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January 2013 Rockstar Mamas - Page 9

post #161 of 221
I like rewards too. I don't see nothing wrong with them. Unless its a habit where the child automatically assumes gets a reward. That is the parents problem.
post #162 of 221
i meant surprise rewards. I hate typing on phone.
post #163 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post


He whines about how he gets up at 4:30 am to finish the dishes for me and I'm not thankful. BS! He gets up at 4:30 am because he wants to beat the traffic to work. He doesn't have to get up that early. He chooses to so don't put that on me like it's somehow my responsibility or he does it for me.

All of that stuff was BS. I don't believe it for a second. He was just pulling stuff out of his butt because he didn't like being put on the spot about his own behavior. He does that all the time, tries to turn things around on me so he doesn't have to take responsibility for himself. I'm so over his whiny, immature crap. I'm pissed. Can you tell? lol.gif

 

SPEAK UP!  Talk about THIS at therapy!  Turn to DH and be like, "dude you are totally making shit up!  You know I thank you for XYZ and you KNOW you don't need to get up that early FOR ME so quit it!"

 

Get this all out in the open so you can WORK on it.  Call him out on his BS. Be mad. Get to the nitty gritty stuff, throw off the gloves.  It's now or never!!!  

 

re:gyms - I know I LOVE the classes, but I need to make use of the ENTIRE place before I can justify the cost.  I would join just for spin class but DH is like $40 a mo for a class 2X a week is a bit steep.

post #164 of 221
Thread Starter 
Surprise treats are always fun and a good thing. That's not the same as saying, "If you behave, I'll buy you an ice cream, but if you are bad, I'll cancel your playdate with your friend."
Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

Enh, sometimes I wish you had some good things to say about Sean  - I know you need to vent, and I get that - we all need to vent about DH stuff. But if you've got nothing good to say, it makes me wonder if you think he's worth the effort? Are you only going to counseling to fix him? is there nothing you could do better? I'm with Carrie - showing appreciation may be a silly thing to you. But it's a small thing in the big picture that could help.

I wish I had something nice to say about him, too. I don't know that I think any one person is worth so much effort but my family is worth the effort. I'm going to counseling to fix us.

And, yes, there are things I can do differently. We talked about that last night, too. We talked about how I could reword things so that what I say doesn't automatically put Sean on the defensive. That's a hard thing to do because I have a very direct way of speaking that isn't meant to be mean or attacking but he takes it that way. I have to consciously change my wording but I'm fine with doing that.

When he expresses an honest issue that he has that is something I can change, I am open to that. When he just starts pulling crap out of his butt to attack and hurt me because he's feeling defensive, not so much. Have you ever read any books on fair fighting? One big thing is to not bring up stuff from the past that was either supposedly resolved or never mentioned before. Don't run a tally in your head so that you have something to throw back at the other person just to hurt them. That sort of thing won't resolve anything and will usually escalate the situation. Stay focused on the issue at hand.

Carrie ~ I did call him on it. I always do. It was rather interesting because he said he felt pretty good after the session last night. He got to vent and didn't feel as angry and combative as when he went in. I didn't feel like we had accomplished much of anything.

You want to know something really sad? (Probably not but I'm going to share it anyway.) The counselor asked us each to tell something that the other person did that made us feel loved. Neither one of us could come up with anything. greensad.gif That's when Sean brought up how I used to be appreciative of the things he did. Yeah, because he used to do things for me. Now he does things for himself, mostly. If it happens to benefit someone else, that's a bonus. If it causes anyone else a problem, that's too bad. When he mentioned that he sets the coffee up for me in the mornings, I immediately said, "Oh, yeah. That is one thing he does for me and I do appreciate it."

However, that's not necessarily something the he does only for me. He does it because I've made a mess trying to make my own coffee too many times. lol.gif Even with the single-serve coffee maker we got I make a mess half the time because I forget to put the cartridge holder back in the thing. In my early morning daze I just put the coffee cartridge in the thing and turn it on and water goes everywhere.

