Hoping for some likeminded Mamas! « Back to Group Discussions

[Tarynosaurus]

Hi gals! I'm Taryn. I have a 6 year old, and a 4 year old, who were both born at home. Super excited to bring another one into the family in August! I cosleep, breastfeed (extended), babywear....etc, etc...

Anyway, I for some unknown reason thought it would be a good idea to join a birth board on Baby Center, and I wanted to pull my hair out every time I checked in. SO MUCH judgement for the more natural way of doing things. I know not everyone will agree with me, and I certainly dont expect or demand it. But I'm thinking Mothering will be a bit more my style.

Congrats fellow Mamas!

[Babygnumber1]

Hey there! I'm Doris and also planning a Homebirth !! This will be my third child, second Homebirth. It's funny you mentioned babycenter because I was just thinking why the heck I keep checking those boards lol

[Tarynosaurus]

I know! haha. I just unjoined the group, but that wont make it impossible to see the posts. I'm going to keep the app for the sole purpose of tracking my baby's progress, but I have GOT to stay off of those boards.
 

[Babygnumber1]

I joined babycenter when I was pregnant with my 4 year old, and it just gets worst. In about a month or so will start the circumcision debate and it gets heated! Then it's the breast feeding vs formula debate, then the induction posts start. When the babies are born it's about letting babies cry it out.... It happens in every birth board there!

[Tarynosaurus]

Yikes. further confirmation on why I should to get out, and need to stay out. The circ debate alone would make me want to stab myself in the eye
 

[CraftyMcGluestick]

OMG ladies! I am so happy I was never on the babycenter boards. Of all the things I need and want during my pregnancy, a battle with strangers on the Internet does not make the list!

My sister has been on Mothering boards since before her first was born in 2003, so I naturally (!) gravitated here with my first in 2010. Love the supportive community I have found here on Mothering- which IS what I want and need during pregnancy. I wonder if it would be the same experience here if I wanted to formula feed, circumcise, etc. I don't, but even when I have seen those issues come up, I have really only seen very respectful, non-judgmental dissent. I love being on Mothering! Glad to have you ladies here, too!

[shesaidboom]

It looks like I stayed away from the baby center boards for a good reason! I hope these boards are a much better fit for you, Taryn. I love that the ladies here are never judgemental, and when someone has a different view or opinion they share it in a respectful way. I get the weekly "how your baby is growing" update from them, but I save my discussions for tihs place!

[marci mommi]

I was on another Aug board and the women were so mean to one another. I had to stop even looking at it. I'm so glad I found this group! Thankful to share this time with mamas who are kind and even if opinions may differ I feel this group would handle it respectfully!

[Xobel]

Oh my, baby center sounds awful!  This is my first, so I've never had the opportunity to find myself in that kind of cyber-environment.  I had a friend with a similar outlook on pregnancy and parenting to mine - just a more natural approach than conventional - recommend this site to me just today when I revealed my big secret to her (to which she responded, of course, "I knew it").

I am going to have a hospital birth (I know - cringe - but they have a separate birthing center with very nice suites where water births are allowed) . . . I plan to hire a doula to help me at home for as long as possible, and then be an assistant as well as an advocate for me at the hospital.  I'm kind of having an interesting time striking a balance between staying on good terms with my doctor and the whole institution of the hospital and standing by my values and beliefs about pregnancy and childbirth.  As a first-time mom, I'm VERY interested in meeting people who have navigated these waters before!  As much as I'd love a home birth, I think it will have to wait until baby #2 for various reasons - mostly having to do with a recent miscarriage, but also (though I hate to use this as an excuse) the white carpets still covering nearly every room of the house!

Anyway - long story short - I am definitely in the market for natural mama friends as well.

[Banana731]

This is my third DDC on MDC (though I guess we just call it Mothering.com now!)

[CraftyMcGluestick]

Originally Posted by Xobel 

I am going to have a hospital birth (I know - cringe - but they have a separate birthing center with very nice suites where water births are allowed) . . . I plan to hire a doula to help me at home for as long as possible, and then be an assistant as well as an advocate for me at the hospital.  I'm kind of having an interesting time striking a balance between staying on good terms with my doctor and the whole institution of the hospital and standing by my values and beliefs about pregnancy and childbirth.  As a first-time mom, I'm VERY interested in meeting people who have navigated these waters before!  As much as I'd love a home birth, I think it will have to wait until baby #2 for various reasons - mostly having to do with a recent miscarriage, but also (though I hate to use this as an excuse) the white carpets still covering nearly every room of the house!

Anyway - long story short - I am definitely in the market for natural mama friends as well.

Xobel, I was planning a homebirth with my first, but ended up transferring my care to an OB and a hospital the DAY before the night when my DS was born (at 42 weeks). I had been really skeptical of hospital births and had frankly gone to some extreme measures to keep my homebirth plan on track. Transfer was necessary though and I am so thankful for it. My experience was so positive at the hospital and options for homebirth care in my area are so limited, I have decided to have another hospital birth.

My point is, you sound like a strong mama and when you know your own mind and stay informed about your choices, you can certainly have a great and enjoyable birth at hospital, home, or frankly taxi cab. Good luck with a great birthing experience!

