January 2013 Rockstar Mamas - Page 8

[akind1]

Meh - when I was Gabe's age I just shut down or screamed. I wouldn't apologize for anything. LOL. And sitting with daddy isn't really meant to be a punishment - I don't consider it such. A consequence, but not a punishment - he'd probably just end up playing with DH's cell phone. He tells DH and I sorry all the time for stuff (that doesn't require apology - no harm done. He sees us trip and says "sorry mommy" even though he didn't cause it) right now, what I'm trying to get across is when it's appropriate and expected to apologize. We rarely have issues like this - where he's causing another kid hurt (other than Norah) - so it's a learning/teaching opportunity.

Now, when our friends (whose kid was hurt) was told to stand still, arms by sides and tell each us "good night MISTER or MISS so-and-so" or he'd be spanked - that's forced. and just wrong.

MW: I think you like being contrary ;)

and hooray for counseling! and clean hair!

Carrie - I've not tried mapping this baby yet - his movements aren't consistent - it really helps to know where the big and little movents are felt (feet and hands) - and honestly, with this guy, I feel them all over. My belly is always changing shape - the only consistent thing I've noticed is he likes to lean to the left like Norah did. He goes from having his back out and to the left, to spinning somehow posterior (it's hard to tell which way he's facing when I can't feel a spine) - it's frustrating. He's got all kinds of time to move into an optimal position, I'm not worried about that, its just that all the moving is becoming not so pleasant :) Reassuring though.

How was your coffee?

[Baby_Cakes]

well there's forced and then there's...suggested?  expected?  socially acceptable?  

You really don't ever ask for an I'm sorry?  I just feel like it's so ...hard!  I mean, if I bump into someone, I'm expected to say sorry.  If I hurt DH or either of the kids by accident, I say sorry.  If I purposely hurt someone (tho I can't imagine why I would) I would def say sorry. This is what we do as people.  Enlighten me as to what part of it I'm missing!!  Do we just model it and hope they absorb that behavior?  

Ugh i'm up in arms this morning.  Emotionally it's just not been a great day.  My good friend just texted me she let her 2 yo CIO last night.  WHY do people message me practically looking for SUPPORT????  I had to grit my teeth and tell her in as nice a way that I could that I don't feel like anything I say could be supportive, and that I could help her troubleshoot her DDs wakings but I could not hear about her leaving her alone to cry at night.  She just potty trained, she has a brand new baby brother, she's talking a ton, and she is probably lonely and scared in her new big girl bed.  She said she didn't know what else to do.  I replied, "She's a baby.  You deal."

I'm tough about this.  I'm passionate against this.  Idk why now 2 friends come to me telling me about it!  If you're going to do it,  do it and keep it out of my brain!!! You know?  Sigh.  anyway I know we can't go on too much about it on mdc so I'll stop there but man.  Not a great morning!!  I need a cookie or something.

MW i did post one link on a super mainstream page about what's expected by 18 mo.  It's just redic to think a toddler this age SHOULD have that many words, and that if they do it means nothing is ever going to be wrong.  I mean some of our babies are talking a ton (and like I said my gf's son had a TON more words than Finn) but that doesn't mean much of anything, really.  It's just neat and part of them growing and learning.  

Kat - coffee was good!  

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by akind1 

MW: I think you like being contrary

Not really, but I do like to give a different perspective. I know the time-in with Daddy wasn't meant as a punishment but look at it from a child's POV. Either apologize or don't play with your friend. If he's done playing and that was part of the reason why he hit his friend, then sitting with Daddy might be a relief. If he's not dong playing, though, and hit for some other reason, not being allowed to play anymore could be perceived by him as a punishment. He wanted to keep playing with his friend so he apologized. If he weren't given either of those two choices, what would he have done? Apologized or just kept playing?

No, I don't ever expect or ask for an apology from my kids. I apologize to them and to others in front of them for my behavior and theirs. That way they learn when it's appropriate to apologize and they also learn what a sincere apology is. Have you ever gotten an insincere apology from someone? Couldn't you feel that they didn't really mean it? Did hearing it make you feel any better? Usually, an insincere apology is done/used so the person apologizing can get something s/he wants. It has nothing to do with truly feeling bad about what happened to the other person. I'd rather not get an apology at all.

