Looking for other full time working mamas out there

[MaybeSparrowMaybe]

Hi everyone, i am a mother to a 2.5 yr old. i went back full time at 13 months, and worked for 8 months until a mat leave contract came up for part time job at my agency (im a child protection worker)

so i jumped on that. ive been in this PT job working 1-3 days a week evenings and oncall 15 hour weekends.

im due to return to full time days in april.

i am okay with this, now that ive come to terms with it, and our daughter started montessori casa this week in preparation for my return. 

im in a community and surrounded currently by a lot of homeschoolers and stay at home mamas or some work at home part time.

i would love to work from home but in my profession that is not an option.

i guess im just looking for tips and advice from other full time working moms (outside the home) i know it was a stressful time before in terms of free time/meal planning etc. 

i feel like not a lot of my friends know what its like. in fact i dont really have any friends who work full time outside the home. makes sense since im home in the daytime now and therefore naturally surrounded by stay at home mothers. 

its the best decision for our family etc. guess im looking for support from other FT working mamas. i know youre out there and YOU ROCK!!! tell me, it will be ok right!

[lauren]

I am. I haven't always been, but have been for the last 8 years or so. It is a challenge, but my job is pretty flexible so I can move things around if I need to get to a school meeting or something. 

I rely heavily on routines, such as menu planning, Flylady routines, etc. or I think I would drown. I have become much more efficient over the years. Also, when I do need to veg, and not do anything for a couple days, I try not to feel bad, because I need it so bad!!

You can do it and still be a great mom!!!!
 

[chiromama01]

You can definitely do this! I think whatever choice a mom makes with regards to working (WAH, WOH, PT, FT, etc) it's never easy, it's just different....I rely a TON on freezer meals and my crockpot. I have lowered my standards on what an acceptable level of clean is, and I try not to stress about the little stuff, I am only just now starting to take time for me again, trying to exercise more, etc... It takes a while to find. Groove, but you will!

[lauren]

Chiromama I'd love to hear your ideas for freezer meals. I am always looking for new ideas! We just have a regular freezer and not much fits in there. I have to admit one of the hardest things is getting home and thinking about what to cook--even if I have it planned in advance. Lots of times I find someone ate one of the ingredients needed (I have two teenagers, 3 children)!!
 

[chiromama01]

Lauren. I usually try to double anything that freezes well. Most meals are pretty simple, like meat sauce, split pea soup, and beans. I love to make a good lasagna, or even an eggplant lasagne. When we had limited freezer space I used to cook just side dishes to freeze, then froze them in ziplock bags...like squash, whipped sweet potatoes, etc. anything that would freeze, then after work I only had to do something simple, like bake a chicken. I'm currently flipping through the "not your ,others freezer meals" cookbook, and have found a few recipes in there to try. I recently made a batch of freezer burritos. They combine retried beans with beef and cheese, and some ther ingredients for flavor. Overall, they offer a reasonably balanced nutrition profile (especially if you can splurge on organic and grass fed ingredients). I made 20 burritos and individually wrapped them so we have sometching quick and simple for lunch on the go or a last minute dinner.

[dakover]

Hi!  I also work FT, and have gone back at 12 weeks postpartum with both of my kids, a 5yo boy (attends Montessori preschool!) and a 9mo girl.  DH and I plan meals for the week, making enough for 2 meals each time we cook, so that we can just heat things up on some nights, especially those nights where we have another activity, like hockey class or swim lessons for the 5yo. 

I also pay for a cleaning service to come monthly, because we were struggling to get the house clean, and we would rather spend our free time with the kids.  Arguments over chores were causing a lot of marital friction as well.

Day-to-day, I spend time at night washing my pump parts, getting bottles and food ready for the next day, and laying out everyone's clothes.  This helps me stay sane and feel prepared, so I can go to bed somewhat peacefully at night.  We bathe the kids weekly or after activities (so 2x a week for the 5yo, who can shower himself), and I only shower every other day, partly to save time as well.

For me time, I either take a day off and go run errands, get a massage, etc., or enjoy watching my TV shows while I fold laundry.  I also read or scroll through Facebook while I nurse and/or pump.  I listen to audiobooks in the car as well, which makes me enjoy my commute a lot more.  I have mom's nights out at least every other month (it's almost all BFing moms, so little babies usually come with) and DH and I try to go out at least once every month or so (working on doing that more often too).

The one thing I haven't fit in is regular exercise, although I do play hockey about once a week.  Maybe once my 9mo is a year or so, I'll make it back to the gym.