That sort of thing also doesn't make me feel loved. I'm not an Acts of Service LL person. Quality Time is my main LL, none of which I get from him. I think that's why we've been having so many issues around bedtime. He thinks he's doing a nice thing by putting the dishes in the dishwasher but I just want him to help get the boys ready for bed and maybe spend some time with them reading books or something for a few minutes before going to sleep.
post #165 of 221

I love, love, love lifting weights. DH used to lift a lot when he was in the Marines and he showed me how to do things properly. I love it. I wish we still had a gym membership so I could lift. But doing squats, even without weights, helps tone things as well as crunches and pushups. If I can get back to where I was a few weeks ago sleep-wise, then I won't need to take a nap when Ava does.

 

MW, it sounds to me like your DH's primary love language is words of affirmation and his secondary is acts of service. My DH's primary love language is words of affirmation too and it absolutely confounds me all the time. I don't understand why he needs a thank-you for doing regular stuff and it always strikes me as odd when he tells me thank-you for doing things that I need to do anyway. But that's what means something to him. shrug.gif So I just try to remember that. It's hard though. I hope you guys can find a good balance. I think if for no other reason than to model to the boys what a healthy, loving relationship looks like, you know?

 

AFM, I'm taking away the cow's milk from Ava. I don't know if it's causing the problem but she's started vomiting again, primarily at bedtime right after she's taken her bedtime bottle of breastmilk. I've been giving her cow's milk during the day if she asks for milk and saving the breastmilk for sleep times. She's been on cow's milk for almost two months now so it seems a bit strange to me that just within the past week, it would be causing so many problems. We've talked to her pedi and her cardiologist and made sure it's not something else. They are all confounded. So I'm going to get some almond milk and see if she will take that. DH bought some vanilla almond milk the other day and all the big kids were drinking it like it was the best thing ever. So maybe Ava will take that? I had to cancel her photo session this morning because she wasn't feeling well plus it snowed last night and I just was not in the mood for dragging her out in the snow. We did go out and play around lunchtime and she loved it. My mom brought over a booster seat, Elmo plate and Elmo silverware. She ate lunch at the table instead of sitting in her highchair. She looks like such a big girl now! mecry.gif
 

post #166 of 221
Thread Starter 
I love lifting weights, too. I hate, hate, hate cardio! I will avoid it at all costs.

That is strange about the vomiting. I hope cutting out the cow's milk fixes it.

Yes, my dh's LLs are Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service. I'm not sure in which order. Probably like you said because he complained mostly about me not appreciating what he did rather than me not doing things for him. It's hard for me to thank him for something that I don't think he's doing for me or someone else. It's all for him. It's not really a gift or an act of service if there are strings attached.
post #167 of 221
Quote:

 

AFM, I'm taking away the cow's milk from Ava. I don't know if it's causing the problem but she's started vomiting again, primarily at bedtime right after she's taken her bedtime bottle of breastmilk. I've been giving her cow's milk during the day if she asks for milk and saving the breastmilk for sleep times. She's been on cow's milk for almost two months now so it seems a bit strange to me that just within the past week, it would be causing so many problems. We've talked to her pedi and her cardiologist and made sure it's not something else. They are all confounded. So I'm going to get some almond milk and see if she will take that. DH bought some vanilla almond milk the other day and all the big kids were drinking it like it was the best thing ever. So maybe Ava will take that? I had to cancel her photo session this morning because she wasn't feeling well plus it snowed last night and I just was not in the mood for dragging her out in the snow. We did go out and play around lunchtime and she loved it. My mom brought over a booster seat, Elmo plate and Elmo silverware. She ate lunch at the table instead of sitting in her highchair. She looks like such a big girl now! mecry.gif
 

My DS2 who is almost 13 months old had some cows milk yesterday with dinner and then again today, and his poops were green today. They were watery green. He only gets a little bit with dinner, the rest is all breast milk. I am wondering if the green poo is from the milk I gave him. My oldest son was lactose intolerant until he was almost 2. I am wondering if E is too. :/

post #168 of 221
Well, I'm pretty sure it's not the cow's milk. She seems to be making herself vomit to delay going to bed. Lovely.
post #169 of 221
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post

Well, I'm pretty sure it's not the cow's milk. She seems to be making herself vomit to delay going to bed. Lovely.