I, personally, can't stand it when someone apologizes to me for something that has nothing to do with them. That shows that they have learned to say the obligatory apology without really understanding the meaning (adults, not children because they are still learning). My dad does that a lot. I just tell him that he doesn't have anything to be sorry for because it's not his fault.

My mother, on the other hand, never apologizes for anything she does. She apologizes for the way I feel about or react to something she's done. That's even more ridiculous. You're sorry that I am hurt by what you did? Really?! Why not rethink what you did if I am hurt by it. My mom says things like, "I'm sorry you don't like that I did this in your house but this is the way I do things and I'm not going to do them differently just because I'm in someone else's home." Ok, maybe not exactly verbatim but that's the gist. It doesn't make sense to her where I put my dishes so she puts them away somewhere else, doesn't tell me where they so that I can't find them when I need them, and then tells me too bad, so sorry you don't like it.

So, in that case, I would talk about how the other child was hurt. Ask him is he was ok, if he needed anything, maybe give him a hug depending on the relationship, and tell him that I was sorry that my child hurt him. I would ask my child if he was feeling overwhelmed, getting tired, wanted to stop playing. If he wanted to continue to play, I would tell him that I would not let him hurt other people and if he did it again, we would stop playing/leave, whatever might be needed. Sometimes kids do need to be removed from a situation and it may still seem like a punishment to them but we can say and do things so that we aren't giving them the message that they are being removed because they are bad. We can use those situations for helping them learn when they have had enough and need to take a break.

I do have a hard time with expecting an apology from Sean when he says something hurtful. I don't know if that's ok or not. On the one hand, I understand that I am ultimately responsible for how I feel. I don't have to let what he says get to me when I know it's not true and he's only saying it because he's angry. OTOH, it would be nice for him to tell me he didn't really mean it. KWIM?

[EuroMama]

My 10 year old did not talk very much until he was almost 3 years old. E is almost 13 months old and has a few words. 

I am not worried about it. Kids will do everything at their own pace, not when we think they should talk.

I hate it that people thought my oldest son was autistic based only on his speech delay. It drove me nuts.

We would take him to the Ped. for an eari nfection and they  wanted to sent me to a OT to work on his speech.

He was only 2 years old for crying out loud. I never took him to the OT and he talks just fine today. ;-)

About apologies. I try to show my children that there are times it would be appropriate to say you're sorry, but I never make them.

I can't make someone say they're sorry.  I cannot stand it when people tell me they're sorry, when its obvious they are not. Its lying to me. I don't teach my kids to lie. If they are not sorry, they are not sorry.

Edited by EuroMama - 1/23/13 at 7:45am

[MarineWife]

Maybe "like" isn't the right word. I feel that it's important for me to express my differing view point. Not because I want to start an argument or anything like that but because I think it's important to let other people see that there are differing opinions. If no one ever expressed any contrary ideas to routine circumcision, it would continue without question. If no one expressed their disagreement with the notion that women should breastfeed in private or in public bathrooms or the like, that's where we would all be banished. Same with high Cesarean rates and spanking and corporal punishment in schools and on and on and on.

[onetwoten]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

I've got this one mama on my DDC group freaking out all the mamas b/c most of our babies only have a handful of words.  She's already got her 18 mo old in EI b/c of all the free services, and she's "not taking any chances" etc etc.  Omg.  I just keep reassuring all the first time (and second time and 3rd time) moms that a handful of words is well within normal and EI isn't NECESSARY.  It's just so redic.  She's saying normal for right now is 50-100 words!  WTH?  No, no no.  No it isn't.  I'm sorry, but no.  Stop worrying your friends.  B/c in our DDC at this point we all know each other well, and we know her older children have some special needs, but why does she need to pidgeon hole the youngest now just b/c of the others??

