January 2013 Rockstar Mamas - Page 7

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by EuroMama 

I love having E in bed with me. I really mourned the day that M left my bed. 
I just love the closeness, the convenience (nursing), I could go on and on.

My nursling will still be with me. It's my 9yo and 5yo that my dh wants in their own rooms. I, honestly, would prefer to have them with me. I don't think our lack of closeness has anything to do with where the boys sleep. I think it has everything to do with my dh not helping with bedtime and going to bed by himself to sleep whenever he feels like it. I won't be surprised if what happens is that I end up sleeping with the boys in another room.

[Baby_Cakes]

I feel like i'm missing a ton but if I don't jump in now I'll miss even more!!

House hunting - we're looking to move out of our current town, but close by.  We just need to be near train or bus so DH can get to manhattan within, like, 2 hours.  He says 1.5 hours tops (he goes in every other week, and sometimes more often for meetings).  And our current school district leaves a lot to be desired so we are also looking at towns with better schools.

 JJ - your wording breaks my heart!!!  I can't imagine not cuddling my kiddos to sleep.  But I also know how hard this road has been for you and what amazing progress you've made with Ten in SUCH  a loving and gentle way.  My hat is off to you for sticking to your guns and seeing results.

Ten is gorgeous, btw.  Her pics you post (even if they are months old) always make me so happy!  She's such a doll!

I know what team green is!  And I know I could never be on it!!

[onetwoten]

Originally Posted by akind1 

JJ: Hoorah for progress! That is so exciting. My kids both want cuddles before bed. I would like to get Gabe in a routine where I could leave while he's still awake. . . but it's not been a priority.

And hugs for this hard nursing stage. (everybody)

next surprise - MIL's family wants to throw me a shower! considering she dragged her feet and BARELY threw me a shower last time - called it a drop in and served virtually no food or drink - I was SHOCKED that it even came up. 3rd baby and second boy with closely spaced kids . . . I didn't expect one. But hey. Not going to say no either. I do need newborn stuff. I'd love more newborn cloth, but they have no clue about that sort of thing.

The actual leaving while she was awake wasn't so much a priority, as I was just frustrated with it taking so long for her to fall asleep, and wanted to see what would happen. Interesting anyways. She'll probably need me in the room again tonight, and that's just fine! 

That's nice! At least the thought's there, even if the followup ends up being a little less than stellar at the end!

Originally Posted by akind1 

JJ: I miss my babies being in bed with me. But I also love the freedom to roll where I choose and be able to cuddle with DH.

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

JJ - your wording breaks my heart!!!  I can't imagine not cuddling my kiddos to sleep.  But I also know how hard this road has been for you and what amazing progress you've made with Ten in SUCH  a loving and gentle way.  My hat is off to you for sticking to your guns and seeing results.

Ten is gorgeous, btw.  Her pics you post (even if they are months old) always make me so happy!  She's such a doll!

I know what team green is!  And I know I could never be on it!!

Same for team green! I'm just too OCD. I need to be able to plan the details that come with knowing the sex. Clothing, names etc. 

Also... BAHAHAHAHA!!  I realized my wording is totally misleading. She's certainly not sleeping in her crib alone all night yet! (Nor do I need her to!) I read a few books with her and then cuddle and nurse her in her rocker until she's allllmoooossstt asleep and chewing on my nipple, hurting me. Then I unlatch her, and this is where she reaches for her bed. And -eventually- goes to sleep. But then she comes in with us still once she has her first wakeup after we're in bed (or just about to go to bed). Usually this is like... 5 minutes after I climb into bed, so we're still awake. lol So I very rarely need to fall asleep without her in the bed. But nights like that other night where she slept 6.5 hours straight-- I had to fall asleep without her in the bed, and it's so weird!! She's normally in bed with us from around 1030 onwards.  I'm definitely not ready to give up both her to sleep cuddles AND her warm body in my bed. 

It's just weird because she literally won't cuddle me to fall asleep anymore, unless she's absolutely exhausted. She'll cuddle up nursing in my arms forever, but as soon as I unlatch her, she reaches for bed and doesn't want to cuddle. All I am is milk! lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by EuroMama 

It has been so nice to have him home though. He is so helpful around the house. He was able to fix things that needed to be fixed, he cooks, he has been cleaning, taking me out to lunch. Its also good to see him smile. He was so miserable there.

