January 2013 Rockstar Mamas - Page 6

[MarineWife]

Our discussions about choices made me think of this: http://www.enjoyparenting.com/daily-groove/transcending-culture.

It is about dropping any assumptions or judgment or conditionality that you may place on anything and just see it for what it is. I think it lends to the idea that all choices are valid and equal until we add our own judgment or conditionality to them. The problem with that is that something that one person thinks is absolutely invalid or unreasonable or just can't be done may be the optimal choice for another. So, arguing that something may be a choice but it's not a reasonable or practical choice only applies to you, not to anyone else.

Here's another one:

http://www.enjoyparenting.com/daily-groove/be-unreasonable

http://www.enjoyparenting.com/daily-groove/no-consequences

There's a lot more here: http://www.enjoyparenting.com/daily-groove/titles

All of this is specifically geared toward parenting but it can be applied to any aspect of life.

[Baby_Cakes]

Oh that's scary to lose a kid.  I'm actually concerned about it.  I'm thinking about getting the tattoos -- did I already talk about this? Hmm.  Anyway they are temporary tattoos and you just put your phone number on them, in case the child wanders off in the store.  It might be good insurance given my predicament with him!

I didn't give him much opportunity to crawl around w/me, I always wore him or put him in the cart.  I think when it's your only little it's more common to let them wander near you.  But with two it was much easier to keep him in the cart or contained and keep an eye on Nora.  I don't think the lack of opportunity "caused" it, but I think giving us more opportunity now can only help (or frustrate me, or both...)  I think Ava has more of the personality to stay close, too, like Nora and Ethan.  

I don't mind the questions at WBV.  It gives me a frame of where they should be.  but I don't freak out about that stuff.  I suppose it does freak out some parents tho -- but that is their problem for not being informed on the variations of normal.  I don't feel like everyone should cater to people who are ignorant.  I feel like people should educate themselves, and if they don't, then yeah they should stress and worry.  I'm mean I suppose.  But if those questions can actually catch a developmental issue or two in a child who could benefit from intervention, then please ask them. Don't not ask b/c stupid people might worry too much.  

We have a busy weekend too.  I'm going to take Nora for a hair cut today, and chris is going to finish up tile in the breezeway and also fix up and tile the stair that goes down into it.  I have to do some housework.  Then maybe target?  Not sure if there will be time.  

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

Oh that's scary to lose a kid.  I'm actually concerned about it.  I'm thinking about getting the tattoos -- did I already talk about this? Hmm.  Anyway they are temporary tattoos and you just put your phone number on them, in case the child wanders off in the store.  It might be good insurance given my predicament with him!

I didn't give him much opportunity to crawl around w/me, I always wore him or put him in the cart.  I think when it's your only little it's more common to let them wander near you.  But with two it was much easier to keep him in the cart or contained and keep an eye on Nora.  I don't think the lack of opportunity "caused" it, but I think giving us more opportunity now can only help (or frustrate me, or both...)  I think Ava has more of the personality to stay close, too, like Nora and Ethan.

 

Hm...I don't know that I would want my phone number visible on my child. I wouldn't let him walk around unless I knew I could keep up with him. I'd keep him in a cart, stroller or carrier but then I also have to spend most of my energy making sure Kellen doesn't dart off or knock over a row of shelves.

Finn is too young for this but I read a snippet of a thing saying to tell your children to find a woman with children if they ever get lost or separated from you. Makes sense. Like the other day when we were at Target. Sean was with Ethan and Kellen so I let Dylan wander around while I followed. I took a split second to look at something and he was around the corner of an aisle. I saw him and was able to get to him quickly so I wasn't worried. When I turned the corner a pregnant woman was standing there talking to him. When she saw me she said she was going to wait with him to see if someone came. It all happened in a matter of seconds so he wasn't lost but that made me feel more safe knowing that someone would look out for him. I do the same thing if I see a young child who appears to be wandering by him/herself. KWIM?

 But if those questions can actually catch a developmental issue or two in a child who could benefit from intervention, then please ask them. Don't not ask b/c stupid people might worry too much.  