Ugh. Yeah, that's not the good kind of EI. That's just flipping out over nothing. I think EI should be more for kids who genuinely do have deficits- ie I babysat a little boy who at 4, still didn't use any consonents at the beginning of words. for instance "I want to go to the park", came out "i an o eh ou a arrrrkkkk"   His mother ignored it. At 9, he still is barely intelligible. Or, also babysat for a little girl who was a preemie, and at 18 months was stil obviously showing that she could not/would not weight bear on her legs. Not just wouldn't walk, but if you tried to stand her up on your lap even, she acted like a 2 month old.  She saw a therapist to help her out. These cases, I think warrant it. But not having a dozen words by 18 months? Blah. Just give them time. Like MW said, as long as there's progression, and -some- new skills being mixed in, it's all variations of normal. 

Originally Posted by akind1 

Meh - when I was Gabe's age I just shut down or screamed. I wouldn't apologize for anything. LOL. And sitting with daddy isn't really meant to be a punishment - I don't consider it such. A consequence, but not a punishment - he'd probably just end up playing with DH's cell phone. He tells DH and I sorry all the time for stuff (that doesn't require apology - no harm done. He sees us trip and says "sorry mommy" even though he didn't cause it) right now, what I'm trying to get across is when it's appropriate and expected to apologize. We rarely have issues like this - where he's causing another kid hurt (other than Norah) - so it's a learning/teaching opportunity.

Now, when our friends (whose kid was hurt) was told to stand still, arms by sides and tell each us "good night MISTER or MISS so-and-so" or he'd be spanked - that's forced. and just wrong.

:( That does suck.  I'm on the fence with the apology thing. We've started making 'please' a priority with Tenley, mostly because she doesn't have the other words, but does know please, so otherwise she just grunts and squeals, which drives us nuts. So we're trying to encourage her to say Please and point to the thing instead. And we model thank you, and sorry, but I don't expect those to come for a while. But I mean Gabe isn't 18 months anymore, so I can get why there's a desire for him to learn appropriate situations when I'm sorry would be warranted. I think given that it was a physical violence issue, I don't think it's totally out there to request that he say sorry (acknowledge that what he did was wrong), or take some time to sit and cool down for a while with daddy. You're giving him the opportunity, and you could look at it like this-- if he doesn't want to say sorry, that's similar to saying that he doesn't think there's anything wrong with what he did- the hitting. So as a parent in a public setting, I think it's reasonable then to expect a natural consquence of that situation is for him to be removed. If he doesn't think the hitting is wrong, then there's a chance he's going to do it again. So you remove him from the setting (going to sit with daddy), so he isn't tempted to hit again. 

Maybe I'm talking myself in circles. We didn't sleep well last night either. lol. 

Tenley's playing with her Little People house right now. I <3 when she does this. But she won't let me play with her. As soon as I go over, she looks at me funny and finds something else to do. So I just sit here and secretly watch her. lol. She's ringing the doorbell, and putting them in the bath and on the potty. She's also brought the goat home with them. lol. 

Soooo... trying to convince DH to do a beach vacation this winter/spring. Probably March or April. Our passports both expire in September, AND Tenley is free under two, so until Nov. So it makes sense to go this year, when we can travel free with her (and not have to renew our passports right away, which will be about $150 extra I think.  We could really use a vacation. Really. Also, I just got my vacation paid out from qork, and it's about $1000. Plus we've got $900 in RBC points to use. Seat Sale AIs should run us about $800-900 a person, so the points already pay for one person. I'd have to work an extra 8-9 shifts at work, and then that would pay for the vacation totally. That's not that bad. This week alone, they've wanted me to work two other shifts I've turned down. Anyways... the catch, is I said we can't go until I get back in shape. I want to strut my stuff on the beach, and then the vacation will be my reward. I can totally do it, if I put in the effort. It's freezing out here, but I can do some videos at home, and I think I'm going to start taking Tenley to the pool more often- it's only $6 I think to get in, and there's a track I can use with the stroller too, so we can either swim then run or run then swim. On a track like that, I could probably alternate walking and jogging for an hour. That's a lot of calories burned, especially adding swimming into it. 