We're very fortunate that we saved up some money so we'll be ok for a little while. He would've never left if we didn't have money saved away. The day he left it had gotten from bad to worse at work. 

DH and I went through that-- he was unemployed from the point I was about 7 months pregnant until Tenley was 6 weeks old. It was SO stressful worrying about money, but at the same time, I can't imagine those first 6 weeks without having him home! It was so nice to have time together during the last bit of my pregnancy and the early days of infancy. We also had a bunch of savings too, so we were ok. It just sucks because he was off longer than he should have been, and then I went on mat leave, so we haven't had a chance to build any savings back up. oh well. Time is more important!

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by onetwoten 

It's just weird because she literally won't cuddle me to fall asleep anymore, unless she's absolutely exhausted. She'll cuddle up nursing in my arms forever, but as soon as I unlatch her, she reaches for bed and doesn't want to cuddle. All I am is milk! lol

a lot of times dylan will unlatch himself and roll over away from me when he's ready to actually sleep. it's kind of nice and kind of sad because he doesn't want to cuddle with me. i do have ethan and kellen to cuddle with. although, kellen usually gets upset at some point that dylan is in between me and him and scoots over to dh. that makes me sad, too. i wish i had three sides.

[EuroMama]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 


My nursling will still be with me. It's my 9yo and 5yo that my dh wants in their own rooms. I, honestly, would prefer to have them with me. I don't think our lack of closeness has anything to do with where the boys sleep. I think it has everything to do with my dh not helping with bedtime and going to bed by himself to sleep whenever he feels like it. I won't be surprised if what happens is that I end up sleeping with the boys in another room.

My 10 y/o left our bed when the youngest was born. I was so scared of him rolling onto my 12 month old.

Then, I got used to him not sleeping in our bed. I tried having him sleep with us when DH was out of town, but I just couldn't anymore. We produce a lot of body heat (DS1 DS2 and I) and the three of us in bed together is like being in a hot oven. I just couldn't sleep anymore.

DH and I went through that-- he was unemployed from the point I was about 7 months pregnant until Tenley was 6 weeks old. It was SO stressful worrying about money, but at the same time, I can't imagine those first 6 weeks without having him home! It was so nice to have time together during the last bit of my pregnancy and the early days of infancy. We also had a bunch of savings too, so we were ok. It just sucks because he was off longer than he should have been, and then I went on mat leave, so we haven't had a chance to build any savings back up. oh well. Time is more important!

We're looking at it like an unpaid vacation. I will miss him so much when he starts work again. I have to add though, he does work from home still and makes extra money by working on cars from our driveway. He can make a lot of money just in one day by working from home. He has build up customers over the years when he worked as a mechanic. He doesn't charge them an arm and a leg. I forgot to mention that. But, its so nice that he is cooking dinner right now. Its so hard for me to cook with a 12 month old attached to my body at all times. 

[EuroMama]

My MIL drives me bonkers sometimes. She bought turbotax for the computer, does her federal, files it.

No problem. Its pretty easy breezy if you follow instructions. Keyword: INSTURCTIONS.

She is bitching, moaning and groaning, so I ask her what's wrong. She yells "Its asking me to pay for filing state, its supposed to be FREE!" I asked to look on the cover of the disc. I told her its not free. She bitches some more and is convinced it is free, it has to be, because last year it was free to file if you buy the disc. So I showed her the cover of the disc and showed her that nowhere on the disc or cover does it say "FREE!" 

She then continues on her rampage about how it was free last year, so it must be free and she shouldn't have to pay to file state.

OMG WOMAN!!!!!!!! Will you READ, and LISTEN and SHUT UP!!!!

[MarineWife]

There are ways to file state returns for free but they make it hard to figure out. I remember us going around in circles for a while last year because I knew it was supposed to be free but it kept trying to charge us when we went to file it. I finally found the special website that you had to use to get it for free. It was a pain in the butt.

My 3 boys and I were all very hot right after I had Dylan. We've cooled off quite a bit.

[EuroMama]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

There are ways to file state returns for free but they make it hard to figure out. I remember us going around in circles for a while last year because I knew it was supposed to be free but it kept trying to charge us when we went to file it. I finally found the special website that you had to use to get it for free. It was a pain in the butt.

