Yes, excellent question!
I guess I seem more confident than I am... but then again, I guess I am pretty confident, relatively speaking. I did toss and turn a lot over the u/s thing, mainly because of the blame issue I detail below.
I am sure that my relative "confidence," especially given this is my first, is due to two things. First, my family (both sides, but especially my dad's) is all about bucking the system when necessary. Like, I come from a long line of activists-- my 88 y.o. grandmother still volunteers and marches for progressive causes. So although I am not the world's most confrontational person, I am also very determined as a rule to get what I need and do "what's right" (or best) even in the face of heavy opposition. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I am actually more emboldened the more opposition I face, LOL (I'm not GENERALLY stubborn just to be stubborn), but it's relatively tough to dissuade me if your main argument is "this is the way it's always been done" or "people will think you're weird/irresponsible/crazy/wrong." Basically, if your argument is mostly about the social acceptability of a course of action, it will hold little sway with me. So, birth is no different.
The other major factor here is my mom. She is an MD, and the most distinguishing characteristic of her practice as a doctor is: research, research, research. She is always interested in what the best and latest research says, and she can't stand docs who just throw the same drugs or recommendations at everyone, or cr@ppy practices which hang around because "that's the way we've always done it." My little brother actually managed to convince her that pot isn't demotivational (LOL!) by showing her the relevant studies. Now, my mom is straight as an arrow (never even drinks more than glass of wine at a time!) and still doesn't endorse pot smoking, per se, but after researching it, she was totally willing to admit that some of what she had previously learned and believed about marijuana was wrong. That's just who she is. The second most distinguishing characteristic of her as a physician is her desire to stick to as low-intervention a course as possible. She doesn't want anyone taking drugs (or supplements! so it's not just a preference for being "natural") if they don't need to. Ditto, surgery-- and this is just generally, not specifically with regard to birth. I don't want to reveal too much, but suffice it to say that at one point she held one of the US's most influential positions on (legal) drugs, and we only ever really had Tylenol and Immodium in our medicine cabinets at home.
So, that's where I come from.
And basically my research led me to homebirth as the safest and best choice for me.
I do have some fear! About people undermining me, etc.-- and it's not like I'm immune to social pressures. I completely and totally understand that, when faced with two courses of action, even when they know one is "better" or "safer" (but especially when the absolute risk of either course is fairly low)-- most women will choose the one that is less likely to bring down the wrath of the establishment, the one that is less likely to rock the boat-- the one that is less likely to get them blamed. Well, it's the fact that women ARE blamed for these kinds of choices (anything to do with motherhood is a big one) that demonstrates what a misogynist society we still live in-- and I certainly can't blame women for the environment they're in. But I'd like to help change it. And I, personally, am reasonably okay bucking that system myself. Not bucking it just to buck it-- but if need be.
(My mom, BTW, had two unmedicated hospital births, and though she was a touch skeptical about homebirth when I first mentioned it, she is totally on board now. The research was convincing!)
Ohhh good question, keeptryst!
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