Maybe but a good doctor should be able to pick up on a developmental delay just by examining the child without having the parents answer all those questions. And, again, developmental delays are so subjective. There is so much variation on what children do when. I've expressed before my issues with EI.

I'm going to Hobby Lobby in Wilmington with a friend. I have to get in the shower.

[AnnieA]

There's no way a physician would be able to see Ava do all the things that were asked on the questionaire. She behaves differently depending on who is around. Her pedi was in the room with us for a while and she didn't say much, she was coloring and looking at books. When my DH came in the room, she started talking to him and her pedi remarked "Oh, you really ARE verbal!" I don't think the questions are inherently bad, some of them are leading though. I see a wide range of child "knowledge" in my mainstream parenting group. I can definitely see the value in those questions.

I normally don't freak out if Ava wanders from me but we did have an incident in our local mall at Christmas time. Parents were walking and their 2 yr old was a couple of steps behind them. This guy walked up behind them, scooped up the child and started running. The dad chased him down. Very scary. So some stores I don't let her wander anymore. I try to listen to my gut.

Big kids are home. Two are pukey so hopefully that doesn't spread through the house. Tomorrow is Ava's one year anniversary of her repair surgery. Can't believe that was only a year ago. She's changed so much!

[AnnieA]

Oh, one mom in my group with older kids, like 3+, made the password on her ipad her cell number so her son has to learn her cell number. She started with just the area code first and then every couple of weeks added some digits.

[MarineWife]

Wow, that is scary about that 2yo! Was the guy who snatched him arrested?

I hope the sickness doesn't spread through your house.

Well, no, I wouldn't expect a doctor to see everything a baby or child can do in one office visit but I still don't think those questions are routinely necessary. But, again, I have issues with the whole EI thing and routine medical treatment. I don't want anyone else all up in my business like that. Personally, I think people make way too much out of that stuff. It seems that no one has a "normal" child anymore. Parents seem to be looking for the slightest issue in their child. I think that is prompted by the medical and educational system. They are all either gifted or delayed or something. Can't we just let children be normal anymore?

[MarineWife]

Annie ~ i keep forgetting that you asked about my cycles. this is my 5th cycle but I think only the last two were ovulatory. The one before that may have been but then my lp was really short, only 9 days. The cycle after that O was on cd28 and my lp was 10 days. The cycle I just finished O was on the same day, cd28, but my lp was 13 days. If I remember correctly, my cycles start being pretty "normal" when they first come back after having a baby but get less and less predictable as time goes by. I guess that's a PCOS thing. Pregnancy kind of resets my hormones but it doesn't last forever. Eventually, the PCOS caused them to get all out of whack again. I'm hoping that I'll be able to predict based on my CF but it may get too confusing after a while since I usually have several patches of EWCF before I actually O.

[onetwoten]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

I don't mind the questions at WBV.  It gives me a frame of where they should be.  but I don't freak out about that stuff.  I suppose it does freak out some parents tho -- but that is their problem for not being informed on the variations of normal.  I don't feel like everyone should cater to people who are ignorant.  I feel like people should educate themselves, and if they don't, then yeah they should stress and worry.  I'm mean I suppose.  But if those questions can actually catch a developmental issue or two in a child who could benefit from intervention, then please ask them. Don't not ask b/c stupid people might worry too much.  

Yes, this. It sucks for those who don't know enough to take it as guidelines and not flip the heck out, BUT I've also known parents who would really have benefited from having that information. There's a difference between kids who are just a bit behind the "normal" curve, and those who truly are in need of some intervention because of real developmental delays. But yeah, I can see how it could make a difference -who- is giving the evaluation and whether they're alarmist, or just take the information as another piece of information. 

Having another big snowstorm todayt here. Blah. It never ends!

Tenley has started asking to go potty! Three times in the last three days, she's signed potty to me, and then started walking towards the bathroom when I asked her if she had to potty! Caught three big poops. I love not changing poopy diapers. lol

[AnnieA]

I definitely get your point about EI and labeling kids MW but here's the thing. I don't think that the majority of our population is going to give up standardized schooling any time soon. So if a kid is destined to be in a classroom, I would much rather them get EI so that when they are in the classroom setting, they are not so far behind or struggling. I've seen those kids in the classroom setting and it's heartbreaking. They need tools to be able to survive in the environment they been placed in.