Oh, hm. How is she doing that? If that's the case, could she stay up later?
post #170 of 221

She's always had a sensitive gag reflex and it appears she's made the mental connection that if she coughs just right, she can make herself throw up. So Friday night when I was putting her to bed, she drank just a couple of ounces and was still fidgeting around so I got up and started walking around the room with her. She did a couple of fake coughs and I asked her to stop doing that. Then she coughed a couple of more times and up came all the breastmilk. eyesroll.gif I put her out in the living room while I cleaned up and she ran around the house for the next hour happy as a clam. The problem with putting her to bed later is that she really does need 12 hours of sleep at night but she won't sleep past 9:30 AM. So if she doesn't go to bed until 11 PM every night, she starts operating on a sleep deficit. I'm a big proponent of getting enough sleep so that you stay healthy. We're going to try taking away the bedtime bottle and see if we can get over this hump. She doesn't do it when she takes her bottle at nap or during the night.

post #171 of 221
Thread Starter 
Couldn't/wouldn't take a longer or 2nd nap to make up any sleep deficit? Maybe she doesn't need as much sleep anymore. shrug.gif
post #172 of 221

Oh Ava!  Sigh. Very dramatic, girlfriend!  winky.gif  Well at least you know it isn't the cows milk.  What is your plan for taking away the bedtime bottle?  Rock to sleep?

 

Did I tell you guys about the screaming Finn was doing at night?  I think I did.  I'll recap.  He was waking up just screaming bloody murder like he was being attacked at least once a night.  A full on tantrum.  It didn't seem like night terrors, but it was somewhere past just a nightmare.  He wouldn't let me rock or nurse (I did try even tho I try not to nurse thru the night anymore, this was big and different).  

I couldn't figure it out.  It seemed unrelated to diet or teething.  Finally after a serious one lasting almost 5 min (he stood up and stomped feet, screaming mad, crying, pushing me away, collapsing, etc at 3 am), it just hit me that maybe it's too much TV.  Somewhere I had read that someone's child had nightmares from watching something scary -- and while Finn doesn't watch anything scary, he'd been watching The Lorax daily.  At least once.  Sometimes twice (and he stares at the TV while it's on.  He watches the whole thing.)  So since that clicked in my brain I've been limiting his screen time.  No Lorax.  One or two live person shows per day that he walks away from and will glance at but he isn't GLUED to the screen.

No screaming fits since.  I hope it isn't just a coincidence.

 

Still waking up early but for the past few days he's going back to sleep at 5 am until at least 630.

 

Chris is in Ohio today and tmw, then NYC wed.  Hopefully he's back thurs and fri but he might go to Boston.

 

No plans yet today other than hang out.  It's COLD again!

post #173 of 221
MW, I would absolutely click my heels in delight if she would take a longer nap but I'm usually thanking my lucky stars to get 1.5 hrs out of her. She definitely still needs more sleep. When she doesn't get enough sleep, she wakes up unhappy, she's emotionally fragile throughout the day and clumsy.

Baby_Cakes, that's very interesting about the TV. I know there are some kids that don't "overdose" on TV if it's not limited or otherwise have negative effects from unlimited TV viewing but I have a house full of them. Too much screen time is absolutely apparent in their behavior. How is Nora handling the reduced TV time? Are you filling the space with music or something else?

