Discussing Growing Up with Daughters

[MarineGurl020412]

At what age did you sit down and talk/discuss with your daughters about changes in their bodies when puberty hits. My oldest is 9 1/2 years (B-day is September) and I remember getting breasts in the 4th or 5th grade and my period started sometime in the 6th grade I believe (need to double check with my mom).

I have never pushed off questions that she may ask of me but I was wondering about sitting her down and having a conversation with her. She is very much like me in being a voracious reader so if there are any age appropriate books that I could give her for use to discuss even.

[SweetSilver]

We've been talking about it on and off for several years.  My oldest is 8yo.  I've never sat down with her and had one discussion.  We've talked about it in the bathroom when I have my period, we've discussed other changes while I've gotten myself dressed, or taking a shower (can you tell I have been entirely incapable of getting privacy?  I didn't fight very hard for it in part because I did want my girls to see an adult woman being comfortable in her body, to learn and ask questions.)  We've had books about sexuality in general, though not focussed on just girls growing into womanhood.

And despite all the openness, I still feel like I want a discussion some point to pull all these points together, and 9yo sounds about right.  I remember getting breast buds and fine pubic hair at 10yo and was unhappy and a freaked out by it.  I knew what what happening, in a way, but didn't have support outside of the classes at school.  (Thank heavens for those, in a way, as my mother never talked about those things to me.)  I think (I know) 10yo is too late, really.  

[meemee]

are you imaging this talk is a one day sit down and hash it all out talk?

i doubt that.

its a series of talks. 

dd is 10. i have never sat down and had a serious discussion.

as the signs appeared she asked and i answered. 

we havent gone the book route yet. but i have heard good things about these two books

The-Whats-Happening-to-My-Body-Book-for-Girls

and

the care and keeping of you - american girl book. 

and i'd like to read this book too

Is This Normal?: Girls Questions, Answered by the Editors of the Care & Keeping of You (American Girl

i'd like to get the books for dd to validate what has come up in our conversation.

[onlyzombiecat]

When dd was around 8 years old I got a couple of books and talked more specifically about what changes were going to take place in her body and sex.  It wasn't the only conversation we had but the books were helpful and good to have on hand so dd could look at them alone as well.

It's So Amazing- not just for girls

The Care & Keeping Of You: The Body Book for Girls - This is very kid friendly and discusses many topics including hygiene and feelings.

http://kidshealth.org/kid/grow/ - web site with lots of information for kids and parents if you want something other than a book

[meemee]

Oh THANK YOU kim. dd will really enjoy the site. she is curious about what boys go through and when. 

[annethcz]

I agree with the others, it's been a constant conversation will all of my kids.  There hasn't been a big talk, just lots of little talks as topics come up.  Sometimes I bring up the subjects, sometimes the girls do.  If I notice there's a topic we haven't discussed recently, I'll throw in my 2cents unsolicited.  We're very open at my house. 

I agree with The Care and Keeping of You.  My girls are both voracious readers and we've been through 2 copies of the book already (at ages 9 and 11).

[phathui5]

The whole topic comes up a lot at our house, probably because of the midwifery. There are times that things come up more naturally though, like when we were at the food co-op the other day and dd asked what a Diva Cup was. I've also gotten her books from the library, like the American Girl one, that have sparked discussions.

[newmainer]

I actually came back to Mothering.com after a several year hiatus for this exact issue! My dd is now 9.5 and began developing early. I always thought I was pretty chill about it all until it happened and then I just thought, 'what?? so soon!??' 

I second the recommendations for the American Girl book. Gave her that and she ate.it.up. Re-reads it alllll the time. She is not shy at all about this, and will talk with her dad about breasts, pubic hair, etc... so talking is not really the issue :) of course, i think she probably has a lot more thoughts than she actually voices and i do try to allow time for that. I started lying down with her every night for awhile, in the dark, before sleep. It's a great connecting time (usually!) and private. I'm hoping she'll be into it for several more years to come, just so the opportunity is there. 

I guess my point is, I think both talks initiated by you and then allowing some safe, unstructured time where such topics could come up is my .02 :) 

[MarineGurl020412]

Originally Posted by SweetSilver 

We've been talking about it on and off for several years.  My oldest is 8yo.  I've never sat down with her and had one discussion.  We've talked about it in the bathroom when I have my period, we've discussed other changes while I've gotten myself dressed, or taking a shower (can you tell I have been entirely incapable of getting privacy?  I didn't fight very hard for it in part because I did want my girls to see an adult woman being comfortable in her body, to learn and ask questions.)  We've had books about sexuality in general, though not focussed on just girls growing into womanhood.