My 3 boys and I were all very hot right after I had Dylan. We've cooled off quite a bit.

Last year it stated on the disc that state was free though. This year it didn't. Hmmm. Now I feel like a bitch. But AF is about to turn its ugly head and I am impatient. lol

[MarineWife]

We've never bought a disc. We've always done it online. You can google free state returns and see what pops up. There's more than one site that does it.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by onetwoten 

Also... BAHAHAHAHA!!  I realized my wording is totally misleading. She's certainly not sleeping in her crib alone all night yet! (Nor do I need her to!) I read a few books with her and then cuddle and nurse her in her rocker until she's allllmoooossstt asleep and chewing on my nipple, hurting me. Then I unlatch her, and this is where she reaches for her bed. And -eventually- goes to sleep. But then she comes in with us still once she has her first wakeup after we're in bed (or just about to go to bed). Usually this is like... 5 minutes after I climb into bed, so we're still awake. lol So I very rarely need to fall asleep without her in the bed. But nights like that other night where she slept 6.5 hours straight-- I had to fall asleep without her in the bed, and it's so weird!! She's normally in bed with us from around 1030 onwards.  I'm definitely not ready to give up both her to sleep cuddles AND her warm body in my bed. 

It's just weird because she literally won't cuddle me to fall asleep anymore, unless she's absolutely exhausted. She'll cuddle up nursing in my arms forever, but as soon as I unlatch her, she reaches for bed and doesn't want to cuddle. All I am is milk! lol

Oh then ok.  I see what you mean.  And LOL at the 5 min thing -- I hear you on that!!  

Finn will also pop off and roll over.  Bittersweet.

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

There are ways to file state returns for free but they make it hard to figure out. I remember us going around in circles for a while last year because I knew it was supposed to be free but it kept trying to charge us when we went to file it. I finally found the special website that you had to use to get it for free. It was a pain in the butt.

My 3 boys and I were all very hot right after I had Dylan. We've cooled off quite a bit.

Tax stuff makes my head spin.  DH takes care of all of that.

Speaking of sleep, tonight Nora allowed me to sit at the foot of her bed.  I keep falling asleep with her every night, and it really messes me up for the night.  So I told her I would lay for 10 min then sit for 10.  I was ready for her to be upset (I didn't really look at the time, I was watching her to make sure she was drowsy) but she didn't.  She just whispered, "I love you mama," when I sat up.  Love that girl!  We are in SUCH  good place right now.  Both kids and I are.  And DH and I are ok right now.  I feel such balance and peace (which is crazy b/c we are so stressed about moving!)

did I tell you guys she learned to tie her shoes!?  All by herself.  This wasn't even on my radar. Never thought twice about it before.  About a week ago I bought/ordered new running shoes and she asked if I could buy her tie shoes.  I said sure and she picked them out.  They came and she was SO EXCITED.  LIke jumping up and down as the UPS man came to the porch.  He even said she made his day being so excited!

She plopped down and I barely had to show her once.  She just did it.  And now she does  it w/o even thinking!  She just plops down and ties her own shoes!!  It's incredible.  Absolutely incredible.

[AnnieA]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

did I tell you guys she learned to tie her shoes!?  All by herself.  This wasn't even on my radar. Never thought twice about it before.  About a week ago I bought/ordered new running shoes and she asked if I could buy her tie shoes.  I said sure and she picked them out.  They came and she was SO EXCITED.  LIke jumping up and down as the UPS man came to the porch.  He even said she made his day being so excited!

She plopped down and I barely had to show her once.  She just did it.  And now she does  it w/o even thinking!  She just plops down and ties her own shoes!!  It's incredible.  Absolutely incredible.

Wow! Go Nora!

I have a photo session scheduled for Ava on Thursday. We're going to do a valentine/heart theme. And then she has her first toddler tumbling class on Friday. I'm so excited to see if she likes it. She loves to do flips and flop around on the bed.

[EuroMama]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

Oh then ok.  I see what you mean.  And LOL at the 5 min thing -- I hear you on that!!  

Finn will also pop off and roll over.  Bittersweet.

Tax stuff makes my head spin.  DH takes care of all of that.