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by onetwoten 
 Anyways... the catch, is I said we can't go until I get back in shape. I want to strut my stuff on the beach, and then the vacation will be my reward. I can totally do it, if I put in the effort. It's freezing out here, but I can do some videos at home, and I think I'm going to start taking Tenley to the pool more often- it's only $6 I think to get in, and there's a track I can use with the stroller too, so we can either swim then run or run then swim. On a track like that, I could probably alternate walking and jogging for an hour. That's a lot of calories burned, especially adding swimming into it. 

YOU CAN DO IT!!!  How is the C25K going?  I meant to ask you the other day and I totally forgot.  Can you do DVDs?  I just ordered a new jillian michaels one.  i'll lyk how it is!

ETA - I'm frustrated b/c my weight really isn't budging.  I lost that 1.8 but I snuck in an early weigh in this morning and I"m right back where I was.  So frustrating! I'm running all the time and eating all my points, not going over.  I stopped drinking wine (only on weekends, and not excessive, always counting).  I'm so annoyed.  So.  Hoping adding in the dvd will help.  I feel less bloated and my jeans fit way better so it's got to be doing something, just not seeing the # on the scale.

[EuroMama]

JJ- There are also a ton of work out stuff on Youtube. :-) You can do it!!!! 

[akind1]

Polite words: "Please" we actively encourage - do you want X - say "please" or if he's being contrary, give whomever a kiss or hug or high five (the things he gets are treats, it's not like he's saying please for things that are just expected like meals). thank you and you're welcome we've modeled  - but not at all really encouraged him to say, and he's picked those up and uses them, mostly appropriately, all the time. Sometimes we go  round in circles - him saying "thank you mommy" me going "you're welcome, Gabe" back and forth for a few minutes. - I was kind of surprised when he started that.

Sorry is harder - because I don't believe in having kids say they're sorry when they are clearly not. Gabe I could tell was at the least embarrased - and seemed a bit contrite -, and I don't think entirely understanding of what was going on. We talked about it more on the way home. I think generally, in most play group situations, there is an expectation of apology or removal - and I think we handled it kindly (I know some parents are very stern or yell when dealing with it - I think because they are embarrased themselves that the kids' behavior reflected badly on them) I don't tend to think that way, especially in this case when clearly the other kid wasn't really hurt - I think he was more surprised than anything else.

And at 3, I think he can start to grasp the give and take of an apology. Now, Norah is 15 months and if she were to hurt someone else, I'd apologize on her behalf - she's got no clue yet about what she's doing - and also remove her from the situation a bit. She does grasp gentle and will change to gentle touch when reminded.

JJ or Carrie can't tell who asked: hooray for vacation! Do you have cable or satelite? I ask bc if you have On Demand sort of options, you can find work out stuff there.

I'm enjoying this last bit of kind of freedom before buckling down and being healthy and excersising more. That's silly, I know. But right now, I feel I have an excuse to eat how I like, and I will continue to do that for about 6 months PP. I need to amp up my activity level though. I want to make it a habit, and not a temporary change, which is why I'm dallying. It's one reason I'm glad to go ahead and get all the babies/breastfeeding and stuff done with, so I can focus on achieving optimal health without thinking about backsliding during a pregnancy and new baby stage.

Carrie: if you've hit a plateau - you need to change it up a bit if you can. do you do any weight stuff? or just cardio? mix up your diet some -

EM - always good to hear from you! ack on autism. Everyone wants to join on that bandwagon. (why I really have no idea) -

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by akind1 

I'm enjoying this last bit of kind of freedom before buckling down and being healthy and excersising more. That's silly, I know. But right now, I feel I have an excuse to eat how I like, and I will continue to do that for about 6 months PP. I need to amp up my activity level though. I want to make it a habit, and not a temporary change, which is why I'm dallying. It's one reason I'm glad to go ahead and get all the babies/breastfeeding and stuff done with, so I can focus on achieving optimal health without thinking about backsliding during a pregnancy and new baby stage.

