other children in the birth process « Back to Group Discussions

[emagenesmomma]

So I've already started talking to Emagene about the new baby. She's already tried to listen to it in my belly. Super cute since she's 3 and I'm only about 7 weeks along! But I've started wondering about preparing and involving her in the actual birth. We're a pretty open family so I don't nudity or hard work pushing will stress her. But I'm not convinced yet. Definitely have Auntie So-and-So come for a stay in case she needs to leave the room for whatever reason.

What are your thoughts on having older siblings in the room? those of you have done this already, how did you prepare them?

[letniaLynne]

My 2.5 year old dd was in the room for my very short labor but once I really needed to focus I asked my mom to play with her in another room. She was very cute the whole time... She seemed unphased by the fact that I was making all sorts of noises while I labored inside the large fishy pool in our bathroom. She kept bringing me books to read to her while I was in the pool in the middle of TRANSITION!!! Needless to say no books were read by mommy! Lol It made for a great memory.

I am planning on having both my daughters at my next home birth in the same capacity. I plan for my mom to be their main care provider and to take them away when I feel like I need to focus just on myself.

[jen&james]

I have had my last 2 at home and I have been lucky that most of the time they slept thru it.  My first homebirth my 3 yr old was awake around 6am and I think all the moaning I was doing just kept him from wanting to come in.  Once his brother made it here he came in took one look at him and then said he wanted to go back and watch curious george.  The second home birth my daughter was born at 1:30am so they slept thru the whole thing and my 2nd DS came to our bed around 4:30 am layed down and then heard tiny baby noises and sat up and looked over the other side of me and I told him his sister was here :)  Maybe plan to have a special movie for your child to watch if you end up birthing in the daytime or if she wakes in the night have DH go her.  It works itself out :)

[nettlesoup]

If I do end up having a homebirth, I think I would like to have my daughter involved if she was happy with it. She'll be 4 and a half by then, so she'll understand what's going on.

[kmarie8284]

I've been thinking about this too. Dd told my husband that she wants to "see the baby come out" the other day, and we've talked some about what birth involves. She'll be 4 by the time this baby comes. My only reluctance is the fact that she does not like loud noises at all, and I get uncontrollably LOUD during the pushing phase. Maybe if she has a dedicated adult who can take her out the second she is uncomfortable? I guess there is still plenty of time to talk with her about it and make a decision.
 

[tigerlilymomma]

My DD was 9 when I had my DS. It still makes me tear up to think how helpful she was during my labor, she would rub my back and whisper in my ear "mom, you can do it, just like you did with me" 

Kmarie- I know what you mean, I warned my DD that I may growl like a lion. haha. And you do have a lot of time to talk to her. Are you seeing amidwife? I know with mine she will ask to bring siblings to appts to be involved so they get more comfortable with the idea.

[kmarie8284]

What a sweet memory, tigerlilymama! I am seeing a midwife, and DD will be coming to most of my appointments with me, so I should be able to get an idea of how okay with the whole process she might be. Honestly, if I was having the baby today, I don't think she'd be okay being in the room once things got loud (a lion is a very apt comparison ), but kiddos change a lot in nine months, so we'll definitely re-evaluate as we go.
 

[bohemianmama]

I have been thinking about this as well.  my children will be 8,5,2. I am not very touchy touchy during labor. I fact if I could be completely alone I probably would do that.  We really wanted the older 2 to be there for the birth of our last son but they didn't make it to the birth center in time. 

I am unsure how to work it this time around. We recently moved across country and don;t have family here, and no friend yets to be able to stay with the children while I birth.  We don't leave our children with people that we don;t know closely so hiring a babysitter is out. I was thinking that we would hire a doula to be wiht me incase I really need support, that way DH could stay iwth the kids and come to the birth center for the birth. we live only 10 min away, and I have very fast labors last was only 3 hours. I really don't know what to do. 

[bohemianmama]

tigerlilymomma that sound so sweet! I really think it would be great for 8yo DD to be with me. This is possibly our last baby and I want her to experience child birth and how amazing the woman's body is.

