Those who have more than one..... « Back to Group Discussions

[Nicolette507]

Or anyone else who is expecting their second....

Did you have anxiety about how a second child will shake things up?  My husband and I have one daughter, she'll be three and a half when the baby is born, and everything is so perfect now.  I always knew I wanted two children, but I am feeling so nervous about what it will mean for our cozy little family.  Please share your wisdom about how wonderful life is with two children :)  

[joyakshi]

I always thought DD would be an only child. We had infertility issues with her, I was 39 when she was born, and she is a high needs girl. She'll be a couple weeks shy of 4 when this one comes (if all goes well). I am nervous and also sentimental about the change and how it will affect her and our bond. But she was DEMANDING a sister 2 weeks ago, so maybe it'll be ok!?!

[KellyandKatie]

Transitioning from 0 to 1 was life changing

from 1 to 2  was noticable

from 2 to 3 was barely a wave

from 3 to 4 was hardly a ripple
 

It will be  different- but it will be great :)  There will be some hard spots, but I bet you will have the best diaper fetcher ever!

[vegrunr]

I am feeling the same, Nicolette.  I always thought I wanted 3 or 4 but then #1 was a constant nurser, rough sleeper so it really changed my perspective.  We had even discussed just having the one several times.  But finally once he was 2 and started becoming more independent I could see where a second would fit in.  He will be 3 the same month the baby is due.  I have seen the transition for friends when the first is 3 or older and in many ways it does seem easier. It may be a bigger adjustment for them than if they were 18 months but I think much easier on parents overall.  Of course, my sample size is small : )  

Joyakshi- My son has also been obsessed with babies lately and even started talking about his "brother."  He doesn't know I'm pregnant yet so when I found out I was and he had been doing this already for a week or so I couldn't believe it!  Somehow I need him to start saying sister instead though, lol. 

[nettlesoup]

I'm also a bit nervous about having a second baby. My daughter will be 4 and a half when it's born, so at least she's old enough to help. But I do worry that I won't cope very well.
 

[OtherSoul]

My first baby is almost 11 months and will be around 18 months when this one is born...to say I'm nervous is an understatement. This pregnancy is very wanted but now that things are set in motion I'm wondering how I will cope.

[splath]

I'm sort of worried about dh and I being outnumbered now that we have a third on the way, but I figure I'm outnumbered all day long every day while dh is at work and still survive ;)  LOL  My biggest worry right now is how I'm going to handle starting dd1 on a kindergarten homeschool curriculum this fall with the baby due in early September, but I'm sure it will work out.

Going from 1 to 2 wasn't quite as difficult as I expected it be.  It took some getting used to for everyone, but dd1 was so helpful and watching how much she loved her little sister made any difficulties so worth it.

[mpmckinney]

I feel the same way!  My little guy is going to be 3 in March so he'll be about 3 1/2  when the new baby arrives. He is pretty high needs/spirited and right now the biggest concerns are getting him potty trained, finish weaning him, and transitioning him to his own bed. The first two are in (very slow) progress but the third is going to be a challenge. I just wouldn't feel safe cosleeping with a newborn and a wiggly toddler. He is also VERY mama needy right now which part of me will definitely miss when it moves on but it makes it hard to imagine how I'm going to juggle a newborn while he monkeys all over me. We told him there is a baby in my belly which he thinks is hilarious but of course he really doesn't get it. He was one of those babies that wouldn't allow you to put him down for the first 10 months of his life (were talking 24/7). I'm really hoping this second one is a little more laid back. :)

[emagenesmomma]

We've formed a plan - mostly for the nighttime. My dd will be 3.5 when this one comes. She is too big for her toddler bed (which she almost always leaves half way through the night for the big bed), so we're gonna upgrade her to a full in case she needs a parent at night and tiny baby is making a lot of noise.

She's been around babies a lot. we nannied for a bit just before she turned 2 and she was the greatest helper ever! She loved holding and feeding and helping change the diapers so much we gave her some old bumgenius for her to practice on a cabbage patch doll. she does it. After we moved and stop taking care of of the 7 month old, she kept asking me for a baby that could stay at our house.

I expect bumps and hurdles those first few months when no one sleeps or eats very well (except the newborn), but I'm hoping to make sure dd still gets to do her activities: someone takes her to the pool or the library or to the park when her group of 3 year olds will be there. I also am hoping to include as much play while nursing as possible, keeping her involved with the chores and cooking with the aim of keeping our mommy-daughter activities special parts of everyday. Well, maybe not everyday, but as much as possible.

[splath]

My two biggest "to do"s before September are to get both girls sleeping in their own room-- currently we all sleep in one king bed, and to get dd2 out of diapers.

[nettlesoup]

Same here, Splath. My daughter is still in with us, so we've told her that on her Fourth birthday she'll get her bedroom redecorated so she can start sleeping in there. I'm not sure how it's going to go, but hopefully she'll be accepting of the change.
 

