Tell me about your spirited 3 year olds

[aimeemac]

Hi! I have an extremely spirited 3 year old ds. None of our friends w/ children his age are spirited, so I was hoping some of you mamas would chime in w/ your stories.

My ds is so spirited. Some see him as overwhelming/high need but I don't like the negative connotations. Don't get me wrong, some days I feel like pulling my hair out (ie: when ds throws a hissy fit for going down the wrong aisle in target). With that said, I am so happy to be his mama and i wouldn't have it any other way. I have learned so much from him and i can't imagine my like w/ out him.

Just wanted to hear stories w/ 3 year olds who are spirited, what makes them tick, how you are getting through these years, etc. Maybe this can turn into a support thread?

Thanks in advance.

[L.J.]

I found that, with my son, 3 was a difficult time. He really tested his boundaries, wanted to be independent and yet needed me to be so close. I know 3 was a difficult year for my sister & her little boy too.

[intensity_too]

I have a very spirited 2.5 y/o. He's a big ball of energy and doesn't always know how or where to channel it. He has fits over the smallest things and I mean big, loud hour long fits if his socks aren't on right or dinner isn't warm enough.

Most people find him overwhelming, rude, or spoiled. I find him entertaining, frustrating, creative, and exhausting all at once.

I have my days where I wished he was a "normal" child who could sit and play quietly or take a nap without a fight. Most days I love him to pieces and welcome the challenges he throws my way.

If you haven't already, please ead the book, "Raising Your Spirited Child". It's a great help.

Now to catch my spirited toddler who is outside naked playing. :LOL

[sunnmama]

I have a very spirited 3 yo. I am happy to say that (so far...) the threes are *much* easier than the twos and ones were! I realized the other day that I can not remember the time she last had a full fledged tantrum--maybe a month ago . And this is a child who had tantrums/meltdowns EVERY day--sometimes SEVERAL times a day--for most of her ones and all (every single day) of her twos!

She is still incredibly intense, persistent, sensitive, etc. But I'm hoping her maturation--and my emotional coaching--have finally paid off a little. Now she will seem to be working up to a meltdown, and will surprise me by saying "I'm feeling a little bit tired. I want to go home now." . Or, we will be battling and stubbornly sticking to our positions, and *she* will say "Hey! I have a good idea! Why don't we....." and, honestly, it is a REALLY good and workable compromise. It makes me so proud. I am enjoying the threes!!!!

Our biggest struggle right now is her anxieties and sensitivities. Her tantrums/meltdowns made so much "noise" during her ones and twos that I simply didn't recognize many of her sensory issues. Now those are clearer--she's very sensitive to fabrics, tags, lights, noise, etc. And these stimuli make her anxious now, rather than tantrum-y (probably, tantruming was her age-appropriate way of dealing with that anxiety for the time--but same issues). If I limit the stimuli, I have a (mostly) peaceful child. But times when I can not control the environment (shopping centers, doctors offices, the freakin' dentist), she can range from anxious, fearful, and clingy to (<------that is her getting an exam or cleaning at the dentist : )

[USAmma]

Raising my hand here. Abi's been spirited since she was in the womb. It's been difficult raising her at times but it's also been amazing and joyful. I just have to try to see the bright side if I can.

I thought 2's were hard, kept waiting for 3's because I figured she'd mature a little. Nope, now she just has major attitude! She's in her room right now thinking about how it's not nice to scream at the baby when she's sleeping.

We have lots and lots of power struggles. If I don't keep her busy she finds things to do that are not so great, like throwing rocks over the fence at the neighbor's house. (I have to admit she has a great throwing arm! lol!)

What's been helping is making her life very structured, with room for free play within that structure. I never have been the type that liked structure and schedules (one of the reasons I quit working in the corporate world) but my dd is doing better now that I have a very predictible day for her, with strict times for doing things. In the afteroon she has outside time, where she burns off energy in the backyard on the swingset. Mornings we go to the Y either for her preschool, or on the off-days she goes to childwatch while I exercise. Bedtime is strict, and so on.