The worst thing about the guy that tried to snatch the toddler was how the mall security handled it. They let the guy leave without getting his name or alerting police. There was talk about how they didn't want to detain someone for fear of lawsuit. The police only found out about it when the toddler's parents called and told them that night.

JJ, that's so awesome about Tenley and the potty! We haven't caught a poop in a few weeks. Oh well.

[AnnieA]

Oh and the guy was finally arrested but not for like a week later. So ridiculous.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by onetwoten 

Tenley has started asking to go potty! Three times in the last three days, she's signed potty to me, and then started walking towards the bathroom when I asked her if she had to potty! Caught three big poops. I love not changing poopy diapers. lol

very cool!

Wow about the mall security! what about a lawsuit if the guy had not been found by police to be arrested and had snatched another kid? I'd sue the hell out of the mall security if that happened!

I mentioned the unschooling as a big part of the reason why I'm not really concerned about that sort of thing. I know that other parents do think they need to be concerned if they are planning to send their kids to school. I think it's very sad that any kids need to worry about "surviving" in schools. I also think it's sad that so many parents think they don't have a choice. They have fallen for the idea that the government can care for and educate their "special needs" child better than the parents can. So sad. That's one reason I decided to homeschool. I experienced firsthand how horribly Ryan was treated in school and didn't want that to happen to any of my other kids.

I went to Hobby Lobby in Wilmington today with a friend and Dylan. I let Dylan wander around in the store a bit because he was not happy in the cart. He didn't try to dart away or wander off but he also wouldn't walk with me. If he didn't want to go where I was going, he would just not move.

I'm having a major issue with breastfeeding him. It is really driving me crazy. I can't stand it! He's constantly up and down and in and out of my lap. He nurses for probably not even a minute then wants to switch sides. He'll keep going back and forth like that many, many times. If I don't let him, he screams and cries and and pulls at me and tries to force himself into my lap and pull up my shirt. It's ridiculous. He will not leave me alone. I had to ask Sean to just take him away from me tonight because he would not get off me. The thing is that he doesn't really breastfeed. If something else comes along that's more interesting, he'll wander off to that for a bit. I don't know what he's doing. I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to wean him but I can't take it anymore!

[onetwoten]

One of the things that comes up a lot in my AP group is that idea that YES it is ok to set limits with older babies nursing habits. It's not the same as restricting nursing with a 2 or 3 months old. There's a point in which they can follow basic commands and have a basic understanding of the things we're telling them. Having these rules in place can help a lot of mamas feel like they're able to breastfeed for longer, rather than getting burnt out and stopping because they can't deal with the fuss. For example I won't let Tenley play around while she's nursing. She can nurse (generally) as often as she wants, as long as she's being respectful and calm. When she starts wanting to switch positions every 30 seconds, or trying to nurse upside down, etc etc, then she's done. She can come back and try again in a few minutes, but I don't "do" the crazy nursing. I know for a lot of moms, it's just another part of nursing, and if it works for them, then that's fantastic. But for me personally, it's not something I'm ok with. So... setting limitations, helps us to preserve our nursing relationship. If I had to deal with one of those nursing toddlers who nurse upside down over the mama's shoulder etc, I'd probably throw in the towel and pat myself on the back for 13 months well done. But because I can set limits, I know we'll make it a lot longer. So totally worth it, for me. I know you believe that any attempt to redirect the child is considered weaning though, and I know you want to avoid that, so I don't know if you're comfortable with that, but as I said, in my eyes, totally worth it. 