Speaking of sleep, tonight Nora allowed me to sit at the foot of her bed.  I keep falling asleep with her every night, and it really messes me up for the night.  So I told her I would lay for 10 min then sit for 10.  I was ready for her to be upset (I didn't really look at the time, I was watching her to make sure she was drowsy) but she didn't.  She just whispered, "I love you mama," when I sat up.  Love that girl!  We are in SUCH  good place right now.  Both kids and I are.  And DH and I are ok right now.  I feel such balance and peace (which is crazy b/c we are so stressed about moving!)

did I tell you guys she learned to tie her shoes!?  All by herself.  This wasn't even on my radar. Never thought twice about it before.  About a week ago I bought/ordered new running shoes and she asked if I could buy her tie shoes.  I said sure and she picked them out.  They came and she was SO EXCITED.  LIke jumping up and down as the UPS man came to the porch.  He even said she made his day being so excited!

She plopped down and I barely had to show her once.  She just did it.  And now she does  it w/o even thinking!  She just plops down and ties her own shoes!!  It's incredible.  Absolutely incredible.

Wow!! GO NORA!! That is amazing!!!

[akind1]

Wow - read back and didn't realize all I missed!

We haven't had a well baby visit since around the 2 month mark. But even the questions at those are a bit silly - how often and for how long does he/she nurse (um. . .whenver, for as long as it takes?) I am never even good at knowing how many diapers we go through per day. DH took Gabe for one and was floored by the "bottle or breast" question . . . he's like "both?" because Gabe got pumped milk in a bottle when I was at work, and some other times too. Much as I'd love all parents to be informed and educated about all things baby and kid related, what's normal, etc, alot of them are just clueless - So for those parents, I think WBV and questions aren't a bad thing. As for EI . . .it depends on the kid. I think, for SOME kids, EI is really necessary and important. Many parents do not have the time or skill set to help the kids on their own, and some kids have true developmental delays, and giving them a leg up is really a wonderful thing. BUT - most kids will generally catch up on their own. And since most will end up in the school system, giving the tools and skills to manage in that environment is a good thing. I know crunchy parents who wanted to home/unschool but then were faced with a child that both needed more than they could give, and who they found actually seemed to thrive in an environment away from home. so I'm a little meh on EI. If Gabe were evaluated, he'd probably be labeled as having speech delays. But his language and enunciation is growing by leaps and bounds, just maybe not as quickly as a kid in daycare or something.

JJ: It's just nice knowing you are in a good place with her sleep - I know it's been a struggle. and yay for photoshoots! I can't wait to see more of my maternity session.

Carrie: that's what I want to do with Gabe, but I need a clock in his room! I *think* he'd be ok with it. and hooray for shoe tying! I'm glad all of you are in such a peaceful place.

Lost kids . . . Gabe wanders, but hasn't ever really gone out of earshot - yet. Norah . . . I am giving her more opportunity to walk, but I have to restrict that for when I am out with DH or a friend or something. I can't keep up with her by myself (not pregnant, with Gabe too) though we've made a game of Gabe "catching" Norah that's been helpful. Mostly she's just thrilled to explore, but she touches and destroys things far more readily than Gabe did. Need to teach the find a mom trick though.

As of tomorrow - 6 weeks to go. I need to focus on house cleaning and other readiness. We want to make a Charlotte trip next month. Really it would be ideal to do in March, after my bonus, But I think that's a bad idea. (though there is a wonderful natural - meaning water birth, unmedicated, etc- birth friendly hospital in Pineville, outside of Charlotte, should I go into labor on the trip . . .)

[MarineWife]

Carrie ~ I saw that on FB but I don't think you mentioned that she just sat down and did it herself. That's very cool!

I agree that there are some children who probably would benefit greatly from EI just as there are some women who really need to go to a hospital to have their babies with an obstetrician (those who truly need surgery). But just like with the one-size fits all maternity care in this country, one size WBVs can cause more problems than it fixes. I have been doing this parenting thing for 21 years now so I have a long span of years to have experienced myself how things have changed. Developmental delays and EI and IEPs and all that sort of thing have exploded. It's become big business. And parents are jumping on the bandwagon looking for anything and everything that might be "wrong" with their children. Every little quirk or oddity is a disorder that needs treatment. It's ridiculously out of hand. I think a lot of that starts with medical practices that pass out these questionnaires to everyone who walks in the door. There used to be a time when a doctor would see children a few times and say to the parents, "Hey, there might be an issue here. I think further assessment would be helpful." The doctors would notice this sort of thing individually without questionnaires being passed out to everyone to catch every possible little difference. It is narrowing and narrowing what is normal to a tiny, tiny hole so that everyone is a square peg who can't fit in.

