My new job

[Linda on the move]

Hi All,

For those of you I don't know, my DD is on the autism spectrum and is now 16. I've been around here forever, but not as much lately.

I just started a new job today and I'm so excited. I'm a TA in a special needs classroom. Its a cross category grade 3-5 classroom. The teacher is super, and the principal really has a heart for special needs kids. I'm getting to know the kids and learning the classroom rules and all.

I'm thinking about going back to college to get certified to teach special education. There is a program through a college here for people who already have BAs, and I've been researching it.

There was a time I would have laughed really, really hard if someone had told me that I would want to do this kind of work. For so long, I was overwhelmed and just trying so, so hard to be the best mom possible to my DD. Being her mom was a full time job for many years (more than a full time job, really). I couldn't imagine wanting to work with other children, much less special needs kids.

She is doing super now (she really turned a corner when she was about 14) and last year I went back to the kind of work I did before I had kids. As much as I liked it BEFORE kids, I hate it now. It just isn't me anymore.

So I did a lot of soul searching about what I want to do now that I have time to do something besides be a mom, and I found myself deeply drawn to working other special kids.

The other TA in the classroom is the mother of a child with Down's Syndrome who also went into this kind of work once her son was somewhat independent.

[melissa17s]

Linda, that is great!  Ds has always been so fond of his special ed teachers and I think it is because they are caring and committed to the kids that they work with.  Glad you are able to relate to your students because of your personal experience.  

[mamarhu]

I am so happy for you Linda! I did sort of the same thing - my experience of raising special needs kids led me to a position as family advocate for families with kids in the mental health system. I believe that as parents of special needs kids, we bring a depth of understanding that no textbook or classroom could ever teach. Yay for you, and the lucky kids in your class!
 

[baltmom]

Linda, Congratulations! I always appreciate everything you share on here and have already learned so very much from you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. The kids, families, and other staff are lucky to have you. So glad to hear you have found and are following your passion! I too am considering some professional options I would never have even noticed were it not for my experiences parenting my son. That seems to be another gift that comes with special needs - finding a new and crystal clear sense of purpose.

[Linda on the move]

Thanks for the warm wishes! The last week has been crazy adjusting to the new job. The kids in the class are AMAZING and I just adore them. I'm starting to learn the SN community from the school side and it's very interesting. The teacher I'm with really advocates for the kids with the district and tries to get them the best possible services, but she has to tow the party line with parents.
 

Some of the things I'm seeing are fairly heart wrenching (one little girl in our class is there because of shaken baby syndrome) but the thing that gets to me is that we have one little guy who is unpredictable and at times dangerous. They are working on a new behavior plan for him, so may be that will help. We are trying to keep the other kids safe. I really feel for his parents. I feel for him too -- once the dust clears and he realizes what he has done, he seems to feel genuine remorse and regret. Part of my job is to track his behaviors during the day and then tell his parent at pick up. I kinda want to give the mom a hug. This is her baby boy, and as a parent I would find it hard to hear these things.

[mamarhu]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move  Part of my job is to track his behaviors during the day and then tell his parent at pick up. I kinda want to give the mom a hug. This is her baby boy, and as a parent I would find it hard to hear these things.

Could you give her a written list or report instead of her having to listen to a litany of her son's transgressions each day? My heart also goes out to this mom - I would get to dread pick-up time every day. And could you sprinkle in one or two things he did well each day? Note the remorse, or even just a sweet smile or something you noticed. Not to be artificial, but to let Mom know you recognize her child is more than just his bad behaviors.

I am glad the job is working out. This is the kind of role we need filled by caring moms, rather than inexperienced students. Nothing against students, but often the entry level positions, with the most direct care of these kids, are filled by those for whom it is "just a job". Clearly, you are bringing your heart to it.

[rightkindofme]

I'm really glad you chose this as a next career. :D Based on the stuff you write I think you will excel in this field. I'm so glad that your students will get to benefit from having you in their lives.

I don't think I will go back to teaching but I think about heading in the direction of therapist for severely traumatized children. The kind everyone else gives up on. I have a while till my kids are old enough. I will think about you as the years go by and I try to motivate myself towards going back to school. :)

[melissa17s]

Originally Posted by mamarhu 

Could you give her a written list or report instead of her having to listen to a litany of her son's transgressions each day? My heart also goes out to this mom - I would get to dread pick-up time every day. And could you sprinkle in one or two things he did well each day? Note the remorse, or even just a sweet smile or something you noticed. Not to be artificial, but to let Mom know you recognize her child is more than just his bad behaviors.

mamarhu, when I was in school learning about assessment and critique for art at k12 level, we were told when addressing student's work to start with a positive and end with a positive (they would use the analogy of like a sandwich).  The areas for improvement went between the positives.  

[Tigerle]

Congratulations, what an amazing thing for you! And for the kids, like a PP pointed out.

this special needs community I fought so hard to keep out of with DS1 and have been catapulted right into with DS2, is actually all kinds of awesome, and I am already having diffuse thoughts of getting really involved in educational matters. Not sure whether I can or want to turn it into a career, I don't think I am that brave - considering my own health issues, I better remain a civil servant with the job security and benefits for life, but I expect i could work part time and go into advocacy or local politics. All this way down the road of course, though hopefully a bit earlier than DS2's 16th birthday.