My plan to get Ava to sleep right now without taking a bottle was to drive her for 15 mins and transfer her as soon as she fell asleep. Last night was my short night at work so DH took me in the afternoon and the plan was he and Ava would pick me up at 9 PM and she could fall asleep on the way home. She didn't so I wasn't quite sure how I was going to get her to bed. We came in the house, she played for about 20 mins and then she pointed to the bedroom. So I said ok and we went and laid down. She signedcmilk and I got a bottle for her but before I gave it to her I said "No fake coughing Ava. The milk needs to stay in your tummy." She said ok, drank her milk and I walked her for a few mins and she went to sleep. No clue how she and DH will manage it tonight but I told him what I told her so we'll see.
post #174 of 221

Oh wow I'm glad that worked.  They are so much smarter and understand more than we realize.  Hopefully it continues to work!  Especially for DH.

 

Nora seems fine with the less TV, she hasn't really noticed.  I do put on music.  Pandora on the TV.  Nothing to look at, but the music is nice and sometimes they dance.  

 

Just looked out the window and it's snowing!  exciting.

post #175 of 221
Thread Starter 
Interesting about Finn and the movie. Dylan doesn't really watch TV. He glances at it every once in a while if it's on but has never actually sat down and really watched anything.

Last night he woke up around 4 or 5 am and just wanted to nurse, nurse, nurse. I finally told him to stop nursing, lay down and go back to sleep. He actually listened. He wasn't completely happy about it and kept trying to nurse again every few minutes for a little bit. He even cried a little but I just couldn't take it anymore. I let him lay on me and cry and he finally went back to sleep.

One thing I've discovered is that Dylan needs to have his diaper changed in the middle of the night most nights. It's not always poo. I think the urine irritates him, too. It doesn't seem to matter what kind of cloth diaper I put on him. It's got me considering trying sposies at night to see if that makes a difference. Every time I go to the store I look at the diapers but I can't bring myself to buy them. lol.gif I need to ask Sean to pick some up. He doesn't have any moral dilemma about it.

We're going to a dual birthday party today at noon. It's at an indoor bouncy house place. I really don't like the place. I don't think it's supervised enough and kids always get hurt there. But our group will be the only people there so, hopefully, it will be easier to keep an eye on everyone.

Not much else going on. Ryan is still moving out, sort of. I think Sean got tired of waiting for Ryan to pick up the rest of his stuff. He said he was going to load up the truck and take the stuff over on his lunch break today.
post #176 of 221

Yeah, no finn will sit glued to the tv.  He's always done that but only w/shows and not for a long time.  With the movie, he was sitting watching the whole thing.  I would try to distract him but was unable to.  It's sad b/c he really really likes it.  I'll have to see if maybe we can put it on once a week or something.  I got him the book so maybe he will like that too.

 

Hopefully dylan night potty learns around the same time as day, lol, or you'll be getting up to change night diapers for a long time, lol! orngbiggrin.gif

 

I've noticed too as much as finn darts and climbs etc, he can't be bothered with books and pointing to shapes/colors/objects.  At this age Nora was all about pointing to ducks and saying quack.  Or we would read and she would be so into "moon!" or "ball" or even just while we were out doing the same thing.  Finn could give a crap.  He just wants to RUN.  

post #177 of 221
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

Yeah, no finn will sit glued to the tv.  He's always done that but only w/shows and not for a long time.  With the movie, he was sitting watching the whole thing.  I would try to distract him but was unable to.  It's sad b/c he really really likes it.  I'll have to see if maybe we can put it on once a week or something.  I got him the book so maybe he will like that too.

I was going to suggest the book. We have the movie on DVD but I have not watched it yet. I think the boys have. I'm not all that interested. I'm a bit burned out of all the kids movies that have hidden agendas. Can't they just be fun stories anymore? It feels too much like attempted brainwashing to me when things like that are geared toward such young children.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

Hopefully dylan night potty learns around the same time as day, lol, or you'll be getting up to change night diapers for a long time, lol! orngbiggrin.gif

Man, I hope not because Ethan and Kellen weren't completely potty trained until they were 3 or older!