Then schools feed it even more with their standardized tests and one way of teaching and expecting all children to learn and perform. Anyone who does not do well that one way is a problem, has a problem, needs fixing. It's the system that needs fixing, not the children.

[akind1]

I don't disagree with any of that in the least. One friend whose son has been diagnosed as autistic (I nearly put that in quotation marks, bc she doesn't really agree with the diagnosis) - said when she questioned it, the doctor was like, but he'd miss out on all thes great services!  (a therapist comes to the house 3 times a week and goes with him to 2x a week preschool - all paid for by the state) - and I think it's one of those things that some people see as wonderful - look at all this free stuff!!! - and other people see as intrusive, unnecessary, and a hassle. People hate giving up things that might benefit their kids. I don't see generally, where EI is harmful. I don't know that does much good, but it doesn't seem to hurt anything.

Now IEPs, etc, OMG. those things are a major PITA. For everybody. I hate the school system as it exists today - especially where we are. There are parts of the country where it's not as bad, but getting into those school systems is crazy.

Gabe is so funny - he only accepts honey nut cheerios as "cereal with milk" - any other cereal just will not suffice.

[MarineWife]

I think EI can be harmful if it makes the child feel like they are somehow lacking or messed up or in need of fixing. You may not see that result or reaction at first in a young child because they don't fully understand what is going on. They see what they are doing maybe as just fun, kind of in the same way that kindergarten is (or at least used to be) fun and games and storytime and naps with no work so school was fun in kindergarten. But then the child goes to first grade and slowly realizes that they have to do all this work and there's really not much time for fun anymore. In the same way, a very young child might think that having someone come to their house to "play" with just them is fun and makes the child feel special. Then they get old enough to understand that the person was there because someone decided the child had dyslexia or autism or speech problems and it becomes an entirely different feeling. It's not really about what is best for the child when someone says something like, "But he'll miss out on all these free services," (which aren't really free, by the way, because you and I and the parents are paying for them with their taxes).

[Baby_Cakes]

I've got this one mama on my DDC group freaking out all the mamas b/c most of our babies only have a handful of words.  She's already got her 18 mo old in EI b/c of all the free services, and she's "not taking any chances" etc etc.  Omg.  I just keep reassuring all the first time (and second time and 3rd time) moms that a handful of words is well within normal and EI isn't NECESSARY.  It's just so redic.  She's saying normal for right now is 50-100 words!  WTH?  No, no no.  No it isn't.  I'm sorry, but no.  Stop worrying your friends.  B/c in our DDC at this point we all know each other well, and we know her older children have some special needs, but why does she need to pidgeon hole the youngest now just b/c of the others??

/end rant.

OMG worst night ever in a long time.  Need coffee.  BBL.

[akind1]

I hate freak out moms. IDK what's normal at this age, but Norah has hmm, between 15-20 words - possibly more. I've not had my coffee yet, so I'm sure there are some I'm forgetting. some she uses regularly, others we've heard clear as day at least once or twice, but not everyday. Gabe wasn't this verbal or verbose. She seems very close to putting 2 words together - which he didn't do much of until he was nearly 2.

I love the mamas in Norah's DDC. they are laid back and all variations of crunchy and so non-judgey. awesome. And 3 of us are about to have babies again (one is due in 2 1/2 weeks, one in 4 weeks, and me in 6)

Carrie: rough night here too - N was sooo restless! crazy. The moon was really bright last night and you could see Jupiter. IDK if that's any bearing at all. Enjoy your coffee.

Baby T is crazy active this morning, and I've not had coffee yet. I have a hard time trying to pin down his position. Probably bc he's not pinned down. LOL.

Gabe is getting overwhelmed with emotions sometimes - usually sadness - and I have no clue how to help him, as he can't verbalize WHY he's sad. I can get him to say what will make him feel better, and gauge by that whether it's just toddler drama or real sadness (mama hug kiss make all better - real tears. M&Ms make all better = toddler drama) but I feel so helpless and just want it to stop (it's loud, I don't understand it, and don't we all prefer happy kids?)