[swissmiss2584]

We have talked about having our daughter their during our home birth but she gets so upset when I'm hurt that I think she would get upset seeing me in labor. I stomped my toe once and she cried for me! So sad. My mom and dad should be in town for my home birth so they can take Amelia out in the back yard or for a walk if I'm in labor during the day.

[tigerlilymomma]

bohemianmama where did you move to?

I totally understand. I hd both my kiddos 2000miles from my family. And it was such a battle with the inlaws, they tried so hard to convince me NOT to have homebirths. Their daughter had two hospital births where it was the domino effect of complications.

With this one I'm moving back home. Which is going to be an interesting treck. I'll be 6 months with a 10yo, 1yo, 2 dogs and a disabled husband...

[bohemianmama]

We moved to Everett wa from Dallas tx. Dh family is about 3 hours away but we can never count on them for anything. My family is in ak. My mom will come for about a week after baby is born but cant be gone for long.

I think our best bet is to have the kids with us. I always go home about 3-4 hours aftet burth so I am nit worried about that. Im unsure how my 5 yo ds will handle it though

[mrsandmrs]

Our kid will be 17 by the time we have these kids, so he's old enough to decide if he wants to be around. I suspect he will not be very interested in hanging around. 

[KellyandKatie]

Depending on what part of labor, I am not able to be emotionally aviable  to my kids while i am labor, I can not have them coming for a hug or a snuggle or asking me anything- while I am in labor I can not pull myself out of my primal place to mother, I need to just stay in my place

so... for labor I like to have another adult here who can answer questions, bake a birthday cake with the kids and just be there for snuggling

that is what happened for one home birth, my mom made a cake and they sung along to the Sound of Music while I was in labor.

With the next one, I did not have an adult I felt good about in the house, so I did not go into hard labor till MINUTES after I got my last child to sleep- then I sillently labored and had me a baby so I would not wake them

When baby was born, one of my girls woke up to her crying, and came over and wrapped me in a housecoat and ran and got blankets for baby and put her hat on baby (she was 2 years old) - we snuggled silently together and waited for the midwives to show up- she was the BEST birth support :)

in both homebirths my two year olds have cut the cord

and I will never forget with my 2nd daughters birth- my 1st daughter I invited everyone in for actual delivery- when baby was coming- the room filled

my daughter was kissing my face telling me how much she loved me and that baby was coming and that I was doing great- she was two- and she was kissing me and pushing my hair out of my face- the BEST labor partner anyone could ever have :)
 

[emagenesmomma]

Thank you all for sharing your beautiful stories! I feel more empowered to just let things happen as they will. I am hoping that one of my sisters (i have 6) will be able to come for the birth that way she can take dd - who will 3.5- in and out of the room as needed.

bohemianmama - i know what you mean about about not knowing anyone yet. We moved in April and I am only just now starting to look for a job because we finally found people we trust, who my daughter has bonded with, and attachment parent like we do. When I was pregnant last time, I vowed to do everything I could to keep my children out of state funded day care. We also plan on/practice unschooling so its extra important to me to keep her out of 'the system.' Who knows what people you may run into in the next 6 months or so. Someone at a prenatal yoga class or a library storytime might be the new best friend you're needing. Surprisingly, I found my tiny circle of women through a Meet-up Playgroup - which we have all left to do our own thing. Blessings come when least expected. Hoping you find a few people who will at least help you put up a few meals this summer and maybe come clean your house while you sleep off the work of labor.

[tigerlilymomma]

oh! kellyand katie! that is the sweetest!

I'm at work and my boss is gonna wonder why I'm sobbing

[canadaap]

My son really wanted to be at my second child's birth. We watched several you tube videos ahead of time, showing real births and what they can look like. He was a few months short of 4 when his brother was born. But when the time actually came, he was SO excited he couldn't stop jumping around! I quickly realized it wasn't going to work.  I had a friend renting our basement apartment at the time, so I asked my DH to send out son down there, and he played with her until I gave birth. I'm hoping this time around he will be able to be calm, but we shall see. I will deffinatly have someone here that can take my kids as needed! (they will be 6 and 2)

[Mama Ana]

I would love for my daughter to be with us. She will be about 26 months when this baby is due. At this point I'm not sure how she would do but as the time gets closer we will see! I love reading all these amazing stories though!