January 2013 Rockstar Mamas - Page 4

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by AnnieA 

I meant to post something earlier. When we were at Mother Goose time this morning, the babies were all wandering around before we got started. Ava was across the room calling "Mama, Mama!". I turned to her and said "Ava, I'm over here right now. We're about to get started. Please come join me." She said "Oh." and started heading towards me. One of the other moms said in amazement "You speak to her like a grownup and she understands what you say!". I said "Yes, she understands me but she doesn't always choose to listen!"

That is adorable. I think it's strange that other people think you can't talk to a baby or child the way you would talk to an adult. How do they talk to children, then? Baby talk or just continual orders?


maybe Ethan is the oddball because he has never been like that. He goes straight to what he needs to do and does it. He sits in his seat when he's doing something. When he gets in bed he gets comfortable quickly and lays still. He doesn't move any more than Sean or I do. When he was 3-4 and Kellen was a baby I could sit in bed with Ethan and watch TV or read or knit while Kellen slept right next to us. Ethan would be quiet and still and not disturb anyone. Ryan was very much how Kellen is. The jury is still out on Dylan. I think he's going to be somewhere in-between.

Ryan and Trish bought a mobile home for $2000! I'm not convinced it's livable from what I've heard. I haven't seen it yet. Sean thinks it's questionable but not any worse than the house he lived in when he went to college so...I overheard him telling my dad that it's probably not a good idea for me to see it because I'll probably cry.

Ryan is so funny. He posted on FB that he is a homeowner at 21. Technically, I guess that's true but I'm not sure how much of a home it is. Don't tell him that.

[akind1]

I had seen where you commented on that, and wondered - as for livability . . . I guess time will tell!

I talk to Gabe pretty often in caveman speak. He responds to it better than full on adult speech that has extra adjectives and prepesitions and whatnot. He's getting to where I don't really need to use it as much, but it's habit. Some of it's just a matter of using words I know he recognizes and responds to. (Gabe: do you need to use the bathroom? vs. Gabe: go pee in toilet?)

Norah is following directions better, sometimes. At least when they line up with what she wants to do anyway. and that's a nice change.

I'm so so tired. I need more sleep, more caffeine. And I think I might need to stop driving in the next couple weeks. belly is getting too big and my legs aren't getting any longer.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by akind1 

And I think I might need to stop driving in the next couple weeks. belly is getting too big and my legs aren't getting any longer.

[akind1]

33 weeks today!

MW: your grand-puppy is adorable! did R and T bring him over, or did you get to go to their new place? How was it?

Nothing else new here . . . I get to go visit a squish today (she's a week old!) we'll see how my kids handle that. Her big brother, that's Gabe's age, is a little possessive of her, so that adds a fun dynamic.

[MarineWife]

Trish brought the puppy over on way to taking it home. They spent their first night in their new place last night, I think. (I haven't checked to see if they are here but there were clues that Ryan had at least come here for a little bit last night after work.) It is very cute. Of course, I think that means we are stuck with Ryan's cat. :/

I think Dylan's fever has broken. He's still coughing and clingy but he doesn't feel hot any more.

I'm not sure what's going on with my cycle. I'm on what I thought was 13dpo with no . Last cycle she showed at 10dpo. I started getting what looked like ewcf on Monday. So, either my lp is lengthening (which is a good thing, I guess) and the ewcf is just my progesterone dropping because will be here soon or I never Oed. My normal lp before was 12 or 13 days, I think, so this may be my body getting back to that. I find it hard to believe I never Oed because I had all the symptoms of being in my lp and I stayed dry/sticky for 10 days. That's a long time to go for my body to reset in order to try to O again. I don't like being on high alert for to possibly show. It's times these when I wish I could temp.

When Ryan gets all of his stuff moved out and we get his room cleaned, we'll move Ethan in there. Then we are going to try to get the boys to sleep in their own rooms. I'm trying to get Sean to do more to get the boys ready for bed. I don't know what he was thinking but he would just come home and sit in the living room until he couldn't stay up anymore and then go to bed, leaving me alone to try to get everyone else in bed. Then he would complain about everyone being up too late and blah, blah, blah. Well, then do something about it!