As to how to do that... a lot of that fussing and trying to climb up and general anger that you mentioned. I just kept using a very calm voice and simple words to tell Ten that when we were going to nurse, we needed to sit nicely with mama. If you do ___ then you're telling me you're done nursing. Oh, you're trying to watch tv AND nurse, that's ok, we will nurse later when you're don'e watching tv.  etc etc etc. And then I put her down, or beside me, and continue to repeat that until she's either a/ attempted another activity in between, or b/ calmed down and came back to nurse again. So much repetition, and yes, definitely have to get Rob to take her sometimes when I really feel myself getting frustrated, but as I said, for us personally, for the sake of our long term nursing relationship, I know it's the right choice to set guidelines so I'm as happy nursing her and she is to be nursing, kwim?

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

 I don't know what he's doing. I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to wean him but I can't take it anymore!

You do what you have to do.  You set gentle limits.  You encourage him to focus.  You give him something to hold so he isn't so fidgety.  Or you tell him come back another time.  It's a nursing relationship, you know that.  You can't give him the experience and comfort he needs if you're frustrated at him.  

Originally Posted by onetwoten 

One of the things that comes up a lot in my AP group is that idea that YES it is ok to set limits with older babies nursing habits. It's not the same as restricting nursing with a 2 or 3 months old. There's a point in which they can follow basic commands and have a basic understanding of the things we're telling them. Having these rules in place can help a lot of mamas feel like they're able to breastfeed for longer, rather than getting burnt out and stopping because they can't deal with the fuss. For example I won't let Tenley play around while she's nursing. She can nurse (generally) as often as she wants, as long as she's being respectful and calm. When she starts wanting to switch positions every 30 seconds, or trying to nurse upside down, etc etc, then she's done. She can come back and try again in a few minutes, but I don't "do" the crazy nursing. I know for a lot of moms, it's just another part of nursing, and if it works for them, then that's fantastic. But for me personally, it's not something I'm ok with. So... setting limitations, helps us to preserve our nursing relationship. If I had to deal with one of those nursing toddlers who nurse upside down over the mama's shoulder etc, I'd probably throw in the towel and pat myself on the back for 13 months well done. But because I can set limits, I know we'll make it a lot longer. So totally worth it, for me. I know you believe that any attempt to redirect the child is considered weaning though, and I know you want to avoid that, so I don't know if you're comfortable with that, but as I said, in my eyes, totally worth it. 

As to how to do that... a lot of that fussing and trying to climb up and general anger that you mentioned. I just kept using a very calm voice and simple words to tell Ten that when we were going to nurse, we needed to sit nicely with mama. If you do ___ then you're telling me you're done nursing. Oh, you're trying to watch tv AND nurse, that's ok, we will nurse later when you're don'e watching tv.  etc etc etc. And then I put her down, or beside me, and continue to repeat that until she's either a/ attempted another activity in between, or b/ calmed down and came back to nurse again. So much repetition, and yes, definitely have to get Rob to take her sometimes when I really feel myself getting frustrated, but as I said, for us personally, for the sake of our long term nursing relationship, I know it's the right choice to set guidelines so I'm as happy nursing her and she is to be nursing, kwim?

[MarineWife]

Yeah, that's what I've been trying to do. This has been going on for months, though. Whenever he starts to do that, I tell him we will switch sides once but that's it. If he stops nursing and tries to switch again, that means he's done. If he starts having a fit, I put him down. Sometimes I have to walk away from him because he will continue to claw at me if he can reach me. Coming back a few seconds later to try again bothers me just as much. I'm like, if you're done, you're done. I'm not going to keep getting interrupted. I think he's finally starting to get the message, at least at night. Last night, he didn't cry so much and didn't fight me at all when I told him we were flopping over.

I wonder what the deal is, though, when he climbs in my lap to nurse but he obviously doesn't really want or need to nurse. This is a first for me. Ethan nursed often but he really wanted milk. Kellen was all business. He would only nurse every few hours, get his fill and was done and off. Neither one of them came back for little sips here and there. He's got my attention if he's just sitting there. He's actually more likely to lose my attention if he nurses because then I'll try to look at something on the computer or my phone.

I think at least part of the problem is that there is always a lot going on since there are so many of us always here.

Sean took him upstairs last night and he fell asleep on Sean's shoulder and slept with him until around 2 am. It was so nice not having him trying to flop all over me when we were trying to go to sleep. I think that might become a regular bedtime thing.

