bring him to the hospital in the morning. 

post #18 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by nearlyelated View Post

I'm leaning toward a similar plan as LDoulaSteph.  My son will be 3 by then, and we're planning a homebirth.  We've hired a doula, so if DP needs to step away for a while to be with DS, it won't be the end of the world, and my mom is pretty easy going/good with my son.  DP's parents also live 15 minutes away, so my mom could take Jack over there if he or I don't seem to be handling it well.

 

We've read a couple of books, but haven't watched any videos yet, but I've been reviewing a bunch.

 

This was a post that I flagged before I was even pregnant and recently revisited.  Very useful information: http://www.phdinparenting.com/2011/03/23/preparing-an-older-sibling-for-a-new-birth/

I googled "birth videos for kids" and the first link had the series of videos we watched. The order was so helpful to ease DD into it, although she loved the full vocalization ones ;)

post #19 of 21

What a great link!

 

Right now I'm planning on having one of my former students & my babysitter come to the house to help with DS. She actually has an interest in childbirth & medicine and is excited to be a part of it. She's 18, but has 3 younger siblings that she attended the birth. I'm a little worried that it could be awkward for both of us (seeing we have more of a teacher/student relationship), but I think it will work out great and I don't plan on having her in the room during the actual birth. 

post #20 of 21
Yikes! I need a plan! We are planning another home birth. Our fourth baby, and I had HB with the first two, planned HB with number three, but had to transfer for a cesarean. I spent one night in the hospital and it was very traumatic for my other children. And me! Being away from them. Hopefully, all will go well, and we will all just be at home for the duration. If not, I guess I need to make a plan with a friend.
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