We talked about this at our counseling session on Monday. I told him that I could either get Ethan and Kellen to bed or I could take care of Dylan but I can't do both so he would have to do something. But then he hasn't done anything since then. He was downstairs doing dishes or something until 10:30 last night before I finally called him. If he feels the need to clean the kitchen, he needs to do that after getting the boys in bed. So, I guess I have to have another talk with him about that.

The counselor has been really good about supporting me in things. IDK if it's because she's a woman or if it's because I really do have legitimate issues. Sean always acted like I was just being unreasonable or unfair. Anyway, she agreed that it's not fair for him to get to come home from work and essentially zone out while I'm still constantly on the clock. Even if we were to do the 15 minutes of down-time thing, it's not fair that he get the first 15 minutes every day. She agreed that he does get time alone driving home from work to switch gears while I never do that. She suggested Sean doing some activities with the boys like tossing a ball around or getting them involved in a repair project with him while I get to take a bath for 30 minutes or just hide in the bedroom and read or knit or something like that. That would get the boys completely away from me so I could get some time to "recharge" and it would help his relationship with them. He responded as if that was a good idea.

Of course, I've been telling him that for years and he never listened but I'm trying to let that go. Kind of like when I told him to make a warm saltwater compress to help reduce the swelling and tenderness in Dylan's lymph nodes. His first comment was, "Is this another one of your hippie things?" in a very skeptical tone. When I told him that the chiropractor told me to do it, he said, "Oh, ok."

We have been getting along a lot better. He has been a lot more present with all of us and a lot nicer to everyone, not so grumpy. I am still a bit of a nag. I need to work on that. The other night I started to tell him how to do something differently when he was cooking but caught myself, shut my mouth and walked out of the kitchen. He was saying something to me, jokingly, about letting him do it his way and I just kept saying, "I'm walking away." It became a joke and we laughed and that was good.

[akind1]

hate when cycles do weird things. I know this sounds hippie-ish (but hey, we kind of are, aren't we?)  but have you ever checked the phase of the moon at O or AF? I found mine to be more consistent with that then with necessarily counting - I would O at a new moon and AF at the Full or vice versa - can't remember - but when AF was finally starting to be regular again, before Norah, those tended to line up. It was true for AF at least before I ever went on Depo (I didn't track O then).

Have you gained or lost a bit of weight lately? sometimes that will throw it off - especially I think with PCOS.

I am so grateful that DH does his share of night time parenting. Granted, i think it partly has to do with getting nookie, but hey - whatever works! - he knows the sooner the kids are in bed (which is more likely to happen if we double team) the more likely any other adult activities will happen. Once the new baby is born, I will need to shake up our routine a bit - depends on what sort of sleeper he is.

chores: for us, they need to be done prior to kids being in bed -except for general tidying and laundry. Dishes, showers, vacuuming must be done while the kids are awake, else the noise will wake at least one of them up. (Norah - Gabe is a deep sleeper and really hard to disturb). You have a 2 story house so maybe this is a bit less of an issue.

I am glad the counselor is being a help. And hooray that you both are making some progress!

Is Ethan excited about the prospect of his own room? Gabe loves having his own room - it's only for sleeping really - they don't play much in their rooms - but he loves it. the other night he woke up due to a bad dream or something and DH went in to him (usually I do, but he was already up) and Gabe was so tickled in the morning that daddy slept in his rocket ship room. Their weekly dates I think have done wonders to strengthen their relationship.

Carrie: how are your DH and Nora doing? (btw, DH thinks maybe we should drop our Norah's "h" bc no one ever spells it right. LOL)

JJ: how's Tenley?