OTOH I was proud of him last night - he hit his friend in the face (being 3 year old boys, I'm fairly sure that it wasn't completely unprovoked, but as the other kid has the verbal skills to tattle . . .)  - I gave Gabe a choice - he could go sit with daddy and not play, or say sorry to his friend. No hesitation - he went to his friend and said sorry. I don't force apologies, but I do want to encourage them when appropriate and expected. Now, Gabe hasn't ever said I'm sorry to Norah for hurting her . . .he'd rather sit on the couch and have a time-in. Figures.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by akind1 

I hate freak out moms. IDK what's normal at this age, but Norah has hmm, between 15-20 words - possibly more. I've not had my coffee yet, so I'm sure there are some I'm forgetting. some she uses regularly, others we've heard clear as day at least once or twice, but not everyday. Gabe wasn't this verbal or verbose. She seems very close to putting 2 words together - which he didn't do much of until he was nearly 2.

I love the mamas in Norah's DDC. they are laid back and all variations of crunchy and so non-judgey. awesome. And 3 of us are about to have babies again (one is due in 2 1/2 weeks, one in 4 weeks, and me in 6)

Carrie: rough night here too - N was sooo restless! crazy. The moon was really bright last night and you could see Jupiter. IDK if that's any bearing at all. Enjoy your coffee.

Baby T is crazy active this morning, and I've not had coffee yet. I have a hard time trying to pin down his position. Probably bc he's not pinned down. LOL.

Gabe is getting overwhelmed with emotions sometimes - usually sadness - and I have no clue how to help him, as he can't verbalize WHY he's sad. I can get him to say what will make him feel better, and gauge by that whether it's just toddler drama or real sadness (mama hug kiss make all better - real tears. M&Ms make all better = toddler drama) but I feel so helpless and just want it to stop (it's loud, I don't understand it, and don't we all prefer happy kids?)

OTOH I was proud of him last night - he hit his friend in the face (being 3 year old boys, I'm fairly sure that it wasn't completely unprovoked, but as the other kid has the verbal skills to tattle . . .)  - I gave Gabe a choice - he could go sit with daddy and not play, or say sorry to his friend. No hesitation - he went to his friend and said sorry. I don't force apologies, but I do want to encourage them when appropriate and expected. Now, Gabe hasn't ever said I'm sorry to Norah for hurting her . . .he'd rather sit on the couch and have a time-in. Figures.

Oh Gabe!  LOL!  Glad he said sorry.  IMO that's not a forced apology by any means.  I think that's pretty awesome he went and apologized!  Especially b/c yeah, who knows what happened first.

Are you belly mapping w/spinning babies?  That always helped me.  Can be frustrating but I remember it helping!

Ok I'll blame Jupiter.  Sounds good to me.  Nora wanted to sleep with us but somehow once I climbed in bed she grew 8 more knees and 12 more elbows so after an hour of being kicked and yes, elbowed in the face, I carried her to her room.  She slept fine.  Finn tho.  OMG.  His eyeteeth are bugging him (or Jupiter) so he just wakes up a lot and man.  Up for the day SCREAMING at 445 am.  I got so angry.  I really did.  But I calmed down quickly and rocked and tried.  No dice, he may have dozed for a min here or there.  Now it's 730 and he's walking around like a drunk man!  LOL!  Yeah buddy, I bet you're tired!  Ha!

My DDC has a secret FB group and we've had some drama lately but the core ladies are pretty freaking awesome.  I really enjoy having them.  Some of them and I even text and talk privately.  Love my girls!! 

Ok.  Gotta do my hair, pack Nora's lunch, get these kids dressed, and get to school.  Another cold day today!  BRRR!

[MarineWife]

Carrie ~ Have you tried searching for and posting some info on what's normal and how there's such a wide range that's almost always good. Progression is more important that what they actually know. Like I say with one of my issues with schooling or teaching rather than learning, I want my kids to know how to find the answers they need, to learn, rather than just being able to spit out memorized answered to specific questions.

Not to be contrary (by maybe I am ) when the only two choices someone has is to apologize or be punished and they apologize, that's a forced apology.

I don't think I have anything to do today. We have our counseling appointment tonight. I'd like to get my hair washed before that. Other than that, nothing.