[LeighPF]

Originally Posted by Xobel 

Oh my, baby center sounds awful!  This is my first, so I've never had the opportunity to find myself in that kind of cyber-environment.  I had a friend with a similar outlook on pregnancy and parenting to mine - just a more natural approach than conventional - recommend this site to me just today when I revealed my big secret to her (to which she responded, of course, "I knew it").

I am going to have a hospital birth (I know - cringe - but they have a separate birthing center with very nice suites where water births are allowed) . . . I plan to hire a doula to help me at home for as long as possible, and then be an assistant as well as an advocate for me at the hospital.  I'm kind of having an interesting time striking a balance between staying on good terms with my doctor and the whole institution of the hospital and standing by my values and beliefs about pregnancy and childbirth.  As a first-time mom, I'm VERY interested in meeting people who have navigated these waters before!  As much as I'd love a home birth, I think it will have to wait until baby #2 for various reasons - mostly having to do with a recent miscarriage, but also (though I hate to use this as an excuse) the white carpets still covering nearly every room of the house!

Anyway - long story short - I am definitely in the market for natural mama friends as well.

I had a proper hospital birth with Monkey (best possible induction, loved my doula) and a hospital based birth center with Bee (still in love with the tub, home the next morning). The plan is for Iggy to be born at home, mostly because my house has better food and no commute. And no tiny tirage room with a fetal monitor that never quite works for me.

Who is with you and how comfortable you feel is far more important that when you are. I think a doula should come standard with every first birth and the default option there after. With your doc/midwife, start asking early and often about how things are done. Specifics with non vague answers. Birth centers are usually great about not letting the worst 'hospital' problems in the door.

[FarmerCathy]

Hey there,

Yeah, I've never really been on Baby Center except for the pregnancy updates.  That is awful that women are so mean to each other.

I had a hospital birth for my last.  I would have loved another HB, but I'm diabetic and did have a pretty wonderful experience in the hospital.  The nurse was more like a doula and she was great.  I'm having another hospital birth and we have moved.  The key I think is to have a birth plan.  I had a whole list of things for them not to do to DD while in the nursery.  DH was always with her, but he wouldn't have remembered everything.  They were baffled by me not having them bathe her.  I felt like she was protected more by her vernix not to be washed while in the hospital, she def. smelled wonderful, her hair was a little gunky, but that was under a hat most of the time anyway.  I am also employing a doula this time.  I want someone who knows what I need when I need it.  Esp. when I get to the transition stage and all I want is a break. 
 

[Xobel]

Thank you so much, everyone, for the support and advice!

And P.S. "Crafty McGluestick" is an amazing name.

[1love4ever]

Another like-minded mama here!  So glad I never joined the Babycenter boards, but I have friends who do that kinda crap in my life anyway, so I know all about it.  I'll bet they are on Babycenter!!  For the most part I've been impressed by Mothering and that people seem to be pretty civil and are not usually rude.  I have gotten attacked on here a few times tho, for being maybe more "natural" then even a lot of the moms here?  IDK, like raw milk stuff, and no antibiotics.  And once when I asked an innocent question about circumcision on the circ board, I am totally anti-circ and I STILL got attacked!!  I couldnt believe it.  But whatever, anyway :)  I know I tend to ramble on, sorry.  And in my posts I am sometimes opinionated but never intend to be rude.  Anyway, welcome :)

Xobel- Hydrogen peroxide will get blood out of your whitest carpets btw, not a drop of anything got on any of my carpets!  I had a hospital birth with my first, and u really have to be sure that everyone knows what u want for your baby.  Send the hospital a letter ahead of time stating that there will be no shots given to your baby, if its a boy no circ, etc, as well as let the nurses and the Dr know, and be sure your baby is with you at all times.  Take it from someone that it happened to- they WILL do things without your permission, and then give u the consent forms to sign AFTER the fact!!  Yes, very messed up situation.  And they will switch out what they tell u is just fluids to keep u hydrated in your IV with pitocin, they did it to me!   Get a Dr that is really on  board and respectful of all of your choices.  THe last thing that u want while in labor is worry and stress, and to feel like u have to fight for yourself and your beliefs and wants for your own body.  In labor I just say yeah, whatever, ok, to everything bc I am just not there, so in a hospital that would mean me consenting to drugs and shots and stuff, but thankfully my midwife never asked me those questions, she agreed with all of my choices, and we were at home so obviously there wasnt many things that could happen anyway, but that was the way it should have been, how it was meant to be :)

Read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth for some awesome advice on natural birth and explainations on like every intervention and drug that u may be offered!  Lastly, make your choices based on your research, not on others opinions, I guarantee u if u research it, they know less about it than you!  People rarely research anything, they just have their longheld beliefs like vaccines save lives and are totally safe.  Or, circ is necessary.  They have never done a stitch of research on it (the people in my life anyway), yet they'll tell u all day long how dumb you are for not doing them and how your child is going to die and bla bla bla, but since i've done my research I am confidant in my choices.  :)

[somegirl99]

Xobel, I had a drug-free hospital birth last time and am hoping for the same this time.  I did not have a doula (DH assured me he would be up to the task) but did have a birth plan.  The nurses and pediatrician were all great at following my birth plan, I couldn't ask for more.  The nurses were incredibly supportive of me and my wishes for a drug-free birth and kept cheering me on.