As for community, I feel the same way as you.  I'm a La Leche League leader, and while my group has evening meetings, many LLL moms and most other leaders are SAHMs or may work PT if their kids are older.  I have a lot of SAHM friends, and you just have to stop comparing; we have different lives.  And then I have my work friends, most of whom don't BF for longer than a few months, but I do make friends with the other moms at work who pump and we definitely can share stories. 

I also suggest finding an online group of similar moms, which may be helpful in finding solutions.  I'm part of a Facebook group called "Work it momma!" that is working moms, and many of us pump, so we have similar issues and it's a great place to see how others handle things.

Hope that helps and hope you find your momma tribe!

[MaybeSparrowMaybe]

Thanks everyone. I really enjoyed reading your replies and hearing everyone's stories and advice ! I think it will just take some time to get used it again.
And best thing I need to do is stop comparing my situation or others.
Thanks!

[Tapioca]

ex-SAHM here who would never go back.  I love being a working parent! I have a lot of SAHM friends but I don't envy them at all.  In retrospect I really didn't like having to fit into that traditional role or not making my own money.   The transition was hard in the beginning though.

For us, both of us working full time means we really have to be partners on meals etc.  I prefer to cook every day because I never know what I feel like until that night, but we choose to get fresh produce/dairy delivered once a week so I have plenty of fresh ingredients to use in cooking.  We use SPUD.  DH prefers to make slow cooker meals - we kind of mix it up.  House keeping wise we both do an equal number of chores during the week to keep everything running.  But I am not a clean freak, so I don't fuss too much aobut hte state of my house.  That's more DH's bag ;)

[Quinalla]

One of the biggest things for me is using time efficiently and being ok with some work mixing into home and home mixing into work. So I will make calls, pay bills, etc. a bit at work some days, but they go home and take a call for work for 15 minutes on occasion since some people I deal with for work are 1-3 hours behind my time zone or read some e-mails at night once DD is in bed to prepare for the next day. I also use part of my lunch hour to run errands probably about half the time. I have a setup where I can work from home when needed so if DD is sick, I can at least get in a few hours of work during her nap.

Also a huge help is dividing up the housework and childcare roughly evenly with your partner. DH and I both work FT, so we each have to do about half of the housework and childcare. Before DD, I covered more than half of the housework, but after I told DH I couldn't do that much anymore so he does the cooking, I do the dishes (most meals, we will switch occasionally), he keeps the floors clean, I do the bathrooms, etc. And sometimes he will start to slip on doing as much childcare as I am and I'll give him a bit of a kick in the butt about it as I need breaks too and DD needs to get to do stuff with both of us! We are expecting twins in May, so I've already told him he is going to have to take over most of DD's care at least during the early months as well as helping with the babies a lot too. He's already putting DD to bed most nights, so that's been a great break for me. He was great about helping with DD, but she BF so much that sometimes there wasn't much for him to do, so I'm trying to prepare him for how it will be different for sure this time!

[MaybeSparrowMaybe]

Originally Posted by Tapioca 

ex-SAHM here who would never go back.  I love being a working parent! I have a lot of SAHM friends but I don't envy them at all.  In retrospect I really didn't like having to fit into that traditional role or not making my own money.   The transition was hard in the beginning though.

For us, both of us working full time means we really have to be partners on meals etc.  I prefer to cook every day because I never know what I feel like until that night, but we choose to get fresh produce/dairy delivered once a week so I have plenty of fresh ingredients to use in cooking.  We use SPUD.  DH prefers to make slow cooker meals - we kind of mix it up.  House keeping wise we both do an equal number of chores during the week to keep everything running.  But I am not a clean freak, so I don't fuss too much aobut hte state of my house.  That's more DH's bag ;)

thanks Tapioca. yes i have a good friend (3000 miles away :( who enjoys being a working mommy. stressed yes but never wants to be a SAHM.

i have always wanted to be home for the first 3 years at least, and in some capacity (part time) we travel, and like to live comfortably within our means, and job security etc means i could never actually quit, plus the type of job i do if i left for 5 years it would be tough to get back into 

thanks for your reply, appreciated!!!

[MaybeSparrowMaybe]

Quinalla- it sounds like you have a good balance for your working mommy role. i am looking forward to it in some ways but i know i will need to maintain my stress levels at work (i have a high stress job) so i can be a good mama and wife at home. my DH is very helpful and is home from his job most days by 2 pm, which is great as he will be able to be with her. my mother in law will be helping us out as well with pick up at her preschool as she is only in half days every morning and we only have one car. 

thanks for your help!!