Carrie: if you've hit a plateau - you need to change it up a bit if you can. do you do any weight stuff? or just cardio? mix up your diet some -

EM - always good to hear from you! ack on autism. Everyone wants to join on that bandwagon. (why I really have no idea) -

Enjoy it!  Eat for me!  I'll have margaritas for you if you have ice cream and stuff for me!  LOL!  

I'm the same way.  Now that I'm 99% sure we are done with kids, no excuses, you know?  I could get in awesome shape and just maintain it, w/no preg to get in the way of that.  And sooner than I know it (sniff sniff) finn will wean and my body will be my own, and then I can hopefully get really serious.  

Idk if it's a plateau or if I'm just really doing something wrong.  Or if this is just where I'm going to be until I'm done bf'ing.  Hard to be in this limbo stage!!  But going to try adding in some more resistance training and hopefully working out with jillian will help!

[onetwoten]

I've heard that weight training can be very good once you've hit that plateau because it world different muscles.

I love the Jillian mchaels DVDs. I don't have the newest one though. I just need to be better at actually putting it on and doing it.

My problem right now isn't weight really, I think I'm hovering just under 130, it's a complete lack of tone, and my whole middle section- tummy, love handles and bum, are very flabby, and since there's no underlying muscles, there's nothing to pull it all in. I think once I tone, the weight will end up staying bout the same because ill be losing fat but gaining some much needed muscle.

Most of it I think will be fixed with just cardio, and then the 30 day shred will fix the rest. Just need to get up the oomph to do it!

C25k... Haven't done it since!! Lol we got a cold snap again and haven't been able to go outside. That's why I want to try the pool/track.

[AnnieA]

Ugh. Exercise stuff. I need to do it. I had committed to starting small, doing squats, pushups and situps three times a week and as typical, our sleep took a nose dive and I've been napping again while Ava naps. But I need to get back in to doing it. I would like to get the Jillian Michaels' 30 day shred. I've heard it's awesome. But I want to start with my first commitment so I don't hurt myself and get discouraged.

Word count...when I filled out Ava's chart last week, it asked if she had 15-20 words but when I met with her pedi, he said for 18 months it's actually more like 10 words. So that lady in your DDC Baby_Cakes needs to chill the eff out.

Vacation...oh man, I'd love a vacation. I've been poking around when things are slow at work looking at Myrtle Beach stuff even though it's like 9 months away. Daydreaming even though it's 17 degrees outside!

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by onetwoten 

if he doesn't want to say sorry, that's similar to saying that he doesn't think there's anything wrong with what he did

I wouldn't assume that this is necessarily the case. He may be embarrassed or not understand or even afraid, especially at only 3. That's still so young.

Originally Posted by akind1 

Gabe I could tell was at the least embarrased - and seemed a bit contrite -, and I don't think entirely understanding of what was going on.

Exactly

Intervals are supposed to be the new big thing for losing weight and getting in shape. I was reading the other day that sprints are actually better than long, sustained cardio like running or walking. Resistance/strength training is important because it helps the body continue to burn calories even after you've stopped working out. I've read the body stops burning calories relatively quickly after you stop doing cardio.

I've been trying to do whatever I can whenever I can. Sometimes it's sprints in the backyard. Sometimes it's push up and squats. I've also been trying to do some yoga because I think it will help with my back. I used to do plank pose a lot when I was bodybuilding and thought it was so easy I didn't understand why people made a big deal out of it. Doing it now, though, is hard! My stomach is sore for 2-3 days after.

I've dropped 2 lbs. but I think it may just be from having . Time will tell, I guess.

[akind1]

I used to joke with some of my preschoolers that they were not sorry about what they did, they were only sorry they got caught! - which is often the case - I think, like anything, you have to take it in a case by case basis - and know your kid - Gabe in that moment I could tell really wanted to make up with his friend - so he did. When he doesn't want to say sorry to Norah, or do anything to make it up to her - I do it for him and talk to him about why he shouldn't hurt her. And depending on the severity of it, he does need to sit and calm down a bit.

