Anyone with Older Kids/ "Suprise" (to them) Pregnancy? « Back to Group Discussions

[TiredX2]

Hi all.  I have two kids--- DD, 14 is a 9th grader and DS, 11 is a 5th grader.  DP had a vasectomy when DS was 2 and we've always been clear that two kids was the limit for us.

Until it wasn't.

We had a vasectomy reversal last year but didn't tell the kids. It ended up that both sides of the reversal were the more complicated type of proceedure and we were told that if fertility did return it would take 6-18 months.  So, no hurry to tell the kids...

We were pregnant in less than 9 months.  Now 10 weeks along and the kids still have no idea.

So, any ideas on how to tell them?  How have your older kids reacted to a new pregnancy (especially if there is a large gap between kids)?  We went to the midwife yesterday and she could hear the heartbeat (we didn't) and said we could come back tomorrow so *hopefully* we would be able to hear it.  At that point, I'm comfortable telling them.

With DS it was actually really easy.  We took a pregnancy test and told DD the same day!

[GISDiva]

My sister and I are 12.5 years apart, and no one has ever told me why.  We just don't talk about those things in our family.     I can only assume I was quite a surprise (and my mom was 39, back in the mid-70s they tried to convince her it was early menopause).

My son will be five when LO is born, I figure that's an "improvement" of sorts. My sister still harbors resentment (mostly in jest) that she was the built-in babysitter.    I'm so looking forward to having a set of helper hands, I think DS is going to do really well with it (at least I hope).  I'm having the hardest time keeping the secret from him, just a few more weeks...  He's been asking for a sibling for quite a while.  It took a while for DH to agree though, we had originally set out to have an only.  It was a fairly big surprise that I sufficiently bullied Dh into it, I didn't think he was EVER going to cave!  

I know five years is a lot different from 11...I have an acquaintance who just had a baby after a 12 year or so hiatus, it looks like from the pictures I've seen on Facebook that the big siblings are really enjoying it.

[Tarynosaurus]

My older two arent as big as yours (they will be 7 and almost 5 when this baby is born). We've already told them. They are both very excited to help out. I didnt do much in a special way to tell them. Although I did video it when we told my 6.5 year old son. It was very cute to have that moment.

[harmie0515]

Tired, have you decided how to tell them? My kids are younger than yours (2,4,6, right now) but I'm trying to figure out a fun way to tell them.  I'm thinking MAYBE Valentines day. (I can get away with them not knowing until then and that will be around when I plan to tell our family.)  I always make big sugar cookies for my family for Valentine's day.  A big heart with their name written on in. (A 3rd generation tradition.)  So maybe I'll just have an extra cookie out with a big ? mark, or write baby Aug 2013.  I always take pictures to show my mom how they turn out, so this may be how I tell them, too. 

[TiredX2]

Well, we told them this last Friday.  We had a midwife appointment and had a good heartbeat, so I felt "safe" telling them.

Did. Not. Go. Well.

It was definately a shock and DD was pretty hysterical (thought we were pranking her, crying & laughing hysterically for about 30 minutes).  Anyway, by the next day they both seemed much better about it. Neither of my kids do well with change, especially unexpected change, so I was right to be concerned.  Now DD seems fairly excited, though still pretty confused, lol, and DS is back to his normal, "whatever" attitude.  We've made an u/s appointment for a day they both have off of school (of course DD is getting braces that morning) so hopefully that will go well.

harmie--- with my DD we just told her when we were expecting DS (she turned 2 the next day).  She had asked for a baby, though, so it was *much* easier than this time around!

[harmie0515]

Sorry it didn't go well.  :(   But it will probably be a different story once there is a sweet little bundle actually there.  

I do know my kids will be excited when we finally tell them.  It's nice to not have to worry about that.  :)

[porcelina]

Sorry it didn't go well! My mom was 12 when her youngest brother was born, and she had two younger sisters as well. She told me her *inward* reaction was to say, "Oh, no, not again." She said she still had memories (albeit vague and child-like) of when her first sister was born when she was 2. I think it is totally normal for children to not be excited about another addition, it is going to be a total upheaval of course! But, it's life! And kids adjust! And there will be sweet moments as well as challenging ones, just like every other day of your lives! I'm sure the idea will grow on them as they get used to it. And, think of it as a good thing that they can express how they feel to you rather than bottling it up inside. hugs to you!
 

[TiredX2]

Oh, I think they're starting to get excited and seemed to be having fun with the idea yesterday (coming up with names, my son said the baby can have his Nintendo DS, they both want to go clothes shopping, etc...).  It's just such a *huge* change in their lives and not one they were prepared for.  

Thanks for the kind thoughts. :)