I never thought a spirited child would respond well to structure but she is. She's far from perfectly behaved though. What also helps is making sure that dh and I try to make our family life free of tension. We treat each other very politely even if inside we are mad at each other. We try to smile and act relaxed for her sake, and often she will reflect that behavior by being more in control of herself.

She's doing great in preschool. It's helped her to practice listening, following directions, and keeping in mind the feelings of others.

Darshani

[fairymama]

Well, I can certainly relate!! I have a very spirited 3-year-old DD. She has moments of extreme frustration because we're not "getting" what she wants us to do. This is almost always when she's tired. We've all learned there is just really no reasoning with her when she needs to sleep. The rest of the time she is almost always ready with a compromise. Like a another mama mentioned, "I have an idea. . . . " is one of the most repeated phrases in our house, and yes it usually will work. In Carrie's case, she loves pre-school and I think it's because of the routine. I know our personalities are so similar, and I hate to have a schedule, but it really helps me. Her teachers have always told me they would love to have a classroom full of Carries. She is funny, intelligent, compassionate, and loves to have fun. Her imagination is unreal and she is just one of those people that lights up the room. We attend a large church and I'm amazed at the older kids who know who Carrie is and want to give her a hug or say hi to her.
On most days DH and I can really appereciate the little person she is. My nephew is 2 weeks younger than Carrie and after he's been over, DH and I always comment to one another he's kind of boring. Don't get me wrong, he's a sweet boy, but he doesn't keep us on our toes. Carrie will not tolerate not having attention paid to her. She can quietly play for long periods now, but she expects to have some interaction and commentary on what she's doing. We've always used gentle discipline and if one of us loses it and starts to raise our voice with her, she will usually tell us she wants us to speak with love to her. It always brings me up short and I realize how it sounds to her.
I just love knowing I've got a little girl who is sure of herself, likes herself, and cares about her world and the people in it. She is very sensitive to the feelings of others and in general just an intuitive little person.
Most of time when I feel frustrated, it's because I've not allowed us enough time to get ready. She really dislikes to feel rushed, as do I. Many times I've planned shopping trips or the like and she will ask to just stay home. She knows her limits and if it's going to be a good outing or not. When I listen to her, we're always better off. She does like to go places and will almost always have a great time, talking to everyone around us. She views everyone as a potential friend (which is kind of scary and another topic).
I don't know if this is what you were looking for or not, but just wanted to let you know we too have a child that doesn't really fit the current societal norm. Go with their strengths and yours and you can't go wrong.
Have to go and suds up my sweetie pea as Daddy ran the bath water, so I must apply the soap!
Pamela

[steff]

My son is 32 months and boy oh boy when he can't get his own way or when he wants something he has this scream. It is such a high pitch scream that you have to cover your ears. My Dh calls him Robert Plant in the making. ( robert Plant from Led Zepplin) it is so unbearable. Hopefully he will get over this soon. Otherwise he is a sweet angel. Very cuddly and loveable.

Now my 3.5 yearold dd is another story she is on this independance kick it is driving me nuts. Everthing from clothes to making her own food!!!!! She has this thing about me always hurting her feelings. When someone laughs at something funny she did she gets VERY upset and says don't laugh at me. I hope this is not an insecure thing!!!! I try to explain were not laughing at you were laughing with you in a good way your funny. Nothing works!!
Ay suggestions?
steff

[mama2cubs]

Am I glad I found this thread...

I just recently became familiar with the term "spirited," and jeez, does it fit my ds who is 2.5. He is an amazing kid who makes me laugh, think, cry, and scream on a daily basis.

I have just started to read Raising Your Spirited Child and love the line that describes spirited children as "superballs in a room of rubber balls." This is my guy to a tee.

It seems as if putting him on more of a schedule (yuk) might work. It makes sense that predictability would ease some of a spirited child's anxiety.
Right now, I try to listen to his feelings on whether we go to playgroup, the park... When he tells me that he doesn't want to go somewhere, I listen to him whenever possible. He has also started to let us know when he is ready to go home from playing as well. This has helped us to avoid a few major meltdowns.

All I know is that I wouldn't trade him for the world and that this too shall pass...