I'm a little more awake now, after getting peeved at my insurance company being able to exempt themselves from the better parts of stupid obamacare/affordable care act. Evidentally they don't HAVE to cover breastfeeding supplies and support, since my plan was grandfathered in. I think grandfathering should only apply when it's a benefit to the consumer. Otherwise, it's just a load of BS. I wanted a new, free pump! I still do, trying to figure out if there is a way around that idiocy.

[MarineWife]

I have tried seeing if my cycles follow the cycles of the moon at all but they didn't seem to. My lp has been very consistent once it regulates after birth and breastfeeding. It's not really doing anything strange now. This is only my 2nd possible O cycle since giving birth. It can take several before it gets back to any kind of normal consistency. It's just that, if I had temps, I could know for sure whether or not I Oed. With just CF data, there's no way to really know for sure even if shows up at a reasonable time.

I have gained quite a bit of weight. It's actually disturbing me. Back in September when we went to Williamsburg I was wearing my smaller jeans but I recently had to go out and buy some new ones in a size larger than my larger jeans. I thought it was from the Zoloft because the bulk of it was put on after my dose was increased. I hadn't thought about PCOS because I hadn't had a weight problem before from that. I have been off the Zoloft for maybe a month now and I'm going to start exercising more regularly to see if that helps. But, like I said, my cycle isn't off because it hasn't gotten back on yet.

Ethan is excited about his own room. He keeps asking if Ryan has moved out yet. I told him yesterday that Ryan probably won't get the bulk of things moved out of that room until this weekend when he has a couple of days off. We shall see. I'm thinking of starting some sort of registry for him of things he needs like kitchen supplies and curtains and such so that family can buy or donate things if they'd like. That's kind of fun.

Part of the reason the bedtime stuff came up was because of Sean's supposed displeasure with our lack of dtd. I, personally, don't think it has anything to do with where the boys sleep. It has to do with Sean going to bed so early and on his own and leaving me to deal with everything else. Sean makes no effort to be intimate at all and I'm just not really interested so I'm certainly not going to make a big effort after I've finally gotten everyone else in bed and asleep. If Sean would help getting everyone ready and in bed, wherever that may be, and actually stay up long enough to maybe have some couple time afterward, maybe something more will happen. I said all of that and he still hasn't made any effort to get the boys ready and in bed any earlier. But, I'm just not going to make a big effort if he's not going to make any. As I've said before, I honestly do not have much, if any, interest in sex right now, so whatever.

I don't care about the dishes and such. I would just rinse and stack them in the sink and do them in the morning. Sean, apparently, likes to get them done before he goes to bed. If he wants to do that, he needs to get the boys in bed and asleep first. Otherwise, it gets too late and any chance of "couple" time is gone.

WRT to insurance covering breastfeeding supplies, personally, I don't think they should be required to. I don't see a breast pump as a medical necessity. If you choose to work away from your baby so that you need to bottle feed, then it should be your responsibility to pay for the supplies needed to do that. That sort of thing should be supplied through a social program like WIC in the same way they supply formula and baby food vouchers, but not private insurance companies.

[akind1]

Priorities, you know - for DH, DTD is a priority, so he helps the ensure that there is more opportunity for that. Clearly that doesn't work for Sean, so he needs something else as motivation.

With regards to choosing to work, um, I don't work for the joy of it. I *need* to work. Someone needs to work, DH does, and it's picking up, but it will never be enough for me to SAH. Unless we win the lottery or something. And regarding the pump - it's part of legislation that got passed - and is supposed to be for *all* breastfeeding mothers, regardless of working status (some women pump to donate, or just to have an extra supply in the freezer JIC)  - and part of that legislation is also breastfeeding support, like Lactation Consultants, etc, and if my insurance isn't covering a breast pump, they wouldn't cover a LC either - it's part of the same umbrella of preventative services that they are exempt from offering. Along with coverage for birth control, etc, with no copayments from the insureds. I really dont' need the pump, I have a working one. But I work in a company that's probably 75% women, and has otherwise been stellar in their breastfeeding supportive practices - They need to step up. It's one of those things I feel I should fight for on behalf of the other women I work with - many of whom also don't really have a choice to SAH.  Sorry, but I take major umbrage at the idea of "choosing" to work. Some women do and some women really must. Regardless, they should have every opportunity and support to continue breastfeeding their children, and if it's part of legislation, then companies should abide by it and not look for loopholes. Does it matter if it's through insurance (which we pay for, but is legislated in part by the government) or a government program like WIC? what's the difference?