All this talk about excersise makes me tired. I miss it - I felt great when I was doing it regularly. Need to get back in that habit.

I think we are coming down with something sinus-y. ugh.

OB appt today. NBD. I got asked the other day when I was having another ultrasound. I think it's strange that people assume you should be getting them all the time. I don't expect to have another unless/until I go overdue and they do BPPs.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by onetwoten 

I've heard that weight training can be very good once you've hit that plateau because it world different muscles.

I love the Jillian mchaels DVDs. I don't have the newest one though. I just need to be better at actually putting it on and doing it.

My problem right now isn't weight really, I think I'm hovering just under 130, it's a complete lack of tone, and my whole middle section- tummy, love handles and bum, are very flabby, and since there's no underlying muscles, there's nothing to pull it all in. I think once I tone, the weight will end up staying bout the same because ill be losing fat but gaining some much needed muscle.

Most of it I think will be fixed with just cardio, and then the 30 day shred will fix the rest. Just need to get up the oomph to do it!

C25k... Haven't done it since!! Lol we got a cold snap again and haven't been able to go outside. That's why I want to try the pool/track.

I just loathe weight training.  Give me a treadmill and I'll run for an hour.  I feel good.  Give me weights and I'm just so BOREDDDD.  So hopefully the dvd helps.  It's not super new, just new to me.  I got the No More Trouble Zones one, supposed to help with hips, thighs, muffin top, love handles, and arms.  

Originally Posted by AnnieA 

Word count...when I filled out Ava's chart last week, it asked if she had 15-20 words but when I met with her pedi, he said for 18 months it's actually more like 10 words. So that lady in your DDC Baby_Cakes needs to chill the eff out.

Vacation...oh man, I'd love a vacation. I've been poking around when things are slow at work looking at Myrtle Beach stuff even though it's like 9 months away. Daydreaming even though it's 17 degrees outside!

GTK!  And yes she does!!  

I was looking at MB stuff too!  I so want to go away for a bit before then.  TRYING but I think it's hopeless since we need to save to move.

Originally Posted by MarineWife 



I've dropped 2 lbs. but I think it may just be from having . Time will tell, I guess.

I thought I would drop water weight from getting AF, but it didn't show on the scale.

829 and Nora's already throwing a fit.  Sigh.  Hopefully not a sign on how the rest of the day will go.  

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by akind1 

I used to joke with some of my preschoolers that they were not sorry about what they did, they were only sorry they got caught!

This is often the case. I think it's a sad commentary on conventional, mainstream punishment/reward discipline tactics. The lesson that children learn from those types of things is that it's only wrong if you get caught and you should always get a reward for doing something nice or good. If you don't get a reward, there's no reason for doing it.

My dh hit on that last night at counseling and it's really eating at me today. The counselor asked him what draw him to me when we first met. He said he liked that I was smart and independent and that I was appreciative of the things he did for me. He brought up how he used to stay at my house and clean while I put Ryan to bed and how much I appreciated that. But now I don't appreciate anything he does, like setting my coffee up for me in the morning or doing the dishes. So, apparently, he doesn't see the point in doing anything unless I gush all over him for it. Hm...when was the last time he was appreciative of me taking care of his kids all day or doing all the laundry or anything?

Carrie ~ You can do resistance/strength training without using weights. Certain yoga practices are good for that. Isometric exercises will work some. You could just do a simple routine of push-ups, squats and crunched 3 times a week like Annie had mentioned. That's enough to tone and improve strength without having to spend a lot of time doing it.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 


This is often the case. I think it's a sad commentary on conventional, mainstream punishment/reward discipline tactics. The lesson that children learn from those types of things is that it's only wrong if you get caught and you should always get a reward for doing something nice or good. If you don't get a reward, there's no reason for doing it.