[AnnieA]

Baby_Cakes, are you guys house-hunting in the same vicinity where you live now or are you looking to move to a different town? I would get so stressed just thinking about packing but moving to a new house would be exciting. I'd love the purging aspect of moving.

MW, I wish I had some words of advice but I have no clue. Ava has started fighting sleep times again though and it's getting really challenging. She's physically hurting me sometimes. Last night, I just had to send her out of the bedroom and back out with the big kids because she was hurting me and I was getting so frustrated. She finally settled down and went to sleep but it was way past her bedtime. The last time she did this, her molars were coming in so I'm thinking maybe the pointy teeth are getting close to breaking through? She had already taken ibuprofen so she shouldn't have been in too much pain.

JJ, I love all the pics you posted of Ten this weekend. She's just absolutely gorgeous!

akind1, I can't wait to see your maternity pics!
 

[onetwoten]

*hugs* MW. It's so hard when you just want to fastforward the stage and yet know there's no gentle way to do so!!

I felt bad today, I told Tenley "later" for milk SO many times. But we spent the morning grocery shopping, with her on my back while we tried to get her to sleep, and then we came home, nursed like 3 times in two hours, and then went out to my SILs house for "late christmas". I nursed her over there twice, but then she kept asking over and over again, and I didn't want to sit on the side somewhere, I wanted to actually visit, especially since she was asking right after we'd finished nursing. blah. Not like she won't nurse her heart out tonight. 

Anyways, I actually came by to celebrate!! She won't let me cuddle her to sleep anymore. If it's during the day and I'm trying to lay down with her to nap, I have to nurse her until she's almost out, and then force-swaddle her with my arms while she fusses for a few minutes, and then finally snuggles up to me. Otherwise she'll hype herself up flipping around the bed for an hour and not sleep. But at night when I put her to sleep, I nurse her until my nipple feels like its going to fall off, and then I unlatch her, and I used to cuddle her. The past few weeks, she's been increasingly insistent that I put her into her bed once we're done nursing. A few days ago, she actually started asking for "bed", in addition to reaching for it. So I always hug and kiss her, and then put her into bed, and sit in the rocker and play or read on my phone while she babbles and plays herself to sleep. Takes usually about 30 minutes or so, and the past little bit I've been frustrated that it doesn't seem to be decreasing in time. So I've been staying for 20 minutes or so, and then telling her I have to go potty or go tell daddy something, etc etc, and that I'll be back. And then in a few minutes I come back, and lay her back down. She usually calls for me, but doesn't actually cry or anything. And then I usually have to be back in the room before she'll fall asleep.

So tonight, I laid her down, waited about ten minutes, and then told her I was going potty and would be back in a little bit. She babbled to herself for about 15 minutes, and then fell asleep! Didn't even call out for me once, just totally content babbling (she talks to her baby while she's falling asleep). It was soooooo nice! Maybe she'll have a nice long stretch before waking too! She slept almost 6.5 hours straight the other day! Then again, both DH and I sleep like crap when she's not in the bed, so it's a catch 22. lol. 

Alright, time to go read for a bit in bed!

[akind1]

JJ: Hoorah for progress! That is so exciting. My kids both want cuddles before bed. I would like to get Gabe in a routine where I could leave while he's still awake. . . but it's not been a priority.

And hugs for this hard nursing stage. (everybody)

Carrie - I 'm so excited for your house hunting. I love house hunting.

AFU: this weekend was full of surprises. first my sister announces she's pregnant - her first baby, she's about 10 weeks and due mid-august. She seems nervous and excited. A little concerned that baby is due right before the start of the new school year (But really, they were the ones using no protection, not planning on kids for another year or so and leaving it in God's hands, so I don't have any sympathy) so IDK if she's going to take time off, or if babe will go straight into daycare. She doesn't want to use daycare, but I don't see how her DH can support them on his own. Unless he starts working crazy stressful hours so she can . . . their choice. didn't get to talk much. Also, they are team Green (and she had no idea what that meant when I said it) - want to be surprised by gender.

next surprise - MIL's family wants to throw me a shower! considering she dragged her feet and BARELY threw me a shower last time - called it a drop in and served virtually no food or drink - I was SHOCKED that it even came up. 3rd baby and second boy with closely spaced kids . . . I didn't expect one. But hey. Not going to say no either. I do need newborn stuff. I'd love more newborn cloth, but they have no clue about that sort of thing.