I'd love to hear more about what you're doing, and how the plans to get more qualifications are turning out...

[Linda on the move]

The pick up time is bumpy. I do give the mom a written report that is a form I fill out as the day as long. Every segment of his day gets documented and when things go well, that is noted. The problem is that at pick up, he runs off or otherwise spins out of control so it is difficult to talk to her at all. Part of my goal right now is to treat her with dignity, look her in the eye, tell her that I hope she has a nice weekend, ect. Even in our brief interactions, just to stay one human being connecting and being kind to another human being.

I'm a little overwhelmed with my role right now and really no longer want the lead teachers job. She puts in a ton of hours, has a ton of stress, fills out a crazy amount of paper work, and usually seems to have both a parent and the principal annoyed at her about something. And she is an awesome teacher! I wish my dd had had her when she was younger.

[mamarhu]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

I'm a little overwhelmed with my role right now and really no longer want the lead teachers job.

I totally get this feeling. My agency offered to pay part of my tuition for grad school, if I wanted to become a therapist. No, thank you!

Hang in there. You haven't yet hit your stride, and it will become smoother. I am learning to leave work at work - a new skill for those of us who have been parenting so intensely for so long. Remember all the self-care skills you probably heard over the years. They are just as important now in your new role as they were as a parent.

As for the pick up time issue - have you read The Explosive Child (or the school-based companion book, Lost at School)? Is there any way to work collaboratively with the child to make transitioning to Mom smoother? I don't know if you mentioned the child's age or cognitive/verbal abilities.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by mamarhu 

Could you give her a written list or report instead of her having to listen to a litany of her son's transgressions each day? My heart also goes out to this mom - I would get to dread pick-up time every day. And could you sprinkle in one or two things he did well each day? Note the remorse, or even just a sweet smile or something you noticed. Not to be artificial, but to let Mom know you recognize her child is more than just his bad behaviors.

Echoing this.  

This is great news, Linda!  Congrats.

[kathteach]

Congrats Linda! I'm another person who has learned much from you here through the years.

[FarmerBeth]

Linda, this is wonderful news for you!  I'm sure you will be of such help in your new job.  I can tell from your posts that you are such and understanding person.
 

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Wow!  Linda, I totally missed this.  I'm so happy and excited for you, and doubly happy and excited for the children and families' lives you will be touching.  They are truly blessed to have such a wonderful compassionate knowledgeable person to advocate for them!

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by mamarhu 

Could you give her a written list or report instead of her having to listen to a litany of her son's transgressions each day? My heart also goes out to this mom - I would get to dread pick-up time every day. And could you sprinkle in one or two things he did well each day? Note the remorse, or even just a sweet smile or something you noticed. Not to be artificial, but to let Mom know you recognize her child is more than just his bad behaviors.

She gets a written report on his day that is 2-3 pages long that notes positives as well as negatives. I do mention positive or sweet things when possible, but he is so out of control at pick up that it is often hard to speak to her.   He uses a picture schedule to get through his day, and a truly unbelievable amount has gone into making the transition as easy as possible.

He is going to be switching to a different school in our district next week -- it's a self contained school for special needs. It is a state of the art facility (sensory room, therapeutic pool with physical therapy in the pool, etc.) But it feels like a facility instead of a school.

I don't know what is happening to my job. The principal and sped teachers at our school are trying to get me switched to another sped classroom there that has an opening, but the district is wanting me to switch with him. I don't know where I go to work next Monday morning. I really don't want to go to the other school -- I think it would be depressing for me. Every one says it is great, but it's just not what I signed on for. .....

[FarmerBeth]

Perhaps if he goes to the other school you could agree to just a trial period there.  Having done this work myself, I know how both the school and the child you work with are a pretty big part of how much you enjoy the job.  For me, the school usually trumped the child as it affects your overall social atmosphere, but you don't know if you don't try it.  "Facility" type structures can be a lot warmer than the term implies, and how they feel depends more upon the staff than the designation.

Hope whatever happens this works out for you.
 

[Linda on the move]

I've heard that the staff is amazing and that the school does great work (in addition to talking to people who work for the district, I also know a woman whose son has Downs and went to school there for years).

But right now I'm in a cross cat classroom, and while the kids are more severely affected than kids who can be mainstreamed for at least part of the day, the other school has mostly kids with truly profound issues. A lot of the students are non-verbal. It seems heavy and depressing.

It's Thursday, and I still don't know where I am supposed to report for work on Monday. But if they tell me tomorrow that I'm to go to the other school, I'm going to go and try to have as open of a mind as I can. I know that sometimes things in my life are working out just right for me even though it doesn't seem like it. May be there is a person there that I am meant to meet, or an experience that I am meant to have, and it will effect and change my life in some wonderful way.

After all, I never would have chosen to be the parent of a child with autism, but I would be a completely different person if I hadn't had this experience, and I really like who I am right now. The experience of being my daughters mother has made me a better person. 

[mamarhu]

Let us know where you go, and how it goes! My district has around 3 (depending on how you count) different special needs schools, and each is a totally different experience. So much depends on the administration and the individual teacher.  A therapeutic pool - wow! In general, I think it is a good thing that they are considering having the staff (you) follow the child - if you have a relationship that is working, it is worth preserving.
 

[FarmerBeth]

Good luck!  Let us know how Monday went.