I'm glad Ethan is excited - it helps! and yeah, registry for R&T!

[MarineWife]

I get that it's part of legislation but that doesn't mean I have to agree with it. I understand that you feel you need to work in your situation. However, I don't agree that is the only option you all have. I'm not saying that's not the best option for you. It's just not the only one.

I will never agree that private companies should have to provide lifestyle support supplies. I'm not saying that breastfeeding is a lifestyle choice, but being a working mother of a breastfeeding infant is (for the most part). There are some special case scenarios. If a breastfeeding mother absolutely has to work, she's single and has no other support system, then a breast pump should be provided through a social services program like WIC, as a stated above, not by a private company. WIC provides infant formula and baby food vouchers to subsidize poor, working mothers. It would be much more cost effective to provide breast pumps. I especially disagree with the idea of a private insurance company having to provide a breast pump to a woman who stays at home. That is not in any way a necessity. A breast pump, especially an expensive hospital grade one, is not something that is needed to breastfeed. You can get a breast pump for as little as $20-$30. Yes, they are manual so it's a bit more work but, if a mother really wants to work and really wants to breastfeed and can't afford anything more, than it'll have to do. JMNHO

I think it does matter because I don't think government has any business legislating business, as it were. They are essentially collecting double taxes to pay for all these requirements if we have to pay taxes to the government and then are also required to buy medical insurance and have to pay premiums and cover deductibles and copays to cover every possible thing under the sun that any one person in the insurance company pool that I happen to belong to might want. It's not my responsibility to pay for someone else's lifestyle choice. Maybe if the government stopped taxing people so much and stopped forcing more and more government programs on business who then pass the cost onto the individual, more people would be able to afford to buy the things they want or think they need.

[AnnieA]

I mostly agree with you MW but if you have a child that has a medical condition that precludes them from being able to direct feed to get breastmilk then I think it is a private insurance company's responsibility to provide a high-quality electric breastpump to the child's mother. A manual pump may work but it could endanger the mother's supply and cause the child to lose out on the medical benefits of it's mother's breastmilk sooner than if the mother had an electric pump.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by AnnieA 

I mostly agree with you MW but if you have a child that has a medical condition that precludes them from being able to direct feed to get breastmilk then I think it is a private insurance company's responsibility to provide a high-quality electric breastpump to the child's mother. A manual pump may work but it could endanger the mother's supply and cause the child to lose out on the medical benefits of it's mother's breastmilk sooner than if the mother had an electric pump.

Good point. I would put that under my special circumstances caveat since that is caused by an actual medical issue. One question though, couldn't this just as easily be accomplished by a social service, especially if it's a medical issue?

Well, ok, more than one question. Do insurance companies have to pay for special formula for formula fed babies with food sensitivities? Those are expensive! Does WIC cover that? I don't know because I never needed help with formula feeding from WIC. They did give me checks for "healthy" foods when Ryan was a baby and young child; milk, cheese, cereal, maybe jarred baby food, juice, etc.

[AnnieA]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 


Good point. I would put that under my special circumstances caveat since that is caused by an actual medical issue. One question though, couldn't this just as easily be accomplished by a social service, especially if it's a medical issue?

Well, ok, more than one question. Do insurance companies have to pay for special formula for formula fed babies with food sensitivities? Those are expensive! Does WIC cover that? I don't know because I never needed help with formula feeding from WIC. They did give me checks for "healthy" foods when Ryan was a baby and young child; milk, cheese, cereal, maybe jarred baby food, juice, etc.