And despite all the openness, I still feel like I want a discussion some point to pull all these points together, and 9yo sounds about right.  I remember getting breast buds and fine pubic hair at 10yo and was unhappy and a freaked out by it.  I knew what what happening, in a way, but didn't have support outside of the classes at school.  (Thank heavens for those, in a way, as my mother never talked about those things to me.)  I think (I know) 10yo is too late, really.  

Thank this is exactly what is going on with us. We have had a few little discussions here and there but I would like a 'big' conversation for us then be able to continue to branch from. I am sort of planning like a big mommy/daughter day out just the two of us.

Originally Posted by meemee 

are you imaging this talk is a one day sit down and hash it all out talk?

i doubt that.

its a series of talks. 

dd is 10. i have never sat down and had a serious discussion.

as the signs appeared she asked and i answered. 

we havent gone the book route yet. but i have heard good things about these two books

The-Whats-Happening-to-My-Body-Book-for-Girls

and

the care and keeping of you - american girl book. 

and i'd like to read this book too

Is This Normal?: Girls Questions, Answered by the Editors of the Care & Keeping of You (American Girl

i'd like to get the books for dd to validate what has come up in our conversation.

Thank you for the book suggestions it is exactly what I need I think.

Originally Posted by onlyzombiecat 

When dd was around 8 years old I got a couple of books and talked more specifically about what changes were going to take place in her body and sex.  It wasn't the only conversation we had but the books were helpful and good to have on hand so dd could look at them alone as well.

It's So Amazing- not just for girls

The Care & Keeping Of You: The Body Book for Girls - This is very kid friendly and discusses many topics including hygiene and feelings.

http://kidshealth.org/kid/grow/ - web site with lots of information for kids and parents if you want something other than a book

Thank you for the book suggestions. :)
 

Originally Posted by annethcz 

I agree with the others, it's been a constant conversation will all of my kids.  There hasn't been a big talk, just lots of little talks as topics come up.  Sometimes I bring up the subjects, sometimes the girls do.  If I notice there's a topic we haven't discussed recently, I'll throw in my 2cents unsolicited.  We're very open at my house. 

I agree with The Care and Keeping of You.  My girls are both voracious readers and we've been through 2 copies of the book already (at ages 9 and 11).

My girls are a little naive it seems compared to their age mates. They just aren't that curious so I have been trying to find ways to open it up and I don't always think of the subject matter to bring up.

Originally Posted by phathui5 

The whole topic comes up a lot at our house, probably because of the midwifery. There are times that things come up more naturally though, like when we were at the food co-op the other day and dd asked what a Diva Cup was. I've also gotten her books from the library, like the American Girl one, that have sparked discussions.

Well we have discussed periods very lightly because they follow me EVERYWHERE and they have asked about why there is blood in the toilet etc. But I give them a short explanation and they are done.

Originally Posted by newmainer 

I actually came back to Mothering.com after a several year hiatus for this exact issue! My dd is now 9.5 and began developing early. I always thought I was pretty chill about it all until it happened and then I just thought, 'what?? so soon!??' 

I second the recommendations for the American Girl book. Gave her that and she ate.it.up. Re-reads it alllll the time. She is not shy at all about this, and will talk with her dad about breasts, pubic hair, etc... so talking is not really the issue :) of course, i think she probably has a lot more thoughts than she actually voices and i do try to allow time for that. I started lying down with her every night for awhile, in the dark, before sleep. It's a great connecting time (usually!) and private. I'm hoping she'll be into it for several more years to come, just so the opportunity is there. 

I guess my point is, I think both talks initiated by you and then allowing some safe, unstructured time where such topics could come up is my .02 :) 

Hahaha I would pay good money to see my husband's face when she brings things up (he is a little freaked about the girls' side of this type of discussion) to him. I have already told him he needs to get over it since he has 4 daughters so far (he skated by with his oldest because she doesn't live with us) and it WILL be a normal topic of discussion in the house at some point.

[ambersrose]

My 9 year old loves the American Girl book too!  We are just discussing body changes for now.  My church offers a coming of age course for that she will take soon too.