I'm due at the end of April with my 2nd- DS will be around 2.75 by the time she arrives.
I'm starting to get really terrified of how my days will look and how I'll manage and what the heck I'm going to do with DS (who has a few issues and is definitely "high-needs" at times) at home with a newborn.
There are a bunch of things I'm worried about:
Naps: DS is an early riser and really needs a nap even though he fights it. We've managed to get him to the point where he will go to sleep when I lay with him (instead of rocking, singing, bouncing etc.) but this can sometimes take an extremely long time! We were hoping to be at the point where he could lay down, stay in his bed and fall asleep without me or at least with just me "checking" on him every few minutes, but that looks like it just isn't going to happen by April even though DS has made big strides.
I just don't know how I'm going to do naptime (especially if DD is on the boob 24/7 like DS was and always needing to be held, which I just kind of expect). Anyone dealt with this situation at naptime? How did you handle it?
I am slightly concerned about bedtime for this reason too, but DH can handle DS's bedtime if I am busy with the baby.
Daytime outings and energy: We were looking into putting DS into preschool for a few mornings a week, but he just isn't ready and we haven't found one that is a good fit for him at the stage he is at and that we are comfortable with right now for him. I don't have a reliable care-giver or babysitter either or any prospects for one. He is very active during the day- right now I take him to gymnastics twice a week and he is starting a rhythm and dance class another 2 days a week and we we are at the park and playgrounds all the time. It's exhausting. When I was in my first trimester I really cut down on his outdoor time because I was so sick and tired and he was miserable (thus I was also miserable).
How do people keep up with the demands of an active toddler while also meeting the needs of a nursing and napping newborn? My only thought now is popping the baby in the ergo and doing the best I can...? Nursing a newborn all night and running around with DS all day sounds impossible though.
Giving attention to a newborn and an attached toddler: How will there ever be enough of me to go around? I already feel worn quite thin by just DS alot of the time. He is not yet able to WAIT for anything without freaking out.
DS also has a mild SPD and some autistic tendencies and I spend a lot of time doing involved play/speech therapy-type things with him that make a huge difference for him. I'm afraid of not being able to give him all he needs in this respect too. I'm starting to think that either the baby or DS will be partially neglected (that's a really strong word, but I can't think of another at the moment) and that's not at all what I want.
And then there are just the other small things that I know I'll learn to just deal with- getting two in and out of the car, juggling all the little things with DH...
I know people do this ALL the time. I just don't know HOW they do it, lol.
Most of the people I know here who have 2 or more little ones either have a nanny (don't want one) or send one or more to daycare (not happening yet for us). We will have a regular house cleaner come in a couple times a week and I feel so fortunate and grateful for that, because I know it will help immensely especially at first. We recently moved to a new city and we live abroad, so we don't have any family or even close friends here. We're all on our own.
Anyway- ANY tips or insight or just a "chill, woman" is welcome here. Whenever I have a bad day with DS I get really freaked out thinking about how I'll ever do it with 2. Along with frequent peeing, backaches and incessant kicking, it's starting to keep me up at night.
Edited by expat-mama - 1/14/13 at 7:50am