I don't know what the deal is with Dylan messing his diapers in the middle of the night. He had stopped pooping at night for several months. Last night he did poop a little bit. Sean changed him around 5 am. I told Sean that from now on he needs to change him when he gets up at 4:30 so he won't keep me up tossing and turning the rest of the night. Sean keeps forgetting, though, so I had to get up out of bed and call him to come up and change Dylan. Kind of defeats the purpose of having Sean change him in the first place, which is so I don't have to get up since he's already up. eyesroll.gif

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

I've noticed too as much as finn darts and climbs etc, he can't be bothered with books and pointing to shapes/colors/objects.  At this age Nora was all about pointing to ducks and saying quack.  Or we would read and she would be so into "moon!" or "ball" or even just while we were out doing the same thing.  Finn could give a crap.  He just wants to RUN.

I think that might be a general difference between boys and girls. I meant to say the same thing about talking. Girls generally are more verbal sooner than boys. Boys are generally more physical than girls.

That doesn't mean that all girls are one way and all boys are another. Those are generalities based on statistics and there are always exceptions and degrees or levels. winky.gif
post #178 of 221

Ava mostly can't be bothered with reading books. She wants to move, move, move. But she will sit and watch TV. She likes to have it on more than I like to have it on. So I try to compromise. She usually wins. orngbiggrin.gif

 

I think it's time for me to ramp up the potty efforts. Today, she was wandering around the house naked. I was in the kitchen washing bottles and pump parts. She came in to the kitchen carrying a prefold and cover and started screeching at me. I said "Ava, if you need to go poops, you should go sit on your green potty." She kept screeching at me and I could see she had her little butt cheeks clenched so I picked her up and tried to get her to the green potty. The poop came out right before I got her on the potty. So I kept her with me while I cleaned it up and then we went back to the green potty and I said "Ava, you don't need to wear a diaper to go poop. You can sit on your green potty and poop." She looked away. Little stinker. She knows. So I need to figure out a way to motivate her.
 

post #179 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post

I think that might be a general difference between boys and girls. I meant to say the same thing about talking. Girls generally are more verbal sooner than boys. Boys are generally more physical than girls.

You could def be right about that.  I think that's pretty true.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post

Ava mostly can't be bothered with reading books. She wants to move, move, move. But she will sit and watch TV. She likes to have it on more than I like to have it on. So I try to compromise. She usually wins. orngbiggrin.gif

 

I think it's time for me to ramp up the potty efforts. Today, she was wandering around the house naked. I was in the kitchen washing bottles and pump parts. She came in to the kitchen carrying a prefold and cover and started screeching at me. I said "Ava, if you need to go poops, you should go sit on your green potty." She kept screeching at me and I could see she had her little butt cheeks clenched so I picked her up and tried to get her to the green potty. The poop came out right before I got her on the potty. So I kept her with me while I cleaned it up and then we went back to the green potty and I said "Ava, you don't need to wear a diaper to go poop. You can sit on your green potty and poop." She looked away. Little stinker. She knows. So I need to figure out a way to motivate her.
 

 

LOL!  She's so smart.  What about an incentive?  A reward?  A sticker or a candy treat?  IME they really don't need them for long.  Two weeks or maybe 3, and then they forget about the prize.

 

Kat - how is PL'ing going with Gabe?

I keep forgetting to tell you the sneak peeks of your pics turned out great!  Can't wait to see the rest!

 

Beat.  See you guys in the am with coffee in hand! blowkiss.gif

post #180 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

You could def be right about that.  I think that's pretty true.

 

 

LOL!  She's so smart.  What about an incentive?  A reward?  A sticker or a candy treat?  IME they really don't need them for long.  Two weeks or maybe 3, and then they forget about the prize.

 

Kat - how is PL'ing going with Gabe?

I keep forgetting to tell you the sneak peeks of your pics turned out great!  Can't wait to see the rest!

 

Beat.  See you guys in the am with coffee in hand! blowkiss.gif


I thought about doing M&Ms but if she saw them, she would drive me crazy asking for them all the time. I'm definitely ok with bribing...just need to figure out the right bribe!

 

akind1, the pictures were great! Is she going to do newborn shots for you as well?

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