My only negative part was the on-call OB, she was the only one in the practice that I couldn't stand from my prenatal visits.  So I am going with a hospital-based CNM practice this time, hoping it will be better (so far I already like them better).

We are doing hospital instead of home because we live too far from the nearest hospital and any transfer would most likely involve an ambulance + helicopter ride, which we'd like to avoid.

You can read my DS's birth story here.

[Banana731]

One of the perks, for those choosing to hire a doula, if you end up with an provider who doesn't truly follow rules about informed consent your doula is still watching. She should be letting you know, " the nurse is adding a bag I pitocin to your line, do you consent to that?" or something along those lines. I can't tell you how many times I've had to say, "dr so and so is about to preform a VE...(insert routine care that was specifically mentioned as requiring mom's consent, or not to be done...)

I think they just get so used to no one questioning SOP in maternity care, that they don't even think about the need for informed consent. It smacks of hubris, but I understand why it happens.

[Xobel]

Yes, I am definitely going with a doula in part because of needing more active pair of eyes in the hospital - especially since I don't want the baby to be vaccinated then, and I definitely plan to take the placenta home for encapsulation (I hear you have to be pretty vigilant about that, as well).  Between a doula and my husband I think I will have sufficient physical comfort, but since I'd like to labor at home for as long as absolutely possible, I will feel psychologically comforted by having someone who has seen many births before with me to kind of keep me up to speed on whether or not things are going smoothly.  Not a midwife, but still SIGNIFICANTLY more experienced than me or my husband!  I have several friends who have delivered at home or have waited until transition to head the hospital, and they have all been very reassuring.  Plus, I have the luxury of living two blocks from the hospital, so if my doula (or myself?) thinks something might be going wrong suddenly, travel time to the hospital is basically a non-issue.  Since it's my first baby, I am kind of on the fence about some things - I'm not afraid of childbirth and I view it as a natural and healthy process, but I also acknowledge that I have no idea what it's actually like.  I'm very good at relaxation and meditation techniques of various kinds, but who knows how I'll respond in the heat of the moment?  Just like with anything else, I think it takes experience to develop real confidence.  I've done a lot of research over many years, but giving birth and reading a book are not the same thing -- or so I've heard :P

Plus, my hospital is definitely responding to a rising demand for natural birth in my town.  They offer private suits with birth pools and all kinds of things to accommodate different labor and birth positions.  They have a wing where they lock you in a bed with monitors and tubes (like all hospitals), and then they have a wing where they let you run around the room and swing on monkey bars and go swimming ;)  

My ideas on this matter will probably change if/when I have my second child, but life is a learning process.  I know enough to not make my mother's mistakes (putting herself entirely in the doctor's hands, getting one C-section after 14 hours of laboring flat on her back because they baby was "too big" (7 lbs?! And my mother is not a tiny lady), and another, planned C-section due to an anti-VBAC stance at that hospital (that was my birth - three weeks early no less, because the doctor had a vacation coming up) - that's all I can really promise myself.  I'm going to give it my best, and if I can't manage to put my foot down myself, I'll make sure I have people with me who can do it for me!

[somegirl99]

Originally Posted by Banana731 

One of the perks, for those choosing to hire a doula, if you end up with an provider who doesn't truly follow rules about informed consent your doula is still watching. She should be letting you know, " the nurse is adding a bag I pitocin to your line, do you consent to that?" or something along those lines. I can't tell you how many times I've had to say, "dr so and so is about to preform a VE...(insert routine care that was specifically mentioned as requiring mom's consent, or not to be done...)

I think they just get so used to no one questioning SOP in maternity care, that they don't even think about the need for informed consent. It smacks of hubris, but I understand why it happens.

Yes, that was probably the main thing that bugged me about my on-call OB.  The nurses asked me and let me know about everything going on, but she didn't.  She just said she was doing something, then did it without waiting for a response.  My DH knew to check with me on everything at least which I really appreciated.  Except after the birth, when he went to be with DS.  Then the OB added pit onto my IV and pulled the placenta out before I realized and could say anything.

[NotYourBuddyGuy]

I like both of these boards, for different reasons.  I like this board because there's no drama; I think because there's a lot of agreement in parenting philosophy (although not necessarily in practice), it keeps things respectful.

However, the birth boards on babycenter are a great way to learn a host of different things.  I wouldn't have known where to start had I not found the babywearing, cloth diapering, and NUCB boards over there, and I might not be here (on Mothering) now.

I do like to post there because I know, as a FTM, I really was still molding a lot of my parenting choices, and enjoyed reading the debates.  I'd like to think that if I provide respectful opinions, maybe some people will take a closer look at the choices they make.  Talking BFing vs FFing here, on the other hand, is a little bit of preaching to the choir.

That said, since we don't spend time on those debates here (at least, not that I've seen so far), it's a little more fun here.