Intact son now looks circumcised!

[pennnyforum]

I just had an interesting conversation with a friend on this topic. Like me she was coerced by DH and her ped. into having her first son cut. Unlike me, she managed to keep her second son intact. He is now ten. It had been a year or two since she'd supervised bathtime as her boys sought privacy, but she happened to see him naked recently when he was undressing and she went into his bedroom closet to put away some clothes.

Suddenly she did a double-take. Although he was shy and turned away she could see in the mirror that he looked circumcised! Before she could stop herself, she challenged him about it. He was very embarrassed but eventually it came out that he had kept his foreskin fully retracted for the last three years so as to look like his brother and match his friends. He told her it will now no longer go back to its normal position and cover the glans.

Her concern is what if anything to do about this situation? Should she take him and discuss it with the doctor or let things be? One of the reasons she kept him intact was that without the protection of the foreskin she believes that the glans is damaged and loses sensitivity - something she says has happened to her DH and persuaded him to agree not to circumcise their youngest.

As all the males in our house are cut, some of you here know far more about the way foreskins function than I do. Any comments/advice which I can pass on? 

[Mitchell756]

This is an example of why it is important for parents to teach their sons to be proud of who they are and what they have, particularly in the united states where there are still so many individuals that have been circumcised. It appears that there are many parents that will never do this and this can lead to body image issues. It is very important for every parent of intact sons in a high circumcision region to teach their sons to be proud of what they have.Many individualss do not do this which can lead to body image issues and even a desire to have any future sons circumcised.

As for the foreskin on your friends son the damage will depend on how old he is. If he retracted it before it was supposed to be and has left it like for the past three years then i suspect that there is not much hope that it will ever be able to function normally again. The damage from forcible retraction appears to be underestimated in many of the places that i have been. If he forcibly retracted it before it was supposed to be and has left it like that for so long than even ifhe is able to pull it back over the glans at some point he will likely end up with very severe phimosis to the point that the regime of stretching and steroid cream will likely have very little effect. The reason for this is that the frenulum goes through stages of development during childhood and retracting it can damage it.

If it is not currently causing him any problems then it would be alright to leave it alone for the time being. I wouyld reccomend getting an experts opinion on this matter and see what they reccomend. Unfortunately, there are very few individuals in the united states that know anything about thhe foreskin other ten how to cut it off. She may want to contact organizations such as NOCIRC to see what they have to say on the matter.

Finally, it is very highly likely that after an experience like this that he may want to have any of his future sons circumcised when he gets older and it is now her job to prevent this.

I would like to stress the importance of parents in the u.s and other regions with high circumcision rates to teach their children why they may be different from their peers and to teach them to be proud of who they are regardless of what some shallow minded and ignorant individuals may think.

Edited by Mitchell756 - 1/10/13 at 5:31am

[Nightwish]

Originally Posted by pennnyforum 
 He was very embarrassed but eventually it came out that he had kept his foreskin fully retracted for the last three years so as to look like his brother and match his friends. He told her it will now no longer go back to its normal position and cover the glans.

Umm no. You can't "keep it retracted" for years until it doesn't go back to its normal position. It doesn't function that way lol.

[bugmenot]

It's quite possible that he has intact friends and doesn't know about it, as they could be as concerned/ashamed/embarrassed about it as he is. Perhaps the mom should casually ask the moms of his friends...there's ways to bring up circumcision without straight-up asking "oh, is Johnny's nine-year-old friend circumcised?"

What I also want to suggest is some professional help. Without knowing the people involved, it's quite possible the child needs to talk it out with a psychologist of some sort. If he was teased, he may not feel comfortable bringing that up with his parents. A psychiatrist may know ways of getting deep in his brain that the parents may not know.

[brant31]

Originally Posted by Nightwish 

Umm no. You can't "keep it retracted" for years until it doesn't go back to its normal position. It doesn't function that way lol.

Well, yeah, you can. The longer you wear it back, the more the foreskin "shrinks" and will not fully cover the glans again. This is something plenty of men know about. It has to do with elasticity of the preputial sphincter as well as tension the foreskin receives as one grows up. It is absolutely possible to "train" the foreskin to where it simply does not cover the glans anymore on its own, in whole or even in part. And to where it will simply retract behind the glans on its own, when flaccid, if he tries to pull it forward over the glans.

[Nightwish]

Originally Posted by brant31 

Well, yeah, you can. The longer you wear it back, the more the foreskin "shrinks" and will not fully cover the glans again. This is something plenty of men know about.

I don't think so. I've done my own research :)

[Zeg25]

Well, I think it is too late to do much about it, the damage is done.  A lot of what i have been reading lately has suggested that a lot of the foreskin's growth and loosening has to do with nocturnal erections.  If it is so loose that the glans don't really make it strech at night, it will not grow with the rest of the penis.  I found this one blog where that advocated keeping your foreskin pulled back full time that also seemed to believe this.  It encouraged pulling back early so you could achieve a circumcised look.  Autocirc is what they called it.  

If it is not too late, I would just let the boy be.  He is already confused and uncomforatable with himself because of what he felt he had to do.  There is no reason to make him feel worse for what he has done.  I might explain to him why he was not cut but that is a very sticky topic in and of itself as it could lead to an implication he has destoryed his penis, despite the fact that it will function at least as well a circumcised penis, likely better.  Regardless, at least he got to make his own decision and without too much medeling, I bet he will own that decision, for better or worse.  Regardless he still has all the nerves that were cut off of his brother and father and he knows what he did.  I think that is better than just cutting it off day one and having him wonder what if.

I 

[4chunut1]

Originally Posted by Nightwish 

I don't think so. I've done my own research :)

I agree...  It would be rare if that were the case.  I tried to do the same thing when I was about the age of the individual in question, and for much the same reasons, but could not get the foreskin to remain back.  It would always roll forward at night in bed while asleep.  But my foreskin had been retractable since about age 4, and was fairly loose throughout childhood. 

If this individual really has trained his foreskin to stay retracted, it must be fairly tight behind the glans.  I would think it should be fully retracted during bath or shower though, to cleanse the folds properly.  While he is too young to understand or appreciate the benefits of a foreskin-covered glans, he probably should start some stretching to at least achieve partial coverage.  He will begin puberty soon, and his penis will undergo changes in shape and size as it becomes a mature organ.  I think there might be a small chance that, as his penis develops, the foreskin might become even tighter behind the glans, and could possibly cause a condition known as paraphimosis.  This is a serious condition requiring medical intervention to resolve.   It is also possible that as he approaches puberty and begins to masturbate, that the foreskin will be stretched in that way. 

This boy can have the "advantages" of both circumcised and intact conditions, if he is able to get some coverage through stretching.  As he matures and becomes sexually active, he will appreciate the increased sensitivity of the foreskin and covered glans.  And, when he may be in situations in public dressing facilities, such as school shower rooms or gym changing rooms, he can wear his foreskin retracted if he wants to appear as circumcised.  At least he has a choice, something too many boys his age do not have...