My dh hit on that last night at counseling and it's really eating at me today. The counselor asked him what draw him to me when we first met. He said he liked that I was smart and independent and that I was appreciative of the things he did for me. He brought up how he used to stay at my house and clean while I put Ryan to bed and how much I appreciated that. But now I don't appreciate anything he does, like setting my coffee up for me in the morning or doing the dishes. So, apparently, he doesn't see the point in doing anything unless I gush all over him for it. Hm...when was the last time he was appreciative of me taking care of his kids all day or doing all the laundry or anything?

Carrie ~ You can do resistance/strength training without using weights. Certain yoga practices are good for that. Isometric exercises will work some. You could just do a simple routine of push-ups, squats and crunched 3 times a week like Annie had mentioned. That's enough to tone and improve strength without having to spend a lot of time doing it.

That's just what he needs.  He wants verbal appreciation.  Maybe b/c of how he was raised, or just because that's how he sees your love.  Give in to it.  Just b/c you don't think it's necessary doesn't mean it isn't for him.  If all it takes is a few extra thank yous a week, then do it.  He wants his acts of service acknowledged.  Chris is like that.  I don't feel I should have to thank him for things he should be doing anyway.  But the difference in his attitude when I do is worth me doing it!

Yes - going to!  Since I've got no idea what/how, using the DVD is going to be key for getting ideas.

Hoping to really get a routine going and then maybe i'll be able to justify a gym membership.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

That's just what he needs.  He wants verbal appreciation.  Maybe b/c of how he was raised, or just because that's how he sees your love.  Give in to it.  Just b/c you don't think it's necessary doesn't mean it isn't for him.  If all it takes is a few extra thank yous a week, then do it.  He wants his acts of service acknowledged.  Chris is like that.  I don't feel I should have to thank him for things he should be doing anyway.  But the difference in his attitude when I do is worth me doing it!

Yeah, except that he's full of it that I don't acknowledge the things he does. I thank him all the time for making my coffee for me. The only other thing he does is the dishes. Frankly, I'm not appreciative of that because I'd rather he get the boys ready for bed. I can't gush all over him for staying up until 11 pm getting the dishes in the dishwasher so he can run it when he then turns around and complains that boys are still up, especially when I've told him repeatedly that I'd rather he help me with them.

He whines about how he gets up at 4:30 am to finish the dishes for me and I'm not thankful. BS! He gets up at 4:30 am because he wants to beat the traffic to work. He doesn't have to get up that early. He chooses to so don't put that on me like it's somehow my responsibility or he does it for me.

All of that stuff was BS. I don't believe it for a second. He was just pulling stuff out of his butt because he didn't like being put on the spot about his own behavior. He does that all the time, tries to turn things around on me so he doesn't have to take responsibility for himself. I'm so over his whiny, immature crap. I'm pissed. Can you tell?

[EuroMama]

I don't like weight training. I do love walking. I could walk all day, to library and back, store and back. I also love riding my bike.

[akind1]

Enh, sometimes I wish you had some good things to say about Sean  - I know you need to vent, and I get that - we all need to vent about DH stuff. But if you've got nothing good to say, it makes me wonder if you think he's worth the effort? Are you only going to counseling to fix him? is there nothing you could do better? I'm with Carrie - showing appreciation may be a silly thing to you. But it's a small thing in the big picture that could help.

I like rewards as surprises - Gabe did so well waiting with me at the OB - normally I wouldn't take him, but somehow DH and I double booked the chiro and the OB, so he took Norah with him to the chiro, and I brought DS with me to the OB. He didn't fuss or run around - he was even nice to the doctor - which considering the only doctor he sees on any basis is the chiro, I thought was awesome - so I let him pick lunch and get chocolate at the store. No big thing, and not something I held over his head (which generally doesn't tend to work well). But a little treat for surprising me with good behavior.

Weight training in and of itself is boring. But worked into a routine? can be at least a little interesting. I liked P90X - and I saw good results with it - . Slim in 6 didn't do much for me. I hate resistance bands. prefere free weights. I've not tried any Jillian Michaels stuff. LMK how you like it.

I don't like gyms just for the equipment - I like classes - they keep it interesting and many incorporate weights + cardio or something. It's never the same each week and you get feedback and see new people. All good things.