When I checked in to social services for Ava, i.e. SSI, etc, you have to not only qualify with a medical condition but you also have to qualify financially. Ava qualified for medical reasons but we make too much money according to the government. WIC provides breastpumps but again, you have to qualify financially. So asking families to rely on social government services only would put most people above the income line. For our family personally, if I had not been given a breastpump and then had the ability to purchase one used for very cheap, we would not have been able to afford to buy one out of pocket.

For special formula, the insurance companies do pay because doctors have to write a prescription for it.

[MarineWife]

Interesting. I had a friend who had her babies on special formula because the doc told her they were allergic to her breastmilk. I remember her grumbling about how expensive it was. I don't think she got any help paying for it.

For someone who wants a breast pump but can't afford one, I would expect family to step in and help with the cost. I think we have gotten so far removed from the idea that family is supposed to help each other in all ways throughout life that it is sad. We rely too much on the government to provide for us what we cannot. Put it on the baby registry and tell everyone that is the only thing you need. If no one person can buy it, ask them to pool their money or give you gift cards. Honestly, if you need an electric breast pump for when you go back to work and can't afford to buy it yourself, don't ask for anything else for the baby. If you get other things, return them. Don't buy all the other useless baby gear.

Again, I agree that your situation is different, but for the mother and baby without medical issues, I don't think private insurance companies should be required to provide such things.

[AnnieA]

I got this elderberry syrup at Whole Foods http://www.amazon.com/Gaia-Herbs-Elderberry-5-4-Ounce-Bottle/dp/B0036THLPE/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1358390145&sr=8-2&keywords=gaia+elderberry+syrup and started taking it yesterday. DH has been giving it to Ava at night mixed in her allergy meds. I think it tastes yummy. It reminds me of the filling in cherry pie.

[akind1]

Our friends make elderberry syrup - it's supposed to be pretty easy - just dried elderberries, some apple cider vinegar, and honey and water reduced on the stove - you can also add cinnamon or clove for flavor. this is a similiar recipe: http://www.mountainroseherbs.com/newsletter/10/november/elderberrysyrup.php - JIC you wanted to make your own, it's alot cheaper.

Meh, it's nice of families to help, but alot of people don't have family, have bad relationships with their family, or their families are in no financial position to help. I feel I pay out the wazoo for my insurance. by LAW it's a benefit they are supposed to offer, and so therefore they should. I would probably qualify for WIC (nearly all of the state does, regardless of income) but with that comes jumping through all other sorts of hoops I don't care to do. Seriously, if I weren't having hospital births, I would consider being "uninsured" and just paying out of pocket for health care things as needed (but also, I generally am pretty healthy and so are the kids). We pay about $6000 in health insurance per year, and contribute another $2500 to the FSA for out of pocket expenses. They can fork out some money for breast pumps. If they will pay for men to have penile prosthetics and Viagra, they should contribute towards giving babies a healthy start with something they NEED. (just saying). off soap box.

In other news - got to hold a teeny tiny squish last night! so cuddly - only a week old. and neither Gabe or Norah completely freaked out. Gabe petted her gently. Norah patted her (well, smacked her) but I don't think the intent was to be rough. Need to make opportunities to see new babies over the coming weeks to help get them used to the idea (not that it's a must, but it doesn't hurt).

Doing the sibling walk through tour the first week of February with Gabe at the hospital. They have a class too if the kid will be in the delivery room, but I don't intend to have Gabe there.

Coffee is starting to kick in . . . mmmm. Materity pics on Saturday! I hope the photographer will have some previews posted to FB Sunday or Monday!

[MarineWife]

Dylan was a bit rough with the puppy yesterday. He got very angry when I held his hand away from the puppy because he was poking her in the face. But when I asked him if he wanted to pet the puppy and took his hand to show him how to do it gently, he shook his head, "No," and cried.

If you saved that money instead of paying for insurance, you could pay for your hospital birth with cash. And while you are saving it, you could be making money off it instead of giving it to the insurance company to make money off of.

