Violence amongst children when GD is used ... Your thoughts? - Page 3

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Originally Posted by ilovemygirl 
My frustration is coming from finding this not to be the case. In real life, I know many people who justify this kind of behavior away the same you would with a one year old, i.e. they are still learning and can't help themselves. I don't find this acceptable.

It sounds like you are coming from a place of being frustrated by the way some (many?) families in your life are handling discipline, especially in regard to older children (7?) acting out in an aggressive way. That maybe you are looking for some explanations in our greater culture as well as within GD (do these families identify with GD?). 

In my experience acting out aggressively at age 7 is rare, which I think is why some of us were picturing a much younger child. I've never seen a 7 year old hit. I imagine there have been the occasional "intense" argument at my DC's school but I have never heard of a child hitting another. 

Do you feel your community identifies with GD and within this community you are seeing a lot of justification and excuses made for aggressive behavior? In young children as well as older children? I can see why that would be super frustrating.  

Because your post kind of started out in a general way and now seems to be moving towards some specific situations that are worrying, I wonder if maybe it wouldn't help you to try to get some feedback about those things specifically.  

I know you are frustrated and working out some really difficult relationship challenges. I do not consider the people who are disciplining their kids this way or treating you this way to be practicing GD. 

[phathui5]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilovemygirl 

The argument has been made by everyone in this thread that children are capable of maturely handling and processing even the most violent and disturbing images in media. 

I certainly haven't said that.

[mamazee]

Originally Posted by ilovemygirl 

I'm not comparing toddlers. I realized it wasn't in my original post so I wrote a second post where I made very clear that I am talking about older children. And yes, I feel a school age child who has reached the age of reason (which is seven) should be capable of knowing it's wrong to harm another and never doing so. Barring a medical issue or impairment this should not just be known by the child but I believe it should be expected of them. My frustration is coming from finding this not to be the case. In real life, I know many people who justify this kind of behavior away the same you would with a one year old, i.e. they are still learning and can't help themselves. I don't find this acceptable.

This is hard for me because I don't personally know children of that age who are violent and harm other children, though I know there are bullies so I know they exist. I don't know anyone who says that they shouldn't know by that age that violence is wrong, though.

I agree it is a serious problem if a child that age is harming other children and the adults around the child are acting like it is natural and should be accepted. I don't agree that it is caused by rough-housing and the tv/games most children that age typically watch/use, or that it's caused by rough-housing.

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by ilovemygirl 

 

I'm not comparing toddlers. I realized it wasn't in my original post so I wrote a second post where I made very clear that I am talking about older children. And yes, I feel a school age child who has reached the age of reason (which is seven) should be capable of knowing it's wrong to harm another and never doing so. Barring a medical issue or impairment this should not just be known by the child but I believe it should be expected of them. My frustration is coming from finding this not to be the case. In real life, I know many people who justify this kind of behavior away the same you would with a one year old, i.e. they are still learning and can't help themselves. I don't find this acceptable.

I agree that children without developmental delays or issues (pardon any insensitive wording here) should by the age of 7 understand that hitting as a resolution is wrong.  But impulse control at that age still varies wildly, even within the "normal" range.  True, I don't approach the issue the same way I did when my kids were tiny, but I also understand that they are not adults, either.  

So, they are still learning impulse control, and some struggle with it more than others.  I'm sorry, but 7 is not suddenly a magical age that it is made out to be in some philosophies.  I'm not excusing parents that refuse to engage children on this issue, either by dismissing it or feeling overwhelmed by it, it simply comes from knowing an awful lot of kids in some wonderful families that still have deal with impulse control issues long past the toddler years.  It does not suddenly appear at any particular age.  It is a learning process, and every child is different.  

*If* parents are doing what they can to help their children (unlike some unfortunate examples mentioned in this thread), then I think both children and parent deserve some understanding with this.  It is not only the result of inattentive or apathetic parenting.

[marsupial-mom]

Well we don't allow toy guns. Toy swords were a compromise. Our son had a year with mandatory visitation at another home where they played with toy guns a lot, so he developed a desire to play that way too. We have gently steered him away from guns onto swords.

We haven't enrolled our son in karate or anything like that at this age (3) because we are worried he will get confused and think hitting and kicking are ok. But we're not ruling it out entirely, just waiting til he's older to see where his interests lie. Right now he's more interested in soccer and basketball.

I think for me it's partially just an acceptance of child development and mainstream culture that lets me be flexible on this issue. But also I'm not exactly 100% GD. For example, I don't spank or hit but I do time outs etc. I will do whatever works to develop good habits.