Maternity pics went ok, despite cranky no nap kids not wanting to leave mama alone for solo shots. We wanted family ones too, and got those, but the kids did not want to leave me alone! LOL. I hope to see a couple sneak peeks this week.

I hope everyone else is doing well.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by onetwoten 

Then again, both DH and I sleep like crap when she's not in the bed, so it's a catch 22. lol.

Isn't that how it always is? Glad it seems to be working out, though. You guys will adjust eventually.

I don't know if I told you all that once Ryan gets everything moved out and we get his room cleaned up we're going to move Ethan in there. Then I plan to start putting Ethan and Kellen to bed in their own rooms. I was going to have dh do it assuming that Dylan would want me but he did so well with Dylan the other night that I think we'll try it the other way around.

Now the thing is to get dh to get moving on time without having to tell him all the time. I hate that. I don't understand why he doesn't just do it. It's like he can't do anything without me, either. Even if he takes all the boys up to bed without me, when I go up 30 minutes to an hour later, they are all still up with the TV on and just messing around. DH says they are waiting for me. Why does he need to wait for me? Just get them in bed already!

He got the door up. It was messed up, defective somehow. But rather than returning it, dh decided he was going to make it work. Whatever but it took twice as long, he bitched and moaned the whole time and didn't include the boys at all even when they asked. Plus, when he said he was done, he wasn't really because the door still didn't close right. I had to tell him he couldn't leave it like that. He got pissy but I said, "Look, you are the one who says you want to do this so it will be done right because you care more than some random person we could hire, so then do it right." I told him no more doing the jobs himself. I am just going to hire someone whenever something comes up that needs to be done. It's not worth the time and aggravation to let dh try to do it. He fancies himself a handy man but he's really not.

I wouldn't know what Team Green was, either. It took me a minute before I got it.

That's cool about the baby shower. I bet you could find an online registry place to add the cloth diapers that you want. You can set up an Amazon wishlist and add anything from any website to it. It doesn't have to be just things sold on Amazon.

Dylan is very clingy. He wants to be on me all the time. I try to get him to sit next to me rather than on me so I can drink my hot coffee but he cries and pushes and pulls on me and tries to force himself on me. Making him sit somewhere else or me moving away from him makes it worse, I think. He just gets more clingy.

[akind1]

It's the clingy baby season - Norah's been very mama, mama, mama all of a sudden. I like it sometimes, but mostly I love her independence!

I could do an online registry, but DH's family doesn't buy anything online, ever. They are serious in-store, old school people. Now, I have a friend that owns a cloth diaper online shop and she'd do a cloth diaper party, but it's weird to throw your own shower. I want to do it for someone else though! just need a guinea pig! That and this friend just had a baby 3 weeks ago. She deserves some time to enjoy her baby moon.

JJ: I miss my babies being in bed with me. But I also love the freedom to roll where I choose and be able to cuddle with DH.

MW: I really hope the boys' room transitions go well! it's exciting stuff.

[EuroMama]

I love having E in bed with me. I really mourned the day that M left my bed. 

I just love the closeness, the convenience (nursing), I could go on and on.

My DH is unemployed at the moment. He left his job of almost 6 years due to harassment and mental abuse that he went through there.

DH has been on a lot of interviews so far. As soon as word came out that he left, all of Autozone's competitors wanted my husband.

He was a commercial sales manager there. Looks like he'll have a job in no time, but DH wants to shop around before he takes the first offer. 

It has been so nice to have him home though. He is so helpful around the house. He was able to fix things that needed to be fixed, he cooks, he has been cleaning, taking me out to lunch. Its also good to see him smile. He was so miserable there.

We're very fortunate that we saved up some money so we'll be ok for a little while. He would've never left if we didn't have money saved away. The day he left it had gotten from bad to worse at work.