I disagree with insurance companies covering Viagra and such for men. Is that something that is required by the government? I also don't think insurance should be required to cover birth control unless it's an absolute medical necessity, and basic pregnancy prevention is not a medical necessity. If the insurance company is a private company, the government should not be able to require it to cover anything. I don't believe there should be much government regulation of private business at all. I also disagree with the notion that the government can require it's citizens to buy medical insurance. The entire concept of Obamacare is wrong. It goes against all of our civil liberties.

There is such a thing in this country as civil disobedience. If someone doesn't believe that a law is just, they can protest it. I don't blame private companies for looking for loopholes to get out of requirements that are not just or right as long as it doesn't involved mistreatment of people, which this does not.

Like I said before, if there is serious financial distress and the mother absolutely has to work or special medical issues, the government should provide a breast pump. That would be true breastfeeding support. Or, hey, guess what. Don't force mothers of infants to work. Wouldn't that be a novel way of supporting mothers and children and breastfeeding?

I don't know what hoops you have to jump through for WIC. I was on WIC, food stamps and Medicaid in VA and at least food stamps and Medicaid in SC when I was pregnant with and for several years after I had Ryan and didn't have to jump through any hoops. Is it really any worse that all the "hoops" anyone has to deal with for insurance companies?

[akind1]

well, you do have to visits and such things. I don't even do wbv, so doing wic visits seems really pointless.

I don't necessarily disagree with what you say re: governement regulation. However, that's in an ideal world, or at least not one that we live in right this moment. do i agree with obamacare? no - its wrong on alot of levels. but since its there, I feel companies should have to abide by it, since its in the best interests of their consumers.

Babies like being rough maybe? I cant let Norah near the cat, she refuses to be gentle. but she will be gentle with me whem i remind her, so i know she understands.

[MarineWife]

WBVs aren't necessary to receive insurance benefits. If WIC visits are necessary in order to receive a needed service or supply, then it's reasonable. Otherwise, I guess the service or supply is not really needed. I don't remember those visits being difficult.

The attitude of, well, that's just the way it is so we should all go along, is the kind of attitude that keeps us stuck in this never-ending expansion of government that is slowly stripping us of our civil liberties. Apathy... Something is only an ideal if we just dream of it and never do anything to make it happen.

[akind1]

I am willing and able  to help make changes. It doesn't change the fact, that as of right now, today, this minute, this is our world.  The change that you speak of will take a generation or more to happen, it isn't going to happen overnight. So, in the meantime, it's prudent, I feel, to work within the system.This is legislation that's in place, that I think is actually a GOOD thing. At least this part of it. And for insurance companies to balk at something that benefits them (breastfed babies tend to be healthier, etc) and their client base I think is really ridiculous.

Thank you JJ for posting that link for Hygeia. I think that's pretty awesome, that they are stepping up to help moms get breastpumps they need. At considerable cost to themselves. Medela doesn't appear to be trying to do anything similiar. I wish they would! I have friends that are WIC counselors that actually are seeing a lot of difficulty with this new legislation and trying to get moms breastpumps, and they are trying to find the best way to fight back.

I cannot tell you how thankful I am that Gabe still takes naps, and long ones. I wish Norah were as predictable a napper!

[MarineWife]

Dylan woke up early from his nap yesterday and was a fussing, crying mess the rest of the day. He would just sit in the middle of the floor and cry. He wouldn't even let me pick him up. Today he fell asleep in the car on the way home from homeschool park day but woke up when I tried to transfer him to the bed. Now he's nursing and dozing on my lap. He seems asleep until I try to move him. Then he wakes up and cries.

Did I miss a post from JJ? I don't see anything.

Providing breast pumps to women who need it is a good thing. Government too much in control of private businesses and personal lives is not.

I was aggravated by the supposedly pro-breastfeedung sign in the nursing room of my local TRU. The first listed that was "needed" was to choose a breast pump. It wasn't really information on supporting and helping with breastfeeding. It was a marketing too used to make women who are already breastfeeding their babies think that they need a bunch of stuff to do it, which is just not true. I found it offensive.