[esenbee2]

DD will just have turned 5 when baby #2 is born.  I am nervous because she went through a spell recently when a friend was visiting with her 2 yr old.  She said some pretty mean things after the baby wouldn't talk to her and after seeing that she was a very messy eater.  DD has been asking for a sister for a long time now though.  When we told her a few days ago, she was to tickled and excited!  So that gives me hope.  I don't have much worry about being able to handle 2 kids since DD will have just started kindergarten and will be at school most of the day, but I do worry about how DD will adjust to going to school, a new baby, and not having much time spent with her.  She is a mommy's girl, so I am thinking that DSp (Dear Spouse) will be able to take over with the baby in the evening for a bit, while I spend time with DD before her going to bed.

Edited by esenbee2 - 1/16/13 at 2:00pm

[kmarie8284]

Going from one to two was definitely a change, but wasn't awful. DD was kind of mad at me on and off for the first month or so, but she was wonderful with the baby, and after the first couple of months everything evened out. Before DS I remember worrying about DD not being my only baby anymore, and feeling some sadness about that. I'm actually having some of the same feelings now about DS, even though I know everything will work out. We definitely want to get DS night weaned and sleeping in his own bed (at least mostly) before the new little one comes. Those things happened without much effort with DD once my milk supply dropped, though, so I'm not too worried about it.
 

[DaisyTree]

I'm curious too. My dd will be 3.5 when this one is born, but she is trying pretty hard to turn our dog into a playmate so I am starting to think she will really welcome a sibling!

[CDsMom1031]

My kiddos will be 22 months apart and I'm freaking out.

[LivingSky]

DS will be 25-26 months when this one arrives. I'm pretty nervous about how he will take it. I'm also very up in the air about what we will do with him during labour and delivery. I plan to birth in a private birth suite in the home of our local doula trainer. It is wonderful and comfortable but it is basically just one big room with a bathroom, so there's no where for him to go and sleep if he gets tired or if he gets scared. But I'd hate to leave him home and have him be away from me for ~24 hours, because I feel like I would be punishing him by being away and then springing a new sibling on him.

I figure it is really hard to decide right now because DS will change so much between now (18 months) and when the new baby arrives. We'll probably decide in the few weeks leading up to EDD

[swissmiss2584]

My dd will have just turned 5 by the time the baby comes along. We need to get her to stay in her bed. She wakes and comes in our bed. Other than that I think the transition won't be too bad. I hope dd won't get jealous since it's just been her for so long.

[emagenesmomma]

my sister and I are 21 months apart.

im not 100% sure how my mom handled it (it was early 80s so parenting styles were a little different then) but I don't remember anything horrible happening. I think she made sure I was potty trained before the next one came (all cloth. no other options at the time). And I think they moved me to another room so I had a better chance of sleeping through the night feedings. But honestly, I don't remember anything before 3 years old and at that point me and my sis were sharing a double bed in our own room.  My mom also weaned everyone (she had 7 daughters by the time she stopped) at or near their first birthday. In short, we all survived, including mom and dad. :)

I wish for you peace of mind.

[RoseSweetie]

We have one DS who will be close to three in Sept. and I am an only child. I always wanted a sibling but never got one. I'm really sensitive to sibling rivalry, I can't stand it. I feel like you are so lucky to have a sib don't ruin it! So I have always been nervous about sibling rivalry. Apparently my husband and his sister were awful to each other growing up (he loves her more than anything but she can still be awful). So I am nervous. I don't want my son to be an only child but honestly if I thought a sibling would treat him the way that my SILtreated my DH I would seriously consider keeping him an only child. Sigh.

We are going to work on the transition to his own bed before baby comes.

[mum4vr]

0-1 was natural, fairly easy, & wonderful for me-- I had always seemed to be the "mama" in my groups of friends/ work etc

1-2 was super, not as easy, but ds1 loved, loved, loved ds2 from the word go (he was just 5 att)

2-3 was harder, more challenging, but more blessings came from working it out together (ds1 was 7 & ds2 was just 2 att)

... now we are adding #4 after years of infertility issues & losses (ds1 will be 20!, ds2 15, & dd 12 at due date-- talk about a change!)

I am sure it will be similar for any caring parents-- although adding a child can be a challenge, it helps the family grow when challenges

are worked out in positive ways for everyone.

One thing to remember is reconsider any BIG changes right as a new baby comes (ie new sleeping or potty or school arrangements); either

start way early or take the pressure off of you & your dc & dh by delaying a bit. I tried to begin (like you said Splath) kindy hsing when ds2

was born in sept & ds1 was just 5; wow, that was a lot of pressure & hard feelings for us all, 'til we just learned day by day, as we always

had (I guess we unschooled & ignored the books for a few months), and that was so much more nurturing for us at that time. We did pick

it back up by 2nd semester & finished on time, but we needed a break from my (too-high-for-us at that time) expectations. This may not be

the case for everyone, but, from experience, I'm just hoping you'll be forgiving & loving of yourself if you find unexpected changes in the

gameplan (att, I was kinda too hard on myself).